Wool

Wool Omnibus Edition

The children were playing while Holston climbed to his death; he could hear them squealing as only happy children do. While they thundered about frantically above, Holston took his time, each step methodical and ponderous, as he wound his way around and around the spiral staircase, old boots ringing out on metal treads.

孩子们玩耍，而霍尔斯顿则爬向死亡；他听到孩子们快乐地尖叫。孩子们在上面疯狂地喧闹，霍尔斯顿却很从容，每一步都一丝不苟，沉重而缓慢地绕着螺旋楼梯转圈，老式靴子在金属踏板上发出响声。

The treads, like his father’s boots, showed signs of wear. Paint clung to them in feeble chips, mostly in the corners and undersides, where they were safe. Traffic elsewhere on the staircase sent dust shivering off in small clouds. Holston could feel the vibrations in the railing, which was worn down to the gleaming metal. That always amazed him: how centuries of bare palms and shuffling feet could wear down solid steel. One molecule at a time, he supposed. Each life might wear away a single layer, even as the silo wore away that life.

踏板，就像他父亲的靴子一样，显示出磨损的痕迹。油漆紧紧地附着在上面，呈微弱的碎片状，主要集中在角落和底部，在那里它们是安全的。楼梯上的其他地方的交通，使灰尘在小云团中颤抖而起。霍尔斯顿能感觉到扶手上方的震动，扶手磨损到闪亮的金属。那总是让他感到惊讶：几世纪以来，赤裸的手掌和拖曳的脚步是如何磨损坚固的钢材的。他猜想，一次一个分子。每个生命或许都会磨损一层，就像筒仓磨损了那个生命一样。

Each step was slightly bowed from generations of traffic, the edge rounded down like a pouting lip. In the center, there was almost no trace of the small diamonds that once gave the treads their grip. Their absence could only be inferred by the pattern to either side, the small pyramidal bumps rising from the flat steel with their crisp edges and flecks of paint.

每一阶都因历代交通而略微弯曲，边缘向下弯曲，像撅起的嘴唇。中心几乎看不到曾经赋予胎面抓地力的细小钻石。它们的缺失只能从两侧的图案推断出来，小金字塔状的凸起从平整的钢板上升起，边缘锋利，点缀着油漆斑点。

Holston lifted an old boot to an old step, pressed down, and did it again. He lost himself in what the untold years had done, the ablation of molecules and lives, layers and layers ground to fine dust. And he thought, not for the first time, that neither life nor staircase had been meant for such an existence. The tight confines of that long spiral, threading through the buried silo like a straw in a glass, had not been built for such abuse. Like much of their cylindrical home, it seemed to have been made for other purposes, for functions long since forgotten. What was now used as a thoroughfare for thousands of people, moving up and down in repetitious, daily cycles, seemed more apt in Holston’s view to be used only in emergencies and perhaps by dozens.

霍尔斯顿抬起一只旧靴子，放在旧台阶上，踩下去，又重复了一遍。他沉浸在岁月所带来的变化中，分子的消亡和生命的消逝，层层叠叠，磨成细尘。他再一次地想到，生命和楼梯都不是为了这种存在而设计的。这条长长的螺旋形通道，像一根吸管穿透埋在地下的筒仓，其狭窄的空间并非为了这种虐待而建造的。像他们圆柱形家园的许多部分一样，它似乎是为了其他目的而建造的，是为了早已被遗忘的功能。现在被成千上万的人用作上下往返的通道，其每日循环重复，但在霍尔斯顿看来，它更适合在紧急情况下使用，或许只有几十个人使用。

Another floor went by—a pie-shaped division of dormitories. As Holston ascended the last few levels, the last steps of his life, the sounds of childlike delight rained down even louder from above. This was the laughter of youth, of souls who had not yet come to grips with where they lived, who did not yet feel the press of the earth on all sides, who in their minds were not buried at all, but alive. Alive and unworn, dripping happy sounds down the stairwell, trills that were incongruous with Holston’s actions, his decision and determination to die.

又一层楼过去了——宿舍的扇形区域。当霍尔斯顿爬上最后几层楼，他生命中的最后几步，从上面传来的孩子般的欢笑声更加响亮。这是青春的笑声，是那些尚未弄清楚自己住在哪里，尚未感受到四面八方大地压力的灵魂的笑声，在他们心中根本没有被埋葬，而是活着的。活泼而未经磨损，从楼梯间滴落着快乐的声音，这些颤音与霍尔斯顿的行为、他的决定和决心相悖，决心死去。

As he neared the upper level, one young voice rang out above the others, and Holston remembered being a child in the silo—all the schooling and the games. Back then, the stuffy concrete cylinder had felt, with its floors and floors of apartments and workshops and hydroponic gardens and purification rooms with their tangles of pipes, like a vast universe, a wide expanse one could never fully explore, a labyrinth he and his friends could get lost in forever.

他接近上层时，一个年轻的声音响了起来，盖过了其他声音，霍尔斯顿想起了自己在筒仓里的童年——所有的学习和游戏。那时，那间闷热的混凝土圆筒，它的楼层上是公寓、车间、水耕花园和净化室，以及错综复杂的管道，感觉就像一个广阔的宇宙，一个永远无法完全探索的广袤空间，一个他和他朋友们可以永远迷失其中的迷宫。

But those days were more than thirty years distant. Holston’s childhood now felt like something two or three lifetimes ago, something someone else had enjoyed. Not him. He had an entire lifetime as sheriff weighing heavy, blocking off that past. And more recently, there was this third stage of his life—a secret life beyond childhood and being sheriff. It was the last layers of himself ground to dust, three years spent silently waiting for what would never come, each day longer than any month from his happier lifetimes.

但那些日子已经过去了三十多年。霍尔斯顿的童年现在感觉就像两三辈子以前的事，是别人享受过的。不是他。他作为警长的整个人生都压得他喘不过气来，阻隔着过去。最近，他的人生又有了第三个阶段——一个超越童年和警长身份的秘密生活。那是他最后的自我，磨蚀成尘埃，三年来默默等待着永远不会到来的事情，每一天都比他快乐时光中的任何一个月都漫长。

At the top of the spiral stairway, Holston’s hand ran out of railing. The curvy bar of worn steel ended as the stairwell emptied into the widest rooms of the entire silo complex: the cafeteria and the adjoining lounge. The playful squeals were level with him now. Darting bright shapes zagged between scattered chairs, playing chase. A handful of adults tried to contain the chaos. Holston saw Donna picking up scattered chalk and crayon from the stained tiles. Her husband Clarke sat behind a table arranged with cups of juice and bowls of cornflour cookies. He waved at Holston from across the room.

螺旋楼梯顶端，霍尔斯顿的手摸不到扶手了。那根弯曲的磨损钢条在楼梯间通往整个筒仓建筑群最宽敞的房间——餐厅和相邻的休息室时戛然而止。嬉闹的尖叫声现在与他齐平。闪耀的明亮身影在散落的椅子之间穿梭，玩着捉迷藏。几名成年人试图控制混乱局面。霍尔斯顿看到唐娜正在从污渍斑驳的地砖上捡起散落的粉笔和蜡笔。她的丈夫克拉克坐在摆放着果汁杯和玉米淀粉饼干碗的桌子后面。他从房间的另一端向霍尔斯顿招手。

Holston didn’t think to wave back, didn’t have the energy or the desire. He looked past the adults and playing children to the blurry view beyond, projected on the cafeteria wall. It was the largest uninterrupted vista of their inhospitable world. It was a morning scene. Dawn’s dim light coated lifeless hills that had hardly changed since Holston was a boy. They sat, just as they always had, while he had gone from playing chase among the cafeteria tables to whatever empty thing he was now. And beyond the stately rolling crests of these hills, the top of a familiar and rotting skyline caught the morning rays in feeble glints. Ancient glass and steel stood distantly where people, it was suspected, had once lived aboveground.

霍尔斯顿没有挥手回应，没有精力也没有欲望。他越过成年人和玩耍的孩子，看向食堂墙上模糊的景象。那是他们这片不毛之地最大的无阻碍视野。那是一幅清晨的景象。黎明的光线笼罩着死气沉沉的山丘，自霍尔斯顿还是个男孩起，它们几乎没有改变。它们依然如故，而他则从在食堂餐桌间追逐游戏，变成了现在这种空虚的存在。在那座山丘庄严起伏的顶峰之外，一座熟悉而腐朽的天际线顶端，在晨光中捕捉到微弱的光芒。古老的玻璃和钢铁遥遥地矗立在那里，人们怀疑，曾经有人在那里在地面上生活过。

A child, ejected from the group like a comet, bumped into Holston’s knees. He looked down and moved to touch the kid—Susan’s boy—but just like a comet, the child was gone again, pulled squealing back into the orbit of the others.

一个孩子，像一颗彗星一样从人群中被弹射出来，撞到了霍尔斯顿的膝盖上。他低头想碰碰那个孩子——苏珊的儿子——但是，就像一颗彗星一样，孩子又消失了，被尖叫着拉回其他孩子的轨道。

Holston thought suddenly of the lottery he and Allison had won the year of her death. He still had the ticket; he carried it everywhere. One of these kids—maybe he or she would be two by now and tottering after the older children—could’ve been theirs. They had dreamed, like all parents do, of the double fortune of twins. They had tried, of course. Night after glorious night of attempting to redeem that ticket, other parents wishing them luck, other lottery hopefuls silently praying for an empty year to pass.

霍尔斯顿突然想起他和艾莉森在去世那年赢得的彩票。他仍然保留着彩票；他随身携带。这些孩子中的一个——也许现在他已经或她已经两岁，蹒跚地跟在年长孩子身后——本可以是他们的。他们像所有父母一样梦想拥有双胞胎的双重财富。当然，他们也尝试过。无数个光荣的夜晚，他们试图兑奖，其他父母祝他们好运，其他彩票希望者默默祈祷这一年能空过。

He and Allison had invited superstition into their lives, looking to anything for help. Tricks like hanging garlic over the bed that supposedly increased fertility, two dimes under the mattress for twins, a pink ribbon in Allison’s hair, smudges of blue dye under Holston’s eyes—all of it ridiculous and desperate and fun. The only thing crazier would have been to not try everything, to leave some silly séance or tale untested.

他和艾莉森把迷信带进了他们的生活，寻求任何帮助。例如，在床上挂大蒜以增加生育力，床垫下放两枚硬币以求生双胞胎，艾莉森头上系粉红色丝带，霍尔斯顿眼底下涂抹蓝色颜料——所有这些都荒谬、绝望，却也充满乐趣。唯一更疯狂的事情，就是不去尝试所有方法，不去尝试任何愚蠢的灵异仪式或传说。

But it wasn’t to be. Before their year was even out, the lottery had passed to another couple. It hadn’t been for a lack of trying; it had been a lack of time. A sudden lack of wife.

但事与愿违。在他们的一年还没结束时，彩票就落到了另一对夫妇手中。这并非因为他们没有努力，而是因为缺乏时间。突然缺少了妻子。

Holston turned away from the games and the blurry view and walked toward his office, situated between the cafeteria and the silo’s airlock. As he covered that ground, his thoughts went to the struggle that once took place there, a struggle of ghosts he’d had to walk through every day for the last three years. And he knew—if he turned and hunted that expansive view on the wall—if he squinted past the ever worsening blur of cloudy camera lenses and airborne grime, if he followed that dark crease up the hill, that wrinkle that worked its way over the muddy dune toward the city beyond, he could pick out her quiet form. There, on that hill, his wife could be seen. She lay like a sleeping boulder, the air and toxins wearing away at her, her arms curled under her head.

霍尔斯顿背对着游戏和模糊的景色，朝他的办公室走去，办公室位于自助餐厅和粮仓的通风口之间。当他走过这段路程时，他的思绪回到了曾经发生在那里的斗争，一场他过去三年每天都必须走过幽灵的斗争。他知道——如果他转身，寻找墙上那广阔的景色——如果他眯起眼睛，穿过不断恶化的多云摄像头镜头和空中污垢的模糊，如果他沿着山坡上那条黑暗的褶皱走下去，那条褶皱蜿蜒穿过泥泞的沙丘，通向远处的城市，他就能找到她安静的身影。在那座山丘上，他的妻子可以看到。她像一块沉睡的巨石，空气和毒素侵蚀着她，她的手臂蜷缩在她的头下。

Maybe.

也许。

It was difficult to see, hard to make out clearly even back before the blurring had begun anew. And besides, there was little to trust in that sight. There was much, in fact, to doubt. So Holston simply chose not to look. He walked through that place of ghostly struggle where bad memories lay eternal, that scene of sudden madness, and entered his office.

看得不清，即使在模糊重新开始之前，也难以看清。此外，那景象也难以信任。事实上，有很多值得怀疑的地方。所以霍尔斯顿干脆不看。他走过那片充满鬼魅挣扎的地方，那里有永恒的坏记忆，那场突如其来的疯狂，然后走进他的办公室。

“Well, look who’s up early,” Marnes said, smiling.

“哎呀，看谁起这么早，”马恩斯笑着说。

Holston’s deputy closed a metal drawer on the filing cabinet, a lifeless cry singing from its ancient joints. He picked up a steaming mug, then noted Holston’s solemn demeanor. “You feeling okay, boss?”

霍尔斯顿的副手关上了档案柜上的金属抽屉，古老的抽屉连接处发出一声无力的呻吟。他拿起一个冒着热气的马克杯，然后注意到霍尔斯顿的表情严肃。“你感觉还好吗，老板？”

Holston nodded. He pointed to the rack of keys behind the desk. “Holding cell,” he said.

霍尔斯顿点了点头。他指着办公桌后面的钥匙架。“拘留室，”他说。

The deputy’s smile drooped into a confused frown. He set down the mug and turned to retrieve the key. While his back was turned, Holston rubbed the sharp, cool steel in his palm one last time, then placed the star flat on the desk. Marnes turned and held out the key. Holston took it.

副手的笑容变成了困惑的皱眉。他放下马克杯，转身去取钥匙。他背过身去时，霍尔斯顿最后一次在掌心摩挲着锋利的、冰冷的钢材，然后把那颗星平放在桌子上。马恩斯转身递出钥匙。霍尔斯顿接过了钥匙。

“You need me to grab the mop?”

你需要我拿拖把吗？

Deputy Marnes jabbed a thumb back toward the cafeteria. Unless someone was in cuffs, they only went into the cell to clean it.

马恩斯副警探用拇指指向了餐厅。除非有人被拷上手铐，否则他们只进牢房打扫。

“No,” Holston said. He jerked his head toward the holding cell, beckoning his deputy to follow.

“不，”霍尔斯顿说。他向拘留室点了点头，示意他的副手跟上。

He turned—the chair behind the desk squeaked as Marnes rose to join him—and Holston completed his march. The key slid in with ease. There was a sharp clack from the well-built and well-maintained inner organs of the door. The barest squeak from the hinges, a determined step, a shove and a clank, and the ordeal was over.

他转过身——桌子后面的椅子在马恩斯起身加入他的时候发出吱呀声——霍尔斯顿完成了他的行进。钥匙轻松地滑了进去。门那坚固耐用内部结构发出清脆的咔哒声。铰链发出细微的吱呀声，坚定的一步，一推，一声清脆的响声，折磨结束了。

“Boss?”

老板？

Holston held the key between the bars. Marnes looked down at them, unsure, but his palm came up to accept.

霍尔斯顿握着钥匙，夹在栏杆之间。马恩斯看着它们，犹豫不决，但他的手掌伸出来接住了。

“What’s going on, boss?”

老板，出什么事了？

“Get the mayor,” Holston said. He let out a sigh, that heavy breath he’d been holding for three years.

霍尔斯顿说：“叫来市长。”他叹了口气，吐出这三年来一直憋着的一口气。

“Tell her I want to go outside.”

告诉她我想出去。

2

The view from the holding cell wasn’t as blurry as it had been in the cafeteria, and Holston spent his final day in the silo puzzling over this. Could it be that the camera on that side was more out of the toxic wind? Did each cleaner, condemned to death, put more care in preserving the view they’d enjoyed on their last day? Or was the extra effort a gift to the next cleaner, who would spend their final day in that same cell?

拘留室的景色不像餐厅里那么模糊，霍尔斯顿在筒仓里度过他最后一天，一直在琢磨这个问题。会不会是那边的摄像头受有毒风的影响更小？每个注定要被处死的清洁工，都在他们最后一天更加用心维护他们所欣赏的景色吗？还是说，额外的努力是送给下一个清洁工的礼物，他们将在同一个牢房度过最后一天？

Holston preferred this last explanation. It made him think longingly of his wife. It reminded him why he was there, on the wrong side of those bars, and willingly.

霍尔斯顿更喜欢最后一个解释。它让他渴望地想起他的妻子。它提醒他为什么他会在那里，在那些铁栏的错误一边，而且心甘情愿地。

As his thoughts drifted to Allison, he sat and stared out at the dead world some ancient peoples had left behind. It wasn’t the best view of the landscape around their buried bunker, but it wasn’t the worst, either. In the distance, low rolling hills stood a pretty shade of brown, like coffee mash with just the right amount of pig’s milk in it. The sky above the hills was the same dull gray of his childhood and his father’s childhood and his grandfather’s childhood. The only moving feature on the landscape was the clouds. They hung full and dark over the hills. They roamed free like the herded beasts from the picture books.

他思绪飘到艾莉森，坐在那里凝视着那些远古人类遗留下来的死寂世界。那不是周围被埋葬的掩体最好的景观，但也不是最糟糕的。远处，低矮的丘陵呈现出漂亮的棕色，就像刚好加了适量猪奶的咖啡渣。丘陵上方的天空与他童年、父亲的童年、祖父的童年一样，是同样的暗灰色。这片景色中唯一移动的元素是云朵。它们厚重而阴暗地悬挂在丘陵上空。它们自由地飘荡，就像图画书中被放牧的野兽。

The view of the dead world filled up the entire wall of his cell, just like all the walls on the silo’s upper level, each one full of a different slice of the blurry and ever blurrier wasteland beyond. Holston’s little piece of that view reached from the corner by his cot, up to the ceiling, to the other wall, and down to the toilet. And despite the soft blur—like oil rubbed on a lens—it looked like a scene one could stroll out into, like a gaping and inviting hole oddly positioned across from forbidding prison bars.

死寂世界的光景布满了他的牢房整面墙壁，就像筒仓顶层所有墙壁一样，每一面都充满了模糊且越来越模糊的荒原的不同的片段。霍尔斯顿那小块视野从他床铺的角落，一直延伸到天花板，到另一面墙，再到厕所。尽管模糊轻柔——就像油涂抹在镜头上——它看起来却像一个可以漫步其中的场景，像一个奇怪地位于铁窗对面的大洞，既空旷又诱人。

The illusion, however, only convinced from a distance. Leaning closer, Holston could see a handful of dead pixels on the massive display. They stood stark white against all the brown and gray hues. Shining with ferocious intensity, each pixel (Allison had called them “stuck” pixels), was like a square window to some brighter place, a hole the width of a human hair that seemed to beckon toward some better reality. There were dozens of them, now that he looked. Holston wondered if anyone in the silo knew how to fix them, or if they had the tools required for such a delicate job. Were they dead forever, like Allison? Would all of the pixels be dead eventually? Holston imagined a day when half of the pixels were stark white, and then generations later when only a few gray and brown ones remained, then a mere dozen, the world having flipped to a new state, the people of the silo thinking the outside world was on fire, the only true pixels now mistaken for malfunctioning ones.

然而，这种幻觉只在远处有效。霍尔顿凑近一看，发现巨型显示屏上有一些坏死的像素点。它们在各种棕色和灰色调中显得格外醒目。每个像素（艾莉森称它们为“卡住”的像素）都闪耀着狂暴的光芒，就像通往更明亮地方的方格窗户，一个仅有人发丝粗细的洞，似乎在召唤着某种更好的现实。现在他仔细一看，发现有数十个这样的像素。霍尔顿想知道，粮仓里有没有人知道如何修复它们，或者他们是否拥有进行如此精细工作的工具。它们就像艾莉森一样，永远坏死了吗？所有的像素最终都会坏死吗？霍尔顿想象着有一天，一半的像素会变成刺眼的白色，然后几代人之后，只剩下少数灰色和棕色的像素，最后只剩下十几个，世界已经翻转到一个新的状态，粮仓里的人们认为外面的世界正在燃烧，而唯一真实的像素现在被误认为是故障像素。

Or was that what Holston and his people were doing even now?

还是霍尔斯顿和他的手下现在也在做那件事？

Someone cleared their throat behind him. Holston turned and saw Mayor Jahns standing on the other side of the bars, her hands resting in the belly of her coveralls. She nodded gravely toward the cot.

他身后有人清了清嗓子。霍尔斯顿转过身，看到贾恩斯市长站在栏杆的另一边，双手放在连体服的腹部。她郑重地朝吊床点了点头。

“When the cell’s empty, at night when you and Deputy Marnes are off duty, I sometimes sit right there and enjoy that very view.”

当细胞空着的时候，晚上你和马恩斯副警长值班的时候，我偶尔会坐在那里欣赏那景色。

Holston turned back to survey the muddy, lifeless landscape. It only looked depressing compared to scenes from the children’s books—the only books to survive the uprising. Most people doubted those colors in the books, just as they doubted purple elephants and pink birds to have ever existed, but Holston felt that they were truer than the scene before him. He, like some others, felt something primal and deep when he looked at those worn pages splashed green and blue. Even so, when compared to the stifling silo, that muddy gray view outside looked like some kind of salvation, just the sort of open air men were born to breathe.

霍尔斯顿转过身来，审视着泥泞、死寂的景色。与孩子们读物中的场景相比，它看起来只是令人沮丧——那些是唯一幸存的起义后的书籍。大多数人怀疑书中那些颜色，就像他们怀疑紫色的大象和粉红色的鸟儿一样，从未存在过，但霍尔斯顿觉得它们比他眼前的景象更真实。他，就像其他人一样，在看到那些磨损的、涂抹着绿色和蓝色的书页时，感受到了一种原始而深沉的东西。即便如此，与令人窒息的粮仓相比，外面的泥泞灰色景色看起来就像某种救赎，正是男人生来就应该呼吸的那种开放的空气。

“Always seemed a little clearer in here,” Jahns said. “The view, I mean.”

“这里总是显得稍微清晰一些，”贾恩斯说。“我的意思是风景。”

Holston remained silent. He watched a curling piece of cloud break off and move in a new direction, blacks and grays swirling together.

霍尔斯顿保持沉默。他看着一块卷曲的云朵脱离并朝新的方向移动，黑色和灰色相互缠绕。

“You get your pick for dinner,” the mayor said. “It’s tradition—”

市长说：“晚餐你自己选。”“这是传统——”

“You don’t need to tell me how this works,” Holston said, cutting Jahns off. “It’s only been three years since I served Allison her last meal right here.” He reached to spin the copper ring on his finger out of habit, forgetting he had left it on his dresser hours ago.

霍尔斯顿说道，打断了詹斯的话：“你不用告诉我这是怎么运作的。”“我在这里给艾莉森送上最后一份饭菜，才三年时间。”他习惯性地转动手指上的铜环，却忘了几个小时前他把它放在梳妆台上。

“Can’t believe it’s been that long,” Jahns murmured to herself. Holston turned to see her squinting at the clouds displayed on the wall.

“真不敢相信时间过去这么久了，”贾恩斯自言自语。霍尔斯顿转过身，看到她眯着眼睛盯着墙上显示的云彩。

“Do you miss her?” Holston asked venomously. “Or do you just hate that the blur has had so much time to build?”

霍尔斯顿恶狠狠地问道：“你很想念她吗？”“还是你只是讨厌模糊不清的东西已经有了这么多的时间来构建？”

Jahn’s eyes flashed his way a moment, then fell to the floor. “You know I don’t want this, not for any view. But rules are the rules—”

约翰的眼睛闪了闪，然后垂下，看着地板。“你知道我不想这样，不是为了任何观点。但是规矩就是规矩——”

“It’s not to be blamed,” Holston said, trying to let the anger go. “I know the rules better than most.” His hand moved, just a little, toward the missing badge, gone like his ring. “Hell, I enforced those rules for most my life, even after I realized they were bullshit.”

“这不能怪他，”霍尔斯顿说道，努力让自己平静下来。“我比大多数人都更了解这些规矩。”他的手微微动了动，朝那枚不见的警徽移动，就像他的戒指一样不见了。“该死的，我大半辈子都在执行这些规矩，即使我知道它们是胡扯。”

Jahns cleared her throat. “Well, I won’t ask why you chose this. I’ll just assume it’s because you’d be unhappier here.”

约翰斯清了清嗓子。“好吧，我不会问你为什么选择这个。我只会假设是因为你在这里会更不快乐。”

Holston met her gaze, saw the film on her eyes before she was able to blink it away. Jahns looked thinner than usual, comical in her gaping overalls. The lines in her neck and radiating from her eyes were deeper than he remembered. Darker. And he thought the crack in her voice was genuine regret, not just age and more than her ration of tobacco.

霍尔斯顿看着她的眼睛，在她眨眼躲避之前，看到了她眼里的那层情绪。约翰斯看起来比平时更瘦，她那宽大的工作服让她显得滑稽可笑。她脖子上的皱纹以及从眼睛里辐射出来的皱纹比他记忆中更深了。更深。他认为她声音的破裂是真正的懊悔，而不是仅仅因为年龄和吸烟。

Suddenly, Holston saw himself through Jahn’s eyes, saw a broken man sitting on a worn bench, his skin gray from the pale glow of the dead world beyond, and the sight made him dizzy. His head spun as it groped for something reasonable to latch onto, something that made sense. It seemed a dream, the predicament his life had become. None of the last three years seemed true. Nothing seemed true anymore.

霍尔斯顿突然透过约翰的眼睛看到了自己，看到了一个坐在破旧长椅上的破碎男人，他的皮肤由于死寂世界之外的苍白光芒而显得灰暗，这景象让他头晕目眩。他的头在寻找一些合情合理的东西，一些有意义的东西。他的生活困境似乎像一场梦。过去三年似乎都不是真的。现在什么都感觉不像真的了。

He turned back to the tan hills. In the corner of his eye, he thought he saw another pixel die, turning stark white. Another tiny window had opened, another clear view through an illusion he had grown to doubt.

他转回身看着棕色的山丘。他眼角的余光里，他似乎看到另一个像素死掉，变成刺眼的白色。又一个小窗口打开了，又一个清晰的视野穿过了他开始怀疑的幻觉。

Tomorrow will be my salvation, Holston thought savagely, even if I die out there.

明天将是我的救赎，霍尔斯顿野蛮地想，即使我死在那里。

“I’ve been Mayor too long,” Jahns said.

“我当市长时间太长了，”约翰斯说。

Holston glanced back and saw that her wrinkled hands were wrapped around the cold steel.

霍尔斯顿回头一看，发现她那双手紧紧地握着冰冷的钢材。

“Our records don’t go back to the beginning, you know. They don’t go back before the uprising a century and a half ago, but since then no Mayor has sent more people to cleaning than I have.”

我们的记录并非从一开始就有的，你知道。它们追溯不到一百五十年前的起义之前，但从那时起，还没有哪位市长派出的清洁人员比我多。

“I’m sorry to burden you,” Holston said dryly.

“抱歉，给你添麻烦了，”霍尔斯顿干巴巴地说。

“I take no pleasure in it. That’s all I’m saying. No pleasure at all.”

我对此毫无乐趣。这就是我说的全部。一点乐趣也没有。

Holston swept his hand at the massive screen.

霍尔斯顿挥了挥手，看着巨大的屏幕。

“But you’ll be the first to watch a clear sunset tomorrow night, won’t you?” He hated the way he sounded. Holston wasn’t angry for his death, or life, or whatever came after tomorrow, but resentment over Allison’s fate still lingered. He continued to see inevitable events from the past as avoidable, long after they’d taken their course. “You’ll all love the view tomorrow,” he said to himself.

“但你明天晚上会第一个看到日落，不是吗？”他讨厌自己说话的语气。霍尔斯顿并不为他的死，或生活，或明天之后的一切而生气，但对艾莉森的命运的怨恨依然存在。他继续将过去不可避免的事件视为可以避免的，即使这些事件已经过去很久了。“你们明天都会喜欢那里的景色，”他对自言自语道。

“That’s not fair at all,” Jahns said. “The law is the law. You broke it. You knew you were breaking it.”

“这根本不公平，”约翰斯说。“法律就是法律。你违反了法律。你知道你在违反法律。”

Holston looked at his feet. The two of them allowed a silence to form. Mayor Jahns was the one who eventually broke it.

霍尔斯顿看着自己的脚。他们两人让沉默形成。最终打破沉默的是贾恩斯市长。

“You haven’t threatened yet to not go through with it. Some of the others are nervous that you might not do the cleaning because you aren’t saying you won’t.”

你还没有威胁过不执行。其他人中有些人担心你可能不会做清洁，因为你没有说你不会。

Holston laughed. “They’d feel better if I said I wouldn’t clean the sensors?” He shook his head at the mad logic.

霍尔斯顿笑了。“如果我说我不清理传感器，他们会感觉好些吗？”他摇摇头，对这种疯狂的逻辑感到无奈。

“Everyone who sits there says they aren’t gonna do it,” Jahns told him, “but then they do. It’s what we’ve all come to expect—”

“坐在那儿的人都说他们不会做，”贾恩斯告诉他，“但他们最终还是做了。这就是我们一直以来所预料到的——”

“Allison never threatened that she wouldn’t do it,” Holston reminded her, but he knew what Jahns meant. He himself had been sure Allison wouldn’t wipe the lenses. And now he thought he understood what she’d been going through as she sat on that very bench. There were larger things to consider than the act of cleaning. Most prisoners sent outside were caught at something, were surprised to find themselves in that cell, their fate mere hours away. Revenge was on their mind when they said they wouldn’t do it. There was a reflexive obstinacy. But Allison and now Holston had bigger worries. Whether or not they’d clean was inconsequential; they had arrived here because they wanted, on some insane level, to be here. All that remained was the curiosity of it all. The wonder of the outside world beyond the veil of lies.

艾莉森从未说过她不会做，霍尔斯顿提醒她，但他明白贾恩斯的意思。他自己也确信艾莉森不会擦拭镜片。现在他明白了她在那个长椅上坐着的感受。比清洁行为更重要的事情很多。大多数被送出监狱的人都被抓住做了什么，惊讶地发现自己身处那间牢房，命运仅剩几个小时。当他们说不会做时，复仇在他们的脑海中。有一种反射性的顽固。但艾莉森和现在霍尔斯顿有更大的担忧。他们是否会清洁无关紧要；他们来到这里是因为他们以某种疯狂的程度想要来到这里。剩下的只是这一切的好奇心。透过谎言面纱看到的外部世界的神奇。

“So, are you planning on going through with it or not?” Jahns asked directly, her desperation evident.

“所以，你打算继续下去还是不继续？”雅恩直接问道，她绝望的心情显而易见。

“You said it yourself.” Holston shrugged. “Everyone does it. There must be some reason, right?”

你说的没错。霍尔斯顿耸了耸肩。“每个人都这么做。肯定有什么原因，对吧？”

He pretended not to care, to be disinterested in the why of the cleaning, but he had spent most of his life, the past three years especially, agonizing over the why. The question drove him nuts. And if his refusing to answer Jahns caused pain to those who had murdered his wife, he wouldn’t be upset.

他假装不在乎，对清洁的缘由漠不关心，但他却将大部分生命，尤其是过去三年，都耗费在追寻缘由上。这个问题让他抓狂。如果他拒绝回答约翰斯的问题，伤害了那些杀害他妻子的凶手，他也不会生气。

Jahns rubbed her hands up and down the bars, anxious. “Can I tell them you’ll do it?” she asked.

约翰斯焦虑地用手在栏杆上上下摩擦。“我能告诉他们你会做吗？”她问道。

“Or tell them I won’t. I don’t care. It sounds like either answer will mean the same to them.”

或者告诉他们我不会。我不在乎。这两个答案听起来对他们来说都一样。

Jahns didn’t reply. Holston looked up at her, and the Mayor nodded.

约翰斯没有回复。霍尔斯顿抬头看着她，市长点了点头。

“If you change your mind about the meal, let Deputy Marnes know. He’ll be at the desk all night, as is tradition—”

如果您改变了用餐想法，请告知马恩斯副经理。他今晚会在办公桌旁，这是传统。

She didn’t need to say. Tears came to Holston’s eyes as he remembered that part of his former duties. He had manned that desk twelve years ago when Donna Parkins was put to cleaning, eight years ago when it was Jack Brent’s time. And he had spent a night clinging to the bars, lying on the floor, a complete wreck, three years ago when it was his wife’s turn.

她不用说。霍尔斯顿想起他以前的部分职责，眼泪涌上眼眶。十二年前，当唐娜·帕金斯被安排去打扫时，他曾坐在那张办公桌前；八年前，杰克·布伦特轮到时，也是；三年前，轮到他妻子时，他曾整晚紧紧抓住栏杆，躺在地板上，彻底崩溃。

Mayor Jahns turned to go.

约翰市长转身离开。

“Sheriff,” Holston muttered before she got out of earshot.

霍尔斯顿在她走远之前低声咕哝道：“警长。”

“I’m sorry?” Jahns lingered on the other side of the bars, her gray, bushy brows hanging over her eyes.

“对不起？”雅恩斯停留在栏杆的另一边，她灰色的浓密眉毛垂在眼睛上。

“It’s Sheriff Marnes, now,” Holston reminded her. “Not Deputy.”

“现在是马恩斯警长，”霍尔斯顿提醒她。“不是副警长。”

Jahns rapped a steel bar with her knuckles. “Eat something,” she said. “And I won’t insult you by suggesting you get some sleep.”

约翰用指关节敲了敲钢管。“吃点东西，”她说。“否则我就不屑于建议你睡一觉了。”

3

Three years earlier

三年前

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Allison said. “Honey, listen to this. You won’t believe this. Did you know there was more than one uprising?”

“你一定在开玩笑，”艾莉森说。“亲爱的，听着。你不会相信的。你知道不止一次起义吗？”

Holston looked up from the folder spread across his lap. Around him, scattered piles of paper covered the bed like a quilt—stacks and stacks of old files to sort through and new complaints to manage. Allison sat at her small desk at the foot of the bed. The two of them lived in one of the silo condos that had only been subdivided twice over the decades. It left room for luxuries like desks and wide non-bunk beds.

霍尔斯顿从摊在他膝盖上的文件夹上抬起头。周围，散落一地的纸堆像被子一样盖在床上——一堆堆旧文件需要整理，还有新的投诉要处理。艾莉森坐在床脚的小桌子旁。他们俩住在这些几十年来只分割过两次的筒仓公寓之一。这为像书桌和宽敞的非双层床这样的奢侈品留出了空间。

“And how would I have known about that?” he asked her. His wife turned and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Holston jabbed a folder at her computer screen. “All day long you’re unlocking secrets hundreds of years old and I’m supposed to know about them before you do?”

“我怎么知道？”他问她。他妻子转过身，把一缕头发别在耳后。霍尔斯顿用文件夹指着电脑屏幕。“你整天都在解开几百年前的秘密，我却应该在你之前知道？”

She stuck out her tongue. “It’s an expression. It’s my way of informing you. And why don’t you seem more curious? Did you hear what I just said?”

她伸出舌头。“这是一种表达方式。这是我通知你的方式。你为什么看起来不更好奇？你刚才听到我说的话了吗？”

Holston shrugged. “I never would’ve assumed the one uprising we know about was the first—just that it was the most recent. If I’ve learned one thing from my job, it’s that no crime or crazy mob is ever all that original.” He picked up a folder by his knee. “You think this is the first water thief the silo’s known? Or that it’ll be the last?”

霍尔斯顿耸了耸肩。“我从来没想到我们所知道的唯一一次起义是第一次——只是它是最新的。如果我从工作中学到了一件事，那就是没有犯罪或疯狂的暴徒是真正原创的。”他拿起膝盖旁的文件夹。“你认为这是粮仓知道的第一个偷水贼？或者它会是最后一个？”

Allison’s chair squealed on the tile as she turned to face him. The monitor on the desk behind her blinked with the scraps and fragments of data she had pulled from the silo’s old servers, the remnants of information long ago deleted and overwritten countless times. Holston still didn’t understand how the retrieval process worked, or why someone smart enough to come up with it was dumb enough to love him, but he accepted both as truth.

艾莉森转身面对他时，椅子在瓷砖上发出尖叫声。她从仓库旧服务器中提取的碎片数据，在桌上的显示器上闪烁，这些信息早已被删除和覆盖无数次。霍尔斯顿仍然不明白检索过程是如何运作的，也不知道为什么足够聪明想出这个方法的人会爱上他，但他接受了这两点都是事实。

“I’m piecing together a series of old reports,” she said. “If true, they mean something like our old uprising used to take place regularly. Like once every generation or so.”

她说：“我正在拼凑一系列旧报告。”“如果属实，它们意味着我们以前的起义曾经定期发生。就像每隔一代左右。”

“There’s a lot we don’t know about the old times,” Holston said. He rubbed his eyes and thought about all the paperwork he wasn’t getting done. “Maybe they didn’t have a system for cleaning the sensors, you know? I’ll bet back then, the view upstairs just got blurrier and blurrier until people went crazy, there’d be a revolt or something, and then they’d finally exile a few people to set things straight. Or maybe it was just natural population control, you know, before the lottery.”

“我们对过去很多事情都不了解，”霍尔斯顿说。他揉了揉眼睛，想着所有他没完成的文书工作。“也许他们没有清洁传感器的系统，你知道吗？我敢打赌，那时候楼上的景色只会越来越模糊，直到人们发疯，发生暴动什么的，然后他们最终流放一些人来解决问题。或者这只是自然的人口控制，你知道，在彩票出现之前。”

Allison shook her head. “I don’t think so. I’m starting to think—” She paused and glanced down at the spread of villainous paperwork around Holston. The sight of all the logged transgressions seemed to make her consider carefully what she was about to say. “I’m not passing judgment, not saying anyone was right or wrong or anything like that, I’m just suggesting that maybe the servers weren’t wiped out by the rebels during the uprising. Not like we’ve always been told, anyway.”

艾莉森摇了摇头。“我不这么认为。我开始觉得……”她停顿了一下，低头看着霍尔顿周围摊开的恶劣文件。看到所有记录的违规行为似乎让她仔细考虑她即将要说的话。“我并不是在评判，也不是说任何人是对或错，或者类似的事情，我只是建议，也许服务器在起义期间并没有被叛军抹去。至少不像我们一直被告知的那样。”

That got Holston’s attention. The mystery of the blank servers, the empty past of the silo’s ancestors, haunted them all. The erasure was nothing more than fuzzy legend. He closed the folder he was working on and set it aside. “What do you think caused it?” he asked his wife. “Do you think it was an accident? A fire or a power outage?” He listed the common theories.

那引起了霍尔斯顿的注意。空服务器的谜团，谷仓祖先的空缺过去，困扰着他们所有人。那次抹除只不过是模糊的传说。他合上了正在处理的文件，将其放在一边。“你认为是什么原因造成的？”他问妻子。“你认为是意外吗？火灾还是停电？”他列出了常见的理论。

Allison frowned. “No,” she said. She lowered her voice and looked around anxiously. “I think we wiped the hard drives. Our ancestors, I mean, not the rebels.” She turned and leaned toward the monitor, running her finger down a set of figures Holston couldn’t discern from the bed. “Twenty years,” she said. “Eighteen. Twenty-four.” Her finger slid down the screen with a squeak. “Twenty-eight. Sixteen. Fifteen.”

艾莉森皱起了眉头。“不，”她说。她压低了声音，焦急地环顾四周。“我想我们已经擦除了硬盘。我是说我们的祖先，而不是叛军。”她转过身，向显示器倾斜，用手指在霍尔顿从床上看不清的一组数字上划过。“二十年，”她说。“十八。二十四。”她的手指发出吱吱声，滑过屏幕。“二十八。十六。十五。”

Holston plowed a path through the paperwork at his feet, putting the files back in stacks as he worked his way toward the desk. He sat on the foot of the bed, put a hand on his wife’s neck, and peered over her shoulder at the monitor.

霍尔斯顿在他的脚下犁过文件，在他朝桌子走去时把文件重新堆成堆。他坐在床脚，把手放在妻子的脖子上，从她的肩后看着显示器。

“Are those dates?” he asked.

那些是日期吗？他问道。

She nodded. “Just about every two decades, there’s a major revolt. This report catalogued them. It was one of the files deleted during the most recent uprising. Our uprising.”

她点了点头。“差不多每二十年，就会有一场大起义。这份报告列出了它们。这是最近一次起义中删除的文件之一。我们的起义。”

She said “our” like either of them or any of their friends had been alive at the time. Holston knew what she meant, though. It was the uprising they had been raised in the shadow of, the one that seemed to have spawned them, the great conflict that hung over their childhoods, over their parents and grandparents. It was the uprising that filled whispers and occupied sideways glances.

她说“我们”的意思，就好像他们中任何一个人，或者他们任何朋友当时还活着一样。霍尔斯顿明白她的意思。那是他们成长阴影下的起义，似乎孕育了他们，那场笼罩着他们童年、父母和祖父母的巨大冲突。那是充斥着耳语、占据着侧目注视的起义。

“And what makes you think it was us, that it was the good guys who wiped the servers?”

是谁让你认为是我们的，是好人把服务器擦掉的？

She half turned and smiled grimly. “Who says we are the good guys?”

她半转过身，阴沉地笑了笑。“谁说我们是好人？”

Holston stiffened. He pulled his hand away from Allison’s neck. “Don’t start. Don’t say anything that might—”

霍尔斯顿僵住了。他把手从艾莉森的脖子上拿开。“别开始。别说什么可能会——”

“I’m kidding,” she said, but it wasn’t a thing to kid about. It was two steps from traitorous, from cleaning. “My theory is this,” she said quickly, stressing the word theory. “There’s generational upheaval, right? I mean for over a hundred years, maybe longer. It’s like clockwork.” She pointed at the dates. “But then, during the great uprising—the only one we’ve known about till now—someone wiped the servers. Which, I’ll tell you, isn’t as easy as pressing a few buttons or starting a fire. There’s redundancies on top of redundancies. It would take a concerted effort, not an accident or any sort of rushed job or mere sabotage—”

“我开玩笑，”她说，但这可不是开玩笑的事。这离叛徒，离清洗，只有一步之遥。“我的理论是，”她快速地说，强调了“理论”这个词。“有代际动荡，对吧？我的意思是，一百多年，也许更久。这就像钟表一样。”她指着日期。“但是，在伟大的起义期间——到目前为止，我们只知道这一次——有人抹去了服务器。我告诉你，这不像按几个按钮或点燃一堆火那么简单。冗余层层叠加。这需要一个共同的努力，而不是意外、仓促的工作或简单的破坏——”

“That doesn’t tell you who’s responsible,” Holston pointed out. His wife was a wizard with computers, no doubt, but sleuthing was not her bag, it was his.

那并不能告诉你谁该负责，”霍尔斯顿指出。他的妻子无疑是电脑高手，但侦探工作不是她的强项，那是他的。

“What tells me something,” she continued, “is that there were uprisings every generation for all this time, but there hasn’t been an uprising since.”

她继续说道：“告诉我一些事情的是，所有这些时间里，每一代人都发生过起义，但自从那以后就没有过起义了。”

Allison bit her lip.

艾莉森咬了咬嘴唇。

Holston sat up straight.

霍尔斯顿坐直了。

He glanced around the room and allowed this observation to sink in. He had a sudden vision of his wife yanking his sleuthing bag out of his hands and making off with it.

他环顾了一下房间，让这个想法沉淀下来。他突然看到妻子一把夺过他手里的侦探包，扬长而去。

“So you’re saying—” He rubbed his chin and thought this through. “You’re saying that someone wiped out our history to stop us from repeating it?”

“所以你的意思是——”他揉了揉下巴，仔细考虑。“你的意思是有人抹去了我们的历史，是为了阻止我们重蹈覆辙吗？”

“Or worse.” She reached out and held his hand with both of hers. Her face had deepened from seriousness to something severe. “What if the reason for the revolts was right there on the hard drives? What if some part of our known history, or some data from the outside, or maybe the knowledge of whatever it was that made people move in here long, long ago—what if that information built up some kind of pressure that made people lose their marbles, or go stir crazy, or just want out?”

或者更糟。”她伸出手，用双手握住他的手。她脸上的严肃变成了严峻。“如果起义的原因就藏在那些硬盘里？如果我们已知历史的某个部分，或者来自外部的数据，或者关于很久很久以前让人们迁移到这里的原因的知识——如果这些信息积累起来，产生了某种压力，让人们精神错乱，或者发疯，或者只想离开？”

Holston shook his head. “I don’t want you thinking that way,” he cautioned her.

霍尔斯顿摇了摇头。“我不想让你那样想，”他告诫她。

“I’m not saying they were right to go nuts,” she told him, back to being careful. “But from what I’ve pieced together so far, this is my theory.”

“我并不是说他们发疯是对的，”她告诉他，又恢复了谨慎。“但根据我目前收集到的信息，这是我的推论。”

Holston gave the monitor an untrusting glance. “Maybe you shouldn’t be doing this,” he said. “I’m not even sure how you’re doing it, and maybe you shouldn’t be.”

霍尔斯顿不信任地瞥了监视器一眼。“也许你不应该这么做，”他说。“我甚至不确定你是怎么做到的，也许你不应该。”

“Honey, the information is there. If I don’t piece it together now, somebody else will at some point. You can’t put the genie back in the bottle.”

亲爱的，信息就在那里。如果我现在不把它拼凑起来，迟早会有人拼凑起来。你不能把妖怪放回瓶子里。

“What do you mean?”

你是什么意思？

“I’ve already published a white paper on how to retrieve deleted and overwritten files. The rest of the IT department is spreading it around to help people who’ve unwittingly flushed something they needed.”

我已经发布了一份关于如何检索已删除和被覆盖文件的白皮书。IT 部门的其他人员正在将其分发给那些无意中删除了所需文件的用户。

“I still think you should stop,” he said. “This isn’t the best idea. I can’t see any good coming of it—”

“我还是觉得你应该停下来，”他说。“这不是最好的主意。我看不出有什么好处——”

“No good coming from the truth? Knowing the truth is always good. And better that it’s us discovering it than someone else, right?”

真相有什么不好？知道真相总是好的。而且，我们自己发现真相比别人发现更好，对吧？

Holston looked at his files. It’d been five years since the last person was sent to cleaning. The view outside was getting worse every day, and he could feel the pressure, as sheriff, to find someone. It was growing, like steam building up in the silo, ready to launch something out. People got nervous when they thought the time was near. It was like one of those self-fulfilling prophecies where the nerves finally made someone twitch, then lash out or say something regretful, and then they were in a cell, watching their last blurry sunset.

霍尔斯顿看着他的文件。自从上一个人被送去清理已经五年了。外面的景色每天都在恶化，他作为警长，感觉压力越来越大，必须找到人。它正在增长，就像谷仓里蒸汽的积累，随时准备发射出什么东西。人们在想到时间临近时会感到紧张。这就像一种自我实现的预言，神经最终导致某人抽搐，然后猛烈反击或说出后悔的话，然后他们就被关进牢房，看着他们最后模糊的夕阳。

Holston sorted through the files all around him, wishing there was something in them. He would put a man to his death tomorrow to release that steam. His wife was poking some great, overly full balloon with a needle, and Holston wanted to get that air out of it before she poked too far.

霍尔斯顿翻遍了周围的文件，希望里面能有什么东西。他明天就要把一个人送上断头台，来释放那种蒸汽。他妻子正在用针戳一个又大又鼓的、充气过度的气球，霍尔斯顿想在戳得太深之前把里面的气放出来。

4

Present Time

现在

Holston sat on the lone steel bench in the airlock, his brain numb from lack of sleep and the surety of what lay before him. Nelson, the head of the cleaning lab, knelt in front of him and worked a leg of the white hazard suit over Holston’s foot.

霍尔斯顿坐在气闸室里唯一的一张钢凳上，大脑因缺乏睡眠和即将到来的事情而麻木。清洁实验室的负责人内尔森在他面前跪下，给霍尔斯顿的脚套上白色危险服的裤腿。

“We’ve played around with the joint seals and added a second spray-on lining,” Nelson was saying. “It should give you more time out there than anyone has had before.”

我们玩过接头密封件，并添加了第二层喷涂衬里，“内尔森说道。“这应该比以前任何人都有更多的时间。”

This registered for Holston, and he remembered watching his wife go about her cleaning. The top floor of the silo with its great screens showing the outside world was usually empty for cleanings. The people inside couldn’t bear to watch what they’d done—or maybe they wanted to come up and enjoy a nice view without seeing what it took to get it. But Holston had watched; there was never any doubt that he would. He couldn’t see Allison’s face through her silver-masked helmet, couldn’t see her thin arms through the bulky suit as she scrubbed and scrubbed with her wool pads, but he knew her walk, her mannerisms. He had watched her finish the job, taking her time and doing it well, and then she had stepped back, looked in the camera one last time, waved at him, then turned to walk away. Like others before her, she had lumbered toward a nearby hill and had begun climbing up, trudging toward the dilapidated spires of that ancient and crumbling city just visible over the horizon. Holston hadn’t moved the entire time. Even as she fell on the side of the hill, clutching her helmet, writhing while the toxins first ate away the spray-on linings, then the suit, and finally his wife, he hadn’t moved.

霍尔斯顿注册了霍尔斯顿，他记得看着妻子打扫卫生。筒仓顶层的大屏幕上显示着外面的世界，通常在清洁时是空的。里面的人们不愿看到他们所做的事情——或者他们可能想上来欣赏美景，却不想看到获得美景所付出的代价。但霍尔斯顿看着；他从未怀疑过他会这样做。他看不清艾莉森透过银色头盔的面孔，看不清她穿戴着笨重的宇航服的纤细手臂，她用羊毛垫子一遍遍地擦洗，但他知道她的步伐、她的习惯。他看着她完成工作，不紧不慢，做得很好，然后她后退一步，最后一次看着摄像头，向他挥手，然后转身离开。像她之前的其他人一样，她蹒跚地向附近的小山走去，开始爬山，朝地平线上若隐若现的古老破败城市的尖塔走去。霍尔斯顿整个过程都没有动。 她倒在山坡上，紧紧抓住头盔，毒素先腐蚀了喷涂的衬里，然后是宇航服，最后是他的妻子，他却一动不动。

“Other foot.”

另一只脚

Nelson slapped his ankle. Holston lifted his foot and allowed the tech to bunch the rest of the suit around his shins. Looking at his hands, at the black carbon undersuit he wore against his skin, Holston pictured it all dissolving off his body, sloughing away like flakes of dried grease from a generator’s pipe while the blood burst from his pores and pooled up in his lifeless suit.

内尔森拍了一下他的脚踝。霍尔斯顿抬起他的脚，让技术人员把剩余的宇航服裹在他的小腿上。看着自己的双手，看着贴在他皮肤上的黑色碳纤维内衣，霍尔斯顿想象着它全部从他身上脱落，像发电机管道上干油垢的薄片一样脱落，而血液从他的毛孔中喷涌而出，在他毫无生气的宇航服里聚集。

“If you’ll grab the bar and stand—”

如果你抓住杆子站着——

Nelson was walking him through a routine he’d seen twice before. Once with Jack Brent, who had been belligerent and hostile right up to the end, forcing him as sheriff to stand guard by the bench. And once with his wife, whom he had watched get ready through the airlock’s small porthole. Holston knew what to do from watching these others, but he still needed to be told. His thoughts were elsewhere. Reaching up, he grabbed the trapeze-like bar hanging above him and pulled himself upright. Nelson grabbed the sides of the suit and yanked them up to Holston’s waist. Two empty arms flapped to either side.

内森正在带他做他以前见过两次的例行公事。一次是和杰克·布伦特，后者一直到最后都蛮横好斗，迫使他作为警长在长椅旁站岗。另一次是和他妻子，他透过气闸的狭小舷窗观察她准备就绪。霍尔斯顿从观察其他人中知道该怎么做，但他仍然需要有人告诉他。他的思绪飘忽不定。他伸出手，抓住头顶的吊环，把自己拉直。内森抓住制服的两侧，将它们拉到霍尔斯顿的腰部。两条空荡荡的手臂在两侧摆动。

“Left hand here.”

左手在这里。

Holston numbly obeyed. It was surreal to be on the other side of this—this mechanical death-walk of the condemned. Holston had often wondered why people complied, why they just went along. Even Jack Brent had done what he was told, as foul mouthed and verbally abusive as he’d been. Allison had done it quiet, just like this, Holston thought as he inserted one hand and then the other. The suit came up, and Holston thought maybe that people went along because they couldn’t believe it was happening. None of it was real enough to rebel against. The animal part of his mind wasn’t made for this, to be calmly ushered to a death it was perfectly aware of.

霍尔斯顿木然地服从了。在死刑犯的机械死亡之旅的另一边，这感觉非常超现实。霍尔斯顿常常想知道人们为什么服从，为什么他们只是顺从。即使是杰克·布伦特，也做了他被告知的事情，尽管他粗鲁无礼，言语辱骂。艾莉森也像这样安静地完成了，霍尔斯顿心想，当他先伸出一只手，然后伸出另一只手时。套装穿好了，霍尔斯顿想，也许人们顺从是因为他们无法相信这一切正在发生。这一切都不够真实，无法反抗。他大脑中动物的那一部分并不适合这种状况，平静地被带到它完全意识到的死亡。

“Turn.”

转。

He did.

他做了。

There was a tug at the small of his back, and then a noisy zipping sound up to his neck. Another tug, another zip. Two layers of futility. The crunch of industrial Velcro over top. Pats and double-checks. Holston heard the hollow helmet slide off its shelf; he flexed his fingers inside the puffy gloves while Nelson checked over the dome’s innards.

他背部一阵拉扯，然后是到脖子处的响亮拉链声。又是一阵拉扯，又是一声拉链声。两层徒劳。工业用魔术贴的咔哒声从上面传来。轻拍和复检。霍尔斯顿听到空心头盔从架子上滑落；他在蓬松的手套里活动手指，而内尔森则检查着圆顶的内部。

“Let’s go over the procedure one more time.”

我们再过一遍流程。

“It’s not necessary,” Holston said quietly.

“没必要，”霍尔斯顿轻声说道。

Nelson glanced toward the airlock door leading back to the silo. Holston didn’t need to look to know someone was likely watching. “Bear with me,” Nelson said. “I have to do it by the book.”

奈尔森朝通往粮仓的舱门望去。霍尔斯顿不用看就知道有人正在监视。“请稍等，”奈尔森说。“我必须按章程办事。”

Holston nodded, but he knew there wasn’t any “book.” Of all the mystic oral traditions passed through silo generations, none matched the cult-like intensity of the suit makers and the cleaning techs. Everyone gave them their space. The banned might do the physical cleaning, but these were the people who made it possible. These were the men and women who maintained the view to that wider world beyond the silo’s stifling confines.

霍尔斯顿点了点头，但他知道没有“书”。所有通过筒仓世代相传的秘传口头传统中，没有哪一种能与西装制造商和清洁工的狂热崇拜氛围相匹敌。每个人都给他们留出空间。被禁止的人可能会进行实际的清洁工作，但这些人让这一切成为可能。这些人是维护着通往筒仓窒息性界限之外更广阔世界视野的男人和女人。

Nelson placed the helmet on the bench. “You got your scrubbers here.” He patted the wool pads stuck to the front of the suit.

奈尔森把头盔放在长凳上。“你把你的清洁剂带来了。”他拍了拍粘在宇航服前部的羊毛垫。

Holston pulled one off with a ripping sound, studied the whorls and curls of the rough material, then stuck it back on.

霍尔斯顿扯下了一块，发出撕裂的声音，研究了粗糙材料上的涡纹和卷曲，然后又把它粘了回去。

“Two squirts from the cleaning bottle before you scrub with the wool, then dry with this towel, then put the ablating films on last.” He patted the pockets in order, even though they were clearly labeled and numbered—upside down so Holston could read them—and color-coded.

清洁瓶喷两下，然后用羊毛刷洗，再用这块毛巾擦干，最后放上剥离膜。他拍拍口袋，尽管口袋上已经清楚地标注了号码和颜色——是倒过来以便霍尔斯顿能看清的——并且做了颜色编码。

Holston nodded and met the tech’s eyes for the first time. He was surprised to see fear there, fear he had learned well to notice in his profession. He almost asked Nelson what was wrong before it occurred to him: The man was worried all these instructions were for naught, that Holston would walk out—like everyone in the silo feared all prisoners would—and not do his duty. Not clean up for the people whose rules had killed him. Or was Nelson worried that the expensive and laborious gear he and his colleagues had built, using those secrets and techniques handed down from well before the uprising, would go away and rot to no purpose?

霍尔斯顿点了点头，第一次与技术人员对视。他惊讶地发现对方眼中充满了恐惧，这是他在职业生涯中学会很好地识别的恐惧。他几乎要问内尔森怎么了，但突然意识到：这个人担心这些指示都是徒劳的，担心霍尔斯顿会像谷仓里所有人对所有囚犯的恐惧一样走出去——不去履行他的职责。不去为那些杀害他的人清理残局。或者内尔森担心的是，他和同事们利用那些在起义之前就流传下来的秘密和技术建造的昂贵而费力的设备会消失，毫无用处地腐烂？

“You okay?” Nelson asked. “Anything too tight?”

“你还好吗？”内森问道。“有什么地方不舒服吗？”

Holston glanced around the airlock. My life is too tight, he wanted to say. My skin is too tight. The walls are too tight.

霍尔斯顿环顾了一下气闸室。他想要说，我的生活太紧了，我的皮肤太紧了，墙壁也太紧了。

He just shook his head.

他只是摇了摇头。

“I’m ready,” he whispered.

他低声说：“我准备好了。”

It was the truth. Holston was oddly and truly very much ready to go.

那是事实。霍尔斯顿很奇怪地、确实非常准备好出发。

And he remembered, suddenly, how ready his wife had been as well.

他突然想起，妻子也同样准备好了。

5

Three Years Earlier

三年前

“I want to go out. I want to go out. Iwanttogoout.”

我想出去。我想出去。Iwanttogoout。

Holston arrived at the cafeteria in a sprint. His radio was still squawking, Deputy Marnes yelling something about Allison. Holston hadn’t even taken the time to respond, had just bolted up three flights of stairs toward the scene.

霍尔斯顿冲进自助餐厅。他的无线电还在发出响声，副警长马恩斯在喊着关于艾莉森的什么。霍尔斯顿甚至没有停下来回应，直接冲上三层楼去现场。

“What’s going on?” he asked. He swam through the crowd by the door and found his wife writhing on the cafeteria floor, held down by Connor and two other food staff employees. “Let her go!” He slapped their hands off his wife’s shins and nearly got one of her boots to his chin. “Settle down,” he said. He reached for her wrists, which were twisting this way and that to get out of the desperate grips of grown men. “Baby, what the hell is going on?”

他问道：“怎么回事？”他穿过门口的人群，发现妻子正蜷缩在自助餐厅的地板上，被康纳和另外两名餐厅员工按住。“放开她！”他打掉了他们放在妻子小腿上的手，差点让一个鞋跟碰到自己的下巴。“冷静点，”他说。他伸手抓住她的手腕，手腕在成年男子的拼命钳制下扭来扭去。“宝贝，到底发生了什么事？”

“She was running for the airlock,” Conner said through grunts of exertion. Percy corralled her kicking feet, and Holston didn’t stop him. He saw now why three men were needed. He leaned close to Allison, making sure she saw him. Her eyes were wild, peeking through a curtain of disheveled hair.

她正朝气闸跑去，康纳一边喘着粗气说道。珀西控制住了她踢腾的双脚，霍尔顿没有阻止他。他明白了为什么需要三个人。他凑近艾莉森，确保她看到自己。她的眼睛里充满了狂乱，透过蓬乱的头发偷偷地望着他。

“Allison, baby, you’ve gotta settle down.”

艾莉森，宝贝，你得冷静下来。

“I want to go out. I want to go out.”

我想出去。我想出去。

Her voice had quieted, but the words kept tumbling out.

她的声音已经平静下来，但话语却不断涌出。

“Don’t say that,” Holston told her. Chills ran through his body at the sound of the grave utterances. He held her cheeks. “Baby, don’t say that!”

“别这么说，”霍尔斯顿告诉她。听到那沉重的话语，他浑身颤抖。他握住她的脸颊。“宝贝，别这么说！”

But some part of him knew, in a jolting flash, what it meant. He knew it was too late. The others had heard. Everyone had heard. His wife had signed her death certificate, and right before him. The room spun around Holston as he begged Allison to be quiet. It was like he had arrived at the scene of some horrible accident—some mishap in the machine shop—to find a person he loved wounded. Arrived to find them alive and kicking, but knowing at a glance that the injury was a mortal one.

但他的一部分意识，在瞬间的闪光中，明白了它的含义。他知道，为时已晚。其他人已经听到了。每个人都听到了。他的妻子在她面前签署了死亡证明。房间在霍尔斯顿周围旋转，他恳求艾莉森安静。这就像他到达了某种可怕事故现场——车间里发生的一些事故——发现他爱的人受伤了。到达现场发现他们活着，踢踏着，但一眼就看出伤势是致命的。

Holston felt warm tears streak down his cheeks as he tried to wipe the hair from her face. Her eyes finally met his, stopped their fevered swirling and locked onto his with awareness. And for a moment, just a second, before he could wonder if she’d been drugged or abused in any way, a spark of calm clarity registered there, a flash of sanity, of cool calculation. And then it was blinked away and her eyes went wild again as she begged to be let out, over and over.

霍尔斯顿感到热泪顺着他的脸颊流淌，他试图擦去她脸上的头发。她的眼睛终于与他的相遇，停止了狂乱的旋转，带着意识锁定了他的眼睛。那一刻，仅仅一秒钟，在他还没来得及怀疑她是否被下了药或遭受过任何虐待之前，那双眼睛里闪过一丝冷静的清晰，一丝清醒，一丝冷静的计算。然后，这光芒消失了，她的眼睛再次变得狂乱，一遍又一遍地乞求被释放。

“Lift her up,” Holston said. His husband eyes swam behind tears while he allowed his dutiful, sheriff-self to intervene. There was nothing for it but to lock her up, even as he wanted nothing else but room enough to scream. “That way,” he told Connor, who had both hands under her twisting shoulders. He nodded toward his office and the holding cell beyond. Just past that, down at the end of the hall, the bright yellow paint on the great airlock door stood out, serene and menacing, silent and waiting.

“把她抬起来，”霍尔斯顿说。他丈夫的眼眶里含着泪水，他任由自己尽职的警长身份介入。除了把她关起来，别无他法，即使他只想有足够的空间大喊大叫。“那边，”他对康纳说，康纳的两只手都放在她扭曲的肩膀下。他朝自己的办公室和身后的拘留室点了点头。就在那之后，走廊尽头，巨大的气闸门上鲜艳的黄色油漆显得格外醒目，宁静而凶险，沉默而等待。

Once in the holding cell, Allison immediately calmed. She sat on the bench, no longer struggling or blabbering, as if she’d only stopped in to rest and enjoy the view. Holston was now the writhing wreck. He paced outside the bars and asked unanswered questions while Deputy Marnes and the Mayor handled his procedural work. The two of them were treating Holston and his wife both like patients. And even as Holston’s mind spun with the horror of the past half hour, in the back of his sheriff brain, where he was always alert for the rising tensions in the silo, that part of him was dimly aware of the shock and rumors trembling through walls of concrete and rebar. The enormous pent-up pressure of the place was now hissing through the seams in whispers.

押解室里，艾莉森立刻平静下来。她坐在长椅上，不再挣扎或胡言乱语，仿佛只是进来休息，欣赏风景。霍尔斯顿现在却成了一个翻腾的废墟。他踱步在栏杆外，问着无人回答的问题，而马恩斯副警长和市长则处理他的程序性工作。他们两人都把霍尔斯顿和他妻子当作病人对待。即使霍尔斯顿的脑海里还在回荡着过去半个小时的恐惧，在他警长的头脑深处，他总是警惕着粮仓里日益紧张的气氛，而他大脑的那一部分则模糊地意识到冲击和谣言正在通过混凝土和钢筋的墙壁颤抖。这座巨大的积压压力现在正以耳语的形式从缝隙中发出嘶嘶声。

“Sweetheart, you’ve gotta talk to me,” he pleaded again and again. He stopped his pacing and twisted the bars in his hands. Allison kept her back to him. She gazed at the wall screen, at the brown hills and gray sky and dark clouds. Now and then a hand came up to brush hair out of her face, but otherwise she didn’t move or speak. Only when Holston’s key had gone into the lock, not long after they had wrestled her in and shut the door, did she utter a single “don’t” that had convinced him to remove it.

“亲爱的，你必须跟我说话，”他一遍又一遍地恳求。他停下了踱步，双手拧着栏杆。艾莉森背对着他。她盯着墙上的屏幕，看着褐色的山丘、灰色的天空和乌云密布。偶尔，一只手会抬起，拂去她脸上的头发，但除此之外，她一动不动，也不说话。直到霍尔顿的钥匙插入锁孔，在他们把她强行带进来并关上门不久之后，她才说出了一个字“别”，这让他相信自己应该把钥匙拔出来。

While he pleaded and she ignored, the machinations of the looming cleaning gyred through the silo. Techs rumbled down the hallway as a suit was sized and readied. Cleaning tools were prepped in the airlock. A canister hissed somewhere as argon was loaded into the flushing chambers. The commotion of it sporadically rumbled past the holding cell where Holston stood gazing at his wife. Chattering techs went dreadfully silent as they squeezed past—they didn’t even seem to breathe in his presence.

他恳求，她却置之不理，即将到来的清洗作业在筒仓中运作。技师们在走廊里轰鸣而过，为宇航服进行尺寸测量和准备。清洗工具在气闸室里准备就绪。某个罐体发出嘶嘶声，氩气正在装入冲洗室。这动静时不时地从霍尔顿站在拘留室里凝视着妻子的地方传来。嘈杂的技师们在他面前走过时，可怕地安静下来——他们似乎在他面前连呼吸都不敢。

Hours went by and Allison refused to talk—a behavior that created its own stir in the silo. Holston spent the entire day blubbering through the bars, his brain on fire with confusion and agony. It had happened in a single moment, the destruction of all that he knew. He tried to wrap his brain around it while Allison sat in the cell, gazing out at the dismal land, seemingly pleased with her far worse status as someone doomed.

几个小时过去了，艾莉森拒绝说话——这种行为在谷仓里引起了不小的骚动。霍尔斯顿整天都在铁栏杆旁哭泣，他的大脑被困惑和痛苦烧得通红。这一切都发生在一瞬间，他所知道的一切都被摧毁了。他试图理解这一切，而艾莉森则坐在牢房里，望着那片凄凉的土地，似乎对自己的厄运，对这种更糟糕的地位感到满意。

It was after dark when she finally spoke, after her last meal had been silently refused for the final time, after the techs had finished in the airlock, closing the yellow door and retiring for a sleepless night. It was after his deputy had gone for the night, patting Holston on the shoulder twice. What felt like many hours after that, when Holston was near to passing out in fatigue from his crying and hoarse remonstrations, long after the hazy sun had settled over the hills visible from the cafeteria and lounge—the hills that hid the rest of that distant, crumbling city. In the near-dark left in the holding cell, Allison whispered something almost inaudible:

夜幕降临，她终于开口说话，此前她最后一次的进餐请求无声地被拒绝，技术人员已在气闸室完成工作，关上黄色的门，准备度过一个不眠之夜。在她副官离开，拍了两下霍尔顿的肩膀之后，似乎过了很久，霍尔顿因哭泣和嘶哑的抗议而疲惫不堪，几乎要昏厥过去。在食堂和休息室能看到朦胧的太阳落山后很久很久——那座遥远、破败的城市隐藏在那些山峦之后。在拘留室近乎黑暗的角落里，艾莉森低声说了些什么几乎听不见的话：

“It’s not real.”

这不是真的。

That’s what Holston thought he heard. He stirred.

霍尔斯顿心想他听到了那声音。他动了动。

“Baby?” He gripped the bars and pulled himself up to his knees. “Honey,” he whispered, wiping the crust from his cheeks.

“宝贝？”他抓住栏杆，把自己拉到膝盖。 “亲爱的，”他低声说，擦去脸上的面包屑。

She turned. It was like the sun changing its mind and rising back over the hills. To acknowledge him gave him hope. It choked him up, causing him think this had all been a sickness, a fever, something they could have Doc write up to excuse her for everything she’d uttered. She’d never meant it. She was saved just by snapping out of it, and Holston was saved just by seeing her turn to him.

她转过身。就像太阳改变主意，再次升起在山丘上。承认他给了他希望。这哽咽了他，让他觉得这一切都只是一场病，一场发烧，他们可以请医生写一份病历来为她说过的一切开脱。她从没想过要那样说。她只是突然清醒过来就获救了，而霍尔斯顿只是看到她转向他，也获救了。

“Nothing you see is real,” she said quietly. She seemed calm of body even as her craziness continued, condemning her with forbidden words.

你看到的都不是真实的，”她轻声说道。她看起来身体平静，即使她的疯狂仍在继续，用禁忌的言语谴责着她。

“Come talk to me,” Holston said. He waved her to the bars.

“跟我谈谈，”霍尔斯顿说。他挥手让她到栏杆那儿去。

Allison shook her head. She patted the cot’s thin mattress beside her.

艾莉森摇了摇头。她拍拍她身旁床铺的薄垫子。

Holston checked the time. It was long past visiting hours. He could be sent to cleaning just for doing what he was about to do.

霍尔斯顿看了看时间。探视时间早就过了。他可能会因为即将做的事情被送去打扫。

The key went into the lock without hesitation.

钥匙毫不犹豫地插进了锁孔。

A metallic click rang out impossibly loud.

金属的咔哒声响得不可思议。

Holston stepped inside with his wife and sat beside her. It killed him to not touch her, to not wrap her up or drag her out to some safe place, back to their bed where they could pretend it had all been a bad dream.

霍尔斯顿和妻子一起走了进去，坐在她身边。他无法忍受不能碰她，不能把她搂在怀里，不能把她带到安全的地方，带回他们的床上，假装这一切都只是一场噩梦。

But he didn’t dare move. He sat and twisted his hands together while she whispered:

但他不敢动。他坐着，双手绞在一起，她低声说：

“It doesn’t have to be real. Any of this. None of this.” She looked to the screen. Holston leaned so close he could smell the dried sweat from the day’s struggle.

它不必是真的。这些东西中任何一个。这些东西中任何一个都不必是真的。她看着屏幕。霍尔斯顿凑得非常近，能闻到他一天的搏斗中留下的汗味。

“Baby, what’s going on?”

宝贝，发生什么事了？

Her hair stirred with his words. She reached out and rubbed the darkening display, feeling the pixels.

他的话语撩动着她的头发。她伸出手，揉搓着变暗的显示屏，感受着像素。

“It could be morning right now and we’d never know. There could be people outside.” She turned and looked at him. “They could be watching us,” she said with a sinister grin.

现在可能是早上，我们永远不知道。外面可能有人。她转过身看着他。“他们可能正在看着我们，”她带着邪恶的笑容说道。

Holston held her gaze. She didn’t seem crazy at all, not like earlier. Her words were crazy, but she didn’t seem to be. “Where did you get that idea?” he asked. He thought he knew, but he asked anyway. “Did you find something on the hard drives?” He’d heard that she had run straight from her lab toward the airlock, already barking her madness. Something had happened while she was at work. “What did you find?”

霍尔斯顿凝视着她的眼睛。她一点也不显得疯狂，不像之前那样。她的话很疯狂，但她本人却似乎没有。 “你从哪里得到这个想法？”他问道。他觉得他知道，但他还是问了。“你在硬盘上找到什么了吗？”他听说她直接从实验室跑向气闸，已经开始咆哮她的疯狂。她在工作时发生了什么。“你发现了什么？”

“There’s more deleted than just from the uprising,” she whispered. “Of course there would be. Everything is deleted. All the recent stuff, too.” She laughed. Her voice got suddenly loud and her eyes lost focus. “Emails you never sent me, I bet!”

“被删除的不只是起义期间的，”她低声说。“当然会有。所有东西都被删除了。最近的那些也一样。”她笑了。她的声音突然变大，眼睛也失去了焦点。“你从未发给我的邮件，我敢打赌！”

“Honey.” Holston dared to reach for her hands, and she didn’t pull away. He held them. “What did you find? Was it an email? Who was it from?”

“亲爱的。”霍尔斯顿鼓起勇气去抓住她的手，她没有躲开。他握住了她的手。“你发现了什么？是邮件吗？是谁寄来的？”

She shook her head. “No. I found the programs they use. The ones that make pictures on the screens that look so real.” She looked back to the quickening dusk. “IT,” she said. “Eye. Tee. They’re the ones. They know. It’s a secret that only they know.” She shook her head.

她摇了摇头。“不。我找到了他们使用的程序。那些让屏幕上的图片看起来如此真实的程序。”她又看向迅速暗下来的暮色。“IT，”她说。“艾。蒂。是他们。他们知道。这只有他们知道。”她摇了摇头。

“What secret?” Holston couldn’t tell if this was nonsense or important. He only knew that she was talking.

“什么秘密？”霍尔斯顿不知道这是胡说八道还是重要的事情。他只知道她在说话。

“But now I know. And you will too. I’ll come back for you, I swear. This’ll be different. We’ll break the cycle, you and me. I’ll come back and we’ll go over that hill together.” She laughed. “If it’s there,” she said loudly. “If that hill is there and it’s green, we’ll go over it together.”

但我现在知道了。你也一样会知道。我发誓会回来找你。这次会不一样。我们会打破这个循环，你和我。我会回来，我们一起翻过那座山。她笑了。“如果它在那里，”她大声说道。“如果那座山在那里，而且是绿色的，我们会一起翻过去。”

She turned to him.

她转向了他。

“There is no uprising, not really, there’s just a gradual leak. Just the people who know, who want out.” She smiled. “They get to go out,” she said. “They get just what they ask for. I know why they clean, why they say they won’t but why they do. I know. I know. And they never come back, they wait and wait and wait, but I won’t. I’ll come right back. This’ll be different.”

没有起义，真的没有，只是一点点慢慢渗漏。只是那些知道的人，那些想出去的人。她笑了。“他们能出去，”她说。“他们得到他们想要的。”我知道他们为什么打扫，为什么说他们不会，但为什么他们却做了。我知道。我知道。他们永远不会回来，他们等啊等啊等，但我不会。我会马上回来。这将是不同的。

Holston squeezed her hands. Tears were dripping off his cheeks. “Baby, why are you doing this?” He felt like she wanted to explain herself now that the silo was dark and they were all alone.

霍尔斯顿攥紧了双手。眼泪从他的脸上滴落。“宝贝，你为什么这么做？”他感觉她现在想解释了，因为谷仓里一片漆黑，他们都孤身一人。

“I know about the uprisings,” she said.

她说道：“我知道那些起义。”

Holston nodded. “I know. You told me. There were others—”

霍尔斯顿点了点头。“我知道。你告诉过我。还有其他人—”

“No.” Allison pulled away from him, but it was only to make space so she could look him in the eyes. Hers were no longer wild, as before.

“不。”艾莉森从他身边退开，但只是为了给他腾出空间，好看着他眼睛。她的眼神不再像以前那样狂野。

“Holston, I know why the uprisings took place. I know why.”

霍尔斯顿，我知道起义发生的原因。我知道。

Allison bit her lower lip. Holston waited, his body tense.

艾莉森咬了咬下嘴唇。霍尔斯顿等着，身体绷紧。

“It was always over the doubt, the suspicion, that things weren’t as bad out there as they seemed. You’ve felt that, right? That we could be anywhere, living a lie?”

总是在怀疑、猜忌中，事情并没有看起来那么糟糕。你感觉到了吗？我们可以在任何地方，活在谎言里？

Holston knew better than to answer, to even twitch. Broaching this subject led to cleaning. He sat frozen and waited.

霍尔斯顿知道不该回答，甚至不该动一下。提起这个话题会导致清理。他僵直地坐着，等待着。

“It was probably the younger generations,” Allison said. “Every twenty years or so. They wanted to push further, to explore, I think. Don’t you ever feel that urge? Didn’t you when you were younger?” Her eyes lost focus. “Or maybe it was the couples, newly married, who were driven to madness when they were told they couldn’t have kids in this damned, limited place. Maybe they were willing to risk everything for that chance—”

“大概还是年轻一代，”艾莉森说。“每隔二十年左右。我想他们想更进一步，去探索。你难道从来没想过这种冲动吗？年轻的时候没有吗？” 她的眼神失去了焦点。“或者，可能是那些新婚夫妇，当他们被告知在这个该死的、有限的地方不能生育时，被逼疯了。也许他们愿意为那个机会冒一切风险——”

Her eyes focused on something far away. Perhaps she was seeing that lottery ticket they had yet to redeem and now never would. She looked back to Holston. He wondered if he could be sent to cleaning even for his silence, for not yelling her down as she uttered every one of the great forbidden words.

她的目光聚焦在远方。也许她看到了那张彩票，他们还没兑奖，现在永远也不会了。她回过头看着霍尔斯顿。他想知道自己是否会被派去打扫，甚至因为他的沉默，因为在她说出每一个禁忌词时他没有大声阻止她。

“It could even have been the elderly residents,” she said, “cooped up too long, no longer afraid in their final years, maybe wanting to move out and make room for the others, for the few precious grandchildren. Whoever it was, whoever, every uprising took place because of this doubt, this feeling, that we’re in the bad place right here.” She looked around the cell.

“它甚至可能是那些上了年纪的居民，”她说，“关得太久了，晚年不再害怕，也许想搬出去腾出空间给其他人，给那些珍贵的孙辈。无论是谁，无论是谁，每一次反抗都是因为这种怀疑，这种感觉，我们现在身处不祥之地。”她环顾了一下牢房。

“You can’t say that,” Holston whispered. “That’s the great offense—”

“你不能这么说，”霍尔斯顿低声说。“那是严重的冒犯——”

Allison nodded. “Expressing any desire to leave. Yes. The great offense. Don’t you see why? Why is that so forbidden? Because all the uprisings started with that desire, that’s why.”

艾莉森点了点头。“表达任何离开的愿望。是的。巨大的冒犯。你不明白为什么吗？为什么那样被禁止？因为所有的起义都是从那个愿望开始的，所以。”

“You get what you ask for,” Holston recited, those words drilled into his head since youth. His parents had warned him—their only precious child—to never want out of the silo. Never even think it. Don’t let it cross your mind. It was instant death, that thought, and it would be the destruction of their one and only.

你得到你想要的，”霍尔斯顿背诵道，这些话从他年轻时就刻在他的脑海里。他的父母警告过他——他们唯一的宝贝——永远不要想离开谷仓。甚至不要去想。不要让它出现在你的脑海里。这个想法就是瞬间死亡，它会摧毁他们唯一的亲人。

He looked back to his wife. He still didn’t understand her madness, this decision. So she had found deleted programs that could make worlds on computer screens look real. What did that mean? Why do this?

他回头看着妻子。他仍然不明白她的疯狂，这个决定。原来她找到了可以使电脑屏幕上的世界看起来真实的删除程序。那意味着什么？为什么要这样做？

“Why?” he asked her. “Why do it this way? Why didn’t you come to me? There has to be a better way to find out what’s going on. We could start by telling people what you’re finding on those drives—”

他问她：“为什么？”“为什么这么做？为什么你不来找我？一定有更好的办法找出发生了什么。我们可以先告诉大家你在那些驱动器上发现了什么——”

“And be the ones who start the next great uprising?” Allison laughed. Some of the madness was still there, or maybe it was just an intense frustration and boiling anger. Perhaps a great, multi-generational betrayal had pushed her to the edge. “No thanks,” she said, her laughter subsiding. “I wiped everything I found. I don’t want them to know. Damn them if they stay here. I’m only coming back for you.”

“然后成为引发下一次大起义的人吗？”艾莉森笑了。一些疯狂依然存在，或者这仅仅是强烈的挫败感和沸腾的愤怒。也许是一场跨代的背叛把她逼到了绝境。“不用了，”她说，笑声渐渐平息。“我删除了我找到的一切。我不想让他们知道。如果他们留在这里，该死他们。我只回来找你。”

“You don’t come back from this,” Holston said angrily. “You think the banished are still out there? You think they choose to not come back because they feel betrayed by us?”

霍尔斯顿生气地说：“你不会从这里回来。”“你认为被放逐的人还在外面？你认为他们选择不回来是因为他们觉得我们背叛了他们？”

“Why do you think they do the cleaning?” Allison asked. “Why do they pick up their wool and set to work without hesitation?”

艾莉森问道：“你认为他们为什么要做清洁工作？”“为什么他们毫不犹豫地拾起羊毛开始工作？”

Holston sighed. He felt the anger in him draining away. “No one knows why,” he said.

霍尔斯顿叹了口气。他感到心中的怒火正在消退。“没人知道为什么，”他说。

“But why do you think?”

但是你为什么这么想？

“We’ve talked about this,” he said. “How many times have we discussed this?” He was sure all couples whispered their theories when they were alone. He looked past Allison as he remembered those times. He looked to the wall and saw the moon’s position and read in it the night’s hour. Their time was limited. His wife would be gone tomorrow. That simple thought came often like lightning from stormy clouds.

我们谈过这件事，”他说。“我们讨论过多少次了？”他确信所有情侣在独处时都会窃窃私语他们的理论。他看着艾莉森，回忆起那些时刻。他看着墙，看到了月亮的位置，从中读出了夜晚的时辰。他们的时间有限。明天下午他的妻子就要走了。这个简单的想法像暴风雨中的闪电一样经常出现。

“Everyone has theories,” he said. “We’ve shared ours countless times. Let’s just—”

“每个人都有自己的理论，”他说。“我们已经无数次地分享过了。让我们——”

“But now you know something new,” Allison told him. She let go of his hand and brushed the hair from her face. “You and I know something new, and now it all makes sense. It makes perfect sense. And tomorrow I’ll know for sure.” Allison smiled. She patted Holston’s hand as if he were a child. “And one day, my love, you will know it, too.”

“但现在你知道一些新东西了，”艾莉森告诉他。她放开了他的手，拨弄了一下头发。“你和我知道一些新东西，现在一切都有意义了。完全说得通。而且明天我就能确定了。”艾莉森笑了。她拍着霍尔斯顿的手，就像他是个孩子。“有一天，我的爱人，你也将会知道。”

6

Present Time

现在

The first year without her, Holston had waited, buying into her insanity, hoping she’d come back. He’d spent the first anniversary of her death scrubbing the holding cell clean, washing the yellow airlock door, straining for some sound, some knock, that the ghost of his wife was back to set him free.

霍尔斯顿在她离开的第一年，一直等待着，相信她的疯狂，希望她回来。他度过了她去世一周年纪念日，清洗着拘留室，擦洗着黄色的气闸门，努力寻找一些声音，一些敲门声，希望他妻子的鬼魂回来把他释放。

When it didn’t happen, he began to consider the alternative: Going out after her. He had spent enough days, weeks, months going through her computer files, reading some of what she had pieced together, making sense of half of it, to become half mad himself. His world was a lie, he came to believe, and without Allison in it he had nothing to live for even if it were truth.

当事情没有发生时，他开始考虑另一种选择：在她之后出去。他已经花了很多天、星期、几个月来浏览她的电脑文件，阅读她拼凑的一些内容，理解其中一半，自己也变得半疯。他开始相信，他的世界是一个谎言，如果没有艾莉森，即使那是真相，他也没有活下去的理由。

The second anniversary of her departure was his year of cowardice. He had walked to work, the poisonous words in his mouth—his desire to go out—but he had choked them down at the last second. He and Deputy Marnes had gone on patrol that day with the secret of how near he’d come to death burning inside of him. That was a long year of cowardice, of letting Allison down. The first year had been her failure; last year had been his. But no more.

她离世两周年，是他懦弱的一年。他步行上班，嘴里充满了毒辣的言语——他渴望出去——但在最后一秒咽了下去。他和马恩斯副警长那天巡逻，心中燃烧着差点丧命的秘密。那是一年懦弱的时光，是让艾莉森失望的一年。第一年是她失败；去年是他失败。但不会再这样了。

Now, one more year later, he was alone in the airlock, wearing a cleaning suit, full of doubts and convictions. The silo was sealed off behind him, that thick yellow door bolted tight, and Holston thought that this was not how he’d thought he’d die, or what he had hoped would become of him. He had thought he would remain in the silo forever, his nutrients going as the nutrients of his parents had—into the soil of the eighth floor dirt farm. It seemed a lifetime ago that he had dreamed of a family, of his own child, a fantasy of twins or another lottery win, a wife to grow old with—

现在，一年后，他独自一人站在气闸室里，穿着清洁服，心中充满了疑惑和信念。身后的筒仓被封死，那扇厚重的黄色门紧紧锁上，霍尔斯顿心想，这绝不是他想象中的死法，也不是他希望的结局。他曾以为自己会永远待在筒仓里，他的营养就像他父母的营养一样，流入第八层泥土农场的地里。他梦想着拥有一个家庭，一个自己的孩子，幻想着一对双胞胎或一次彩票大奖，一个可以一起变老的妻子，这一切仿佛发生在很久以前。

A klaxon sounded on the other side of the yellow doors, warning everyone but him away. He was to stay. There was nowhere else for him to go.

黄门对面响起警报器，警告所有人离开，唯独他例外。他必须留下。他别无去路。

The argon chambers hissed, pumping the room full of the inert gas. After a minute of this, Holston could feel the pressure of the air as it crinkled the cleaning suit tight around his joints. He breathed the oxygen circulating inside his helmet and stood before the other door, the forbidden door, the one to the awful outside world, and waited.

氩气室发出嘶嘶声，将惰性气体泵入房间。过了一分钟，霍尔斯顿感觉到空气压力使清洁服紧紧地裹住他的关节。他呼吸着头盔内循环的氧气，站在另一扇门前，那扇被禁止的门，通往可怕的外部世界，等待着。

There was a metal groan from pistons deep within the walls. The sacrificial plastic curtains covering the interior of the airlock wrinkled from the pressure of the built up argon. These curtains would be incinerated inside the airlock while Holston cleaned. The area would be scrubbed clean before nightfall, ready for the next cleaning.

墙壁深处活塞发出金属的呻吟声。充盈氩气的压力使气闸内部的祭祀塑料帘子起皱。这些帘子会在霍尔斯顿清理时在气闸内焚烧。在夜幕降临前，该区域将被彻底清洗干净，准备迎接下一轮清洁。

The great metal doors before him shuddered, and then a shaft of incredible space appeared at their joint, widening as the doors withdrew into the jamb. They wouldn’t open all the way, not like they were once designed to—the risk of invading air had to be minimized.

他面前巨大的金属门颤抖了一下，然后，在它们连接处出现了一道不可思议的空隙，随着门向门框内缩进，空隙也越来越大。它们不会完全打开，不像以前的设计那样——必须将入侵空气的风险降到最低。

An argon torrent hissed through the gap, dulling to a roar as the space grew. Holston pressed close, as horrified at himself for not resisting as he’d previously been perplexed by the actions of others. Better to go out, to see the world one time with his own eyes, than to be burned alive with the plastic curtains.

一股氩气从缝隙中嘶嘶作响，随着空间的扩大，声音逐渐变为低沉的咆哮。霍尔斯顿紧紧贴近，对自己的不反抗感到恐惧，就像以前对别人的行为感到困惑一样。与其被塑料窗帘活活烧死，不如出去看看世界。

As soon as the opening was wide enough, Holston squeezed through, his suit catching and rubbing at the doors. There was a veil of fog all around him as the argon condensed in the less pressurized air. He stumbled forward blindly, pawing through the soft cloud.

霍尔斯顿一挤进足够宽的开口，他的衣服就卡住了，在门上摩擦。周围弥漫着薄雾，因为氩气在压力较低的空气中凝结。他摸索着向前，在柔软的云雾中摸索着前进。

While still in that mist, the outer doors groaned and began closing. The klaxon howls behind were swallowed by the press of thick steel against thick steel, locking him out forever while cleansing fires began to rage inside the airlock.

雾中，外门发出呻吟声，开始关闭。身后的警报声被厚钢与厚钢的挤压所吞噬，永远将他锁在外面，而净化火焰则开始在气闸内肆虐。

Holston found himself at the bottom of a concrete ramp, a ramp that led up. His time felt short—there was a constant reminder thrumming in the back of his skull—hurry! Hurry! His life was ticking away. He lumbered up the ramp, confused to not already be above ground, so used as he was to seeing the world and the horizon from the cafeteria and lounge, which were on the same level as the airlock.

霍尔斯顿发现自己站在混凝土坡道的底部，一个通往上面的坡道。时间感觉很紧迫——他后脑勺不断传来嗡嗡作响的提醒——快点！快点！他的生命正在流逝。他蹒跚地爬上坡道，感到困惑的是自己还没有到达地面，因为他习惯了从自助餐厅和休息室看到世界和地平线，这些地方与气闸处于同一水平。

He shuffled up the narrow ramp, walls of chipped concrete to either side, his visor full of a confusing, brilliant light. At the top of the ramp, Holston saw the heaven into which he’d been condemned for his simple sin of hope. He whirled around, scanning the horizon, his head dizzy from the sight of so much green!

他沿着狭窄的斜坡走，两侧是剥落的混凝土墙，他的护目镜里充满了令人困惑的明亮光线。到达斜坡顶部，霍尔斯顿看到了他因简单的希望罪而被判入地狱的天堂。他转过身，扫描着地平线，头晕目眩地望着如此多的绿色！

Green hills, green grass, green carpet beneath his feet. Holston whooped in his helmet. His mind buzzed with the sight. Hanging over all the green, there was the exact hue of blue from the children’s books, the white clouds untainted, the movement of living things flapping in the air.

绿色的山丘，绿色的草地，绿毯铺在他的脚下。霍尔斯顿在他的头盔里欢呼。他的脑海里充满了这景象。笼罩在绿色之上的是儿童读物中那确切的蓝色，纯洁的白云，空中活物扑闪的景象。

Holston turned around and around, taking it in. He had a sudden memory of his wife doing the same; he had watched her awkwardly, slowly turning, almost as if she were lost or confused or considering whether to do the cleaning at all.

霍尔斯顿转来转去，仔细观察着。他突然想起妻子也做过同样的事；他曾看着她笨拙地、慢慢地转动，几乎就像她迷失了方向，或者感到困惑，或者正在考虑是否要进行清洁一样。

The cleaning!

打扫！

Holston reached down and pulled a wool pad from his chest. The cleaning! He knew, in a dizzying rush, a torrent of awareness, why, why. Why!

霍尔斯顿伸手从胸前扯下一块羊毛垫。这清洁！他突然意识到，一股意识的洪流涌来，为什么，为什么。为什么！

He looked where he always assumed the tall circular wall of the uppermost silo floor would be, but of course that wall was buried. All that stood behind him was a small mound of concrete, a tower no more than eight or nine feet tall. A metal ladder ran up one side; antenna bristled from the top. And on the side facing him—on all the sides he saw as he approached—were the wide, curving, fisheye lenses of the silo’s powerful cameras.

他看了看他一直以为是最高层筒仓地板上高大的圆形墙壁的地方，但当然那堵墙被埋了。在他身后只有一堆小混凝土，一座不超过八九英尺高的塔。金属梯子沿着一边向上延伸；天线从顶部伸出。在他面前的侧面——在他走近时看到的每一个侧面——都是筒仓强大摄像机的宽阔、弯曲的鱼眼镜头。

Holston held out his wool and approached the first. He imagined the view of himself from inside the cafeteria, staggering forward, becoming impossibly large. He had watched his wife do the same thing three years ago. He remembered her waving, he had thought at the time for balance, but had she been telling him something? Had she been grinning like a fool, as wide as he was grinning now, while she remained hidden behind that silver visor? Had her heart been pounding with foolish hope while she sprayed, scrubbed, wiped, applied? Holston knew the cafeteria would be empty; there was no one left who loved him enough to watch, but he waved anyway. And for him, it wasn’t the raw anger he imagined many might have cleaned with, it wasn’t the knowledge that they in the silo were condemned and the condemned set free, it wasn’t the feeling of betrayal that guided the wool in his hand in small, circular motions. It was pity. It was raw pity and unconstrained joy.

霍尔斯顿伸出羊毛，走向第一个。他想象着自己从自助餐厅里看到的景象，踉踉跄跄地向前，变得无比巨大。三年前，他看到妻子做过同样的事情。他记得她挥着手，当时他以为是为了保持平衡，但她是在告诉他什么吗？她是否像现在这样傻笑着，笑得和他一样灿烂，而她却隐藏在银色护目镜后面？她喷洒、擦洗、擦拭、涂抹时，她的内心是否充满了愚蠢的希望，心脏怦怦直跳？霍尔斯顿知道自助餐厅会空无一人；再也没有人爱他到足以观看，但他还是挥了挥手。对他来说，这并不是他想象中许多人用愤怒清洗的东西，这不是他们被囚禁在粮仓里，而被囚禁的人获得自由的知识，这不是背叛感引导着他手中羊毛做的小圆圈运动。那是怜悯。那是赤裸裸的怜悯和不受约束的喜悦。

The world blurred, but in a good way, as tears came to Holston’s eyes. His wife had been right: The view from inside was a lie. The hills were the same—he’d recognize them at a glance after so many years of living with them—but the colors were all wrong. The screens inside the silo, the programs his wife had found, they somehow made the vibrant greens look gray, they somehow removed all signs of life. Extraordinary life!

世界变得模糊，但感觉很好，霍尔斯顿的眼泪涌了出来。他妻子是对的：从里面看风景是假的。山丘还是那些山丘——经过这么多年与它们为伴，一眼就能认出来——但颜色全错了。筒仓里的屏幕，他妻子找到的程序，不知怎么地让鲜艳的绿色看起来是灰色的，不知怎么地抹去了所有生命迹象。非凡的生命！

Holston polished the grime off the camera lens and wondered if the gradual blurring was even real. The grime certainly was. He saw it as he rubbed it away. But was it simple dirt, rather than some toxic, airborne grime? Could the program Allison discovered only modify what was already seen? Holston’s mind spun with so many new facts and ideas. He was like an adult child, borne into a wide world, so much to piece together all at once that his head throbbed.

霍尔斯顿擦掉了相机镜头上的污垢，并想知道逐渐的模糊感是否真实。污垢肯定是真实的。他擦拭时看到了它。但这只是普通的灰尘，还是某种有毒的空气中的污垢？艾莉森发现的程序只能修改已经看到的东西吗？霍尔斯顿的思绪随着如此多的新事实和想法而旋转。他就像一个成年孩子，被带入一个广阔的世界，一下子要拼凑出这么多东西，以至于他的头都痛了。

The blur is real, he decided, as he cleaned the last of the smear from the second lens. It was an overlay, like the false grays and browns the program must use to hide that green field and this blue sky dotted with puffy white. They were hiding from them a world so beautiful, Holston had to concentrate to not just stand still and gape at it.

模糊是真的，他决定，当他擦掉第二个镜头上最后的污迹时。那是一个叠加层，就像程序用来隐藏那片绿色田野和这片点缀着蓬松白云的蓝色天空的虚假的灰色和棕色一样。他们正在隐藏一个如此美丽的景象，霍尔斯顿不得不集中注意力，才不至于只是站在那里，张着嘴看着它。

He worked on the second of the four cameras and thought about those untrue walls beneath him, taking what they saw and modifying it. He wondered how many people in the silo knew. Any of them? What kind of fanatical devotion would it take to maintain this depressing illusion? Or was this a secret from before the last uprising? Was it an unknown lie perpetuated through the generations—a fibbing set of programs that continued to hum away on the silo computers with nobody aware? Because, if someone knew, if they could show anything, why not something nice?

他研究了四台摄像机中的第二台，并思考着脚下那些虚假的墙壁，吸收它们所看到的东西并加以修改。他想知道有多少人知道这个筒仓里的秘密。他们中任何一个人知道吗？维持这种令人沮丧的幻觉需要什么样的狂热奉献？或者，这是否是从上次起义之前就存在的秘密？这是否是一个通过几代人延续下来的未知谎言——一个在筒仓电脑上持续运行的，没有人意识到的谎言程序集？因为，如果有人知道，如果他们能展示任何东西，为什么不展示一些美好的事物呢？

The uprisings! Maybe it was just to prevent them from happening over and over again. Holston applied an ablative film on the second sensor and wondered if the ugly lie of an unpleasant outside world was some misguided attempt to keep people from wanting out. Could someone have decided that the truth was worse than a loss of power, of control? Or was it something deeper and more sinister? A fear of unabashed, free, many-as-you-like children? So many horrible possibilities.

起义！也许只是为了阻止它们一次又一次地发生。霍尔斯顿在第二个传感器上涂抹了剥离膜，并想知道令人厌恶的外部世界的谎言是否只是为了阻止人们想要离开的某种误导尝试。有人会认为真相比失去权力、失去控制更糟糕吗？或者它更深层、更险恶？害怕肆无忌惮、自由、数量众多的孩子？有这么多可怕的可能性。

And what of Allison? Where was she? Holston shuffled around the corner of the concrete tower toward the third lens, and the familiar but strange skyscrapers in the distant city came into view. Only, there were more buildings than usual there. Some stood to either side, and an unfamiliar one loomed in the foreground. The others, the ones he knew by heart, were whole and shining, not twisted and jagged. Holston gazed over the crest of the verdant hills and imagined Allison would be walking over them at any minute. But that was ridiculous. How would she know he’d been expelled on this day? Would she remember the anniversary? Even after he’d missed the last two? Holston cursed his former cowardice, the years wasted. He would have to go to her, he decided.

艾莉森呢？她在哪里？霍尔顿绕过混凝土塔的拐角，朝第三个镜头走去，远处熟悉的却又陌生的城市摩天大楼出现在视野中。只是，那里的建筑比平时多了。一些建筑立在两侧，一个陌生的建筑矗立在前景。其他的，他熟悉的那些，完好无损，闪闪发光，没有扭曲和参差不齐。霍尔顿凝视着翠绿山丘的顶峰，想象着艾莉森随时都会走过它们。但这太荒谬了。她怎么知道今天他被开除了？她还会记得周年纪念日吗？即使他已经错过了最近两次？霍尔顿咒骂着他过去的懦弱，浪费的岁月。他必须去找她，他决定。

He had a sudden impulse to do just that, to tear off his helmet and bulky suit and scamper up the hill in nothing but his carbon undersuit, breathing in deep gulps of crisp air and laughing all the way to his waiting wife in some vast, unfathomable city full of people and squealing children.

他突然心血来潮，想脱下头盔和笨重的宇航服，只穿着碳纤维内衣，爬上小山，大口呼吸着清新的空气，一路笑着奔向等待他的妻子，奔向那座充满人群和尖叫孩子的广袤而深不可测的城市。

But no, there were appearances to keep, illusions to maintain. He wasn’t sure why, but it was what his wife had done, what all the other cleaners before him had done. Holston was now a member of that club, a member of the out group. There was a press of history, of precedent, to obey. They had known best. He would complete his performance for the in group he had just joined. He wasn’t sure why he was doing it, only that everyone before him had, and look at the secret they all shared. That secret was a powerful drug. He only knew to do what he had been told, to follow the numbers on the pockets, to mechanically clean while he considered the awesome implications of an outside world so big one couldn’t live to see it all, couldn’t breathe all the air, drink all the water, eat all the food.

但是不，他得维持表象，维持幻觉。他不知道为什么，但这却是他妻子所做的事，也是他之前的其他清洁工所做的事。霍尔斯顿现在是那个俱乐部的一员，是外群的一员。历史、先例的压力，他必须遵守。他们知道得最多。他会为他刚刚加入的内群完成他的表演。他不知道自己为什么这么做，只是因为在他之前每个人都这么做过，看看他们都共享的秘密。那个秘密是一种强效的药物。他只知道照吩咐去做，按照口袋上的数字去做，在机械地清洁时，他会思考一个外面世界如此之大的可怕含义，一个人活不到看到所有，无法呼吸所有的空气，喝完所有水，吃光所有食物。

Holston dreamed of such things while he scrubbed dutifully on the third lens, wiped, applied, sprayed, then moved to the last. His pulse was audible in his ears; his chest pounded in that constricting suit. Soon, soon, he told himself. He used the second wool pad and polished the grime off the final lens. He wiped and applied and sprayed a final time, then put everything back in its place, back in the numbered pouches, not wanting to bespoil the gorgeous and healthy ground beneath his feet. Done, Holston stepped back, took one last look into the nobodies not watching from the cafeteria and lounge, then turned his back on those who had turned their backs on Allison and all the others before her. There was a reason nobody came back for the inside people, Holston thought, just as there was a reason everyone cleaned, even when they said they wouldn’t. He was free; he was to join the others, and so he strolled toward that dark crease that ran up the hill, following in his wife’s footsteps, aware that some familiar boulder, long-sleeping, no longer lay there. That, too, Holston decided, had been nothing more than another awful lie.

霍尔斯顿在擦拭第三个镜片时，梦想着这些事情，勤奋地擦拭、涂抹、喷洒，然后移到最后一个。他的脉搏在他的耳朵里清晰可闻；他的胸口在紧绷的制服里剧烈地起伏。很快，很快，他对自己说。他用第二块羊毛垫擦去最后一个镜片上的污垢。他最后一次擦拭、涂抹和喷洒，然后将所有东西放回原位，放回编号的袋子里，不想破坏他脚下美丽而健康的土地。霍尔斯顿做完，退后一步，最后看了一眼自助餐厅和休息室里那些不注意的人，然后背对着那些曾经背对着艾莉森和她之前所有人的其他人。霍尔斯顿想，一定有原因没有人回来找内部人员，就像一定有原因每个人都打扫卫生，即使他们说不会一样。他自由了；他应该加入其他人，于是他漫步走向山坡上那条黑暗的裂缝，沿着妻子的足迹走去，意识到一些熟悉的巨石，长期沉睡着，现在已经不在那里了。霍尔斯顿也决定，那也只不过是另一个可怕的谎言。

7

Holston was a dozen paces up the hill, still marveling at the bright grass at his feet and the brilliant sky above, when the first pang lurched in his stomach. It was a writhing cramp, something like intense hunger. At first, he worried he was going too fast, first with the cleaning and now with his impatient shuffling in that cumbersome suit. He didn’t want to take it off until he was over the hill, out of sight, maintaining whatever illusion the walls in the cafeteria held. He focused on the tops of the skyscrapers and resigned himself to slowing down, to calming down. One step at a time. Years and years of running up and down thirty flights of stairs should make this nothing.

霍尔斯顿在山坡上走了十多步，仍然惊叹于脚下明亮的草地和头顶灿烂的天空，这时，第一阵绞痛袭上了他的胃。这是一种痉挛性绞痛，有点像强烈的饥饿感。起初，他担心自己跑得太快了，先是打扫卫生，现在又是在那笨重的西装里急躁地走动。他不想在爬过山丘、看不见之前脱下西装，保持着自助餐厅墙壁营造的任何幻觉。他专注于摩天大楼的顶端，并下定决心放慢速度，平静下来。一步一步来。几十年来，在三十层楼的楼梯上跑上跑下，这应该算不了什么。

Another cramp, stronger this time. Holston winced and stopped walking, waiting for it to pass. When did he eat last? Not all yesterday. Stupid. When did he last use the bathroom? Again, he couldn’t remember. He might need to get the suit off earlier than he’d hoped. Once the wave of nausea passed, he took a few more steps, hoping to reach the top of the hill before the next bout of pain. He only got another dozen steps in before it hit him, more severe this time, worse than anything he’d ever felt. Holston retched from the intensity of it, and now his dry stomach was a blessing. He clutched his abdomen as his knees gave out in a shiver of weakness. He crashed to the ground and groaned. His stomach was burning, his chest on fire. He managed to crawl forward a few feet, sweat dripping from his forehead and splashing on the inside of his helmet. He saw sparks in his vision; the entire world went bright white, several times, like lightning strikes. Confused and senseless, he crawled ever upward, moving laboriously, his startled mind still focused on his last, clear goal: cresting that hill.

又一次痉挛，这次更厉害。霍尔斯顿皱了皱眉，停下了脚步，等待着它过去。他上次什么时候吃饭？不是昨天全部。蠢货。他上次什么时候上厕所？同样，他记不起来。他可能需要比预期的更早脱下西装。一阵恶心过去后，他走了几步，希望能赶在下一阵疼痛之前到达山顶。他只走了十几步，然后它又来了，这次更严重，比他以前经历过的任何感觉都糟糕。霍尔斯顿因剧痛而干呕，现在他干涸的胃反而成了福。他捂住腹部，膝盖无力地颤抖。他摔倒在地，呻吟着。他的胃在燃烧，胸口像着了火。他设法向前爬了几英尺，额头上的汗水滴落，溅到头盔内侧。他眼前看到火花；整个世界变得一片刺眼的白光，像闪电一样，几次。困惑而茫然，他继续艰难地向上爬，惊恐的思绪仍然专注于他最后清晰的目标：登上山顶。

Again and again, his view shimmered, his visor letting in a solid bright light before it flickered away. It became difficult to see. Holston ran into something before him, and his arms collapsed. He blinked and gazed forward, up the hill, waiting for a clear sight of what lay ahead, but saw only infrequent strobes of green grass.

他一遍又一遍地看到他的视野闪烁，他的护目镜先放进了一束强光，然后又消失了。视线变得模糊了。霍尔顿撞到了前方的东西，他的手臂垂了下来。他眨了眨眼，抬头望向山顶，等待着前方清晰的景象，但看到的只是稀疏的绿色草地。

And then his vision went away completely. All was black. Holston clawed at his face, even as his stomach tangled in a new torturous knot. There was a glow, a blinking in his vision, so he knew he wasn’t blind. But the blinking seemed to be coming from inside his helmet. He could see the blinking. It was his visor that had become suddenly blind, not him.

然后他的视力完全消失了。一切都漆黑一片。霍尔斯顿抓挠着脸，同时他的胃里又缠上了一个新的痛苦的结。他的视野里有一道光，闪烁不定，所以他知道自己没有失明。但是闪烁似乎来自他的头盔内部。他能看到闪烁。是他的护目镜突然失灵了，而不是他。

Holston felt for the latches on the back of the helmet. He wondered if he’d used up all his air. Was he asphyxiating? Being poisoned by his own exhalations? Of course! Why would they give him more air than he needed for the cleaning? He fumbled for the latches with his bulky gloves. They weren’t meant for this. The gloves were part of his suit, his suit a single piece zipped up twice at the back and velcroed over. It wasn’t meant to come off, not without help. Holston was going to die in it, poison himself, choke on his own gasses, and now he knew true fear of containment, a true sense of being closed in. The silo was nothing to this as he scrambled for release, as he writhed in pain inside his tailored coffin. He squirmed and pounded at the latches, but his padded fingers were too big. And the blindness made it worse, made him feel smothered and trapped. Holston wretched again in pain. He doubled over, hands spread in the dirt, and felt something through his glove—a poke.

霍尔斯顿摸索着头盔后部的搭扣。他想知道自己是否用光了所有空气。他是否窒息了？是否被自己的呼出物毒害了？当然！为什么他们会给他比清洁所需更多的空气？他用笨重的防护手套摸索着搭扣。这些手套不是为此设计的。手套是他的宇航服的一部分，他的宇航服是一整件，背部双层拉链，用魔术贴固定。它不是为了脱下来的，没有帮助是不可能的。霍尔斯顿要死在里面了，中毒身亡，窒息于自己产生的气体，现在他知道了真正的被限制恐惧，真正的被封闭感。这比筒仓要糟糕得多，因为他挣扎着想要解脱，因为他痛苦地扭动着身体，困在定制的棺材里。他扭动身体，猛击搭扣，但他厚厚的指关节太大。而且失明使情况更糟，让他感到窒息和困住。霍尔斯顿再次痛苦地干呕。他弯下腰，双手摊在泥土上，并通过手套感觉到一些东西——一个戳刺。

He fumbled for the object and found it: a sharp rock. A tool. Holston tried to calm himself. His years of enforcing calm, of soothing others, of bringing stability to chaos came back to him. He gripped the rock carefully, terrified of losing it to his blindness, and brought it up to his helmet. There was a brief thought of cutting away his gloves with the rock, but he wasn’t sure his sanity or air would last that long. He jabbed the point of the rock at his armored neck, right where the latch should be. He heard the crack as it landed. Crack. Crack. Pausing to probe with padded finger, retching again, Holston took more careful aim. There was a click instead of a crack. A sliver of light intruded as one side of the helmet came free. Holston was choking on his exhalations, on the stale and used air around him. He moved the rock to his other hand and aimed for the second latch. Two more cracks before it landed, the helmet popping free.

他摸索着那个物体，找到了：一块锋利的石头。一件工具。霍尔斯顿试图让自己平静下来。他多年的强制冷静、安抚他人、将混乱带入稳定，都涌上心头。他小心翼翼地握住石头，害怕失明，把它举到头盔上。闪过一个念头，用石头割开他的手套，但他不确定自己的理智或空气能维持多久。他用石头尖端刺向他装甲颈部的锁扣处。他听到它落地时的劈啪声。劈啪声。劈啪声。停下来用护垫手指探测，再次干呕，霍尔斯顿更小心地瞄准。这次是咔哒声而不是劈啪声。一道光线射入，头盔的一侧脱落。霍尔斯顿喘不过气来，吸入周围污浊的空气。他把石头换到另一只手上，瞄准了第二个锁扣。又两声劈啪声，头盔脱落。

Holston could see. His eyes burned from the effort, from not being able to breathe, but he could see. He blinked the tears away and tried to suck in a deep, crisp, revitalizing lungful of blue air.

霍尔斯顿能看到。他的眼睛因为努力，因为无法呼吸而灼痛，但他能看到。他眨去眼泪，试图深吸一口清新的、充满活力的蓝色空气。

What he got instead was like a punch to the chest. Holston gagged. He threw up spittle and stomach acid, the very lining of him trying to flee. The world around him had gone brown. Brown grass and gray skies. No green. No blue. No life.

他得到的却像胸口挨了一拳。霍尔斯顿干呕。他呕吐出唾沫和胃酸，他身体的内壁似乎想要逃离。周围的世界都变成了棕色。棕色的草地和灰色的天空。没有绿色。没有蓝色。没有生命。

He collapsed to one side, landing on his shoulder. His helmet lay open before him, the visor black and lifeless. There was no looking through the visor. Holston reached for it, confused. The outside of the visor was coated silver, the other side was nothing. No glass. A rough surface. Wires leading in and out of it. A display gone dark. Dead pixels.

他倒向一边，肩上着地。他的头盔摊在他面前，护目镜漆黑而死寂。护目镜里什么也看不清。霍尔顿困惑地伸手去摸它。护目镜外侧涂有银色，另一面却空无一物。没有玻璃。粗糙的表面。有电线从护目镜里进进出出。显示屏已变暗。坏死的像素。

He threw up again. Wiping his mouth feebly, looking down the hill, he saw the world with his naked eyes as it was, as he’d always known it to be. Desolate and bleak. He let go of the helmet, dropping the lie he had carried out of the silo with him. He was dying. The toxins were eating him from the inside. He blinked up at the black clouds overhead, roaming like beasts. He turned to see how far he had gotten, how far it was to the crest of the hill, and he saw the thing he had stumbled into while crawling. A boulder, sleeping. It hadn’t been there in his visor, hadn’t been a part of the lie on that little screen, running one of the programs Allison had found.

他再次呕吐。虚弱地擦着嘴，向下望山，他用赤裸的眼睛看到了世界，就像他一直所知的那样。荒凉而萧瑟。他放开了头盔，扔掉了他从筒仓里带出来的谎言。他快死了。毒素从内部吞噬着他。他眨了眨眼，看着头顶上像野兽一样游荡的乌云。他转过身，看看自己走到了哪里，离山顶还有多远，他看到了爬行时偶然撞上的东西。一块石头，睡着了。在他的护目镜里没有它，那块小屏幕上的谎言里也没有它，它运行着艾莉森找到的程序之一。

Holston reached out and touched the object before him, the white suit flaking away like brittle rock, and he could no longer support his head. Collapsing to the ground, curling up in pain from the slow death overtaking him, he held what remained of his wife and thought, with his last thought, what this death of his must look like to those who could see, this curling and dying in the black crack of a lifeless brown hill, a rotting city standing silent and forlorn over him.

霍尔斯顿伸出手，触摸到面前的物体，白色的西装像易碎的岩石一样剥落，他再也支撑不住头颅。他倒在地上，蜷缩成一团，痛苦地承受着袭来的缓慢死亡，他紧紧抱着妻子的残骸，在最后的思绪中，思考着，对于那些看得见的人来说，他这场死亡一定是什么样子，在死寂的褐色山丘的黑色裂缝中蜷缩、死去，一座腐朽的城市在他头顶上静静地伫立，令人悲凉。

What would they see, anyone who had chosen to watch?

他们会看到什么，任何选择观看的人？

Wool 2 – Proper Gauge

羊毛 2 – 正确花样

1

Her knitting needles rested in a leather pouch in pairs, two matching sticks of wood, side by side like the delicate bones of the wrist wrapped in dried and ancient flesh. Wood and leather. Artifacts like clues handed down from generation to generation, innocuous winks from her ancestors, harmless things like children’s books and wood carvings that managed to survive the uprising and the purge. Each clue stood as a small hint of a world beyond their own, a world where buildings stood aboveground like the crumbling ruins visible over the gray and lifeless hills.

她的针织棒成对地放在皮革小袋里，两根相配的木棒并排放置，就像手腕上纤细骨骼包裹着干枯的古老皮肉。木头和皮革。如同代代相传的线索般的文物，是祖先们无害的眨眼，就像孩子们读物和木雕，在动乱和清洗中幸存下来。每条线索都像一个小小的暗示，暗示着他们自身之外的世界，一个世界里，建筑物像灰暗无生命的山丘上可见的坍塌废墟一样耸立。

After much deliberation, Mayor Jahns selected a pair of needles. She always chose carefully, for proper gauge was critical. Too small a needle, and the knitting would prove difficult, the resulting sweater too tight and constricting. Too large a needle on the other hand, and it would create a garment full of large holes. The knitting would remain loose. One would be able to see straight through it.

经过深思熟虑，贾恩斯市长选择了一对针。她总是仔细挑选，合适的针号至关重要。针号太小，编织起来会很困难，最终的毛衣会太紧，太束缚。另一方面，针号太大，会造成一件布满大洞的衣服。编织物会松散。人们可以看到穿透它。

Her choice made, the wooden bones removed from their leather wrist, Jahns reached for the large ball of cotton yarn. It was hard to believe, weighing that knot of twisted fibers, that her hands could make of it something ordered, something useful. She fished for the end of the yarn, dwelling on how things came to be. Right now, her sweater was little more than a tangle and a thought. Going back, it had once been bright fibers of cotton blooming in the dirt farms, pulled, cleaned, and twisted into long strands. Even further, and the very substance of the cotton plant itself could be traced to those souls who had been laid to rest in its soil, feeding the roots with their own leather while the air above baked under the full glory of powerful grow lights.

她做出选择，将木制骨骼从皮革手腕上取下，约翰斯伸手去拿大团棉线。想到这团缠绕的纤维，很难相信她的双手能把它变成有秩序、有用的东西。她摸索着线的末端，思考着事物是如何产生的。现在，她的毛衣只不过是一团乱麻和一个想法。 回想过去，它曾经是田地里盛开的明亮棉花纤维，被采摘、清洗和捻成长丝。更进一步，棉花本身的物质可以追溯到那些安息在土壤中的灵魂，用自己的皮革滋养根系，而头顶上强大的生长期灯光正散发着耀眼的光芒。

Jahns shook her head at her own morbidity. The older she got, the quicker her mind went to death. Always, in the end, the thoughts of death.

约翰斯摇摇头，对自己的病态感到厌恶。她年纪越大，思绪就越快地走向死亡。最终，总是死亡的念头。

With practiced care, she looped the end of the yarn around the point of one needle and crafted a triangle-shaped web with her fingers. The tip of the needle danced through this triangle, casting the yarn on. This was her favorite part, casting on. She liked beginnings. The first row. Out of nothing comes something. Since her hands knew what to do, she was free to glance up and watch a gust of morning wind chase pockets of dust down the slope of a hill. The clouds were low and ominous today. They loomed like worried parents over these smaller darting clouds of windswept soil, which tumbled like laughing children, twirling and spilling, following the dips and valleys as they flowed toward a great crease where two hills collided to become one. Here, Jahns watched as the puffs of dust splashed against a pair of dead bodies, the frolicking twins of dirt evaporating into ghosts, solid playful children returning once more to dreams and scattered mist.

她小心翼翼地将线头绕在针尖上，用手指编织了一个三角形网。针尖在三角形中舞动，将线投掷上去。这是她最喜欢的部分，起针。她喜欢开始。第一行。无中生有。因为她的双手知道该怎么做，她可以抬起头，看着一阵清晨的风追逐着山坡上的尘埃。今天云层低沉，阴云密布。它们像担忧的父母一样盘旋在这些被风吹起的细小尘埃云之上，这些尘埃云像嬉戏的孩子一样翻滚、倾泻，沿着山谷起伏，流向两座山峰相撞、合为一体的大裂缝。在这里，贾恩斯看着尘埃飞溅在两具尸体上，这些嬉戏的尘土双胞胎化作鬼魂，这些玩耍的孩子再次回到梦境和弥漫的雾气中。

Mayor Jahns settled back in her faded plastic chair and watched the fickle winds play across the forbidding world outside. Her hands worked the yarn into rows, requiring only occasional glances to keep her place. Often, the dust flew toward the silo’s sensors in sheets, each wave causing her to cringe as if a physical blow were about to land. This assault of blurring grime was anytime difficult to watch, but especially brutal the day after a cleaning. Each touch of dust on the clouding lenses was a violation, a dirty man touching something pure. Jahns remembered what that felt like. And sixty years later, she sometimes wondered if this misting of grime that led to a different sort of bodily sacrifice wasn’t even more painful for her to abide.

约翰斯市长坐在她那褪色的塑料椅子上，看着外面的世界被反复无常的风吹拂。她的双手操纵着毛线，只需要偶尔瞥一眼就能保持位置。经常地，尘土像一片片薄纱一样飞向筒仓的传感器，每一阵风都让她像要承受物理打击一样颤抖。这种模糊的污垢袭击任何时候都很难观看，但在清洁后的第二天尤其残酷。尘埃落在模糊的镜片上，每一次触碰都是一种亵渎，就像一个肮脏的人触碰纯洁之物。约翰斯记得这种感觉。六十年后，她有时会想，这种导致不同形式肉体牺牲的灰尘弥漫，对她来说是否比忍受更痛苦。

“Ma’am?”

太太？

Mayor Jahns turned away from the sight of the dead hills cradling her recently deceased sheriff. She turned to find Deputy Marnes standing by her side.

约翰斯市长避开了怀抱她已故警长的死寂山丘。她转身看到马恩斯副警长站在她身边。

“Yes, Marnes?”

“是的，马恩斯？”

“You asked for these.”

你想要这些。

Marnes placed three manilla folders on the cafeteria table and slid them toward her through the scattered crumbs and juice stains of last night’s cleaning celebration. Jahns set her knitting aside and reluctantly reached for the folders. What she really wanted was to be left alone a little longer to watch rows of knots become something. She wanted to enjoy the peace and quiet of this unspoiled sunrise before the grime and the years dulled it, before the rest of the upper silo awoke, rubbed the sleep from their eyes and the stains from their consciences, and came up to crowd around her in their own plastic chairs and take it all in.

马内斯将三个马尼拉文件夹放在自助餐厅桌子上，并穿过昨晚清洁庆祝活动的零碎面包屑和果汁污渍，将它们推向她。约翰斯放下她的编织，勉强伸手去拿文件夹。她真正想要的，是再被独自留下一会儿，看着一排排的结变成某种东西。她想享受这片未受破坏的日出带来的宁静和安宁，在污垢和岁月磨蚀它之前，在其他上层筒仓的人醒来，揉去他们眼中的睡意和良心的污点之前，然后他们来到她身边，坐在他们自己的塑料椅子上，围着她，将这一切都看在眼里。

But duty beckoned; she was mayor by choice; and the silo needed a sheriff. So Jahns put aside her own wants and desires and weighed the folders in her lap. Caressing the cover of the first one, she looked down at her hands with something between pain and acceptance. The backs of them appeared as dry and crinkled as the pulp paper hanging out of the folders. She glanced over at Deputy Marnes, whose white mustache was flecked with the occasional black. She remembered when the colors there were the other way around. She remembered when his tall and thin frame were a mark of vigor and youth rather than gaunt fragility. He was handsome still, but only because she knew him from long ago, only because her old eyes still remembered.

但责任召唤；她选择当市长；谷仓需要一名警长。于是，约翰斯将自己的愿望和欲望放在一边，仔细衡量着膝上的文件夹。轻轻抚摸第一个文件夹的封面，她看着自己的双手，心中充满了痛苦和接受。手背看起来像文件夹里垂下来的纸浆一样干枯而褶皱。她瞥了一眼副警长马恩斯，他那雪白的胡须间偶尔点缀着黑色。她想起那时的颜色是相反的。她想起他高瘦的身材曾经是活力和青春的象征，而不是如今的消瘦脆弱。他仍然英俊，但仅仅是因为她久仰他，仅仅是因为她那双老眼还记得他。

“You know,” she told Marnes, “we could do this different this time. You could let me promote you to sheriff, hire yourself a deputy, and do this proper.”

她对马恩斯说：“你知道，”“我们这次可以做得不一样。你可以让我提升你为警长，雇一个副警长，把这件事做好。”

Marnes laughed. “I’ve been deputy almost as long as you’ve been mayor, Ma’am. Don’t figure on being nothing else but dead one day.”

马尔内笑了。“我当副职的时间，几乎和你当市长的时间一样长，夫人。别指望以后除了死，还能有什么别的。”

Jahns nodded. One of the things she loved about having Marnes around was that his thoughts could be so black as to make hers shine gray. “I fear that day is rapidly approaching for us both,” she said.

约翰斯点了点头。她喜欢马恩斯在身边的一个原因是，他的想法可以黑暗到让她显得灰暗。“我担心那一天很快就要降临到我们两人身上了，”她说。

“Truer than true, I reckon. Never figured to outlive so many. Sure as sin don’t see me outliving you.” Marnes rubbed his mustache and studied the view of the outside. Jahns smiled at him, opened the folder on top, and studied the first bio.

“比真还要真，我想。从来没想过能活得比他们多。肯定不会看到我比你活得长。”马恩斯揉了揉他的胡子，研究着外面的景色。约翰斯对他笑了笑，打开最上面的文件夹，研究着第一份简历。

“That’s three decent candidates,” Marnes said. “Just like you asked for. Be happy to work with any of them. Juliette, I think she’s in the middle there, would be my first pick. Works down in Mechanical. Don’t come up much, but me and Holston—”

“那有三个不错的候选人，”马恩斯说。“就像你要求的那样。很乐意和他们中的任何一个合作。朱莉叶特，我想她就在中间，是我的第一选择。在机械部门工作。不太常上来，但我和霍尔斯顿—”

Marnes paused and cleared his throat. Jahns glanced over and saw that her Deputy’s gaze had crept toward that dark crook in the hill. He covered his mouth with a fist of sharp knuckles and faked a cough.

马恩斯停顿了一下，清了清嗓子。约翰斯瞥了一眼，看到她副官的目光已经移向了山丘上那条黑暗的弯曲处。他用一拳锋利的指节捂住嘴，假装咳嗽。

“Excuse me,” he said. “As I was sayin’, the sheriff and me worked a death down there a few years back. This Juliette—I think she prefers Jules, come to think of it—was a right shiner. Sharp as a tack. Big help on this case, good at spotting details, handling people, being diplomatic but firm, all that. I don’t think she comes up past the eighties much. A down-deeper for sure, which we ain’t had in a while.”

“对不起，”他说。“正如我说的，县长和我几年前在那里处理过一起死亡案件。这个朱丽叶——我想她更喜欢茱莉，仔细想想——是个十足的厉害角色。机敏过人。在这起案件中帮了很大的忙，善于发现细节，处理人际关系，既有外交手腕，又坚定果断，所有这些。我想她不会超过八十多岁。绝对是位难得的人才，我们很久没有遇到过这种人了。”

Jahns sorted through Juliette’s folder, checking her family tree, her voucher history, her current pay in chits. She was listed as a shift foreman with good marks. No history in the lottery.

约翰斯翻阅朱丽叶的文件夹，查看她的家谱、凭证记录和当前的工资单。她被列为一名班组长，成绩良好。没有参与彩票的记录。

“Never married?” Jahns asked.

“从未结婚？”约翰斯问道。

“Nope. Something of a johnboy. A wrencher, you know? We were down there a week, saw how the guys took to her. Now, she could have her pick of them boys but chooses not to. Kind of person who leaves an impression but prefers to go it alone.”

不。有点像约翰·博伊。一个扳手工，你知道吗？我们在那里待了一星期，看到那些家伙都喜欢她。现在，她可以挑那些男孩中的任何一个，但她却选择独自一人。那种留下深刻印象却宁愿独自前行的人。

“Sure seems like she left an impression on you,” Jahns said, regretting it immediately. She hated the jealous tone in her own voice.

“她似乎给你留下了深刻的印象，”贾恩斯说道，立刻后悔了。她讨厌自己声音里的嫉妒语气。

Marnes shifted his weight to his other foot. “Well, you know me, Mayor. I’m always sizing up candidates. Anything to keep from bein’ promoted.”

马内斯将体重移到另一只脚上。“好吧，你知道我，市长。我一直都在评估候选人。为了避免被提升，什么都做。”

Jahns smiled. “What about the other two?” She checked the names, wondering if a down-deeper was a good idea. Or possibly worried about Marnes having a crush. She recognized the name on the top folder. Peter Billings. He worked a few floors down in judicial, as a clerk or a judge’s shadow.

简斯笑了。“另外两个呢？”她检查了名字，想知道深入调查是否是个好主意。或者可能担心马恩斯暗恋。她认出了最上面文件夹上的名字。彼得·比林斯。他在司法部几层楼下工作，当书记员或法官的助手。

“Honestly, ma’am? They’re filler to make it seem fair. Like I said, I’d work with them, but I think Jules is your girl. Been a long time since we had a lass for a Sheriff. Be a popular choice with an election comin’ up.”

老实说，夫人？他们只是为了看起来公平而凑数的。就像我说的，我会和他们一起工作的，但我认为朱尔斯才是你的女人。自从我们有女警长以来已经很久了。在即将到来的选举中，她会是一个受欢迎的选择。

“That won’t be why we choose,” Jahns said. “Whoever we decide on will probably be here long after we’re gone—” She stopped herself as she recalled having said the same thing about Holston, back when he’d been chosen.

“那不会是我们选择的理由，”贾恩斯说。“我们选定的人，很可能在我们离开很久之后还会在这儿——“她说到这里，想起以前她对霍尔斯顿说过同样的话，当时他被选中。

Jahns closed the folder and returned her attention to the wallscreen. A small tornado had formed at the base of the hill, the gathering dust whipped into an organized frenzy. It built some steam, this small wisp, as it swelled into a larger cone, spinning and spinning on a wavering tip like a child’s top as it raced toward sensors that fairly sparkled in the wan rays of a clear sunrise.

约翰斯合上文件夹，将注意力转向了墙屏幕。一个小旋风在山脚下形成，聚集的尘土被卷入有组织的狂乱之中。随着它膨胀成一个更大的锥形，旋转、旋转，像一个孩子的陀螺一样在摇摆不定的尖端旋转，它积聚了一些蒸汽，并朝着在清澈的日出微弱阳光中闪闪发光的传感器飞奔而去。

“I think we should go see her,” Jahns finally said. She kept the folders in her lap, fingers like rolled parchment toying with the rough edges of handmade paper.

我想我们应该去看她，”约翰斯最终说道。她把文件夹放在膝盖上，手指像卷起的羊皮纸，玩弄着手工纸的粗糙边缘。

“Ma’am? I’d rather us fetch her up here. Do the interview in your office like we’ve always done. It’s a long way down to her and an even longer way back up.”

女士？我宁愿我们把她带上来。像我们以前一样，在您的办公室进行采访。她住的地方很远，回来更远。

“I appreciate the concern, Deputy, I do. But it’s been a long while since I’ve been much past the fortieth. My knees are no excuse to not see my people—”

我感谢你的关心，副手，我确实如此。但我已经很久没有超过四十岁了。我的膝盖不是不去见我人民的借口——

The Mayor stopped. The tornado of dust wavered, turned, and headed straight for them. It grew and grew—the wide angle of the lens distorting it into a monster much larger and more fierce than she knew it to actually be—and then it blew over the sensor array, the entire cafeteria descending into a brief darkness until the zephyr caromed past, retreating across the screen in the lounge and leaving behind it a view of the world now tainted with a slight, dingy film.

市长停了下来。尘暴摇曳，转向，径直朝他们袭来。它越来越大——镜头广角扭曲了它，变成一个比她想象中更大、更凶猛的怪物——然后它吹过传感器阵列，整个自助餐厅陷入短暂的黑暗，直到微风反弹而过，在休息室的屏幕上退去，留下一个如今被轻微的污浊薄膜玷污的世界景象。

“Damn those things,” Deputy Marnes said through gritted teeth. The aged leather of his holster squeaked as he rested his hand on the butt of his gun, and Jahns imagined the old Deputy out on that landscape, chasing the wind on thin legs while pumping bullets into a cloud of fading dust.

“该死的玩意儿，”马恩斯副警长咬牙切齿地说。他手放在枪套上的老皮革发出吱吱声，约翰斯想象着这位老副警长在广袤的土地上，双腿细长，追逐着风，将子弹射进一团渐渐消散的尘埃。

The two of them sat silent a moment, surveying the damage. Finally, Jahns spoke.

他们两人沉默了一会儿，观察着受损情况。最后，约翰斯说话了。

“This trip won’t be about the election, Marnes. It won’t be for votes, either. For all I know, I’ll run again unopposed. So we won’t make a deal of it, and we’ll travel light and quiet. I want to see my people, not be seen by them.” She looked over at him, found that he was watching her. “It’ll be for me, Marnes. A getaway.”

这次旅行不会关于选举，马恩斯。也不会为了选票。据我所知，我可能会再次以无人挑战的姿态参选。所以我们不会大张旗鼓，会轻装简行，安静出行。我想见到我的民众，而不是被他们看到。”她朝他望去，发现他在看着她。“这会是为了我，马恩斯。一次逃离。”

She turned back to the view.

她转回头看风景。

“Sometimes . . . sometimes I just think I’ve been up here too long. The both of us. I think we’ve been anywhere too long—”

有时候……有时候我只是觉得我们在这里待得太久了。我们俩。我觉得我们任何地方待得太久了——

The ringing of morning footsteps on the spiral staircase gave her pause, and they both turned toward the sound of life, the sound of a waking day. And she knew it was time to start getting the images of dead things out of her mind. Or at least, to bury them a while.

螺旋楼梯上传来的清晨脚步声让她停顿了一下，两人都朝发出生机的声音，朝唤醒一天的声音走去。她知道该开始把死物的形象从脑海中驱除了。或者至少，暂时把它们埋葬起来。

“We’ll go down and get us a proper gauge of this Juliette, you and me. Because sometimes, sitting here, looking out on what the world makes us do—it needles me deep, Marnes. It needles me straight through.”

我们会下去，和你一起好好评估一下茱莉叶。因为有时，坐在这里，看着世界让我们做了什么——它深深地刺痛了我，马恩斯。它直接刺穿了我。

••••

They met after breakfast in Holston’s old office. Jahns still thought of it as his, a day later. It was too early for her to think of the room as anything else. She stood beyond the twin desks and old filing cabinets and peered into the empty holding cell while Deputy Marnes gave last minute instructions to Terry, a security worker from IT who often held down the fort while Marnes and Holston were away on a case. Standing dutifully behind Terry was a teenager named Marcha, a young girl with dark hair and bright eyes who was apprenticing for work in IT. She was Terry’s shadow—just about half the silo had one. They ranged in age from twelve to twenty, these ever-present sponges absorbing the lessons and techniques for keeping the silo operational one generation more.

他们早餐后在霍尔斯顿的旧办公室见面。约翰斯第二天仍然认为那是他的办公室。对她来说，把房间想成别的还太早。她站在双人办公桌和旧档案柜的后面，透过空荡荡的拘留室，看着马恩斯副警长最后向特里（来自 IT 部门的保安人员，在马恩斯和霍尔斯顿外出办案时经常顶替他们）交代指示。特里身后站着一个名叫马尔恰的十几岁的青少年，一个有着乌黑头发和明亮眼睛的女孩，正在 IT 部门实习。她几乎是特里的影子——大约一半的仓库都有一位。他们年龄从 12 岁到 20 岁不等，这些无处不在的海绵吸收着维持仓库运转的教训和技巧，为下一代传承。

Deputy Marnes reminded Terry how rowdy people got after a cleaning. Once the tension was released, people tended to live it up a little. Most of them were too young to remember the last double cleaning, so they thought it couldn’t happen. They thought, for a few months at least, that anything went.

马恩斯副警官提醒特里，清洁过后人们会变得多么喧闹。一旦紧张情绪得到释放，人们往往会放纵一些。他们大多数人都太年轻，记不得上次的双重清洁，所以他们认为这种情况不会再发生。他们至少在几个月内认为什么都可以做。

The warning hardly needed saying—the revelry in the next room could be heard through the shut door. Most residents from the top forty were already packed into the cafeteria and lounge. Hundreds more from the mids and the down deep would trickle up throughout the day, asking off work and turning in holiday chits just to see the mostly clear view. It was a pilgrimage for many. Some only came up once every few years, stood around for an hour muttering that it looked the same as they remembered, then shooing their children down the stairs ahead of them, fighting the upward surging crowds.

警告几乎不必说——隔壁房间的狂欢声透过关着的门都能听到。来自前四十名的多数居民已经挤满了自助餐厅和休息室。还有数百名来自中层和底层的居民会在白天陆续涌上，请假并提交假期条，只为了看一看大部分晴朗的景色。对许多人来说，这是一次朝圣之旅。有些人几年才来一次，站在那里嘀咕一个小时，说它看起来和他们记忆中的一样，然后把他们的孩子赶下楼梯，在向上涌动的人群中争先恐后。

Terry was left with the keys and a temporary badge. Marnes checked the batteries in his wireless, made sure the volume on the office unit was up, and inspected his gun. He shook Terry’s hand and wished him luck. Jahns sensed it was almost time for them to go and turned away from the empty cell. She said goodbye to Terry, gave Marcha a nod, and followed Marnes out the door.

特里留下了钥匙和一个临时徽章。马恩斯检查了他的无线电电池，确保办公单元的音量调高，并检查了他的枪。他与特里握手，并祝他好运。约翰斯感觉到他们快出发了，便转身离开空荡荡的牢房。她向特里告别，向马查点头，然后跟着马恩斯走出大门。

“You feel okay leaving right after a cleaning?” she asked as they stepped out into the cafeteria. She knew how rowdy it would get later that night, and how testy the crowd. It seemed an awful time to drag him away on a mostly selfish errand.

她问，他们走出餐厅时：“你感觉在清洁后马上离开没事吗？”她知道晚上会很吵闹，人群也会很暴躁。带着他去完成一个大部分出于私心的差事，似乎是个糟糕的时机。

“Are you kidding? I need this. I need to get away.” He glanced toward the wallscreen, which was obscured by the crowds. “I still can’t figure what Holston was thinking, can’t reckon why he never talked to me about all that was going on in that head of his. Maybe by the time we get back, I won’t feel him in the office anymore, ‘cause right now I can’t hardly breathe in there.”

你开玩笑吧？我需要这个。我需要离开。他朝墙屏幕瞥了一眼，人群挡住了视线。“我还是不明白霍尔斯顿到底在想什么，不明白他为什么从来没跟我谈谈他脑袋里发生的一切。也许等我们回去的时候，我就不再感觉他在办公室里了，因为现在我几乎喘不过气来。”

Jahns thought about this as they fought through the crowd. Plastic cups sloshed with a mix of fruit juices, and she smelled the sting of tub-brewed alcohol in the air, but ignored it. People were wishing her well, asking her to be careful, promising to vote. News of their trip had leaked out faster than the spiked punch, despite hardly telling anyone. Most were under the impression that it was a goodwill trip. A reelection campaign. The younger silo residents, who only remembered Holston as sheriff, were already saluting Marnes and giving him that honorific title. Anyone with wrinkles in their eyes knew better. They nodded to the duo as they passed through the cafeteria and wished them a different sort of unspoken luck. Keep us going, their eyes said. Make it so my kids live as long as me. Don’t let it unravel, not just yet.

约翰斯在人群中穿行时，想着这些。塑料杯中盛满了各种果汁，空气中弥漫着桶装烈酒的刺鼻气味，但她置之不理。人们祝她好运，让她小心，承诺投票。他们的行程消息泄露得比掺了酒的果汁还快，尽管他们几乎没告诉任何人。大多数人认为这是一次友好访问。一次连任竞选。只记得霍尔斯顿是警长的年轻筒仓居民，已经在向马恩斯敬礼，并给他那个荣誉头衔。任何眼睛里有皱纹的人都知道得更多。当他们穿过自助餐厅时，他们向两人点头示意，并祝愿他们一种不同的、不言而喻的运气。继续前进，他们的眼神说。让我的孩子活得和一样长。别让它现在就崩溃。

Jahns lived under the weight of this pressure, a burden brutal on more than knees. She kept quiet as they made their way to the central stairwell. A handful called for her to make a speech, but the lone voices did not gain traction. No chant formed, much to her relief. What would she say? That she didn’t know why it all held together? That she didn’t even understand her own knitting, how if you made knots, and if you did it right, things just worked out? Would she tell them it only took one snip for it all to unravel? One cut, and you could pull and pull and turn that garment into a pile. Did they really expect her to understand, when all she did was follow the rules, and somehow it kept working out, year after year after year?

约翰斯承受着这种压力的重担，这负担不仅压在她膝盖上，更让她身心俱疲。她一路保持沉默，跟着他们来到中央楼梯间。一些人叫她发表讲话，但零星的声音并没有引起共鸣。让她松了一口气的是，没有形成任何口号。她该说什么呢？说她不知道这一切是如何维系在一起的？说她甚至不理解自己编织的技艺，如何通过打结，如果打结正确，事情就能顺利进行？她会告诉他们，只需要一剪子，一切就会解体？一剪，你就能拉扯，把那件衣服变成一堆废料。他们真的指望她理解吗？她所做的只是遵循规则，而不知何故，这些规则年复一年地奏效。

Because she didn’t understand what held it together. And she didn’t understand their mood, this celebration. Were they drinking and shouting because they were safe? Because they’d been spared by fate, passed over for cleaning? Her people cheered while a good man, her friend, her partner in keeping them alive and well, lay dead on a hill next to his wife. If she gave a speech, if it weren’t full of the forbidden, it would be this: That no two better people had ever gone to cleaning of their own free wills, and what did that say about the lot of them who remained?

因为她不明白是什么让它团结在一起。她也不明白他们的情绪，这场庆祝。他们是因为安全才喝酒和喊叫吗？是因为命运放过他们，免于清洗吗？在她的人民欢呼雀跃的时候，一位好男人，她的朋友，她与他一起让他们活得健康快乐的伙伴，躺在山丘上，死在他妻子的身边。如果她发表演讲，如果演讲中没有禁忌的话，那将是：没有比他们两个更好的人自愿去接受清洗，而这又说明了他们这些留下来的人的命运如何？

Now was not the time for speeches. Or for drinking. Or for being merry. Now was the hour of quiet contemplation, which was one of the reasons Jahns knew she needed to get away. Things had changed. Not just by the day, but by the long years. She knew better than most. Maybe old lady McNeil down in Supply knew, could see it coming. One had to live a long time to be sure, but now she was. And as time marched on, carrying her world faster and faster than her feet could catch up, Mayor Jahns knew that it would soon leave her completely behind. And her great fear, unspoken but daily felt, was that this world probably wouldn’t stagger very far along without her.

现在不是发表演讲或喝酒或庆祝的时候。现在是静思的时刻，这也是约翰斯知道她需要离开的原因之一。事情已经改变了。不只是每天，而是长年累月。她比大多数人都清楚。也许供应部门的老麦克奈尔女士知道，能预见到这一切。一个人必须活很久才能确定，但她现在已经活了很久。随着时间的推移，她的世界以比她的双脚更快地速度前进，约翰斯市长知道它很快就会把她远远地抛在身后。她最大的恐惧，虽然没有说出口，却每天都在感受，是这个世界上很可能在她离开后不会走得太远。

2

Jahns’ walking stick made a conspicuous ring as it impacted each metal step. It soon became a metronome for their descent, timing the music of the stairwell, which was crowded and vibrating with the energy of a recent cleaning. All the traffic save for the two of them seemed to be heading upward. They jostled against the flow, elbows brushing, cries of, “Hey, Mayor!” followed by nods to Marnes. And Jahns saw it on their faces: the temptation to call him sheriff tempered by their respect for the awful nature of his assumed promotion.

约翰斯的手杖敲击每个金属台阶时发出响亮的声响。它很快变成了他们下楼的节拍器，为拥挤且充满最近清洁工作能量的楼梯间营造出音乐节奏。除了他们两人之外，所有行人似乎都在向上走。他们与人流挤搡，胳膊肘相碰，“嘿，市长！”的呼喊声之后，人们向马恩斯点头致意。约翰斯看到他们脸上写着：呼唤他为警长的诱惑，被他们对可怕的升职传闻的尊重所压制。

“How many floors you up for?” Marnes asked.

马恩斯问道：“你打算上几层？”

“Why, you tired already?” Jahns glanced over her shoulder to smirk at him, saw his bushy mustache twisted up in a smile of his own.

“怎么，你这就累了？”约翰斯瞥了他一眼，朝他挤眉弄眼，看到他浓密的胡子也弯成了一抹微笑。

“Going down ain’t a problem for me. It’s the going back up I can’t stand.”

下去对我来说不是问题。我受不了的是爬上去。

Their hands briefly collided on the twisted railing of the spiral staircase, Jahns’ hand trailing behind her, Marnes’ reaching ahead. She felt like telling him she wasn’t tired at all, but she did feel a sudden weariness, an exhaustion more mental than physical. She had a childish vision of more youthful times and pictured Marnes scooping her up and carrying her down the staircase in his arms. There would be a sweet release of strength and responsibility, a sinking in to another’s power, no need to feign her own. This was not a remembrance of the past—it was a future that had never happened. And Jahns felt guilty for even thinking it. She felt her husband beside her, his ghost perturbed by her thoughts—

她们的手在螺旋楼梯的扭曲扶手上短暂地相撞，约翰的手落后于她，马恩的手伸向前。她想告诉他她一点也不累，但她确实感到一阵突然的疲惫，一种比身体更精神上的疲惫。她脑海里浮现出年轻时光的幼稚景象，想象着马恩把她抱起来，把她从楼梯上抱下来。这将是一种甜蜜的释放，摆脱力量和责任，沉溺于另一个人的力量，不必伪装自己的力量。这不是对过去的回忆——这是一个从未发生过的未来。约翰为此感到内疚。她感到丈夫在她身边，他的幽灵被她的想法扰乱了——

“Mayor? How many you thinking?”

市长？你认为有多少？

The two of them stopped and hugged the rail as a porter trudged up the stairs. Jahns recognized the boy, Conner, still in his teens but already with a strong back and steady stride. He had an array of bundles strapped together and balanced on his shoulders. The sneer on his face was not from exhaustion or pain, but annoyance. Who were all these people suddenly on his stairwell? These tourists? Jahns thought of something encouraging to say, some small verbal reward for these people who did a job her knees never could, but he was already gone on his strong young feet, carrying food and supplies up from the down deep, slowed only by the crush of traffic attempting to worm up through the silo for a peek of the clear and wide outside.

他们俩停下来，拥抱扶手，一个搬运工正艰难地走上楼梯。约翰斯认出了那个男孩，康纳，虽然还是青少年，但背已经很强壮，步伐稳健。他肩上捆绑着许多包裹，平衡地放在肩上。他脸上的冷笑并非来自疲惫或疼痛，而是恼怒。楼梯上突然出现这么多人？这些游客？约翰斯想说一些鼓励的话，一些小小的口头奖励，为这些能够做她膝盖做不到的工作的人，但他已经走了，用他强壮的年轻双脚，从深处的地下运送食物和补给，只因试图挤上筒仓，一睹外面清晰广阔的景象而被拥挤的人群所阻碍。

She and Marnes caught their breath for a moment between flights. Marnes handed her his canteen, and she took a polite sip before passing it back.

她与马恩斯在航班之间喘息了一会。马恩斯递给她他的水壶，她礼貌地喝了一口，然后递了回去。

“I’d like to do half today,” she finally answered. “But I want to make a few stops on the way.”

“今天我想做一半，”她最终回答。“但我想要中途停几次。”

Marnes took a swig of water and began twisting the cap back on. “House calls?”

马内斯喝了口水，开始拧紧瓶盖。“上门服务？”

“Something like that. I want to stop at the nursery on twenty.”

类似的东西。我想在二十号去苗圃。

Marnes laughed. “Kissin’ babies? Mayor, ain’t nobody gonna vote you out. Not at your age.”

马恩斯笑了。“亲吻婴儿？市长，没人会把你赶下台。就你这个年纪，不可能。”

Jahns didn’t laugh. “Thanks,” she said, with a mask of false pain. “But no, not to kiss babies.” She turned her back and resumed walking; Marnes followed. “It’s not that I don’t trust your professional opinion about this Jules lady. You haven’t picked anything but a winner since I’ve been mayor—”

约翰斯没有笑。“谢谢，”她带着假惺惺的痛苦表情说，“不过，不，不亲婴儿。”她转身继续走；马恩斯跟了上去。“这可不是我不信任你对茱莉斯女士的专业意见。自从我当上市长以来，你选的都是赢家——”

“Even—?” Marnes interrupted.

“甚至——？”马恩斯打断了。

“Especially him, “Jahns said, knowing what he was thinking. “He was a good man, but he had a broken heart. That’ll take even the best of them down.”

“尤其是他，”约翰说，知道他在想什么。“他是个好人，但他心碎了。那会让任何人垮掉。”

Marnes grunted his agreement. “So what’re we checkin’ at the nursery? This Juliette weren’t born on the twentieth, not if I recall—”

马恩斯哼了一声表示同意。“那么我们在苗圃里检查什么？朱丽叶不是在二十号出生的，如果我没记错的话——”

“No, but her father works there now. I thought, since we were passing by, that we’d get a feel for the man, get some insight on his daughter.”

不，但她爸爸现在在那里工作。我想，既然我们路过，就了解一下这个人，对他的女儿有所了解。

“A father for a character witness?” Marnes laughed. “Don’t reckon you’ll get much of an impartial, there.”

“一个角色证人父亲？”马恩斯笑了。“我不认为你会得到多少公正。”

“I think you’ll be surprised,” Jahns said. “I had Alice do some digging while I was packing. She found something interesting.”

“我想你会很惊讶，”贾恩斯说。“我在打包的时候让爱丽丝做了一些调查。她发现了一些有趣的东西。”

“Yeah?”

“嗯？”

“This Juliette character still has every vacation chit she’s ever earned.”

这个朱丽叶角色仍然拥有她曾经获得的所有假期优惠券。

“That ain’t rare for Mechanical,” Marnes said. “They do a lot of overtime.”

“那对机械来说不算稀奇，”马恩斯说。“他们经常加班。”

“Not only does she not get out, she doesn’t have visitors.”

她不仅不出门，也没有客人来。

“I still don’t see where you’re going.”

我仍然不明白你的意思。

Jahns waited while a family passed. A young boy, six or seven probably, rode on his father’s shoulders, his head stooped to avoid the undersides of the stairs above. The mother brought up the rear, an overnight bag draped over her shoulder, a swaddled infant cradled in her arms. It was the perfect family, Jahns thought. Replacing what they took. Two for two. Just what the lottery aimed for and sometimes provided.

约翰斯等待着一家人的经过。一个大概六七岁的小男孩骑在他父亲的肩膀上，头低着，避免碰到头顶楼梯的下方。母亲走在最后，肩上搭着一个过夜包，怀里抱着一个裹着襁褓的婴儿。约翰斯心想，这是个完美的家庭。弥补他们失去的。两全其美。正如同彩票所期望的那样，有时也会实现。

“Well then, let me tell you where I’m going with this,” she told Marnes. “I want to find this girl’s father, look him in the eyes, and ask him why, in the nearly twenty years since his daughter moved to Mechanical, he hasn’t visited her. Not once.”

“好吧，让我告诉你我的想法，”她告诉马恩斯。“我想找到这个女孩的父亲，看着他眼睛，问他为什么在他女儿搬到机械系将近二十年后，他一次都没来看过她。”

She looked back at Marnes, saw him frowning at her beneath his mustache.

她回头看着马恩斯，看到他蓄着胡子，正在皱着眉头看着她。

“And why she hasn’t once made her way up to see him,” she added.

她还补充道，为什么她一次都没上去看他。

••••

The traffic thinned as they made their way into the teens and past the upper apartments. With each step down, Jahns dreaded having to reclaim those lost inches on the way back up. This was the easy part, she reminded herself. The descent was like the uncoiling of a steel spring, pushing her down. It reminded Jahns of nightmares she’d had of drowning. Silly nightmares, considering she’d never seen enough water to submerge herself in, much less enough that she couldn’t stand to breathe. But they were like the occasional dreams of falling from great heights, some legacy of another time, broken fragments unearthed in each of their sleeping minds that suggested: We weren’t supposed to live like this.

交通逐渐稀少，他们走过十来层楼和上层公寓。每走一步，约翰斯都害怕在返回途中不得不重新获得那些失去的寸许。她提醒自己，这部分很容易。下坡就像钢弹簧的舒展，把她向下推。这使约翰斯想起她做过的溺水噩梦。愚蠢的噩梦，考虑到她从未见过足够多的水来让自己浸没，更不用说足够多的水让她无法呼吸了。但它们就像偶尔从高处坠落的梦，是另一个时代遗留的某种东西，在他们每个人的睡眠意识中挖掘出的破碎碎片，暗示着：我们本不该这样生活。

And so the descent, this spiraling downward, was much like the imagined drowning that swallowed her at night. It felt inexorable and inextricable. Like a weight pulling her down combined with the knowledge that she’d never be able to claw her way back up.

于是，下降，这种螺旋式的下坠，就像她晚上想象中的溺水，将她吞噬。感觉不可抗拒，也无法摆脱。就像一个重量把她拉下去，同时伴随着她永远无法爬回上来的知识。

They passed the garment district next, the land of multi-colored coveralls and the place her balls of yarn came from. The smell of the dyes and other chemicals drifted over the landing. A window cut into the curving cinderblocks looked through to a small food shop at the edge of the district. It had been ransacked by the crowds, shelves emptied by the crushing demand of exhausted hikers and the extra post-cleaning traffic. Several porters crowded up the stairs with heavy loads, trying their best to satisfy demand, and Jahns recognized an awful truth about yesterday’s cleaning: The barbaric practice brought more than psychological relief, more than just a clear view of the outside—it also buttressed the silo’s economy. There was suddenly an excuse to travel. An excuse to trade. And as gossip flowed, and family and old friends met again for the first time in months or perhaps years, there was a vitality injected into the entire silo. It was like an old body stretching and loosening its joints, blood flowing to the extremities. A decrepit thing was becoming alive again.

他们接着经过了服装区，那里是各种颜色的连体衣的聚集地，也是她毛线球的来源地。染料和其他化学品的味道飘过平台。一个窗户切入弯曲的灰砂砖墙，透过窗户可以看到区边缘的一家小食品店。它已被人群洗劫一空，货架被筋疲力尽的徒步旅行者和额外的清洁后交通的巨大需求清空了。几个搬运工带着沉重的货物拥挤着上楼，尽力满足需求，约翰斯认识到昨天清洁的可怕真相：这种野蛮的做法带来的不仅仅是心理上的轻松，不仅仅是清晰的外部视野——它还支撑了筒仓的经济。突然之间，旅行有了理由。交易有了理由。随着谣言四起，家人和老朋友们几个月甚至几年后再次见面，一股活力注入整个筒仓。这就像一个年迈的身体伸展，放松关节，血液流向四肢。一个破旧的东西又活了过来。

“Mayor!”

市长！

She turned to find Marnes almost out of sight around the spiral above her. She paused while he caught up, watching his feet as he hurried.

她转过身，发现马恩斯几乎看不见了，在螺旋形楼梯上方。她停了下来，等他赶上来，看着他的脚步，他匆忙地走着。

“Easy,” he said. “I can’t keep up if you take off like that.”

“简单，”他说。“如果你那样起飞，我追不上。”

Jahns apologized. She hadn’t been aware of any change in her pace.

约翰逊道歉了。她不知道自己的速度有任何变化。

As they entered the second tier of apartments, down below the sixteenth floor, Jahns realized she was already in territory she hadn’t seen in almost a year. There was the rattle, here, of younger legs chasing along the stairwell, getting tangled up in the slow climbers. The grade school for the upper third was just above the nursery. From the sound of all the traffic and voices, school had been canceled. Jahns imagined it was a combination of knowing how few would turn up for class (with parents taking their kids up to the view) plus how many teachers would want to do the same. They passed the landing for the school, where chalk games of Hop and Square-Four were blurred from the day’s traffic, where kids sat hugging the rails, skinned knees poking out, feet swinging below the jutting landings, and where catcalls and eager shouts faded to secret whispers in the presence of adults.

当他们进入公寓的第二层，十六楼以下，约翰斯意识到她已经身处一年多未见过的区域。这里传来年轻腿在楼梯间追逐、与慢吞吞的攀爬者纠缠的响动。上层三年级的小学就在托儿所上方。从所有交通和声音听起来，学校停课了。约翰斯猜想这可能是因为知道有多少人会缺课（家长带着孩子去观景）以及有多少老师也想这么做。他们经过学校的平台，那里白垩游戏“跳跃”和“四方”因当天交通而模糊不清，孩子们坐在扶手上，膝盖上的皮肤外露，脚在突出平台下摆动，以及在大人面前，嬉笑和急切的喊叫变成了秘密的低语。

“Glad we’re almost there, I need a rest,” Marnes said, as they spiraled down one more flight to the nursery. “I just hope this feller is available to see us.”

“我们快到了，我需要休息，”马恩斯说，他们又螺旋下降了一层到苗圃。“我只希望这个家伙能接见我们。”

“He will be,” Jahns said. “Alice wired him from my office that we were coming.”

约翰斯说：“他会来的。”“爱丽丝从我的办公室给他发了电报，说我们要来。”

They crossed traffic at the nursery landing and caught their breath. When Marnes passed his canteen, Jahns took a long pull and then checked her hair in its curved and dented surface.

他们穿过苗圃登陆处的交通，喘了口气。当马恩斯经过他的水壶时，约翰斯深深地吸了一口，然后在她弯曲且凹陷的表面检查了自己的头发。

“You look fine,” he said.

他说道：“你看起来很好。”

“Mayoral?”

市长？

He laughed. “And then some.”

他笑了。“还有更多。”

Jahns thought she saw a twinkle in his old, brown eyes when he said this, but it was probably the light bouncing off the canteen as he brought it to his lips.

约翰斯认为，当他说这话时，他那双老而棕色的眼睛里似乎闪烁着光芒，但这可能只是光线在送到他嘴唇的餐具上反射的结果。

“Twenty floors in just over two hours. Don’t recommend the pace, but I’m glad we’re this far already.” He wiped his mustache and reached around to try and slip the canteen back into his pack.

仅仅两个多小时就爬了二十层楼。不推荐这个速度，但我很高兴我们已经走到了这一步。他擦了擦胡子，伸手去把水壶塞回背包里。

“Here,” Jahns said. She took the canteen from him and slid it into the webbed pouch on the rear of his pack. “And let me do the talking in here,” she reminded him.

“这里，”贾恩斯说。她从他手中接过水壶，塞进他背包后部的网状袋里。“让我在这里说话，”她提醒他。

Marnes lifted his arms and showed his palms, as if no other thought had ever crossed his mind. He stepped past her and pulled one of the heavy metal doors open, the customary squeal of rusted hinges not coming as expected. The silence startled Jahns. She was used to hearing the chirp of old doors all up and down the staircase as they opened and closed. They were the stairwell’s version of the wildlife found in the farms, ever present and always singing. But these hinges were coated in oil, rigorously maintained. The signs on the walls of the waiting room reinforced the observation. They demanded silence in bold letters, accompanied by pictures of fingers over lips and circles with slashes through open mouths. The nursery evidently took their quietude seriously.

马恩斯举起双手，摊开手掌，仿佛从未想过其他事情。他走过她身边，拉开一扇沉重的金属门，生锈的铰链并没有发出预期的吱呀声。这寂静吓了贾恩斯一跳。她习惯了楼梯上下老式门打开和关闭时发出的鸟鸣声。它们是楼梯间里农场野生动物的翻版，永远存在，永远歌唱。但这些铰链涂满了油，经过严格维护。候诊室墙壁上的标志强化了这一观察。它们用粗体字要求保持安静，并配有手指捂住嘴唇和嘴巴上划着斜线的圆圈图片。显然，托儿所非常重视安静。

“Don’t remember so many signs last time I was here,” Marnes whispered.

“上次我来这里时，没记住这么多标志，”马恩斯低声说。

“Maybe you were too busy yapping to notice,” Jahns replied.

也许你太忙着唠叨，没注意到，”约翰斯回答道。

A nurse glared at them through a glass window, and Jahns elbowed Marnes.

一名护士透过玻璃窗怒视着他们，约翰肘击了马恩斯。

“Mayor Jahns to see Peter Nichols,” she told the woman.

约翰市长将去看彼得·尼科尔斯，“她告诉那位女士。

The nurse behind the window didn’t blink. “I know who you are. I voted for you.”

窗后的护士没有眨眼。“我知道你是谁。我投票支持你。”

“Oh, of course. Well, thank you.”

哦，当然。嗯，谢谢。

“If you’ll come around.” The woman hit a button on her desk and the door beside her buzzed faintly. Marnes pushed on the door, and Jahns followed him through.

如果你能过来。那个女人按了桌子上的一个按钮，她旁边的门轻轻地响了一下。马恩斯推开了门，约翰斯跟在他身后走了进去。

“If you’ll don these.”

如果你穿这些。

The nurse—Margaret, according to the hand-drawn tag on her collar—held out two neatly folded white cloth robes. Jahns accepted them both and handed one to Marnes.

护士——根据她衣领上手绘标签，玛格丽特——递出了两件叠得整整齐齐的白布袍子。约翰斯接过了两件，并把其中一件递给了马恩斯。

“You can leave your bags with me.”

你可以把你的包留在我这里。

There was no refusing Margaret. Jahns felt at once that she was in this much younger woman’s world, that she had become her inferior when she passed through that softly buzzing door. She leaned her walking stick against the wall, took her pack off and lowered it to the ground, and then shrugged on the robe. Marnes struggled with his until Margaret helped, holding the sleeve in place. He wrestled the robe over his denim shirt and held the loose ends of the long fabric waist tie as if its working was beyond his abilities. He watched Jahns knot hers, and finally made enough of a mess of it for the robe to hold fairly together.

玛格丽特不容拒绝。约翰斯立刻感到自己置身于这个年轻得多的女人的世界里，在她穿过那扇轻轻嗡嗡作响的门后，她已成为自己的下属。她把拐杖靠在墙上，放下背包，放到了地上，然后套上了长袍。马恩斯费力地穿着他的长袍，直到玛格丽特帮忙，将袖子固定好。他把长袍套过他的牛仔衬衫，握着长袍松松垮垮的腰带，仿佛它的系法超出了他的能力范围。他看着约翰斯系好她的长袍，最终弄得一团糟，但长袍勉强合拢。

“What?” he asked, noticing the way Jahns was watching him. “This is what I’ve got cuffs for. So I never learned to tie a knot, so what?”

“什么？”他问道，注意到约翰斯看着他。“这就是我戴手铐的原因。所以，我从来没学会系结，那又怎样？”

“In sixty years,” Jahns said.

“六十多年，”贾恩斯说。

Margaret pressed another button on her desk and pointed down the hall. “Doctor Nichols is in the nursery. I’ll let him know you’re coming.”

玛格丽特按了桌子上的另一个按钮，并指了指走廊。“尼科尔斯医生在托儿所。我会告诉他你要来。”

Jahns led the way. Marnes followed, asking her: “Why is that so hard to believe?”

约翰斯带路。马恩斯跟在后面，问她：“为什么这么难相信？”

“I think it’s cute, actually.”

我觉得它很可爱。

Marnes snorted. “That’s an awful word to use on a man my age.”

马恩斯哼了一声。“对我这个年纪的人来说，那真是个可怕的词。”

Jahns smiled to herself. At the end of the hall, she paused before a set of double doors before pushing them open a crack. The light in the room beyond was dim. She opened the door further, and they entered a sparse but clean waiting room. She remembered a similar one from the mid levels where she had waited with a friend to be reunited with her child. A glass wall looked into a room that held a handful of cribs and bassinets. It was too dark inside to see if any of the small beds stirred with newborns. Jahns, of course, was notified of every birth, signed a letter of congratulations and a birth certificate for each one, but the names ran together with the days. She could rarely remember what level the parents lived on, if it was their first or second. It made her sad to admit it, but those certificates had just become more paper for her to sign.

约翰斯对自己笑了笑。在走廊尽头，她在打开一扇双开门之前停了下来。房间里的光线很暗。她把门打开得更大，走进了简陋但干净的候诊室。她想起在中层的一个类似的房间，她曾与朋友一起等待与孩子团聚。一面玻璃墙通向一个房间，里面摆放着几张婴儿床和摇篮。里面太暗了，看不清是否有婴儿在动。当然，约翰斯会收到每一胎出生的通知，并为每一位新生儿签署贺信和出生证明，但名字和日期混在一起了。她很少能记住父母住在几楼，是他们的第一个还是第二个孩子。她承认，这让她感到难过，但这些证书对她来说只是更多需要签名的纸张。

The shadowy outline of an adult moved among the small cribs, the shiny clamp of a clipboard and the flash of a metal pen winking from the light of the observation room. The dark shape was obviously tall, with the gait and build of a man. He took his time, noting something as he hovered over a crib, the two shimmers of metal uniting to jot a note. When he was done, he crossed the room and passed through a wide door to join Marnes and Jahns in the waiting room.

一个成年人的身影在小婴儿床之间移动，观察室的光线中，夹板闪闪发光，金属笔发出微光。那道黑影显然很高，步伐和体型都像个男人。他慢慢地走着，在婴儿床上方徘徊时，记下了一些东西，两件金属物品合拢起来，记下了一条笔记。他做完后，穿过房间，走过一扇宽大的门，加入了马恩斯和詹斯在等候室。

Peter Nichols was an imposing man, Jahns saw. Tall and lean, but not like Marnes, who seemed to fold and unfold unsure limbs to move about. Peter was lean like a habitual exerciser, like a few porters Jahns knew who could take the stairs two at a time and make it look like they’d been expressly designed for such a gait. It was height that lent confidence. Jahns could feel it as she took Peter’s outstretched hand and let him pump it firmly.

彼得·尼科尔斯是个令人印象深刻的男人，约翰斯看到。高而瘦，但不像马恩斯，后者似乎折叠和展开不确定的四肢来移动。彼得像一个习惯锻炼的人一样瘦，就像约翰斯认识的几个搬运工一样，他们可以两步两步地走楼梯，并让它看起来像是专门为这种步态设计的。正是身高带来了自信。当约翰斯握住彼得伸出的手，让他用力握住时，她能感觉到这一点。

“You came,” Doctor Nichols said simply. It was a cold observation. There was only a hint of surprise. He shook Marnes’ hand, but his eyes returned to Jahns. “I explained to your secretary that I wouldn’t be much help. I’m afraid I haven’t seen Juliette since she became a shadow twenty years ago.”

“你来了，”尼科尔斯医生简单地说。那是一句冷冰冰的观察。只有一丝惊讶。他握了握马恩斯的手，但他的目光却回到了詹斯身上。“我已经告诉你的秘书，我帮不了什么忙。恐怕自从她二十年前变成幽灵，我就没见过朱丽叶了。”

“Well, that’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.” Jahns glanced at the cushioned benches where she imagined anxious grandparents, aunts, and uncles waited while parents were united with their newborns. “Could we sit?”

嗯，其实我本来想和你谈谈这件事。约翰斯看了一眼那些带靠垫的长椅，她想象着焦急的祖父母、姑姑和叔叔们在父母与新生儿团聚时等待着。“我们可以坐下来吗？”

Doctor Nichols nodded and waved them over.

尼科尔斯医生点了点头，招了招手让他们过来。

“I take each of my appointments for office very seriously,” Jahns explained, sitting across from the doctor. “At my age, I expect most judges and lawmen I install to outlive me, so I choose carefully.”

贾恩斯解释道，坐在医生对面。“我非常重视每次的办公室预约，”“就我这个年纪而言，我希望我任命的多数法官和执法人员都能比我活得久，所以我慎重的选择。”

“But they don’t always, do they?” Doctor Nichols tilted his head, no expression on his lean and carefully shaven face. “Outlive you, I mean.”

但他们并不总是这样，是吗？尼科尔斯医生歪着头，脸上没有表情，面容瘦削，胡子刮得干净利落。“我是说，活得比你久。”

Jahns swallowed. Marnes stirred on the bench beside her.

约翰斯吞咽了一下。马恩斯在她旁边的长凳上动了动。

“You must value family,” Jahns said, changing the subject, realizing this was just another observation, no harm meant. “To have shadowed so long and to choose such a demanding line of work.”

约翰斯说，话锋一转，意识到这只是一般的观察，没有恶意：“你必须重视家庭。”“长期隐蔽，却选择如此高强度的工作。”

Nichols nodded.

尼科尔斯点了点头。

“Why do you and Juliette never visit? I mean, not once in almost twenty years. She’s your only child.”

你和你朱丽叶为什么从来不来？我的意思是，二十年里一次都没有。她是你的独生女。

Nichols turned his head slightly, his eyes drifting to the wall. Jahns was momentarily distracted by the sight of another form moving behind the glass, a nurse making the rounds. Another set of doors led off to what she assumed were the delivery rooms, where a convalescing new mother right now was probably waiting to be handed her most precious possession.

尼科尔斯略微转过头，目光飘向墙壁。约翰斯被玻璃后面另一个身影的景象吸引了片刻，一名护士正在巡视。另一套门通向她认为是产房，那里现在可能有一位正在康复的新妈妈等着接过她最珍贵的物品。

“I had a son as well,” Doctor Nichols said.

“我也有一个儿子，”尼科尔斯医生说。

Jahns felt herself reaching for her bag to procure the folders within, but it wasn’t by her side. This was a detail she had missed, a brother.

贾恩斯感觉自己伸手去拿包里的文件夹，但包不在身边。这是她忽略的一个细节，一个弟弟。

“You couldn’t have known,” Nichols said, correctly reading the shock on Mayor Jahns’ face. “He didn’t survive. Technically, he wasn’t born. The lottery moved on.”

尼科尔斯说：“你不可能知道，”他正确地读出了贾恩斯市长脸上的震惊。“他没活下来。从技术上讲，他还没出生。彩票继续进行。”

“I’m sorry—”

对不起——

She fought the urge to reach over and hold Marnes’ hand. It had been decades since the two of them had purposefully touched, even innocently, but the sudden sadness in the room punctured that intervening time.

她抑制住想伸手抓住马恩斯的手的冲动。几十年来，他们两人再也没有刻意地，甚至无辜地触碰过了，但房间里突然的悲伤刺穿了这段隔阂时间。

“His name was going to be Nicholas, my father’s father’s name. He was born prematurely. One pound eight ounces.”

他本该叫尼古拉斯，我父亲的父亲的名字。他早产了。一磅八盎司。

The clinical precision in his voice was somehow sadder than his processing any feelings might have been.

他声音里的临床精准度，不知为何比他可能产生的任何情感都要悲伤。

“They intubated, moved him into an incubator, but there were . . . complications.” Doctor Nichols looked down at the backs of his hands. “Juliette was twelve at the time. She was as excited as we were, if you can imagine, to have a baby brother on the way. She was one year out from shadowing her mother, who was a delivery nurse.” Nichols glanced up. “Not here in this nursery, mind you, but in the old mid-level nursery. Where we both worked. I was still an intern then.”

他们进行了气管插管，把他移进了保温箱，但……出现了并发症。尼科尔斯医生低头看着自己的手背。“朱丽叶当时十二岁。她就像我们一样兴奋，你能想象吗，即将迎来一个弟弟。她距离跟母亲（一名产科护士）学习还有整整一年。”尼科尔斯抬头看了看。“当然，不是在这间新生儿病房，而是在旧的中级新生儿病房。我们都在那里工作。那时我还是实习生。”

“And Juliette?” Mayor Jahns still didn’t understand the connection.

“朱丽叶呢？” 贾恩斯市长仍然不明白其中的联系。

“There was a failure with the incubator. When Nicholas—” the doctor turned his head to the side and reached halfway to his eyes, but was able to compose himself. “I’m sorry. I still call him that.”

孵化器出故障了。当尼古拉斯——医生侧过头，视线几乎碰到他的眼睛，但还是控制住了自己。“抱歉，我还是叫他那个名字。”

“It’s okay.”

没关系。

Mayor Jahns was holding Deputy Marnes’ hand. She wasn’t sure when or how that had happened. The doctor didn’t seem to notice, or more likely, care.

约翰斯市长握着马恩斯副市长的手。她不知道这是什么时候，怎么发生的。医生似乎没有注意到，或者更可能地，不在乎。

“Poor Juliette.” He shook his head. “She was distraught. She blamed Rhoda at first, this experienced delivery nurse who had done nothing but work a miracle to give our boy the slim chance he had. I explained this. I think Juliette knew. She just needed someone to hate.” He nodded to Jahns. “Girls that age, you know?”

“可怜的朱丽叶。”他摇了摇头。“她非常痛苦。她起初责怪罗达，这位经验丰富的助产士，她除了为我们孩子创造微小的生存机会外，什么都没做。我解释了情况。我想朱丽叶知道。她只是需要一个可以憎恨的人。”他朝约翰斯点了点头。“那个年纪的女孩，你知道吗？”

“Believe it or not, I remember.” Jahns forced a smile and Doctor Nichols returned it. She felt Marnes squeeze her hand.

信不信由你，我记得。”扬斯强挤出一个笑容，尼科尔斯医生也回以一笑。她感觉马恩斯握紧了她的手。

“It wasn’t until her mother died that she took to blaming the incubator that had failed. Well, not the incubator, but the poor condition it was in. The general state of rot all things become.”

直到她母亲去世，她才开始责怪那台出了故障的孵化器。好吧，不是孵化器，而是它糟糕的状况。所有事物都变得腐朽不堪。

“Your wife died from the complications?” It was another detail Jahns felt she must have missed from the file.

“你妻子死于并发症？”约翰斯觉得她一定在档案中遗漏了这个细节。

“My wife killed herself a week later.”

我妻子一周后自杀身亡。

Again, the clinical detachment. Jahns wondered if this was a survival mechanism that had kicked in after these events, or a personality trait already in place.

再次，临床上的超然。约翰斯想知道这是否是在这些事件发生后启动的生存机制，或者是一个已经存在的个性特征。

“Seems like I would remember that,” Deputy Marnes said, the first words he’d uttered since introducing himself to the doctor.

“看来我会记得那件事，”副警长马恩斯说道，这是他向医生自我介绍后说的第一句话。

“Well, I wrote the certificate myself. So I could put whatever cause I wanted—”

嗯，我亲手写了这份证书。所以我可以在上面写上任何我想要的原因——

“And you admit to this?” Marnes seemed ready to leap off the bench. To do what, Jahns could hardly guess. She held his arm to keep him in place.

“你承认吗？”马恩斯似乎准备从长椅上跳起来。雅恩斯几乎猜不出他要做什么。她抓住他的胳膊，让他保持不动。

“Beyond the statute of limitations? Of course. I admit it. It was a worthless lie, anyway. Juliette was smart, even at that age. She knew. And this is what drove her—”

法定时效之外？当然。我承认。那根本就是个毫无价值的谎言。朱丽叶很聪明，即使那个时候。她知道。而这正是促使她——

He stopped himself.

他停了下来。

“Drove her what?” Mayor Jahns asked. “Crazy?”

“开车送她去哪里？”约翰市长问道。“疯了吗？”

“No.” Doctor Nichols shook his head. “I wasn’t going to say that. It’s what drove her away. She applied for a change in casters. Demanded to move down to Mechanical, to enter the Shop as a shadow. She was a year young for that sort of placement, but I agreed. I signed off on it. I thought she’d go, get some deep air, come back. I was naive. I thought the freedom would be good for her.”

“不。”尼科尔斯医生摇摇头。“我本来不想这么说。正是这件事让她离开的。她申请更换轮子。要求调到机械系，以实习生的身份进入车间。她比那样的安排还年轻一年，但我同意了。我签字同意了。我以为她会去，呼吸一下新鲜空气，然后回来。我太天真了。我以为自由对她有好处。”

“And you haven’t seen her since?”

你自从没见过她了吗？

“Once. For her mother’s funeral, just a few days later. She marched up on her own, attended the burial, gave me a hug, then marched back down. All without rest, from what I’ve heard. I try to keep up with her. I have a colleague in the deep nursery who will wire now and then with a bit of news. It’s all focus, focus, focus with her.”

“一次。在她母亲的葬礼上，几天后。她自己走上去，参加了葬礼，给了我一个拥抱，然后又走下来。据我所知，这一切都没有休息。我尽量跟上她的步伐。我在深层保育室有一个同事，时不时会发些消息。她一切都专注，专注，专注。”

Nichols paused and laughed.

尼科尔斯停顿了一下，笑了。

“You know, when she was young, all I saw was her mother in her. But she grew up to be more like me.”

你知道，她年轻的时候，我眼中看到的只有她的母亲。但她长大了，却更像我了。

“Is there anything you know that would preclude her from or make her ill suited for the job of silo sheriff? You do understand what’s involved with the job, right?”

你知不知道有什么会阻止她或让她不适合担任筒仓警长的工作？你明白这个工作需要什么吗？

“I understand.” Nichols looked over at Marnes, his eye drifting to the copper badge visible through the open, shoddily tied robe, down to the bulge of a pistol at his side. “All the little lawmen throughout the silo have to have someone up top, giving commands, is that it?”

“我明白了。”尼科尔斯朝马恩斯望去，他的目光掠过敞开的、系得歪歪扭扭的长袍，停留在透过长袍可见的铜质徽章上，最后落到他身旁手枪的凸起处。“所有在筒仓里的小警察都需要上面的人下达命令，就是这样吗？”

“More or less,” Jahns said.

“或多或少，”约翰斯说。

“Why her?”

为什么是她？

Marnes cleared his throat. “She helped us with an investigation once—”

马恩斯清了清嗓子。“她曾经帮我们调查过一次——”

“Jules? She was up here?”

茱莉？她在这儿吗？

“No. We were down there.”

不。我们在那儿。

“She has no training.”

她没有训练。

“None of us have,” Marnes said. “It’s more of a . . . political office. A citizen’s post.”

我们都没有，”马恩斯说。“这更像一个……政治职位。公民的职位。”

“She won’t agree to it.”

她不会同意。

“Why not?” Jahns asked.

“为什么不？”雅恩斯问道。

Nichols shrugged. “You’ll see for yourself, I suppose.” He stood. “I wish I could give you more time, but I really should get back.” He glanced at the set of double doors. “We’ll be bringing a family in soon—”

尼科尔斯耸了耸肩。“我想你自己会看到的。”他站起身。“我希望我能给你更多时间，但我真的应该回去了。”他瞥了瞥那扇双门。“我们很快就会带一个家庭进来——”

“I understand.” Jahns rose and shook his hand. “I appreciate you seeing us.”

我明白。”约翰斯站起身，握了握他的手。“感谢你见我们。”

He laughed. “Did I have a choice?”

他笑了。“我有什么选择？”

“Of course.”

当然。

“Well, I wish I would’ve known that sooner.”

唉，要是我早知道就好了。

He smiled, and Jahns saw that he was joking. Or attempting to. As they parted company and walked back down the hallway to collect their things and return the robes, Jahns found herself more and more intrigued by this nomination of Marnes’. It wasn’t his style, a woman from the down deep. A person with baggage. She wondered if his judgment was perhaps clouded by other factors. And as he held the door for her, leading out to the main waiting room, Mayor Jahns wondered if she was going along with him because her judgment was clouded as well.

他笑了，约翰斯看到他是在开玩笑。或者，至少是在尝试。当他们分开，沿着走廊走回去取东西，还回长袍时，约翰斯越来越对马恩斯提名这个女人感兴趣。这可不是他的风格，一个来自偏远地方的女人。一个带着包袱的人。她想知道他的判断是否受到其他因素的影响。当他为她拉开门，通往主要的候诊室时，约翰斯市长想知道她是否和他一起走，是因为她的判断也受到了蒙蔽。

3

It was lunchtime, but neither of them were powerfully hungry. Jahns nibbled on a cornbar while she walked, priding herself on “eating on the climb” like a porter. They continued to pass these tradesmen, and Jahns’ esteem of their profession grew and grew. There was a strange pang of guilt to be heading down under such a light load while these men and women trudged up carrying so much. And they moved so fast. She and Marnes pressed themselves against the rail as a downward porter apologetically stomped past. His shadow, a girl of fifteen or sixteen, was right behind him, loaded down with what looked to be sacks of garbage for the recycling center. Jahns watched the young girl spiral out of sight, sinewy and smooth legs hanging miles out of her shorts, and felt suddenly very old and very tired.

中午了，但他们俩都不怎么饿。简斯边走边吃着玉米棒子，自豪地像个搬运工一样“边走边吃”。他们继续路过这些工匠，简斯对他们的职业的敬意与日俱增。在这些男人和女人背负着沉重货物艰难向上攀登时，自己却轻松下山，心里有一种奇怪的内疚感。而且他们行动很快。她和她一起走的人马恩斯紧贴着栏杆，一个向下走的搬运工歉意地从他们身边跺着脚走过。他的影子，一个十五六岁的女孩，紧随其后，背上似乎是装满了要送到回收中心的垃圾袋。简斯看着这个年轻女孩的身影消失在视野中，她修长光滑的小腿从短裤里露出来，感觉自己突然老了，很累。

The two of them fell into a rhythmic pace, the reach of each foot hovering over the next tread, a sort of collapsing of the bones, a resignation to gravity, falling to that foot, sliding the hand, reaching the walking stick forward, repeat. Doubt crept into Jahns around the thirtieth floor. What seemed a fine adventure at sunrise now seemed a mighty undertaking. Each step was performed reluctantly, knowing how grueling it would be to win that elevation back.

他们两人陷入了一种节奏，每只脚的触及都悬停在下一级踏板上，一种骨骼坍塌的感觉，对重力的顺从，落到那只脚上，滑动着手，伸出拐杖向前，重复。到了三十层楼左右，约翰斯心中开始怀疑。清晨看起来像是美妙的冒险，现在却显得像是一项艰巨的任务。每一步都带着勉强，知道要重新赢得那高度是多么的劳累。

They passed the upper water treatment plant on thirty two, and Jahns realized she was seeing portions of the silo that were practically new to her. It had been a lifetime ago that she’d been this deep, a shameful thing to admit. And in that time, changes had been made. Construction and repair were ongoing. Walls were a different color than she remembered. But then, it was hard to trust one’s memory.

他们经过了 32 号上游水处理厂，约翰斯意识到她看到了一些她几乎从未见过的筒仓部分。她已经很久没有深入到这里了，承认这一点很羞愧。在这段时间里，这里发生了变化。施工和维修仍在进行中。墙壁的颜色与她记忆中的不同。但是，很难相信自己的记忆。

The traffic on the stairs lightened as they neared the IT floors. Here were the most sparsely populated levels of the silo, where less than two dozen men and women—but mostly men—operated within their own little kingdom. The silo servers took up almost an entire floor, the machines slowly rebuilding with recent history, having been wiped completely during the uprising. Access to them was now severely restricted, and as Jahns passed the landing on the thirty third, she swore she could hear the mighty thrumming of all the electricity they consumed. Whatever the silo had been, or had been designed for, she knew without asking or being told that these strange machines were some organ of primacy. Their power draw was a constant source of contention during budget meetings. But the necessity of the cleaning, the fear of even talking about the outside and all the dangerous taboos that went with it, gave IT incredible leeway. They housed the labs that made the suits, each one tailored to the person waiting in the holding cell, and this alone set them apart from all else.

楼梯上的交通随着他们接近 IT 楼层而减轻。这里是大仓中人口最稀少的楼层，不到二十名男女——但主要是男性——在他们自己的小王国里工作。大仓服务器占据了几乎整个楼层，机器正缓慢地重建着最近的历史，因为在起义期间它们已被完全清除。现在对它们的访问受到严格限制，当约翰斯经过三十三层的平台时，她发誓她能听到他们消耗的所有电能的巨大嗡嗡声。无论大仓曾经是什么，或者设计用于什么，她无需询问或被告知就知道，这些奇怪的机器是某种至高机构的器官。他们的电力消耗是预算会议期间持续争论的来源。但是，清洁的必要性，对外部环境甚至谈论它以及所有相关的危险禁忌的恐惧，给了 IT 部门极大的回旋余地。他们拥有制造套装的实验室，每一套都根据在拘留室等待的人定制，仅此一点就使它们与所有其他事物区分开来。

No, Jahns told herself, it wasn’t simply the taboo of the cleaning, the fear of the outside. It was the hope. There was this unspoken, deadly hope in every member of the silo. A ridiculous, fantastical hope. That maybe not for them, but perhaps for their children, or their children’s children, that life on the outside would be possible once again, and that it would be the work of IT and the bulky suits that emerged from their labs that would make it all possible.

不，约翰斯告诉自己，这不仅仅是清洁的禁忌，对外部世界的恐惧。这是希望。在筒仓的每个成员心中都存在着这种不言而喻的、致命的希望。一种荒谬的、虚幻的希望。或许不是他们，而是他们的孩子，或他们的孩子的孩子，有一天，外面的生活会再次成为可能，而这将是来自他们实验室的 IT 和笨重的宇航服的工作成果。

Jahns felt a shiver even to think it. Living outside. The childhood conditioning was that strong. Maybe God would hear her thoughts and rat her out. She imagined herself in a cleaning suit, a far too common visual, placing herself into the flexible coffin into which she had condemned so many—

约翰斯甚至想到就感到一阵颤抖。住在外面。童年的熏陶太强烈了。也许上帝会听到她的想法并告发她。她想象自己穿着清洁服，一个太过常见的画面，把自己置于她已经判决了那么多人的那具柔软的棺材里——

On the thirty-fourth, she slipped off onto the landing. Marnes joined her, his canteen in hand. Jahns realized she’d been drinking out of his all day while hers stayed strapped to her back. There was something childlike and romantic about this, but also something practical. It was more difficult to reach one’s own water than it was to grab that of the other from their pack.

三十四号那天，她滑到平台上。马恩斯跟在她身后，手里拿着水壶。约翰斯意识到她一整天都在喝他的水壶，而她自己的水壶一直绑在背上。这其中有一种孩子气和浪漫，但也有一些实用性。自己取水比从背包里取别人的水要难。

“You need a break?” He passed the canteen, which had but two swallows left in it. Jahns took one of them.

你需要休息一下吗？他路过自助餐厅，里面只剩下两只燕麦粥。扬斯吃了一碗。

“This is our next stop,” she said.

“这是我们下一站，”她说。

Marnes looked up at the faded number stenciled over the doorway. He had to know what floor they were on, but it was as if he needed to double check.

马恩斯抬头看着门上褪色的数字标记。他必须知道他们在哪一层，但他好像需要再确认一遍。

Jahns returned his canteen. “In the past, I’ve always wired them to get the okay on my nominations. It was something Mayor Humphries did before me, and Mayor Jeffers before him.” She shrugged. “Way of the world.”

约翰斯还回了他的水壶。“过去，我总是通过电报来获得提名的批准。这是休姆雷斯市长在我之前，以及杰弗斯市长在他之前所做的。”她耸了耸肩。“世道如此。”

“I didn’t know they had to approve.” He took the last swallow and patted Jahns on the back, twirled his finger for her to turn around.

“我不知道他们需要批准。”他喝完最后一口，拍拍约翰斯的后背，用手指转圈让她转身。

“Well, they’ve never rejected any of my nominations—” Jahns felt her canteen tugged out of her pouch, Marnes’ canteen shoved in its place. Her pack felt a smidgen lighter. She realized Marnes wanted to carry her water and share it until it too was empty. “I think the unwritten rule is there just so we’ll carefully consider every judge and lawman, knowing there’s some informal oversight.”

嗯，他们从未拒绝过我的提名——贾恩斯感到自己的水壶被拽了出来，马恩斯的水壶放了进去。她的背包感觉轻了一些。她意识到马恩斯想背着她的水，直到水也喝光。 “我想不成文的规定就是为了让我们仔细考虑每个法官和警官，知道有一些非正式的监督。”

“So this time you’re doing it in person.”

这次你亲自来。

She turned back around to face her deputy. “I figured we were passing this way—” She paused while a young couple hurried up the stairs behind Marnes, holding hands and taking the treads two at a time. “And that it might feel even more conspicuous to not stop and check in.”

她转过身面对她的副手。“我想我们正路过这里—— ”她停顿了一下，一对年轻情侣在马恩斯身后匆匆上楼，手牵着手，两级台阶一起跨过。“而且，不进去看看，可能会更引人注目。”

“Check in,” Marnes said. Jahns half expected him to spit over the railing—the tone seemed to require such punctuation. She suddenly felt another of her weaknesses exposed.

马恩斯说：“登记。” 约翰斯半预料他会从栏杆上吐口水——语气似乎需要这种标点符号。她突然感到自己又一个弱点暴露了。

“Think of it as a goodwill mission,” she said, turning toward the door.

她转向门口说：“把它当作一项友谊使命。”

“I’m gonna think of it as a fact-finding raid,” Marnes muttered, following her.

马恩斯嘀咕着，跟着她走，“我把它当作一次调查行动。”

••••

Unlike at the nursery, Jahns could tell that they would not be buzzed through and sent back into the mysterious depths of IT. While they waited to be seen, she watched as even a member of the staff, identifiable from their red coveralls, was patted down and searched just to leave the wing and exit toward the stairs. A man with a wand—like Terry, a member of IT’s own internal security detail—seemed to have the job of checking everyone who passed through the metal gates. The receptionist on the outside of the gates was deferent enough and seemed pleased to have the Mayor for a visit. She expressed her condolences for the recent cleaning, an odd thing to say but something Jahns wished she heard more often. They were shown to a small conference room attached to the main foyer, a place, she supposed, for meeting with various departments without putting them through the hassle of passing through security.

不像在托儿所，约翰斯能感觉到他们不会被嗡嗡地赶回 IT 部门神秘的深处。在等待被接见时，她看到一名工作人员，从他们红色的连体服可以辨认出来，也接受了搜身检查，仅仅是为了离开这片区域并走向楼梯。一个拿着魔杖的男人——就像 IT 部门内部安全小组的成员特里——似乎负责检查所有穿过金属栅栏的人。栅栏外面的接待员足够恭敬，似乎很高兴市长来访。她表达了她对最近的清洁工作的哀悼，这句奇怪的话，但约翰斯希望她能听到更多。他们被带到连接主大厅的小会议室，她猜想，这是为了与各个部门会面，而无需让他们经历安全检查的麻烦。

“Look at all this space,” Marnes whispered, once they were alone in the room together. “Did you see the size of that entrance hall?”

“看看这所有的空间，”马恩斯低声说，一旦他们独自一人待在房间里。“你看到那入口大厅的大小了吗？”

Jahns nodded. She looked around the ceiling and walls for some peephole, something to confirm the creepy sensation that she was being watched. She set her bag and walking stick down and collapsed wearily into one of the plush chairs. When it moved, she realized the thing was on wheels. Nicely oiled wheels.

约翰点了点头。她环顾天花板和墙壁，寻找窥视孔，寻找一些东西来证实她被监视的毛骨悚然的感觉。她放下包和拐杖，疲惫地倒在其中一张柔软的椅子上。当它移动时，她意识到那东西是轮式的。润滑良好的轮子。

“Always wanted to check this place out,” Marnes said. He peered through the glass window that looked back into the wide foyer. “Every time I’ve passed this place—and it’s only been a dozen times or so—I’ve been curious to see what’s inside.”

“我一直想看看这个地方，”马恩斯说。他透过玻璃窗往宽阔的大厅里张望。“每次路过这里——大概也就十几次——我都很好奇里面是什么样。”

Jahns nearly asked him to stop talking, but worried that it would hurt his feelings.

约翰斯差一点就让他住口，但担心那样会伤害他的感情。

“Boy, he’s coming in a hurry. Must be because of you.”

男孩，他急匆匆地进来。一定是因为你。

Jahns turned and looked out the window to see Bernard Holland heading their way. He disappeared from view as he approached the door, the handle flicked down, and the small man whose job it was to keep IT running smoothly strode into the room.

约翰斯转身望向窗外，看到伯纳德·霍兰德朝他们走来。他走到门口时不见了，门把手向下弹了一下，那个负责让 IT 系统顺畅运行的小个子走进了房间。

“Mayor.”

市长

Bernard was all teeth, the front ones crooked. He reached for Jahns’ hand as she rose from the chair, the blasted thing nearly scooting out from underneath her as she pressed down on the arm rests.

伯纳德满嘴都是牙齿，前牙歪歪扭扭的。她起身时，他伸手去抓约翰的手，她用力按住扶手，那该死的椅子差点从她底下滑出去。

“Careful,” Bernard said, grabbing her elbow to steady her. “Deputy.” He nodded toward Marnes while Jahns steadied herself. “It’s an honor to have you down. I know you don’t take these trips often.”

“小心，”伯纳德说，抓住她的肘部扶稳她。“副警长。”他朝马恩斯点点头，而贾恩斯也稳住了自己。“能请你下来，我们很荣幸。我知道你不太常来这些地方。”

“Thanks for seeing us on short notice,” Jahns said.

“谢谢您临时安排了我们的会面，”约翰斯说。

“Of course. Please, make yourselves comfortable.” He swept his hand over the lacquered conference table. It was nicer than the one in the Mayor’s office, though Jahns assuaged herself by assuming it was shiny from being less frequently employed. She sat, approaching the chair warily, then reached into her bag and produced the set of files.

当然。请便，请坐舒服些。”他挥了挥手，示意了一下漆面会议桌。虽然比市长办公室的桌子好，但雅恩安慰自己，可能是因为使用频率低，所以才显得光亮。她谨慎地走到椅子边坐下，然后从包里拿出文件。

“Straight to business, as always,” Bernard said, sitting beside her. He pushed his glasses up his nose and glided forward on the chair until his plump little belly met the desk. “Always appreciated that about you. We are, as you can imagine with yesterday’s unfortunate events, as busy as ever. Lots of data to go through.”

“一如既往，直奔主题，”伯纳德说道，坐在她身边。他推了推眼镜，在椅子上滑向前，直到他圆滚滚的小肚子碰到桌子。“我一直很欣赏这一点。正如你昨天不幸事件之后可以想象的那样，我们忙得不可开交。有很多数据要处理。”

“How’s that going?” Jahns asked, while she arranged the material in front of her.

简恩问道，一边整理她面前的材料。

“Some positives and negatives, as always. Readouts from some of the seal sensors showed improvement. Atmospheric levels of eight of the known toxins have declined, though not by much. Two have risen. Most have remained unchanged.” He waved his hand. “It’s a lot of boring technical stuff, but it’ll all be in my report. I should have it ported up before you get back to your office.”

总有一些积极和消极方面，和以往一样。部分密封传感器读数显示有所改善。八种已知毒素的大气浓度下降，但幅度不大。两种上升了。大多数保持不变。”他挥了挥手。“这都是很多枯燥的技术性内容，但所有内容都会在我的报告中。在你回到办公室之前，我应该就能上传报告了。

“That’ll be fine,” Jahns said. She wanted to say something else, to acknowledge his department’s hard work, to let him know that another cleaning had been successful, God knew why. But it was Holston out there, the closest thing she’d ever had to a shadow, the only man she ever saw running for her office when she was dead and feeding the roots of the fruit trees. It was too soon to mention it, much less applaud it.

“那没问题，”约翰斯说。她想说点别的，感谢他部门的辛勤工作，告诉他这次清洁又成功了，上帝知道为什么。但霍尔斯顿就在外面，是她所拥有的最接近影子的人，是她唯一在看到她死后为她办公室跑来跑去，为果树的根部输送养分的男人。现在提这件事还太早，更不用说为此喝彩了。

“I normally wire this sort of thing to you,” she said, “but since we were passing by, and you won’t be up for the next committee meeting for, what, another three months?”

我通常会把这类东西电汇给你，”她说，“但是既然我们路过，而且你还要三个月才能参加下一次委员会会议？”

“The years go fast,” Bernard said.

岁月过得真快，”伯纳德说。

“I just figured we could informally agree to this now, so I could offer our best candidate the job.” She glanced up at Marnes. “Once she accepts, we can finish the paperwork on our way back up, if you don’t mind.” She slid the folder toward Bernard, and was surprised when he produced one of his own, rather than accept hers.

我刚才想，我们可以现在非正式地达成协议，这样我就能把我们最好的候选人聘用了。”她抬头看着马恩斯。“一旦她接受，我们可以回程路上完成相关文件，如果你不介意的话。”她把文件夹递给伯纳德，当他拿出自己的文件夹而不是接受她的文件夹时，她感到很惊讶。

“Well, let’s go over this,” Bernard said. He opened his folder, licked his thumb, and flipped through a few pieces of high quality paper. “We were wired about your visit, but your list of candidates didn’t hit my desk until this morning. Otherwise, I would have tried to save you the trip down and back up.” He pulled out a piece of paper devoid of creases. It didn’t even look bleached. Jahns wondered where IT got such things while her office was held together with cornstarch paste. “I’m thinking, of the three names listed here, that Billings is our man.”

“好吧，我们来看看，”伯纳德说。他打开文件夹，舔了舔拇指，翻了翻几张高质量的纸。“我们对你的来访很重视，但你的候选人名单直到今天早上才送到我的桌子上。否则，我本想让你不必来回跑一趟。”他拿出了一张没有褶皱的纸。它甚至看起来没有漂白。贾恩斯想知道 IT 部门是从哪里弄到这种东西的，而她的办公室是用玉米淀粉糊粘在一起的。“我认为，在这三个名字中，比林斯是我们的人。”

“We may consider him next—” Deputy Marnes started to say.

我们或许可以考虑他下一步——马恩斯副警长开始说道。

“I think we should consider him now.” He slid the paper toward Jahns. It was an acceptance contract. There were signatures at the bottom. One line was left blank, the Mayor’s name neatly printed underneath.

我认为我们现在应该考虑他。他把文件递给约翰斯。那是一份接受合同。底部有签名。还有一行留空，市长的名字整齐地印在下面。

She had to catch her breath.

她不得不喘口气。

“You’ve already contacted Peter about this?”

你已经联系过彼得关于这件事了吗？

“He accepted. The judge’s robe was going to be a little stifling for him, being so young and full of energy. I thought he was a fine choice for that role, but I think he’s an even better one now for the job of sheriff.”

他接受了。法官的袍子对他来说有点闷热，毕竟他这么年轻，精力充沛。我觉得他担任那个角色是个不错的选择，但我认为他现在更适合做警长这个工作。

Jahns remembered Peter’s nomination process. It had been one of the times she’d gone along with Bernard’s suggestion, seeing it as a trade for a future pick of her own. She studied the signature, Peter’s hand familiar from his various notes sent up on behalf of Judge Wilson. She imagined one of the porters who had flown past them on the steps that day, apologizing as they went, rushing this very piece of paper down.

约翰斯记得彼得的提名过程。那次是她同意伯纳德的建议，认为这是为了将来自己挑选的交易。她仔细研究了签名，彼得的手迹在她看来很熟悉，因为他曾代表威尔逊法官发送过各种便条。她想象着当天在台阶上飞奔而过的搬运工之一，在经过他们时道歉，匆忙地送来这纸文件。

“I’m afraid Peter is currently third on our list,” Mayor Jahns finally said. Her voice suddenly felt tired. It sounded frail and weak in the cavernous and wasteful space of that underused and outsized conference room. She looked up at Marnes, who was glaring at the contract, his jaw clenching and unclenching.

我担心彼得目前在我们的名单上排第三，”贾恩斯市长最终说道。她的声音突然感觉很疲惫。在那个使用不足、规模过大的会议室的空旷而浪费的空间里，她的声音听起来虚弱无力。她抬头看着马恩斯，他正盯着合同，下巴紧绷又放松。

“Well, I think we both know Donald’s name is on this list for flattery. He’s too old for the job—”

嗯，我想我们都知道唐纳德的名字在这份奉承名单上。他太老了，不适合这份工作——

“Younger than me,” Marnes spat. “I hold up just fine.”

“比我年轻，”马恩斯啐道。“我过得很好。”

Bernard tilted his head. “Yes, well, your first choice simply won’t do, I’m afraid.”

伯纳德歪了歪头。“是的，嗯，恐怕你第一个选择不行。”

“And why is that?” Jahns asked.

为什么？贾恩斯问道。

“I’m not sure how . . . thorough your background check has been, but we’ve had enough problems with this candidate that I recognized her name. Even though she is from Maintenance.”

我不确定你的背景调查进行得如何……但我们已经遇到过足够多的问题，以至于我认出了她的名字。即使她来自维护部门。

Bernard said this last word like it was full of nails and might gut him to spit it out.

伯纳德说这句话，就像它充满了钉子，可能会让他吐出来。

“What kinda problem?” Marnes demanded to know.

“什么问题？”马恩斯追问道。

Jahns shot the deputy a look of warning.

约翰斯警告地看了副警长一眼。

“Nothing we would have wanted to report, mind you.” Bernard turned to Marnes. There was venom in the small man’s eyes, a raw hatred for the Deputy, or perhaps for the star on his chest. “Nothing worth involving the law. But there have been some . . . creative requisitions from her office, items rerouted from our use, improper claims of priority and the like.” Bernard took a deep breath and folded his hands together on top of the folder in front of him. “I wouldn’t go as far as calling it stealing, per se, but we have filed complaints with Deagan Knox as head of Mechanical to inform him of these . . . irregularities.”

“我们可不想报告任何事情，明白吗？”伯纳德转向马恩斯。小个子男人眼中充满了恶意，是对副警长，或者是对胸前徽章的赤裸裸的仇恨。“没有什么值得牵扯法律的事。但她的办公室提出了一些……创造性的需求，一些物品被改道，使用了不当的优先权声明等等。”伯纳德深吸了一口气，将双手叠放在他面前的文件夹上。“我不会说是盗窃，但我们已经向机械部门的迪根·诺克斯提交了投诉，告知他这些……不规则行为。”

“That’s it?” Marnes growled. “Requisitions?”

“就这样？”马恩斯咆哮道。“申请单？”

Bernard frowned. He spread his hands on the folder. “That’s it? Have you been listening? The woman has practically stolen goods, has had items re-routed from my department. It’s not clear if these are even for silo use. They could be for personal gain. God knows, the woman uses more than her allowance of electricity. Maybe she trades for chits—”

伯纳德皱起了眉头。他把双手放在文件夹上。“就这样？你听了吗？那个女人几乎偷了货物，把物品从我的部门调走。还不清楚这些东西是不是真的用于筒仓。它们可能用于个人利益。天知道，那个女人使用的电量超过了她应有的限额。也许她用这些东西换取——

“Is this a formal accusation?” Marnes asked. He made a show of pulling his pad from his pocket and clicking his mechanical pen.

“这是正式的指控吗？”马恩斯问道。他摆出一副从口袋里掏出记事本，点击机械笔的样子。

“Ah, no. As I said, we would not want to trouble your office. But, as you can see, this is not the sort of person to enter a career in high law. It’s what I expect of a mechanic, to be honest, which is where, I’m afraid, this candidate should stay.” He patted the folder as if putting the issue to rest.

啊，不。正如我所说，我们不想麻烦贵部门。但是，正如您所见，这不是适合从事高层法律职业的人。老实说，这更像我期望一个技工的素质，恐怕这名候选人应该待在那个领域。 他拍了拍文件夹，仿佛要结束这件事。

“That’s your suggestion,” Mayor Jahns said.

那是你的建议，贾恩斯市长说。

“Why, yes. And I think since we have such a fine candidate ready and willing to serve and already living in the up-top—”

为什么，是的。而且我认为，既然我们有这么优秀的人选，乐意服务，而且已经住在顶层——

“I’ll take your suggestion into account.” Jahns took the crisp contract from the table and conspicuously folded it in half, pinching the crease with her fingernails as she slid them down its length. She stuck the piece of paper in one of her folders while Bernard watched, horrified.

我会考虑你的建议。贾恩斯从桌子上拿起那份干净的合同，显眼地将其对折，用指甲捏住折痕，手指沿合同滑下。她将那张纸塞进一个文件夹里，而伯纳德则看着，吓得目瞪口呆。

“And since you have no formal complaints about our first candidate, I will take this as tacit approval to speak with her about the job.” Jahns stood and grabbed her bag. She slid the folders into the outside pouch and secured the flap, then grabbed her walking stick from where it leaned against the conference table. “Thank you for seeing us.”

既然您对我们第一位候选人没有任何正式的异议，我将视之为默许，可以和她谈谈这份工作。贾恩斯站起身，拿起她的包。她把文件夹放进外面的袋子里，扣紧拉链，然后从会议桌旁拿起她的拐杖。“谢谢你们见我们。”

“Yes, but—” Bernard scooted away from the table and hurried after her as Jahns made for the door. Marnes got up and followed, smiling.

是的，但是——伯纳德从桌子旁溜开，在她身后急急忙忙地追赶，而贾恩斯则朝门口走去。马恩斯站起身，笑着跟了上去。

“What should I tell Peter? He’s of the assumption that he starts any time!”

我应该告诉彼得什么？他认为他随时可以开始！

“You should never have told him anything,” Jahns said. She stopped in the foyer and glared at Bernard. “I gave you my list in confidence. You betrayed that. Now, I appreciate all you do for the silo. You and I have a long and peaceable history working together, overseeing what might be the most prosperous age our people have known—”

“你本不该告诉他任何事，”约翰斯说。她在门厅停了下来，怒视着伯纳德。“我私下给了你我的清单。你背叛了它。现在，我感谢你为粮仓所做的一切。你和我有很长一段和平的历史，一起工作，监督着我们的人民可能经历过的最繁荣的时代——”

“Which is why—” Bernard began.

“所以——”伯纳德开始说。

“Which is why I’m forgiving this trespass,” Mayor Jahns said. “This is my job. My people. They elected me to make these kinds of decisions. So my deputy and I will be on our way. We will give our top choice a fair interview. And I will be sure to stop by on my way up in case there is anything to sign.”

“所以，我原谅了这次过失，”贾恩斯市长说道。“这是我的工作。我的子民。他们选我做出这些决定。所以，我和我的副手将启程。我们将对我们的最佳人选进行公平的采访。并且，我会在去上班的路上顺便来看看，如有需要签署的文件。”

Bernard spread his hands in defeat. “Very well,” he said. “I apologize. I only hoped to expedite the process. Now please, rest a little, you are our guests. Let me get you some food, maybe some fruit?”

伯纳德摊开双手，表示认输。“好吧，”他说，“我道歉。我只是希望能加快流程。现在请休息一会儿，你们是我们的客人。我去给你们弄些吃的，或许一些水果？”

“We’ll be on our way,” Jahns said.

“我们这就出发，”约翰斯说。

“Fine.” He nodded. “But at least some water? Top up your canteens?”

“好。”他点了点头。“但至少喝点水？补充一下你的水壶？”

Jahns remembered one of them was already empty, and they had a few more flights to go.

约翰斯记得其中一个已经空了，他们还有几趟航班要走。

“That would be a kind gesture,” she said. She waved to Marnes, who turned so she could grab his canteen from his pack. Then she turned her back so he could grab hers as well. Bernard waved to one of his workers to come fetch them and fill them up, but the entire time, he had his eyes on this curious and intimate exchange.

那将是一个友好的举动，她说。她向马恩挥了挥手，他转过身，好让她从他的背包里拿他的水壶。然后她转过身，好让他也能拿她的。伯纳德向他的一个工人挥了挥手，让他过来取水壶并装满水，但他一直在注视着这场好奇而亲密的互动。

4

There were almost down to the fifties before Jahns could think straight. She imagined she could feel the weight of Peter Billings’ contract in her pack. Marnes muttered his own complaints from a few steps behind, bitching about Bernard and trying to keep up, and Jahns realized she was fixated, now. The weariness in her thighs and calves had become compounded by the growing sense that this trip was more than a mistake: it was probably futile. A father who warns her that his daughter won’t accept. Pressure from IT to choose another. Now, each step of their descent could be taken with dread. Dread and yet a new certainty that Juliette was their man. This woman from Mechanical would be convinced to take the job, if only to show Bernard, if only to keep the arduous journey from becoming a total waste.

贾恩斯几乎走到五六十年代才能理清思路。她想象着彼得·比林斯合同的重量压在她的背包里。马恩斯从几步之后嘀咕着他的抱怨，抱怨伯纳德，试图跟上，贾恩斯意识到她现在已经着迷了。大腿和小腿的疲惫感加剧了这种感觉，这次旅行不仅仅是错误：它可能毫无意义。一个警告她女儿不会接受的父亲。IT 部门的压力让她选择另一个人。现在，他们下降的每一步都可能伴随着恐惧。恐惧，却又有一种新的确定性，朱莉叶特是他们的男人。这位来自机械部门的女士会被说服接受这份工作，只为了向伯纳德证明，只为了不让艰辛的旅程变成完全的浪费。

Jahns was old, had been Mayor a long time, partly because she got things done, partly because she prevented worse things from happening, but mostly because she made little turmoil. She felt like it was about time. Now, while she was old enough for it to not matter the consequences. She glanced back at Marnes and knew the same went for him. Their time was almost up. The best, the most important thing they could do for the silo, was to make sure their legacy endured. No uprisings. No abuses of power. It was why she ran unopposed the last few elections. But now she could sense that she was gliding to the finish while stronger and younger runners were preparing to overtake her. How many judges had she signed off on at Bernard’s request? And now the sheriff, too? How long before Bernard was mayor? Or worse: a puppet master with strings interwoven throughout the silo.

约翰斯已年迈，长期担任市长，部分原因是她能把事情办好，部分原因是她阻止了更糟糕的事情发生，但主要是因为她尽量避免了动荡。她觉得时机到了。现在，虽然她已经足够老，以至于后果不再重要。她回头看了一眼马恩斯，知道他也是一样。他们的时间几乎用完了。他们能为粮仓做的最好、最重要的事情，就是确保他们的遗产延续下去。没有起义。没有滥用权力。这就是她过去几届选举中无人挑战的原因。但现在她能感觉到自己正在滑向终点，而更强、更年轻的选手正在准备超越她。她根据伯纳德的要求签署了多少法官？现在连警长也一样？伯纳德多久会成为市长？或者更糟：一个在整个粮仓中穿梭操控着细线的傀儡大师？

“Take it easy,” Marnes huffed.

“别紧张，”马恩斯喘着气说。

Jahns realized she was going too fast. She slowed her pace.

约翰斯意识到她开得太快了。她放慢了速度。

“That bastard’s got you riled up,” he said.

那个混蛋让你生气了，”他说。

“And you better be as well,” she hissed back at him.

你也最好也一样，”她向他低声说。

“You’re passing the gardens.”

你正经过花园。

Jahns checked the landing number and saw that he was right. If she’d been paying attention, she would’ve noticed the smell. When the doors on the next landing flew open, a porter bearing sacks of fruit on each shoulder strode out, the scent of lush and wet vegetation accompanying him and overpowering her.

约翰斯检查了着陆号，发现他没错。如果她留心的话，她就会闻到气味。当下一层楼的舱门打开时，一个肩上扛着水果袋的搬运工走了出来，浓郁潮湿的植被气息伴随着他，令她难以忍受。

It was past dinner time, and the smell was intoxicating. The porter, even overburdened, saw that they were leaving the stairwell for the landing and held the door open with a planted foot as his arms bulged around the weight of the large sacks.

饭点过了，香味令人陶醉。搬运工，即使负荷过重，也看到他们正从楼梯间走到平台，用一只脚撑住门，胳膊上鼓起的大麻袋的重量。

“Mayor,” he said, bowing his head and then nodding to Marnes as well.

“市长，”他说，弯下腰，然后也向马恩斯点了点头。

Jahns thanked him. Most of the porters looked familiar to her, having seen them over and over as they delivered throughout the silo. But they never stayed in one place long enough for her to catch and remember a name, a normally keen skill of hers. She wondered, as she and Marnes entered the hydroponic farms, if the porters made it home every night to be with their families. Or did they even have families? Were they like the priests? She was too old and too curious not to know these things. But then, maybe it took a day on the stairwell to appreciate their job, to fully notice them. The porters were like the air she breathed, always there, always serving, so necessary as to be ubiquitous and taken for granted. But now the weariness of the climb had opened her senses fully to them. It was like a sudden drop in the oxygen, triggering her appreciation.

约翰斯感谢了他。大多数搬运工对她来说都显得熟悉，因为她一再地看到他们往返于筒仓之间。但她从未在一个地方待足够长的时间，以便记住他们的名字，这原本是她的一项敏锐技能。当她和马恩斯进入水培农场时，她想知道搬运工每天晚上是否回家与家人团聚。或者他们甚至有没有家人？他们是否像牧师一样？她年纪太大了，好奇心太强，无法不了解这些事情。但也许，在楼梯间待一天才能体会到他们的工作，才能真正注意到他们。搬运工就像她呼吸的空气，总是存在，总是服务，如此必要，以至于司空见惯，习以为常。但现在，爬山的疲惫让她完全感受到了他们。这就像突然间氧气减少，触发了她对他们的感激。

“Smell those oranges,” Marnes said, snapping Jahns out of her thoughts. He sniffed the air as they passed through the low garden gates. A staff member in green coveralls waved them through. “Bags here, Mayor,” he said, gesturing to a wall of cubbies sporadically occupied with shoulder bags and bundles.

“闻闻那些橘子，”马恩斯说，打断了贾恩斯的思绪。他穿过低矮的花园门，嗅了嗅空气。一位穿着绿色工作服的工作人员挥了挥手，让他们通过。“包在这里，市长，”他说，示意着墙上零星摆放着肩包和包裹的储物格。

Jahns complied, leaving her kit in one of the cubbies. Marnes pushed hers to the back and added his to the same one. Whether it was to save space or merely his habitual protectiveness, Jahns found the act as sweet as the air inside the gardens.

约翰斯照做了，把她的装备放在了其中一个储物格里。马恩斯把自己的推到后面，也放进了同一个储物格。不管是为了节省空间，还是仅仅出于习惯性的保护，约翰斯觉得这个举动就像花园里的空气一样甜蜜。

“We have reservations for the evening,” Jahns told the worker.

我们预订了晚上房间。

He nodded. “One flight down for the rooms. I believe they’re still getting yours ready. Are you here just for a visit or to eat?”

他点了点头。“房间已下降一个航班。我相信他们还在准备你的房间。你是来参观还是来吃饭？”

“A little of both.”

两者兼而有之

The young man smiled. “Well, by the time you’ve had a bite, your rooms should be available.”

年轻人笑了。“好了，你吃一口，房间应该就有了。”

Rooms, Jahns thought. She thanked the young man and followed Marnes into the garden network.

房间，贾恩斯心想。她感谢了年轻人，跟着马恩斯走进了花园网络。

“How long since you were here?” she asked the Deputy.

她问副手：“你多久没来了？”

“Wow. A while back. Four years or so?”

哇。很久以前。大约四年前？

“That’s right.” Jahns laughed. “How could I forget? The heist of the century.”

“没错。”扬斯笑了。“我怎么能忘记？世纪大盗。”

“I’m glad you think it’s funny,” Marnes said.

马恩斯说：“我很高兴你认为这很有趣。”

At the end of the hallway, the twisting spiral of the hydroponic gardens diverted off both ways. This main tunnel snaked through two levels of the silo, curving maze-like all the way to the edges of the distant concrete walls. The constant sound of water dripping from the pipes was oddly soothing, the splatters echoing off the low ceiling. The tunnel was open on either side, revealing the bushy green of plants, vegetables, and small trees growing amid the lattice of white plastic pipes, twine strung everywhere to give the creeping vines and stems something to hold. Men and women with their young shadows tended to the plants, all in green coveralls. Sacks hung around their necks bulged with the day’s harvest, and the cutters in their hands clacked like little claws that were a biological part of them. The pruning was mesmerizingly adroit and effortless, the sort of task that only came from day after week after year of practice and repetition.

走廊尽头，水耕花园的螺旋形通道向两侧分岔。这条主通道蜿蜒穿过粮仓的两层，像迷宫一样蜿蜒到远处混凝土墙壁的边缘。从管道滴下的水声持续不断，滴答声在低矮的天花板上回响，令人奇怪地感到平静。通道两侧敞开，露出茂盛的绿色植物、蔬菜和小树，它们生长在白色塑料管的格架中，到处都缠绕着细绳，为攀爬的藤蔓和茎干提供支撑。男人和女人带着他们年轻的影子照料着植物，都穿着绿色工作服。他们脖子上挂着的麻袋鼓鼓囊囊，装满了当天的收获；他们手中的剪刀咔哒作响，就像他们身体的一部分一样。修剪工作令人着迷地娴熟而轻松，这种工作只有经过日复一日，年复一年的练习和重复才能做到。

“Weren’t you the first one to suggest the thievery was an inside job?” Jahns asked, still laughing to herself. She and Marnes followed the signs pointing toward the tasting and dining halls.

约翰斯问道，她还在笑着：“你不是第一个建议这起盗窃案是内部人员做的吗？”她和马恩斯跟着指示牌，朝品尝和用餐大厅走去。

“Are we really going to talk about this?”

我们真的要谈论这件事吗？

“I don’t know why it’s embarrassing. You’ve got to laugh about it.”

我不知道为什么觉得尴尬。你必须笑一笑。

“With time.” He stopped and gazed through the mesh fencing at a stand of tomatoes. The powerful odor of their ripeness made Jahns’ stomach grumble.

“时间。”他停了下来，透过铁丝网看着一丛西红柿。成熟的西红柿散发出的浓郁香味，让约翰斯肚子咕咕叫。

“We were really hyped up to make a bust at the time,” Marnes said quietly. “Holston was a mess during all of this. He was wiring me every night for an update. I’ve never seen him want to take someone down so bad. Like he really needed it, you know?” He wrapped his fingers in the protective grate and stared past the vegetables as if into the years gone by. “Looking back, it’s almost like he knew something was up with Allison. Like he saw the madness coming.” Marnes turned to Jahns. “Do you remember what it was like before she cleaned? It had been so long. Everyone was on edge.”

“我们当时真的很兴奋要搞垮他，”马恩斯轻声说道。“霍尔斯顿在这期间一团糟。他每晚都给我打电话要更新。我从未见过他这么想扳倒一个人。就像他真的需要那样，你知道吗？”他把手放在防护栅栏上，凝视着蔬菜，仿佛凝视着过去岁月。“回过头来看，这几乎就像他知道艾莉森有什么问题一样。就像他看到了即将到来的疯狂。”马恩斯转向詹斯。“你还记得她打扫之前是什么样子吗？时间已经很久了。每个人都紧张不安。”

Jahns had long since stopped smiling. She stood close to Marnes. He turned back to the plants, watched a worker snip off a red ripe tomato and place it in her basket.

约翰斯早已停止微笑。她站在马恩斯身边。他转回身看着植物，看着一个工人摘下一颗红熟的番茄，放进她的篮子里。

“I think Holston wanted to let the air out of the silo, you know? I think he wanted to come down and investigate the thefts himself. Kept wiring me every day for reports like a life depended on it.”

我想霍尔斯顿想放掉筒仓里的空气，你知道吗？我想他想要亲自下来调查这些盗窃案。他每天都给我发电报要报告，就像生命依赖于此一样。

“I’m sorry to bring it up,” Jahns said, resting a hand on his shoulder.

“我很抱歉提起这件事，”贾恩斯说，把手放在他的肩上。

Marnes turned and looked at the back of her hand. His bottom lip was visible below his mustache. Jahns could picture him kissing her hand. She pulled it away.

马尔内斯转过身，看着她手背。他的下嘴唇在他胡子下面露出来。约翰斯能想象到他吻她的手。她把手抽了回来。

“It’s fine,” he said. “Without all that baggage, I guess it is pretty funny.” He turned and continued down the hallway.

“没关系，”他说。“没有那些包袱，我想这挺好笑的。”他转身继续沿着走廊走下去。

“Did they ever figure out how it got in here?”

他们有没有弄清楚它是怎么进来的？

“Up the stairwell,” Marnes said. “Had to be. Though I heard one person suggest that a child could’ve stolen one to keep as a pet and then released it up here.”

“楼梯口，”马恩斯说。“一定是。不过我听说有人建议一个孩子可能偷走一只，当宠物养，然后把它放出来。”

Jahns laughed. She couldn’t help herself. “One rabbit,” she said, “confounding the greatest lawman of our time and making off with a year’s salary of greens.”

约翰斯笑了。她忍不住。她说：“一只兔子，竟然愚弄了我们这个时代最伟大的警长，还偷走了他一年的绿叶薪水。”

Marnes shook his head and chuckled a little. “Not the greatest,” he said. “That was never me.” He peered down the hallway and cleared his throat, and Jahns knew perfectly well who he was thinking of.

马内斯摇了摇头，轻笑了一下。“不太好，”他说。“那从来都不是我。”他向下望了望走廊，清了清嗓子，约翰斯立刻明白他想到的是谁。

••••

After a large and satisfying dinner, they retired a level down to the guest rooms. Jahns had a suspicion that extra pains had been taken to accommodate them. Every room was packed, many of them double and triple booked. And since the cleaning had been scheduled well before this last-minute interview adventure of theirs, she suspected rooms had been bumped around to make space. The fact that they had given them separate rooms, the mayor’s with two beds, made it worse. It wasn’t just the waste, it was the arrangement. Jahns was hoping to be more . . . inconvenienced.

大吃一顿令人满意的晚餐后，他们退到客房一层。约翰斯怀疑他们受到了额外的照顾。每个房间都挤满了人，许多房间都双倍或三倍预订。由于清洁工作安排在他们这次临时采访之前，她怀疑房间的安排已经调整以腾出空间。他们给他们安排了不同的房间，市长的房间有两张床，这更糟了。这不仅仅是浪费，还有安排方式。约翰斯希望自己能更……不便。

And Marnes must’ve felt the same way. Since it was still hours before bedtime, and they were both buzzing from a fine meal and strong wine, he asked her to his small room so they could chat while the gardens settled down.

马恩斯肯定也感觉一样。由于距离睡觉时间还有几个小时，而且他们都因为美味的佳肴和烈酒而兴奋，他邀请她到他小屋里聊天，让花园安静下来。

His room was tastefully cozy, with only a single twin bed, but nicely appointed. The upper gardens were one of just a dozen large private enterprises. All the expenses for their stay would be covered by her office’s travel budget, and that money and the fares of the other travelers helped to afford finer things, like nice sheets from the looms and a mattress that didn’t squeak.

他的房间布置得温馨舒适，只有一个单人床，但布置得很好。上花园是仅有的十几家大型私人企业之一。他们住宿的所有费用都将由她办公室的差旅预算支付，这笔钱以及其他旅客的机票费用，有助于支付更精致的东西，例如来自织布机的漂亮床单和不会发出吱吱声的床垫。

Jahns sat on the foot of the bed. Marnes took off his holster, placed it on the dresser, and plopped onto a changing bench just a few feet away. While she kicked off her boots and rubbed her sore feet, he went on and on about the food, the waste of separate rooms, brushing his mustache down with his hand as he spoke.

约翰斯坐在床脚。马恩斯脱下枪套，放在梳妆台上，然后坐在几英尺外的一张换衣长凳上。她脱下靴子，揉着酸痛的脚，他喋喋不休地说着食物，说着分开的房间的浪费，一边说话一边用手抚平他的胡子。

Jahns worked her thumbs into the soreness in her heels. “I feel like I’m going to need a week of rest at the bottom before we start the climb up,” she said during a pause.

约翰斯使劲揉搓着脚后跟的疼痛。“我觉得爬山之前需要休息一周。”她在暂停时说道。

“It’s not all that bad,” Marnes told her. “You watch. You’ll be sore in the morning, but once you start moving, you’ll find that you’re stronger than you were today. And it’s the same on the way up. You just lean into each step, and before you know it, you’re home.”

“这也没那么糟，”马恩斯告诉她。“你看着吧。你明天早上会很酸痛，但一旦你开始动起来，你会发现你比今天更强壮。上坡也是一样。你只需要倾斜身体，进入每一步，转眼间你就能到家了。”

“I hope you’re right.”

我希望你说的对。

“Besides, we’ll do it in four days instead of two. Just think of it as an adventure.”

此外，我们会用四天而不是两天来完成。把它当作一次冒险吧。

“Trust me,” Jahns said. “I already am.”

“相信我，”贾恩斯说。“我已经相信了。”

They sat quietly for a while, Jahns resting back on the pillows, Marnes staring off into space. She was surprised to find how calming and natural it was, just being in a room, alone, with him. The talk wasn’t necessary. They could just be. No badge, no office. Two people.

他们静静地坐了一会儿，约翰斯靠在枕头上，马恩斯望着远处。她惊讶地发现，在一个房间里，独自和他在一起，是多么的平静自然。谈话并非必要。他们可以只是静静地待在一起。没有徽章，没有办公室。两个人。

“You don’t take a priest, do you?” Marnes finally asked.

“你不会带一个牧师，是吗？”马恩斯最终问道。

“No.” She shook her head. “Do you?”

“不。”她摇摇头。“你呢？”

“I haven’t. But I’ve been thinking about it.”

我没有。但我一直在考虑这个问题。

“Holston?”

霍尔斯顿？

“Partly.” He leaned forward and rubbed his hands down his thighs like he was squeezing the soreness out of them. “I’d like to hear where they think his soul has gone.”

“部分地。”他向前倾身，用双手在腿上揉搓，好像要将酸痛挤出来。“我想知道他们认为他的灵魂去了哪里。”

“It’s still with us,” Jahns said. “That’s what they’d say, anyway.”

“它还在我们这里，”贾恩斯说。“反正他们会这么说。”

“What do you believe?”

你相信什么？

“Me?” She leaned up from the pillows and rested on one elbow, watching him watch her. “I don’t know, really. I keep too busy to think about it.”

“我？”她从枕头上坐起来，一只胳膊肘撑着，看着他在看着她。“我真不知道，我总是忙得没时间考虑这事。”

“Do you think Donald’s soul is still here with us?”

你认为唐纳德的灵魂还在我们身边吗？

Jahns felt a shiver. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had uttered his name.

约翰斯感到一阵颤抖。她记不得上次有人叫他的名字是什么时候了。

“He’s been gone more years than he was ever my husband,” she said. “I’ve been married more to his ghost than to him.”

“他离开的时间比他当我的丈夫的时间还长，”她说。“我嫁给的是他的鬼魂，而不是他本人。”

“That don’t seem like the right thing to say.”

那话听着不像话。

Jahns looked down at the bed, the world a little blurry. “I don’t think he’d mind. And yes, he’s still with me. He motivates me every day to be a good person. I feel him watching me all the time.”

约翰斯低头看着床，世界有点模糊。“我想他不会介意。是的，他还在我身边。他每天都激励我做一个好人。我觉得他一直在看着我。”

“Me too,” Marnes said.

“我也是，”马恩斯说。

Jahns looked up and saw that he was staring at her.

约翰斯抬头一看，发现自己在盯着她。

“Do you think he’d want you to be happy? In all things, I mean?” He stopped rubbing his legs and sat there, hands on his knees, until he had to look away.

你认为他希望你快乐吗？我的意思是，在所有事情上？他停下了揉腿的动作，坐在那里，双手放在膝盖上，直到不得不移开视线。

“You were his best friend,” Jahns said. “What do you think he’d want?”

“你是他的挚友，”贾恩斯说。“你认为他想要什么？”

He rubbed his face, glanced toward the closed door as a squealing kid thundered down the hallway. “I reckon he only ever wanted you to be happy. That’s why he was the man for you.”

他揉了揉脸，朝紧闭的门望去，一个尖叫的孩子在走廊里狂奔。“我想他只想让你快乐。所以他才是你命中注定的人。”

Jahns wiped at her eyes while he wasn’t looking and peered curiously down at her wet fingers.

约翰斯没有注意到她，她擦了擦眼睛，好奇地盯着她湿漉漉的手指。

“It’s getting late,” she said. She slid to the edge of the small bed and reached down for her boots. Her bag and stick were waiting for her by the door. “And I think you’re right. I think I’ll be a little sore in the morning, but I think I’ll feel stronger, eventually.”

天晚了，”她说。她滑到小床边，伸手去拿靴子。她的包和拐杖就放在门口等着她。“我想你是对的。我想明天早上会有点酸痛，但我相信最终会感觉更强壮。”

5

On the second and final day of their descent into the down deep, the novel gradually became the habitual. The clank and thrum of the great spiral staircase found a rhythm. Jahns was able to lose herself in her thoughts, daydreaming so serenely that she would glance up at the floor number, seventy-two, eighty-four, and wonder where a dozen landings went. The kink in her left knee was even soothed away, whether by the numbness of fatigue or an actual return to health, she didn’t know. She took to using the walking stick less, finding it only held up her pace as it often slipped between the treads and got caught there. With it tucked under her arm, it felt more useful. Like another bone in her skeleton, holding her together.

在他们下降到深渊的第二天也是最后一天，那本小说逐渐成为习惯。巨大的螺旋楼梯的撞击和嗡嗡声找到了节奏。贾恩斯能够沉浸在自己的思绪中，做着如此宁静的白日梦，以至于她会抬头看着楼层号码，七十二，八十四，并想知道十二个平台在哪里。她左膝的扭伤甚至消失了，是由于疲劳的麻木还是真正的康复，她不知道。她开始减少使用拐杖，发现它只会拖慢她的速度，因为它经常在踏板之间滑落并卡住。把它夹在胳膊下，感觉更有用。就像她骨骼中另一根骨头，支撑着她。

When they passed the ninetieth floor, with the stench of fertilizer and the pigs and other animals that produced this useful waste, Jahns pressed on, skipping the tour and lunch she’d planned, thinking only briefly of the small rabbit that somehow had escaped from another farm, made it twenty floors up without being spotted, and ate its fill for three weeks while it confounded half a silo.

当他们经过九十层楼时，弥漫着肥料的恶臭，以及产生这种有用废物的猪和其他动物，约翰斯继续前行，放弃了她计划好的参观和午餐，只短暂地想到那只不知如何从另一家农场逃脱的小兔子，在没有人发现的情况下爬上了二十层楼，并在三个星期里饱餐一顿，同时扰乱了半个筒仓。

Technically, they were already in the down deep when they reached ninety-seven. The bottom third. But even though the silo was mathematically divided into three sections of forty-eight floors each, her brain didn’t work that way. Floor one hundred was a better demarcation. It was a milestone. She counted the floors down until they reached the first landing with three digits, and stopped for a break.

从技术上讲，当他们到达九十七层时，他们就已经在很低的地方了。底部三分之一。但是，尽管筒仓被数学上分成三个各有四十八层的区域，但她大脑的运作方式却不同。一百层是一个更好的分界点。那是一个里程碑。她数着楼层，直到他们到达第一个三位数的平台，然后停下来休息。

Marnes was breathing deeply, she noticed. But she felt great. Alive and renewed in the way she had hoped the trip would make her. The futility, dread, and exhaustion from the day before were gone. All that remained was a small twinge of fear that these dour feelings could return, that this exuberant elation was a temporary high, that if she stopped, if she thought on it too long, it would spiral away and leave her dark and moody once more.

马尔内斯深呼吸，她注意到。但她感觉很好。活泼，焕然一新，正如她希望这次旅行带给她的那样。前一天的徒劳、恐惧和疲惫都消失了。剩下的只是一丝小小的恐惧，这些忧郁的情绪可能会卷土重来，这种狂喜只是暂时的，如果她停下来，如果她想得太久，它就会螺旋式下降，再次把她带入黑暗和忧郁。

They split a small loaf of bread between them, sitting on the metal grating of the wide landing with their elbows propped up on the railings, their feet swinging over empty space, like two kids cutting class. Level one hundred teemed with people coming and going. The entire floor was a bazaar, a place for exchanging goods, for cashing in work chits for whatever was needed or merely coveted. Workers with their trailing shadows came and went, families yelled for one another among the dizzying crowds, merchants barked their best deals. The doors remained propped open for the traffic, letting the smells and sounds drift out onto the double-wide landing, the grating shivering with excitement.

他们分了一小块面包，坐在宽阔平台的金属格栅上，肘部支在栏杆上，双脚悬空晃动，就像两个逃课的孩子。一百层楼里挤满了进进出出的人。整个楼层就像一个集市，一个交换商品、兑现工作凭证的地方，无论所需或仅仅渴望的东西。带着长长身影的工人来来往往，家庭成员在令人眼花缭乱的人群中互相呼喊，商贩吆喝着他们的最佳交易。门敞开着，让气味和声音飘向双层平台，格栅因兴奋而颤抖。

Jahns reveled in the anonymity of the passing crowd. She bit into her half of the loaf, savoring the fresh yeastiness of bread baked that morning, and felt like just another person. A younger person. Marnes cut her a piece of cheese and a slice of apple and sandwiched them together. His hand touched hers as he passed it to her. Even the breadcrumbs in his mustache were part of the moment’s perfection.

约翰斯沉浸在过往人群的匿名之中。她咬下她那半块面包，细细品味着那早晨烘烤的面包的新鲜酵母味，感觉自己就像一个普通人。一个更年轻的人。马恩斯给她切了一块奶酪和一片苹果，并将它们夹在一起。他递给她时，手碰到了她的手。即使他胡子上的面包屑，也是这一刻完美的组成部分。

“We’re way ahead of schedule,” Marnes said before taking a bite of fruit. It was just a pleasant observation. A pat on their elderly backs. “I figure we’ll hit one-forty by dinner.”

马恩斯说：“我们进度超前很多。”在吃水果之前，他这样说道。这只是一句轻松的观察。对他们这些年长者表示赞赏。“我想我们晚餐前就能达到一百四十。”

“Right now, I’m not even dreading the climb out,” Jahns said. She finished the cheese and apple and chewed contentedly. Everything tasted better while climbing, she decided. Or in pleasant company, or amid the music leaking out of the bazaar, some beggar strumming his uke over the noise of the crowd.

现在，我甚至不害怕爬山，“雅恩斯”说道。她吃完了奶酪和苹果，满足地嚼着。她觉得爬山时，所有东西都更好吃。或者在愉快的朋友陪伴下，或者在从集市里传出的音乐中，一些乞丐在人群的喧嚣声中弹着他的尤克里里琴。

“Why don’t we come down here more often?” she asked.

我们为什么不经常下来这里？她问道。

Marnes grunted. “Because it’s a hundred flights down? Besides, we’ve got the view, the lounge, the bar at Kipper’s. How many of these people come up to any of that more than once every few years?”

马恩斯哼了一声。“因为下面有 100 个航班？再说，我们有风景，休息室，基珀的酒吧。有多少人能来这些地方超过几年一次？”

Jahns chewed on that and on her last bite of bread.

约翰斯嚼着那块面包，以及她最后一口面包。

“Do you think it’s natural? Not wandering too far from where we live?”

你认为这自然吗？离我们住的地方不远？

“Don’t follow,” Marnes said around a bite of food.

“别跟着，”马恩斯在咀嚼食物时说道。

“Pretend, just as a hypothetical mind you, that people lived in those ancient aboveground silos poking up over the hillside. You don’t think they would move around so little, do you? Like stay in the same silo? Never wander over here or up and down a hundred flights of stairs?”

假设一下，古代的人们住在那些耸立在山坡上的地上粮仓里。你认为他们会很少移动吗？比如待在一个粮仓里？从来不去这里或上下几百个楼梯？

“I don’t think on those things,” Marnes said. Jahns took it as a hint that she shouldn’t, either. It was impossible sometimes to know what could and couldn’t be said about the outside. Those were discussions for spouses, and maybe the walk and the day together yesterday had gotten to her. Or maybe she was as susceptible to the post-cleaning high as anyone else: that sense that rules could be relaxed, temptations courted, the lack of pressure and the waste of a double cleaning giving excuse for a month of jubilant wiggling in one’s own skin.

“我不认为那些事重要，”马恩斯说道。约翰斯将其视为她也不应该的暗示。有时，很难知道关于外部世界哪些话能说，哪些话不能说。这些是夫妻之间讨论的话题，也许昨天一起散步和度过的一天让她有所触动。或者，也许她像其他人一样，容易受到清洁后的愉悦感的影响：那种感觉是，规则可以放宽，诱惑可以追求，没有压力，双重清洁的浪费可以为一个月快乐地扭动自己身体找借口。

“Should we get going?” Jahns asked, as Marnes finished his bread.

“我们该走了吗？”约翰斯问道，马恩斯吃完面包。

He nodded, and they stood and collected their things. A woman walking by turned and stared, a flash of recognition on her face, gone as she hurried to catch up to her children.

他点了点头，他们站起身来收拾东西。一个路过的女人转过身，盯着他们，脸上闪过一丝认出对方的神情，在她赶上自己的孩子时，这种神情消失了。

It was like another world down here, Jahns thought to herself. She had gone too long without a visit. And even as she promised herself to not let that happen again, some part of her knew, like a rusting machine that could feel its age, that this journey would be her last.

这里就像另一个世界，约翰斯心想。她很久没来了。即使她答应自己不会再这样，她心里也像一台生锈的机器，感觉到了自己的年岁，知道这次旅程会是她最后一次。

••••

Floors passed without care. The lower gardens, the larger farm on the one-thirties, the pungent water treatment plant below that. Jahns found herself lost in thought, thinking on her conversation with Marnes the night before, the idea of Donald living with her more in memory than reality, when she came to the gate at one-forty.

楼层在漫不经心地掠过。较低的庭院，较大的农场在三十一号地，下面是刺鼻的污水处理厂。约翰斯陷入沉思，回想起前一晚与马恩斯的谈话，关于唐纳德和她一起生活的想法，更多的是记忆而非现实，当她来到一四零号门时。

She hadn’t even noticed the change in the traffic, the preponderance of blue denim coveralls, the porters with more satchels of parts and tools than clothes, food, or personal deliveries. But the crowd at the gate showed her that she’d arrived at the upper levels of Mechanical. Gathered at the entrance were workers in loose blue coveralls spotted with age-old stains. Jahns could nearly peg their professions by the tools they carried. It was late in the day, and she assumed most were returning home from repairs made throughout the silo. The thought of climbing so many flights of stairs and then having to work boggled her mind. And then she remembered she was about to do that very thing.

她甚至没有注意到交通的变化，大量的蓝色牛仔工作服，搬运工身上背的零件和工具比衣服、食物或个人物品还要多。但门口的人群让她意识到自己已经到达了机械行业的较高层次。聚集在入口处的是穿着宽松的、点缀着古老污渍的蓝色工作服的工人。约翰斯几乎可以通过他们携带的工具来判断他们的职业。天色已晚，她猜测大多数人都在完成整个筒仓的修理后回家。想到要爬这么多楼梯，然后还要工作，让她感到头脑发胀。然后她想起了自己即将要做的事情。

Rather than abuse her station or Marnes’ power, they waited in line while the workers checked through the gate. As these tired men and women signed back in and logged their travel and hours, Jahns realized the time she had wasted ruminating about her own life during the long descent, time she should’ve spent polishing her appeal to this Juliette. Rare nerves twisted her gut as the line shuffled forward. The worker ahead of them showed his ID, the card colored blue for Mechanical. He scratched his information on a dusty slate. When it was their turn, they pushed through the outer gate and showed their golden IDs. The station guard raised his eyebrows, then seemed to recognize the mayor.

与其滥用她的职权或马恩的力量，他们排队等候工人检查门禁。当这些疲惫的男女签回并记录他们的旅行和工作时间时，约翰斯意识到她漫长下降过程中沉思自己人生的时间，时间本应该用来磨练她对朱丽叶的吸引力。稀有的神经使她的胃部扭曲，队伍向前移动。他们前面的工人出示了他的身份证，卡片是蓝色的，代表机械师。他在一块尘土飞扬的石板上刮写了他的信息。轮到他们时，他们推开外门，出示了他们的金色身份证。车站卫兵抬高了眉毛，然后似乎认出了市长。

“Your honor,” he said, and Jahns didn’t correct him. “Weren’t expecting you this shift.” He waved their IDs away and reached for a nub of chalk. “Let me.”

“阁下，”他说，约翰斯没有纠正他。“这班没料到您。”他挥了挥手上的证件，伸手去拿一块粉笔。“我来。”

Jahns watched as he spun the board around and wrote their names in neat print, the side of his palm collecting dust from the old film of chalk below. For Marnes, he simply wrote “Sheriff,” and again, Jahns didn’t correct him.

约翰斯看着自己旋转着黑板，工整地写下他们的名字，掌心收集着下面旧粉笔灰尘。对于马恩斯，他只写了“警长”，约翰斯又一次没有纠正他。

“I know she wasn’t expecting us until later,” Jahns said, “but I wonder if we could meet with Juliette Nichols now.”

“我知道她直到稍后才期望我们来，”贾恩斯说，“但我不知道我们现在是否能和朱丽叶·尼科尔斯会面。”

The station guard turned and looked behind him at the digital clock that recorded the proper time. “She won’t be off the generator for another hour. Maybe two, knowing her. You could hit the mess hall and wait.”

车站警卫转身，看着身后记录准确时间的电子钟。“她还要一个小时才能离开发电机。说不定两个小时，了解她的人都知道。你可以去食堂等。”

Jahns looked to Marnes, who shrugged. “Not entirely hungry yet,” he said.

约翰斯看着马恩斯，后者耸了耸肩。“还没完全饿。”他说。

“What about seeing her at work? It would be nice to see what she does. We’d try our best to stay out of the way.”

看看她在工作中怎么样？看看她做什么会很好。我们会尽量不打扰她。

The guard lifted his shoulders. “You’re the mayor. I can’t say no.” He jabbed the nub of chalk down the hall, the people lined up outside the gate shifting impatiently as they waited. “See Knox. He’ll get someone to run you down.”

警卫耸了耸肩。“你是市长。我不能拒绝。”他用力将粉笔头戳进走廊，门外排队等候的人们不耐烦地动了动。“去见诺克斯。他会安排人来对付你。”

Knox was a man hard to miss. He amply filled the largest set of coveralls Jahns had ever seen. She wondered if the extra denim cost him more chits, and how a man managed to keep such a belly full. A thick beard added to his scope. If he smiled or frowned at their approach, it was impossible to know. He was as unmoved as a wall of concrete.

诺克斯是个很容易让人注意到的男人。他穿着约翰斯见过的最大的工作服，把衣服撑得满满的。她想知道这多余的牛仔布是否让他付出了更多代价，以及一个男人怎么能让肚子保持得那么饱。浓密的胡须增加了他的气势。如果他在他们走近时微笑或皱眉，那就无从得知了。他就像一堵混凝土墙一样不动声色。

Jahns explained what they were after. Marnes said hello, and she realized they must’ve met the last time he was down. Knox listened, nodded, and then bellowed in a voice so gruff, the words were indistinguishable from one another. But they meant something to someone, as a young boy materialized from behind him, a waif of a kid with unusually bright orange hair.

约翰斯解释了他们想要什么。马恩斯打了招呼，她意识到他们一定是上次他下来时见过面的。诺克斯听着，点了点头，然后用一种粗嘎的声音吼叫，以至于这些话彼此听起来都无法分辨。但对某人来说，它们意味着什么，因为一个年轻男孩从他身后出现了，一个瘦弱的孩子，有着不寻常的亮橙色头发。

“Gitemoffandowntojules,” Knox growled, the space between the words as slender as the gap in his beard where a mouth should have been.

吉特莫夫和下到朱尔斯，“诺克斯咆哮道，词语之间的空隙如同他胡须中缺少嘴巴的空隙一样狭窄。

The young boy, young even for a shadow, waved his hand and darted away. Marnes thanked Knox, who didn’t budge, and they followed after the boy.

小男孩，即使对于一个影子来说也很年轻，挥挥手就跑开了。马恩斯感谢了诺克斯，后者纹丝不动，他们随后跟了上去。

The corridors in Mechanical, Jahns saw, were even tighter than elsewhere in the silo. They squeezed through the end-of-shift traffic, the concrete blocks on either side primed but not painted, and rough where they brushed against her shoulder. Overhead, parallel and twisting runs of pipe and wire conduit hung exposed. Jahns felt the urge to duck, despite the half foot of clearance. She did notice many of the taller workers walking with a stoop. The lights overhead were dim and spaced well apart, making the sensation of tunneling deeper and deeper into the earth overwhelming.

机械车间走廊，贾恩斯发现，比筒仓其他地方还要狭窄。他们挤过下班高峰期的人群，两侧的混凝土块预制但未涂漆，在她肩膀擦过的地方粗糙不平。头顶上，并行且扭曲的管道和电线管裸露在外。贾恩斯尽管头顶还有半英尺的空间，还是感到想弯腰。她注意到许多身材高大的工人走路都驼着背。头顶的灯光昏暗，间隔很远，让人感觉越来越深入地进入地下，令人窒息。

The young shadow with the orange hair led them around several turns, his confidence in the route seemingly habitual. They came to a flight of stairs, the square kind that made right turns, and went down two more levels. Jahns heard a rumbling grow louder as they descended. When they left the stairwell on one-forty-two, they passed an odd contraption in a wide open room just off the hallway. A steel arm the size of several people end to end was lifting up and down, driving a piston through the concrete floor. Jahns slowed to watch its rhythmic gyrations. The air smelled of something chemical, something rotten. She couldn’t place it.

年轻的橙发身影带着他们绕过几道弯，他似乎习惯了这条路线。他们来到一个楼梯间，是那种转弯的方形楼梯，又向下走了两层。贾恩斯听到隆隆声越来越响，随着他们向下走。当他们离开 142 号楼梯间时，他们经过了一个宽敞房间里的古怪装置，房间就在走廊尽头。一个钢臂，长度相当于好几个人头尾相接，正在上下摆动，推动活塞穿过混凝土地板。贾恩斯放慢脚步，观察着它有节奏的摆动。空气中弥漫着某种化学物质的味道，有点腐臭。她无法辨认出来。

“Is this the generator?”

这是发电机吗？

Marnes laughed in a patronizing, uniquely manly way.

马恩斯以一种施舍的、独特的男人味方式笑了。

“That’s a pump,” he said. “Oil well. It’s how you read at night.”

“那是个泵，”他说。“油井。这就是你晚上看书的方法。”

He squeezed her shoulder as he walked past, and Jahns forgave him instantly for laughing at her. She hurried after him and Knox’s young shadow.

他走过时捏了捏她的肩膀，简斯立刻原谅了他嘲笑她。她赶紧跟在他和诺克斯的年轻影子后面。

“The generator is that thrumming you hear,” Marnes said. “The pump brings up oil, they do something to it in a plant a few floors down, and then it’s ready to burn.”

发电机就是你听到的嗡嗡声，”马恩斯说。“抽油泵把油抽上来，他们在楼下几层的一家工厂里对它进行处理，然后就可以燃烧了。”

Jahns vaguely knew some of this, possibly from a committee meeting. She was amazed, once again, at how much of the silo was alien to even her, she who was supposed to be—nominally at least—running things.

约翰斯模糊地知道其中一些，可能是来自委员会会议。她再次惊讶于这个孤岛中有多少东西对她来说是陌生的，她本应该——至少名义上——掌控一切。

The persistent grumbling in the walls grew louder as they neared the end of the hall. When the boy with the orange hair pulled open the doors, the sonic blast was immediate. Jahns felt wary about approaching further, and even Marnes seemed to stall. The kid waved them forward with frantic gestures, and Jahns found herself willing her feet to carry her toward the noise. She wondered, suddenly, if they were being led outside. It was an illogical, senseless idea, borne of imagining the most dangerous threat she could possibly summon.

墙上的持续低语声随着他们接近大厅尽头而越来越响。当一头橙色头发的男孩拉开大门时，音爆立刻传来。贾恩斯感到犹豫，不敢再靠近，就连马恩斯似乎也停了下来。那孩子用急促的手势让他们往前走，贾恩斯发现自己迫不及待地想让双脚带着她走向噪音。她突然想到，他们会不会被带到外面去。这是一个不合逻辑、毫无意义的想法，源于她想象出她所能想到的最危险的威胁。

As she broke the plane of the door, cowering behind Marnes, the boy let the door slam shut, trapping them inside with the onslaught. He pulled headphones—no wires dangling from them—from a rack by the wall. Jahns followed his lead and put a pair over her own ears. The noise deadened, remaining only in her chest and nerve endings. She wondered why, for what cause, this rack of ear protection would be located inside the room rather than outside.

她推开房门，躲在马恩身后，男孩砰地一声关上门，将他们困在里面，狂风骤雨般地袭来。他从墙边的架子上取下耳机——耳机上没有垂下来的线——贾恩斯效仿他的举动，也给自己戴上了一副。噪音消失了，只留存在她的胸腔和神经末梢。她纳闷，为什么，为了什么原因，这架防噪音耳机会放在房间里而不是外面。

The boy waved and said something, but it was just moving lips. They followed along a narrow passageway of steel grating, a floor much like the landings on each silo floor. When the hallway turned, one wall fell away and was replaced with a railing of three horizontal bars. Beyond, a machine beyond reckoning loomed. It was the size of her entire apartment and office put together, in a room larger than many in the gardens. Nothing seemed to be moving at first, nothing to justify the pounding she could feel in her chest and across her skin. It wasn’t until they fully rounded the machine that she saw the steel rod sticking out of the back of the unit, spinning ferociously, and disappearing into another massive metal machine which had cables as thick as a man’s waist rising up toward the ceiling.

男孩挥挥手说了些什么，但只是嘴唇在动。他们沿着一条狭窄的钢格栅通道走，地板就像每个筒仓地板的平台一样。当走廊转弯时，一面墙消失了，被三根横杆的扶手所取代。远处，一台难以估量的机器耸立着。它的大小相当于她整个公寓和办公室加起来，在一个比花园里许多房间都大的房间里。起初什么东西似乎都没有动，什么也无法解释她胸口和皮肤上感受到的悸动。直到他们完全绕过这台机器，她才看到一个钢杆从机器后部伸出，疯狂地旋转，并消失在另一台巨大的金属机器里，机器的电缆粗如男人腰部，一直延伸到天花板。

The power and energy in the room were palpable. As they reached the end of the second machine, Jahns finally saw a solitary figure working beside it. A young looking woman in coveralls, a hardhat on, brown braided hair hanging out the back, was leaning into a wrench nearly as long as she was tall. Her presence gave the machines a terrifying sense of scale, but she didn’t seem to fear them. She thew herself into her wrench, her body frightfully close to the roaring unit, reminding Jahns of an old children’s tale where a mouse pulled a barb out of an imaginary beast called an elephant. The idea of a woman this size fixing a machine of such ferocity seemed absurd. But she watched the woman work while the young shadow slipped through a gate and ran up to tug on her coveralls.

房间里弥漫着力量和能量。当他们到达第二台机器的尽头时，贾恩斯终于看到一个孤单的身影在旁边工作。一个年轻的女人，穿着工作服，戴着安全帽，棕色辫子垂在身后，正弯腰对着一个几乎和她一样长的扳手。她的存在让机器显得可怕，但她似乎并不害怕它们。她全身心地投入到扳手中，身体几乎贴近咆哮的机器，让贾恩斯想起一个古老的儿童故事，一只老鼠从一只名叫大象的虚构野兽身上拔出一根刺。一个女人如此之小，却要修理如此凶猛的机器，这似乎很荒谬。但他看着女人工作，而那个年轻的影子溜过一道门，跑过去拉她的工作服。

The woman turned, not startled, and squinted at Jahns and Marnes. She wiped her forehead with the back of one hand, her other hand swinging the wrench around to rest on her shoulder. She patted the young shadow on the head and walked out to meet them. Jahns saw that the woman’s arms were lean and defined with muscle. She wore no undershirt, just blue coveralls cut high up over her chest, exposing a bit of olive skin that gleamed with sweat. She had the same dark complexion as the farmers who worked under grow lights, but it could have been as much from the grease and grime if her denims were any indication.

女人转过身，没有惊慌，眯着眼看着约翰斯和马恩斯。她用一只手背擦了擦额头，另一只手挥动着扳手，放在肩膀上。她拍拍年轻的影子脑袋，走出去迎接他们。约翰斯看到，女人的胳膊瘦而有力，肌肉分明。她没有穿内衣，只穿着高领的蓝色工作服，露出一些橄榄色的皮肤，闪耀着汗珠。她的肤色和在种植灯下工作的农民一样黝黑，但如果她的牛仔裤有任何迹象，那也可能是因为油污和灰尘。

She stopped short of Jahns and Marnes and nodded at them. She smiled at Marnes with a hint of recognition. She didn’t offer a hand, for which Jahns was grateful. Instead, she pointed toward a door by a glass partition, and then headed that way herself.

她停在约翰斯和马恩斯面前，朝他们点了点头。她微笑着看着马恩斯，眼神中带着一丝认出对方的意思。她没有伸手，约翰斯为此感到感激。相反，她指着一扇玻璃隔间旁的门，然后自己朝那边走去。

Marnes followed on her heels like a puppy, Jahns close behind. She turned to make sure the shadow wasn’t underfoot, only to see him scurrying off the way he had come, his hair glowing in the wan overhead lights of the generator room. His duty, as far as he was concerned, was done.

马尔内斯像小狗一样跟在她身后，约翰斯紧随其后。她转身确认阴影不在脚下，却看到他像来时一样迅速地跑开了，他的头发在发电机房昏暗的灯光下闪耀。在他看来，他的职责已经完成了。

Inside the small control room, the noise lessened. It dropped almost to nothing as the thick door was shut tight. Juliette pulled off her hardhat and earmuffs and dropped them on a shelf. Jahns took hers away from her head tentatively, heard the noise reduced to a distant hum, and removed them all the way. The room was tight and crowded with metal surfaces and winking lights unlike anything she had ever seen. It was strange to her that she was Mayor of this room as well, a thing she hardly knew existed and certainly couldn’t operate.

小型控制室内的噪音减弱了。厚重的门关紧后，噪音几乎消失。朱莉叶摘下安全帽和耳罩，放在架子上。约翰斯小心翼翼地从头上取下自己的，听到噪音减弱为低沉的嗡嗡声，然后完全取了下来。房间狭小拥挤，金属表面和闪烁的灯光让她感到从未见过。她作为这个房间的市长，这让她感到很奇怪，她几乎不知道这种事的存在，更不用说如何运作了。

While the ringing in Jahns’ ears subsided, Juliette adjusted some spinning knobs, watching little arms waver under glass shields. “I thought we were doing this tomorrow morning,” she said. She concentrated intently on her work.

约翰的耳鸣逐渐消失，朱丽叶调整了一些旋转旋钮，看着玻璃罩下的小臂摆动。“我以为我们明天早上才做这个，”她说。她专注地投入工作。

“We made better time than I’d hoped.”

我们比我预期的完成得更快。

Jahns looked to Marnes, who was holding his ear protection in both hands, shifting uncomfortably.

约翰斯看着马恩斯，后者正双手拿着耳塞，不安地挪动着。

“Good to see you again, Jules,” he said.

再次见到你，朱尔斯，”他说。

She nodded and leaned down to peer through the thick glass window at the gargantuan machines outside, her hands darting over the large control board without needing to look, adjusting large black dials with faded white markings.

她点了点头，弯下腰透过厚厚的玻璃窗观察外面的庞大机器，双手在大型控制板上飞快地移动，无需看便调整着上面带褪色白色标记的大黑色旋钮。

“Sorry about your partner,” she said, glancing down at a bank of readouts. She turned and studied Marnes, and Jahns saw that this woman, beneath the sweat and grime, was beautiful. Her face was hard and lean, her eyes bright. She had a fierce intelligence you could measure from a distance. And she peered at Marnes with utmost sympathy, visible in the furrow of her brows. “Really,” she said. “I’m terribly sorry. He seemed like a good man.”

“抱歉你失去了伴侣，”她说，向下瞥了一眼一排读数。她转过身，看着马恩斯，贾恩斯看到，在这位女人身上，汗水和污垢之下，是美丽的。她的脸颊瘦削，眼神明亮。她拥有一种你从远处就能感受到的强烈的智慧。她用最大的同情看着马恩斯，这从她紧皱的眉头上可见一斑。“真的，”她说，“我非常抱歉。他看起来像个好人。”

“The best,” Marnes sputtered, his voice cracking.

“最好的，”马恩斯喘着气，声音颤抖。

Juliette nodded as if that was all that needed saying. She turned to Jahns.

朱丽叶点点头，仿佛那已经说明了一切。她转向詹斯。

“That vibration you feel in the floor, Mayor? That’s a coupling when it’s barely two millimeters off. If you think it feels bad in here, you should go put your hands on the casing. It’ll jiggle your fingers numb immediately. Hold it long enough, and your bones will rattle like you’re coming apart.”

地板上你感觉到的震动，市长？那是耦合，当它仅仅偏离两毫米时。如果你觉得这里感觉不好，你应该把手放在外壳上。它会立刻让你手指麻木。只要握住足够长的时间，你的骨头就会像要散架一样咯咯作响。

She turned and reached between Jahns and Marnes to throw a massive switch, then turned back to the control board. “Now imagine what that generator is going through, shaking itself to pieces like that. Teeth start grinding together in the transmission, small bits of metal shavings cycle through the oil like sandpaper grit. Next thing you know, there’s an explosion of steel and we’ve got no power but whatever the backup can spit out.”

她转身，在约翰和马恩之间伸手去拉一个巨大的开关，然后转回控制板。“现在想象一下那个发电机正在经历什么，那样剧烈地摇晃自己，仿佛要散架。齿轮在变速箱里互相磨损，细小的金属碎屑像砂纸一样在油中循环。接下来你就会知道，钢材爆炸了，我们失去了电力，只能依靠备用电源勉强维持。”

Jahns held her breath.

约翰斯屏住了呼吸。

“You need us to get someone?” Marnes asked.

“你需要我们去找人吗？”马恩斯问道。

Juliette laughed. “None of this is news or different from any other shift. If the backup unit wasn’t being torn down for new gaskets, and we could go to half power for a week, I could pull that coupler, adjust the mounts, and have her spinning like a top.” She shot a look at Jahns. “But since we have a mandate for full power, no interruptions, that’s not happening. So I’m going to keep tightening bolts while they keep trying to shake loose, and try and find the right revolutions in here to keep her fairly singing.”

茱莉叶笑了。“这些都不是新闻，跟其他班次也没什么不同。如果备用单元不是为了新的垫圈而拆除，而且我们可以在一周内降低到一半功率，我就可以拆下那个联轴器，调整支架，让她像陀螺一样旋转。”她朝约翰斯看了一眼。“但是，既然我们有全功率、不间断运行的指令，那是不可能发生的。所以我将继续拧紧螺栓，同时他们继续试图松动它们，并努力在这里找到合适的转速，让她保持相对稳定的运转。”

“I had no idea, when I signed that mandate—”

我签署那项授权书时，一点也不知道——

“And here I thought I dumbed down my report enough to make it clear,” Juliette said.

“我还以为我的报告已经足够简化了，”朱丽叶说。

“How long before this failure happens?”

这次故障还会持续多久？

Jahns suddenly realized she wasn’t here interviewing this woman. The demands were heading the opposite direction.

约翰斯突然意识到她不是来这里采访这位女士。要求正朝着相反的方向发展。

“How long?” Juliette laughed and shook her head. She finished a final adjustment and turned to face them with her arms crossed. “It could happen right now. It could happen a hundred years from now. The point is: it’s going to happen, and it’s entirely preventable. The goal shouldn’t be to keep this place humming along for our lifetimes—” She looked pointedly at Jahns. “—or our current term. If the goal ain’t forever, we should pack our bags right now.”

“多久？”朱丽叶笑了，摇摇头。她最后调整了一下，双臂交叉，转过身面对他们。“现在就能发生。一百年后也能发生。关键是：它会发生，而且完全可以预防。目标不应该是为了让我们这一生——“她锐利地盯着约翰斯。“——或我们当前的任期让这里继续运转。如果目标不是永远，我们现在就应该收拾行李。”

Jahns saw Marnes stiffen at this. She felt her own body react, a chill coursing across her skin. This last line was dangerously close to treason. The metaphor only half saved it.

约翰斯看到马恩斯听到这话僵住了。她感到自己身体也反应了，一股寒意在她皮肤上蔓延。最后一句话离叛国罪太近了。这个比喻只勉强救了它。

“I could declare a power holiday,” Jahns suggested. “We could stage it in memory of those who clean.” She thought more about this. “It could be an excuse to service more than your machine here. We could—”

贾恩斯建议道：“我可以宣布一个电力节假日。”“我们可以以此纪念那些清洁工。”她对此思考了一会儿。“这可以作为借口，服务于这里不止你的机器。我们可以——”

“Good luck getting IT to power down shit,” Juliette said. She wiped her chin with the back of her wrist, then wiped this on her coveralls. She looked down at the grease transferred to the denim. “Pardon my language, Mayor.”

“祝 IT 顺利关机，”朱莉叶说。她用手腕后背擦了擦下巴，然后用这块擦拭她的防护服。她低头看着转移到牛仔裤上的油污。“请原谅我的语言，市长。”

Jahns wanted to tell her it was quite all right, but the woman’s attitude, her power, reminded her too much of a former self that she could just barely recall. A younger woman who dispensed with niceties and got what she wanted. She found herself glancing over at Marnes. “Why do you single out their department? For the power, I mean.”

约翰斯想告诉她没关系，但这个女人的态度、她的权力，让她想起了自己几乎想不起来以前的自己。一个年轻的女人，她不讲究礼节，只管得到她想要的东西。她发现自己忍不住朝马恩斯看了一眼。“你为什么单单挑他们的部门？我是说，为了权力。”

Juliette laughed and uncrossed her arms. She tossed her hands toward the ceiling. “Why? Because IT has, what, three floors out of one forty-four? And yet they use up over a quarter of all the power we produce. I can do the math for you—”

朱丽叶笑了，解开了双臂。她把双手朝天花板一扬。“为什么？因为 IT，什么，只有三层楼，却消耗了我们生产的四分之一以上的电力？我可以帮你算算—”

“That’s quite alright.”

那没关系。

“And I don’t remember a server ever feeding someone or saving someone’s life or stitching up a hole in their britches.”

我记不得任何服务器曾经喂过谁，或者救过谁的命，或者缝补过谁的裤子。

Jahns smiled. She suddenly saw what Marnes liked about this woman. She also saw what he had once seen in her younger self, before she married his best friend.

约翰斯笑了。她突然明白马恩斯为什么喜欢这个女人。她也看到了他曾经在她年轻时，在她嫁给他的挚友之前，看到的她。

“What if we had IT ratchet down for some maintenance of their own for a week? Would that work?”

如果我们让 IT 部门停用一周进行维护，行吗？

“I thought we came down here to recruit her away from all this,” Marnes grumbled.

我想我们下来是为了把她从这一切中挖走，马恩斯抱怨道。

Juliette shot him a look. “And I thought I told your—or your secretary—not to bother. Not that I’ve got anything against what you do, but I’m needed down here.” She raised her arm and checked something dangling from her wrist. It was a timepiece. But she was studying it as if it still worked.

朱丽叶朝他瞥了一眼。“我告诉过你——或者你的秘书——别来烦我。我不是反对你做什么，我只是这儿需要我。”她抬起胳膊，检查着手腕上悬挂的东西。那是一块怀表。但她看着它，仿佛它还在运作。

“Look, I’d love to chat more.” She looked up at Jahns. “Especially if you can guarantee a holiday from the juice, but I’ve got a few more adjustments to make and I’m already into my overtime. Knox gets pissed if I push into too many extra shifts.”

“看，我很想多聊聊。”她抬头看着约翰斯。“特别是如果你能保证没有果汁的假期，但我还有几个调整要做，我已经加班了。如果我加班太多，诺克斯会生气的。”

“We’ll get out of your hair,” Jahns said. “We haven’t had dinner yet, so maybe we can see you after? Once you punch out and get cleaned up?”

“我们会离开你的视线，”贾恩斯说。“我们还没吃晚饭，所以也许我们可以吃完饭后见你？等你下班后洗干净？”

Juliette looked down at herself, as if to confirm she even needed cleaning. “Yeah, sure,” she said. “They’ve got you in the bunkhouse?”

茱莉叶低头看着自己，好像在确认自己是否需要清洁。“是啊，当然，”她说。“他们把你安排在宿舍里？”

Marnes nodded.

马恩点了点头。

“Alright. I’ll find you later. And don’t forget your muffs.” She pointed to her ears, looked Marnes in the eye, nodded, then returned to her work, letting them know the conversation, for now, was over.

好吧。我稍后去找你。别忘了你的耳罩。她指着自己的耳朵，看着马恩斯的眼睛，点了点头，然后回到工作中，让他们知道，现在谈话结束了。

6

Marnes and Jahns finished their meals, which consisted of large bowls of soup and hunks of dry, almost stale bread, and exited a mess hall nearly as noisy as the generator room. During the entire meal, Jahns had regretted not bringing those plastic and foam ear protection muffs to dinner. The men and women of Mechanical were as loud and boisterous as they were filthy. She wondered if perhaps they all yelled because they were going deaf in the constant hammering of the place.

马恩斯和约翰斯吃完饭，饭菜是满满一碗汤和一大块干硬、几乎发霉的面包，走出几乎和发电机房一样嘈杂的餐厅。整个用餐期间，约翰斯后悔没带那些塑料泡沫耳塞来吃饭。机械部门的男男女女既吵闹喧嚣，又脏兮兮的。她想知道他们是不是因为在持续不断的敲打声中耳聋了而大声喊叫。

Outside, they followed Knox’s directions to the bunkroom, where they found a cot made up for Marnes, and one of the attached private rooms reserved for Jahns. They bided their time in the small room, rubbing aches in their legs, talking about how different the down deep was, until there was a knock on their door and Juliette pushed it open and stepped inside.

外面，他们按照诺克斯的指示来到宿舍，在那里他们发现一张为马恩斯铺好的床铺，以及一个为约翰斯预留的私人房间。他们在小房间里等待时机，揉着腿上的酸痛，谈论着深海的不同之处，直到有人敲门，朱丽叶推开门走了进来。

“They got you both in one room?” she asked, surprised.

他们把你们俩都关在一个房间里？她惊讶地问。

Jahns laughed. “No, they’ve got a bunk set aside as well. And I would’ve been happy staying out there with the others.”

约翰斯笑了。“不，他们也预留了一个铺位。而且，我很乐意和其他人待在外面。”

“Forget it,” Juliette said. “They put up recruits and visiting families in here all the time.”

“算了吧，”朱丽叶说。“他们一直把新兵和探亲的家人安排在这里。”

Jahns watched as Juliette placed a length of string in her mouth, then gathered her hair, still wet from a shower, and tied it up in a tail. She had changed into another pair of coveralls, and Jahns guessed the stains in them were permanent, that the fabric was actually laundered and ready for another shift.

约翰斯看着朱丽叶把一段绳子放进嘴里，然后把湿漉漉的头发拢起来，扎成马尾。她换上了一条新的连体衣，约翰斯猜想上面的污渍是永久性的，布料实际上已经洗过，可以准备下一班工作了。

“So how soon could we announce this power holiday?” Juliette asked. She finished her knot and crossed her arms, leaning back against the wall beside the door. “I would think you’d wanna take advantage of the post-cleaning mood, right?”

“那我们多久能宣布这个停电假期？”朱莉叶问道。她系好领带，交叉双臂，靠在门边的墙上。“我想你会想利用清洁后的情绪，对吧？”

“How soon can you start?” Jahns asked. She realized, suddenly, that part of the reason she wanted this woman as her sheriff was that she felt unattainable. Jahns glanced over at Marnes and wondered how much of his attraction to her, all those many years ago when she was young and with Donald, had been as simply motivated.

贾恩斯问道：“你多久能开始？”她突然意识到，她想要这个女人当她的警长部分原因是她觉得她难以企及。贾恩斯瞥了马恩斯一眼，想知道他当年对她的吸引力，在她年轻时和唐纳德在一起时，有多少是出于单纯的动机。

“I can start tomorrow,” Juliette said. “We could have the backup generator online by morning. I could work another shift tonight to make sure the gaskets and seals—”

“我明天可以开始，”朱丽叶说。“我们可以在明天早上让备用发电机上线。我今晚可以再上一个班次，以确保垫圈和密封件——”

“No,” Jahns said, raising her hand. “How soon can you start as sheriff?” She dug through her open bag, sorting folders across the bed, looking for the contract.

“不，”贾恩斯说，举起手。“你多久能开始当警长？”她翻找着打开的包，在床上整理文件夹，寻找合同。

“I’m—I thought we discussed this. I have no interest in being—”

我——我以为我们已经讨论过了。我对被——

“They make the best ones,” Marnes said. “The ones who have no interest in it.” He stood across from Juliette, this thumbs tucked into his coveralls, leaning against one of the small apartment’s walls.

“他们做得最好，”马恩斯说。“那些对它毫无兴趣的人。”他站在朱丽叶对面，拇指塞进他的连体衣里，靠在一间小公寓的墙上。

“I’m sorry, but there’s no one down here who can just slip into my boots,” Juliette said, shaking her head. “I don’t think you two understand all that we do—”

“对不起，这里没有人能轻易地穿上我的靴子，”朱丽叶说，摇摇头。“我不认为你们俩明白我们做了多少事—”

“I don’t think you understand what we do up top,” Jahns said. “Or why we need you.”

“我想你并不明白我们在上面做什么，”贾恩斯说。“或者我们为什么需要你。”

Juliette tossed her head and laughed. “Look, I’ve got machines down here that you can’t possibly—”

朱丽叶甩了甩头，笑了。“看，我这里有你不可能弄到的机器—”

“And what good are they?” Jahns asked. “What do these machines do?”

“它们有什么用？”雅恩斯问道。“这些机器做什么？”

“They keep this whole goddamned place running!” Juliette declared. “The oxygen you breathe? We recycled that down here. The toxins you exhale? We pump them back into the earth. You want me to write up a list of everything oil makes? Every piece of plastic, every ounce of rubber, all the solvents and cleaners, and I’m not talking about the power it generates, but everything else!”

“他们让这个该死的鬼地方运转起来！”朱丽叶宣称。“你们呼吸的氧气？我们在地下回收了。你们呼出的毒素？我们把它们泵回大地。你想让我列出石油制造的一切东西吗？每一块塑料、每一盎司橡胶、所有的溶剂和清洁剂，我可不是指它产生的能量，而是所有其他的东西！”

“And yet it was all here before you were born,” Jahns pointed out.

然而，这一切在你出生之前就已经存在了，”约翰斯指出。

“Well it wouldn’t have lasted my lifetime, I’ll tell you that. Not in the state it was in.” She crossed her arms again and leaned back against the wall. “I don’t think you get what mess we’d be in without these machines.”

“嗯，它撑不过我的这一辈子，我告诉你。以它当时的状态是撑不过的。”她再次交叉双臂，靠回墙上。“我觉得你们没搞清楚，没有这些机器我们会陷入多大的混乱。”

“And I don’t think you get how pointless these machines are going to become without all these people.”

而且我认为，如果没有这些人，这些机器将会变得多么毫无意义。

Juliette looked away. It was the first time Jahns had seen her flinch.

茱莉叶避开了目光。这是约翰斯第一次看到她躲闪。

“Why don’t you ever visit your father?”

你为什么从来不拜访你父亲？

Juliette snapped her head around and looked at the other wall. She wiped loose hair back on her forehead. “Go look at my work log,” she said. “Tell me when I’d fit it in.”

茱莉叶猛地转过头，看着另一面墙。她把额前的散头发拨到后面。“去看看我的工作日志，”她说。“告诉我什么时候能安排进去。”

Before Jahns could reply, could say that it was family, that there’s always time, Juliette turned to face her. “Do you think I don’t care about people? Is that it? Because you’d be wrong. I care about every person in this silo. And the men and women down here, the forgotten eight floors of Mechanical, this is my family. I visit with them every day. I break bread with them several times a day. We work, live, and die alongside one another.” She looked to Marnes. “Isn’t that right? You’ve seen it.”

贾恩斯还没来得及回答，朱丽叶就转过身面对她。“你认为我不关心人吗？这就是你的想法？因为你错了。我关心这个筒仓里每一个人。还有这里的男男女女，被遗忘的机械八层，他们是我的家人。我每天都去看望他们。我每天都和他们一起吃饭。我们一起工作、生活、并肩作战。”她看向马恩斯。“对吧？你都看到了。”

Marnes didn’t say anything. Jahns wondered if she was referring specifically to the “dying” part.

马内斯什么也没说。约翰斯想知道她是否特指“垂死”的部分。

“Did you ask him why he never comes to see me? Because he has all the time in the world. He has nothing up there.”

你问过他为什么从来不来看我吗？因为他有所有的时间。他上面什么都没有。

“Yes, we met with him. Your father seemed like a very busy man. As determined as you.”

是的，我们见过他。你父亲看起来是个非常忙碌的人。和你一样坚决。

Juliette looked away.

朱丽叶移开了目光。

“And as stubborn.” Jahns left the paperwork on the bed and went to stand by the door, just a pace away from Juliette. She could smell the soap in the younger woman’s hair. Could see her nostrils flare with her rapid, heavy breathing.

贾恩斯固执地。她把文件放在床上，走到门边，离朱丽叶只有一步之遥。她闻到了年轻女子头发上的肥皂味。她能看到她快速、沉重的呼吸使她的鼻孔张开。

“The days pile up and weigh small decisions down, don’t they? That decision to not visit. The first few days slide by easy enough, anger and youth powers them along. But then they pile up like unrecycled trash. Isn’t that right?”

日子一天天堆积，压得小决定喘不过气来，不是吗？不去拜访的那个决定。头几天还算轻松，愤怒和青春的活力推动着它们前进。但后来它们就堆积如山，像未回收的垃圾一样。对吧？

Juliette waved her hand. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

茱丽叶挥了挥手。“我不知道你在说什么。”

“I’m talking about days becoming weeks becoming months becoming years—” She almost said that she’d been through the same exact thing, was still piling them up, but Marnes was in the room, listening. “After a while, you’re staying mad just to justify an old mistake. Then it’s just a game. Two people staring away, refusing to look back over their shoulders, afraid to be the first one to take that chance—”

“我指的是日子变成星期，变成月份，变成年——”她差点说她经历过完全一样的事情，还在不断地累积，但马恩斯就在房间里听着。“过了一段时间，你只是为了证明过去的错误而保持愤怒。然后，这只是一场游戏。两个人互相背对着，拒绝回头看，害怕成为第一个冒险的人——”

“It wasn’t like that,” Juliette said. “I don’t want your job. I’m sure you’ve got plenty of others who do.”

“不是这样的，”朱丽叶说。“我不想你的工作。我相信你肯定有许多其他人愿意做。”

“If it’s not you, it’s someone I’m not sure I can trust. Not anymore.”

如果这不是你，那就是我不确定我还能信任的人。 不再了。

“Then give it to the next girl.” She smiled.

然后把它给下一个女孩。”她笑了。

“It’s you or him. And I think he’ll be getting more guidance from the thirties than he will from me, or from the Pact.”

是你还是他。而且我认为他会从三十年代得到更多指导，而不是从我或《条约》得到。

Juliette seemed to react to this. Her arms loosened across her chest. She turned and met Jahns’ gaze. Marnes was studying all of this from across the room.

茱莉叶似乎对这反应了。她胸前的手臂松开了。她转过身，与约翰斯的目光相遇。马恩斯正从房间的另一边观察这一切。

“The last sheriff, Holston, what happened to him?”

最后的警长，霍尔斯顿，他怎么了？

“He went to cleaning,” Jahns said.

约翰斯说：“他去打扫了。”

“He volunteered,” Marnes added gruffly.

马恩斯粗鲁地补充道：“他自愿的。”

“I know, but why?” She frowned. “I heard it was his wife.”

我知道，但为什么？她皱起了眉头。“我听说那是他妻子。”

“There’s all kinds of speculation—”

各种各样的猜测——

“I remember him talking about her, when you two came down to look into Rick’s death. I thought, at first, that he was flirting with me, but all he could talk about was this wife of his.”

我记得他谈论她，当你们俩下来调查里克的死时。起初我以为他在和我调情，但他说的全是他的妻子。

“They were in the lottery while we were down here,” Marnes reminded her.

他们中了彩票，而我们在这儿却倒霉。

“Yeah. That’s right.” She studied the bed for a while. Paperwork was spread across it.

是啊。没错。”她研究了床一会儿。床上铺满了文件。

“I wouldn’t know how to do this job. I only know how to fix things.”

我不知道如何做这份工作。我只知道如何修理东西。

“It’s the same thing,” Marnes told her. “You were a big help with our case down here. You see how things work. How they fit together. Little clues that other people miss.”

“这和以前一样，”马恩斯告诉她。“你在我们这里的案子中帮了很大的忙。你看事情是如何运作的，它们是如何契合在一起的。一些其他人会忽略的小线索。”

“You’re talking about machines,” she said.

她说：“你说的都是机器。”

“People aren’t much different,” Marnes told her.

“人们没什么不同，”马恩斯告诉她。

“I think you already know this,” Jahns said. “I think you have the right attitude, actually. The right disposition. This is only slightly a political office. Distance is good.”

“我想你已经知道这一点，”贾恩斯说。“我其实认为你态度正确，想法正确。这只是一些政治职务。距离很重要。”

Juliette shook her head and looked back to Marnes. “So you nominated me for this, is that it? I wondered how this came up. Seemed like something right out of the ground.”

朱丽叶摇了摇头，又看向马恩斯。“所以你提名我参加这个，就是这样？我很好奇这是怎么回事。看起来像是从地里冒出来的。”

“You’d be good at it,” Marnes told her. “I think you’d be damned good at anything you set your mind to. And this is more important work than you think.”

马恩斯告诉她：“你很擅长。”“我认为你无论做什么都会很出色。而且，这项工作比你想象的更重要。”

“And I’d live up top?”

我住在顶楼？

“Your office is on level one. Near the airlock.”

你的办公室在一楼。靠近气闸。

Juliette seemed to mull this over. Jahns was excited to have her even asking questions.

朱丽叶似乎在仔细考虑这件事。约翰斯很高兴她甚至提出问题。

“The pay is more than you’re making now, even with the extra shifts.”

薪水比你现在拿的还要多，即使加班了。

“You checked?”

你检查过了吗？

Jahns nodded. “I took some liberties before we came down.”

约翰点了点头。“我们在下来之前，有些自作主张。”

“Like talking to my father.”

像跟我的父亲说话。

“That’s right. He would love to see you, you know. If you come with us.”

对。他知道他想见你，如果你和我们一起去。

Juliette looked down at her boots. “Not sure about that.”

茱莉叶低头看着她的靴子。“不太确定。”

“There’s one other thing,” Marnes said, catching Jahns’ eye. He glanced at the paperwork on the bed. The crisply folded contract for Peter Billings was on top. “IT,” he reminded her.

“还有件事，”马恩斯说，捕捉到约翰斯的目光。他看了一眼床上的文件。上面放着彼得·比林斯的那份整洁折叠的合同。“信息技术，”他提醒她。

Jahns caught his drift.

约翰斯明白了他的意思。

“There’s one matter to clear up, before you accept.”

在您接受之前，有一件事需要澄清。

“I’m not sure I’m accepting. I’d want to hear more about this power holiday, organize the work shifts down here—”

我不确定我接受。我想多了解一下这个电力假期，组织一下这里的轮班——

“According to tradition, IT signs off on all nominated positions—”

根据传统，IT 部门批准所有提名的职位——

Juliette rolled her eyes and blew out her breath. “IT.”

朱丽叶翻了翻白眼，呼出一口气。“IT。”

“Yes, and we checked in with them on the way down as well, just to smooth things over.”

是的，我们在下来的路上也和他们联系过，只是为了顺利一些。

“I’m sure,” Juliette said.

“我确定，”朱丽叶说。

“It’s about these requisitions,” Marnes interjected.

“这是关于这些申请单，”马恩斯插嘴道。

Juliette turned to him.

朱丽叶转向他。

“We know it probably ain’t nothing, but it’s gonna come up—”

我们知道这可能没什么，但它要来了——

“Wait, is this about the heat tape?”

等等，这是关于热带吗？

“Heat tape?”

热带？

“Yeah.” Juliette frowned and shook her head. “Those bastards.”

“是啊。”朱丽叶皱着眉头，摇了摇头。“那些混蛋。”

Jahns pinched two inches of air. “They had a folder on you this thick. Said you were skimming supplies meant for them.”

约翰斯捏了捏两英寸的空气。“他们有一份关于你的厚文件夹。说你偷了原本要给他们的物资。”

“No they didn’t. Are you kidding?” She pointed toward the door. “We can’t get any of the supplies we need because of them. When I needed heat tape—we had a leak in a heat exchanger a few months back—we couldn’t get any because Supply tells us the backing material for the tape is all spoken for. Now, we had that order in a while back, and then I find out from one of our porters that the tape is going to IT, that they’ve got miles of the stuff for the skins of all their test suits.”

“不，他们没有。你在开玩笑吗？”她指着门。“因为他们，我们拿不到任何需要的物资。几个月前，我们的热交换器漏水了，我需要热带，但供应部门告诉我们，胶带的背衬材料已经全部用完了。我们之前已经下了订单，后来我从一个搬运工那里得知，胶带要送到 IT 部门，他们有数英里的胶带，用于所有测试服的皮肤。”

Juliette took a deep breath.

朱丽叶深吸了一口气。

“So I had some intercepted.” She looked to Marnes as she admitted this. “Look, I’m keeping the power on so they can do whatever it is they do up there, and I can’t get basic supplies. And even when I do, the quality is complete crap, probably because of unrealistic quotas, rushing the manufacturing chain—”

“所以我截获了一些。”她承认这一点时看着马恩斯。“听着，我保持着电力供应，这样他们就可以在上面做他们想做的事情，但我却无法获得基本物资。即使我得到了，质量也完全是垃圾，可能因为不切实际的配额，匆忙的生产链——”

“If these are items you really needed,” Jahns interrupted, “then I understand.”

如果这些是你真正需要的物品，“雅恩斯打断道，“那我就明白了。”

She looked to Marnes, who smiled and dipped his chin as if to say he told her this was the right woman for the job.

她看着马恩斯，他笑了笑，微微低下头，好像在说她找对了人。

Jahns ignored him. “I’m actually glad to hear your side of this,” she told Juliette. “And I wish I had made this trip more often, as sore as my legs are. There are things we take for granted up top, mostly because they aren’t well understood. I can see now that our offices need to be in better communication, have more of the constant contact I have with IT.”

约翰斯忽略了他。“我实际上很高兴听到你的说法，”她告诉朱丽叶。“而且我希望我多来几次，虽然我的腿很疼。我们上面有很多理所当然的事情，主要是因为它们理解得不够透彻。我现在明白，我们的办公室需要更好地沟通，拥有我与 IT 部门那样的持续联系。”

“I’ve been saying that for just about twenty years,” Juliette said. “Down here, we joke that this place was laid out to keep us well out of the way. And that’s how it feels, sometimes.”

“我已经说了差不多二十年了，”朱丽叶说。“在这儿，我们开玩笑说，这个地方的设计是为了让我们远离这里。有时，感觉就是这样。”

“Well, if you come up top, if you take this job, people will hear you. You could be the first link in that chain of command.”

嗯，如果你到頂層，如果你接受這個工作，人們會聽到你的聲音。你可能是那個指揮鏈的第一環。

“Where would IT fall?”

IT 会落在哪里？

“There will be resistance, but that’s normal with them. I’ve handled it before. I’ll wire my office for some emergency waivers. We’ll make them retroactive, get these acquisitions above board.” Jahns studied the younger woman. “As long as I have your assurance that every one of these diverted supplies were absolutely necessary.”

会有阻力，但这对他们来说很正常。我以前处理过。我会为我的办公室申请一些紧急豁免。我们将使它们溯及生效，让这些收购合法化。”贾恩斯仔细观察着年轻女子。“只要你保证，所有这些转移的物资都是绝对必要的。”

Juliette did not flinch away from the challenge. “They were,” she said. “Not that it mattered. The stuff we got from them was crap. Couldn’t have fallen apart better if it’d been designed to. I’ll tell you what, we finally got our shipment from Supply and have extra tape. I’d love to drop off a peace offering on our way up. Our design is so much better—”

茱莉叶没有退缩。她说：“他们确实是这样。但这并不重要。我们从他们那里得到的都是垃圾。如果设计成那样，它就分崩离析得更好。我告诉你，我们终于从供应部门得到了货，还有多余的胶带。我想在去的时候顺便送个和平礼物。我们的设计好多了——

“Our way up?” Jahns asked, making sure she understood what she was saying, what she was agreeing to.

“我们怎么上去？”雅恩斯问道，确保她明白自己说了什么，自己答应了什么。

Juliette looked them both over. She nodded. “You’ll have to give me a week to sort out the generator. I’m holding you to that power holiday. And just so you understand, I’ll always consider myself Mechanical, and I’ll be doing this partly because I see what happens when problems are ignored. My big push down here has been preventive maintenance. No more waiting for things to break before we fix them, but to go around and make them hum while they’re still working. Too many issues have been ignored, let degrade. And I think, if the silo can be thought of as one big engine, we are like the dirty oil pan down here that needs some people’s attention.” She reached her hand out to Jahns. “Get me that power holiday, and I’m your man.”

茱丽叶打量了他们两人。她点了点头。“你们得给我一周时间来整理发电机。我坚持要那个停电假期。而且，让你们明白，我始终认为自己是个机械师，我这么做部分原因是看到了问题被忽视的后果。我在这里大力推行的是预防性维护。不再等待事情坏掉才去修理，而是去检查运转中的设备，让它们继续运转良好。太多问题被忽视，让它们恶化。我认为，如果把仓库看作一个巨大的引擎，我们就像这里的脏油盘，需要一些人关注。”她伸出手去抓住约翰斯。“给我那个停电假期，我将全力以赴。”

Jahns smiled and took her hand, admired the warmth and power in her confident handshake.

约翰斯微笑着握住她的手，赞叹她自信的握手中的温暖和力量。

“I’ll get on it first thing in the morning,” she said. “And thank you. Welcome aboard.”

“我明天一早就开始处理，”她说。“谢谢。欢迎加入。”

Marnes crossed the room to shake Juliette’s hand as well. “Nice to have you on, Boss.”

马尔内也穿过房间去和朱丽叶握手。“很高兴你加入我们，老板。”

Juliette smirked as she took his hand. “Well, now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I think I’ll have a lot to learn before you go calling me that.”

茱丽叶微笑着握住他的手。“好吧，现在别得意忘形。我想在你叫我那样之前，我还有很多东西要学。”

7

It felt appropriate that their climb back to the up-top would occur during a power holiday. Jahns could feel her own energy complying with the new decree, draining away with each laborious step. The agony of the descent had been a tease, the discomfort of constant movement disguising itself as the fatigue of exercise. But now her frail muscles were really put to work. Each step was something to be conquered. She would lift a boot to the next tread, place a hand on her knee, and push herself another ten inches up what felt like a million feet of spiral staircase.

他们爬回顶峰恰逢停电，这感觉很合适。约翰斯能感觉到自己的能量顺从着新法令，每一步都消耗殆尽。下山的痛苦只是个诱惑，持续运动的不适伪装成运动的疲劳。但现在她虚弱的肌肉真的开始工作了。每一步都是一场需要征服的战斗。她会抬起一只靴子踩到下一个踏板，把手放在膝盖上，把自己再向上推十英寸，仿佛要攀登数百万级螺旋楼梯。

The landing to her right displayed the number “58.” Each landing seemed to be in view forever. Not like the trip down, where she could daydream and skip right past several floors. Now they loomed in sight gradually beyond the outer railing, and held there, taunting in the dim green glow of the emergency lights, as she struggled up one plodding and wavering step at a time.

她右边的楼层显示着“58”号。每个楼层似乎都永远在视野中。不像下楼时，她可以做白日梦，直接跳过好几层楼。现在，它们逐渐出现在外围栏杆的尽头，在紧急灯的昏暗绿色光芒中，嘲弄着她，她一步一步地艰难地向上爬。

Marnes walked beside her, his hand on the inner rail, hers on the outer, the walking stick clanging on the lonely treads between them. Occasionally, their arms brushed against one another. It felt as though they’d been away for months, away from their offices, their duties, their cold familiarity. The adventure down to wrangle a new sheriff had played out differently than Jahns had imagined it would. She had dreamed of a return to her youth and had instead found herself haunted by old ghosts. She had hoped to find a renewed vigor and instead felt the years of wear in her knees and back. What was to be a grand tour of her silo was instead trudged in relative anonymity, and now she wondered if its operation and upkeep even needed her.

马恩斯走在她的身边，手放在内侧扶手上，她的手放在外侧扶手上，拐杖在他们之间的孤单踏板上发出叮当声。偶尔，他们的手臂会互相触碰。感觉他们已经离开几个月了，离开了办公室、职责和冰冷的熟悉感。为了争取新警长而进行的冒险行动，与约翰想象的截然不同。她梦想着重返青春，却发现自己被老幽灵缠绕。她希望找到新的活力，却感到膝盖和背部多年来的磨损。原本要进行的谷仓大巡视，却在相对默默无闻中艰难前行，现在她开始怀疑它的运转和维护是否还需要她。

The world around her was stratified. She saw that ever more clearly. The up-top concerned itself with a blurring view, taking for granted the squeezed juice enjoyed with breakfast. The people who lived below and worked the gardens or cleaned animal cages orbited their own world of soil, greenery, and fertilizer. To them, the outside view was peripheral, ignored until there was a cleaning. And then there was the down deep, the machine shops and chemistry labs, the pumping oil and grinding gears, the hands-on world of grease limned fingernails and the musk of toil. To these people, the outside world and the food that trickled down were mere rumors and bodily sustenance. The point of the silo was for the people to keep the machines running, when Jahns had always, her entire long life, seen it the other way around.

她周围的世界是分层的。她看得越来越清楚。上层的人关注着模糊的视野，理所当然地享用着早餐时挤压的果汁。生活在下面，在花园里劳作、打扫动物笼舍的人，围绕着他们自己的泥土、绿植和肥料的世界运行。对他们来说，外面的世界是次要的，直到需要打扫卫生时才会被关注。然后是深层，机器车间和化学实验室，抽油和磨齿轮，油污涂抹的指甲和辛劳的麝香气息的世界。对这些人来说，外面的世界和向下滴落的食物仅仅是传闻和身体的维持。粮仓的意义在于让人们让机器运转，而詹斯却始终，她整个漫长的一生，都认为事情是相反的。

Landing fifty-seven appeared through the fog of darkness. A young girl sat on the steel grate, her feet tucked up against herself, arms wrapped around her knees, a children’s book in its protective plastic cover held out into the feeble light spilling from an overhead bulb. Jahns watched the girl, who was unmoved save her eyes as they darted over the colorful pages. The girl never looked up to see who was passing the apartment’s landing. They left her behind, and she gradually faded in the darkness as Jahns and Marnes struggled ever upward, exhausted from their third day of climbing, no vibrations or ringing footsteps above or below them, the silo quiet and eerily devoid of life, room enough for two old friends, two comrades, to walk side by side on the crumbling steps of chipping paint, their arms swinging and every now and then, and very occasionally, brushing together.

57 号楼的平台出现在黑暗的雾气中。一个小女孩坐在钢格栅上，双脚蜷缩在身前，手臂环抱膝盖，一本儿童读物被塑料保护套包裹着，伸向从头顶灯泡洒下的微弱光线。约翰斯看着这个女孩，除了眼睛在彩页上快速扫视，她毫无反应。女孩从未抬头看谁从公寓的平台走过。他们把她留在身后，随着约翰斯和马恩斯筋疲力尽地艰难向上攀登（这是他们攀登的第三天），她逐渐消失在黑暗中，没有上面的或下面的震动或脚步声，筒仓安静得诡异，空无一人，足够两老朋友、两名战友并肩走在剥落的、斑驳的油漆台阶上，手臂摆动，偶尔，非常偶尔，手臂会碰到一起。

••••

They stayed that night at the mid-level deputy station, the officer of the mids insisting they take his hospitality and Jahns eager to buttress support for yet another sheriff nominated from outside the profession. After a cold dinner in near darkness and enough idle banter to satisfy their host and his wife, Jahns retired to the main office where a convertible couch had been made as comfortable as possible, the linens borrowed from a nicer elsewhere and smelling of two-chit soap. Marnes had been set up on a cot in the holding cell, which still smelled of tub-gin and a drunk who had gotten too carried away after the cleaning.

他们当晚住在中级副站，中级警官坚持他们接受他的款待，而约翰斯则渴望支持又一位从业外提名的警长。在近乎黑暗的寒冷晚餐和足够多的闲聊来满足他们的主人和他的妻子之后，约翰斯退到主办公室，那里一张可折叠沙发被尽可能地弄得舒适，床单是从别处借来的，散发着两种香皂的味道。马恩斯被安排在拘留室的折叠床上，那里仍然散发着浴酒和一个清洁后玩得太疯的醉汉的气味。

It was impossible to notice when the lights went out, they were so dim already. Jahns rested on the cot in the darkness, her muscles throbbing and luxuriating in her body’s stillness, her feet cramped and feeling like solid bone, her back tender and in need of stretching. Her mind, however, continued to move. It drifted back to the weary conversations that had passed the time on their most recent day of climbing.

灯光已经很暗了，根本察觉不到什么时候熄灭的。约翰斯躺在吊床上，黑暗中肌肉酸痛，身体的静止让她感到享受，脚趾僵硬，感觉像实心骨头，背部也需要伸展。然而，她的思绪却还在继续活动。思绪回到了攀登的最后一天，疲惫的谈话填补了时间。

She and Marnes seemed to be spiraling around one another, testing the memory of old attractions, probing the tenderness of ancient scars, looking for some soft spot that remained among brittle and broken bodies, across wrinkled and dried-paper skin, and within hearts calloused by law and politics.

她和马恩斯似乎在彼此身边旋转，试探着旧吸引力的记忆，探测着古老伤疤的温柔，寻找着在易碎破碎的身体之间、在皱纹和干纸般的皮肤上、以及在被法律和政治磨砺的心中，仍然存在的那一点柔软。

Donald’s name came up often and tentatively, like a child sneaking into the adult bed, forcing wary lovers to make room in the middle. Jahns grieved anew for her long lost husband. She grieved for the first time in her life for the subsequent decades of solitude. What she had forever seen as her calling—this living apart and serving the greater good—now felt more a curse. Her life had been taken from her. Squeezed into pulp. The juice of her efforts and sacrificed years had dripped down through a silo that, just forty levels below her, hardly knew and barely cared.

唐纳德的名字经常被提起，小心翼翼的，像个偷偷溜进成人床的孩子，迫使警惕的情侣们在中间腾出空间。扬斯再次为她那久已失去的丈夫感到悲伤。她一生中第一次为接下来几十年的孤独感到悲伤。她一直视之为使命——这种分离的生活和为更大的利益服务——现在却感觉更像是一种诅咒。她的生命被夺走了。被挤成泥浆。她努力和牺牲的年华的精华，滴落到一个筒仓里，就在她下方四十层，几乎不知道，也不关心。

The saddest part of this journey had been this understanding she’d come to with Holston’s ghost. She could admit it now: A great reason for her hike, perhaps even the reason for wanting Juliette as sheriff, was to fall all the way to the down deep, away from the sad sight of two lovers nestled together in the crook of a hill as the wind etched away all their wasted youth. She had set out to escape Holston, and had instead found him. Now she knew, if not the mystery of why all sent out to clean actually did so, why a sad few would dare volunteer for the duty. Better to join a ghost than be haunted by them, Jahns now knew. Better no life than an empty one—

这段旅程中最令人悲伤的部分是她与霍尔斯顿的鬼魂达成的这种理解。她现在可以承认了：她远足的一个重要原因，也许甚至是想要朱丽叶当警长的原因，是为了彻底沉沦，远离山丘拐角处两个恋人相拥，风蚀尽他们虚度青春的悲伤景象。她本想逃离霍尔斯顿，却反而找到了他。现在她知道了，即使不知道所有外出清理的人为什么真的会去做，为什么一些悲伤的人会敢于自愿承担这项任务。与其被鬼魂缠身，不如加入鬼魂行列，简斯现在明白了。与其空虚的人生，不如没有人生——

The door to the deputy’s office squeaked on a hinge long worn beyond the repair of grease. Jahns tried to sit up, to see in the dark, but her muscles were too sore, her eyes too old. She wanted to call out, to let her hosts know that she was okay, in need of nothing, but she listened instead.

副官办公室的门，在早已磨损得无法用油脂修复的铰链上吱呀作响。约翰斯试着坐直，想在黑暗中看清，但她肌肉酸痛，眼睛也老花了。她想叫出来，让主人知道她没事，不需要任何东西，但她却选择了倾听。

Footsteps came to her, nearly invisible in the worn carpet. There were no words, just the creaking of old joints as they approached the bed, the lifting of expensive and fragrant sheets, and an understanding between two living ghosts.

脚步声在她身后响起，几乎在磨损的地毯上听不见。没有言语，只有老关节的嘎吱声，它们靠近床边，昂贵而芬芳的床单被掀起，以及两个活着的幽灵之间的默契。

Jahns’ breath caught in her chest. Her hand groped for a wrist as it clutched her sheets. She slid over on the small convertible bed to make room and pulled him down beside her.

约翰斯屏住了呼吸。她的手摸索着抓住手腕，紧紧握住被单。她滑到小敞篷床上腾出空间，把他拉到身边。

Marnes wrapped his arms around her back, wiggled beneath her until she was lying on his side, a leg draped over his, her hands on his neck. She felt his mustache brush against her cheek, heard his lips purse and peck the corner of hers.

马恩斯搂住她的后背，在她身下扭动，直到她侧躺在他的身边，一条腿搭在他的身上，她的手放在他的脖子上。她感到他的胡子蹭着她的脸颊，听到他的嘴唇嘟起，亲吻着她的嘴角。

Jahns held his cheeks and burrowed her face into his shoulder. She cried, like a schoolchild, like a new shadow who felt lost and afraid in the wilderness of a strange and terrifying job. She cried with fear, but that soon drained away. It drained like the soreness in her back as his hands rubbed her there. It drained until numbness found its place, and then, after what felt like a forever of shuddering sobs, with sensation taking the place of that.

约翰斯捂着脸颊，将脸埋进他的肩膀。她哭泣，像个小学生，像一个在陌生可怕工作的荒野中迷失和害怕的新影子。她害怕地哭泣，但很快恐惧就消失了。它像她背部的酸痛一样消失，因为他的手在那儿揉搓着她。它消失，直到麻木占据了它的位置，然后，在感觉像永远的抽泣之后，感觉取代了它。

Jahns felt alive in her skin. She felt the tingle of flesh touching flesh, of just her forearm against his hard ribs, her hands on his shoulder, his hands on her hips. And then the tears were some joyous release, some mourning of the lost time, some welcomed sadness of a moment long delayed and finally there, arms wrapped around it and holding tight.

约翰斯感觉自己活了过来。她感到肌肤相触的酥麻，仅仅是前臂贴着他的硬肋骨，她的手放在他的肩膀上，他的手放在她的腰上。然后，眼泪就像某种快乐的释放，某种对逝去时光的哀悼，某种被欢迎的悲伤，一个被延迟很久的时刻终于到来，双臂环绕着它，紧紧地抱着。

She fell asleep like that, exhausted from far more than the climb, nothing more than a few trembling kisses, hands interlocking, a whispered word of tenderness and appreciation, and then the depths of sleep pulling her down, the weariness in her joints and bones succumbing to a slumber she didn’t want but sorely needed. She slept with a man in her arms for the first time in decades, and woke to a bed familiarly empty, but a heart strangely full.

她就这样睡着了，疲惫不堪，远不止是攀登的疲惫，只是几声颤抖的吻，十指紧扣，一句低语的温柔和感激，然后睡意将她拉入深渊，关节和骨骼的疲惫屈服于她不想却迫切需要的睡眠。她第一次在男人的怀抱中入睡，醒来时发现床空空如也，但心里却充满了奇怪的满足感。

••••

In the middle of their fourth and final day of climbing, they approached the mid-thirties of IT. Jahns had found herself taking more breaks for water and to rub her muscles along the way, not for the exhaustion she feigned, but the dread of this stopover and seeing Bernard, the fear of their trip ever coming to an end.

在他们攀登的第四天也是最后一天的中途，他们接近了 IT 行业的三十多岁。贾恩斯一路走来，为了补充水分和按摩肌肉而休息得更多，并非因为她假装的疲惫，而是因为这次停顿的恐惧以及看到伯纳德的恐惧，害怕他们的旅程就此结束。

The dark and deep shadows cast by the power holiday followed them up, the traffic sparse as most merchants had closed for the silo-wide brownout. Juliette, who had stayed behind to oversee the repairs, had warned Jahns of the flickering lights from the backup generator. Still, the effect of the shimmering illumination had worn on her during the long climb. The inconstancy was bothersome.

节日停电后，黑暗深沉的阴影追随着他们，交通稀少，因为大多数商贩都因全仓停电而关门了。朱丽叶留下来监督修理，曾警告约翰斯备用发电机闪烁的灯光。尽管如此，在漫长的攀登过程中，闪烁的照明效果还是对她产生了影响。这种变化令人烦恼。

When they reached the thirty-fourth, Jahns felt like they were, in a sense, home again. Back in the realm of the familiar, at the main landing for IT. She waited by the railing, leaning on it and her walking stick, while Marnes got the door. As it was cracked open, the pale glow of diminished power was swept off the stairwell by the bright lights blooming inside. It hadn’t been widely publicized, but the reason for the severe power restrictions on other levels was largely due to the exemption IT maintained it possessed in spite of this holiday. Bernard had pointed to various clauses in the Pact to support this. Juliette had bitched that servers shouldn’t get priority over grow lights, but resigned herself to getting the main generator re-aligned, and taking what she could. Jahns told Juliette to view this as her first lesson in political compromise. Juliette said she saw it as a display of weakness.

当他们到达三十四层时，约翰斯感觉自己，在某种程度上，又回到了家。回到了熟悉的 IT 主登陆区。她站在扶手上，靠着扶手和拐杖，而马恩斯去开门。门一打开，阶梯间暗淡的灯光被里面绽放的明亮灯光一扫而空。虽然没有广泛宣传，但其他楼层严重限电的原因，主要是因为 IT 部门在这次假期中仍然保持了豁免权。伯纳德已经指出《契约》中的各种条款来支持这一点。朱丽叶抱怨服务器不应该优先于生长灯，但她还是接受了重新调整主发电机，并尽力而为。约翰斯告诉朱丽叶，要将此视为她政治妥协的第一课。朱丽叶说，她认为这体现了软弱。

Inside, Jahns found Bernard waiting on them, a look on his face like he’d swallowed sour fruit juice. A conversation between several IT workers standing off to the side quickly silenced with their entry, leaving Jahns little doubt that they’d been spotted on the way up and expected.

贾恩斯进去后，发现伯纳德正在等着他们，脸上表情就像咽下了一杯酸果汁。几名站在一旁的信息技术人员之间的谈话在他们进来后很快停止，这使得贾恩斯几乎可以肯定，他们在上楼的路上就被发现了，并且他们已经料到会有这种情况发生。

“Bernard,” she said, trying to keep her breathing steady. She didn’t want him to know how tired she was. Let him think she was strolling by on her way up from the down deep, like it was no big deal.

“伯纳德，”她说，努力保持呼吸平稳。她不想让他知道她有多累。让她看起来像是从下面走上来，就像没什么大不了似的。

“Marie.”

玛丽

It was a deliberate slight. He didn’t even look Marnes’ way or acknowledge that the deputy was in the room.

那是一个蓄意的轻蔑。他甚至没有看马恩斯一眼，也没有承认副手在房间里。

“Would you like to sign these here? Or in the conference room?” She dug into her bag for the contract with Juliette’s name on it.

您想在这里签字吗？还是在会议室？她从包里拿出上面写着朱丽叶名字的合同。

“What games are you playing at, Marie?”

玛丽，你在玩什么游戏？

Jahns felt her temperature rise. The cluster of workers in silver IT jumpsuits were following the exchange. “Playing at?” she asked.

约翰斯感觉她的体温升高了。身穿银色 IT 连体服的工作人员簇拥着观察着这场交易。“在玩吗？”她问道。

“You think this power holiday of yours is cute? Your way of getting back at me?”

你以为你的这次停电很可爱？你这是报复我吗？

“Getting back—?”

“回来——？”

“I’ve got servers, Marie—”

我有一些服务器，玛丽——

“Your servers have their full allocation of power,” Jahns reminded him, her voice rising.

约翰斯提醒他：“你们的服务器已分配到全部电力。”

“But their cooling comes ducted from Mechanical, and if temps get any higher, we’ll be ramping down, which we’ve never had to do!”

但它们的冷却来自机械，如果温度升高，我们将不得不降速，而我们从未遇到过这种情况！

Marnes stepped between the two of them, his hands raised. “Easy,” he said cooly, his gaze on Bernard.

马恩斯站在他们两人中间，双手举起。“别冲动，”他冷静地说，目光看着伯纳德。

“Call off your little shadow here,” Bernard said.

“把你的小跟屁虫叫走，”伯纳德说。

Jahns placed a hand on Marnes’ arm.

约翰斯把手放在马恩斯的手臂上。

“The Pact is clear, Bernard. It’s my choice. My nomination. You and I have a nice history of signing off on each others—”

《契约》很清楚，伯纳德。这是我的选择。我的提名。你和我有很好的合作历史——

“And I told you this girl from the pits will not do—”

我告诉过你，那个来自地狱的女孩不会——

“She’s got the job,” Marnes said, interrupting. Jahns noticed his hand had fallen to the butt of his gun. She wasn’t sure if Bernard noticed or not, but he fell silent. His eyes, however, did not leave Jahns’.

“她得到了这份工作，”马恩斯打断了她说。约翰斯注意到他的手已经落到枪柄上。她不确定伯纳德是否注意到，但他沉默了。然而，他的目光却没有离开过约翰斯。

“I won’t sign it.”

我不会签字。

“Then next time, I won’t ask.”

下次我就不问了。

Bernard smiled. “You think you’ll outlive another sheriff?” He turned toward the workers in the corner and waved one of them over. “Why do I somehow doubt that?” The worker approached. Bernard nodded to the young man, a face familiar to Jahns from level meetings. “Sign whatever she needs, I refuse to. Make copies. Take care of the rest.” He waved his hand dismissively, turned and looked Marnes and Jahns up and down one final time, as if disgusted with their condition, their age, their positions, something. “Oh, and top off their canteens and see that they have food enough to stagger back to their homes. Whatever it takes to power their decrepit legs to wherever it is they belong.”

伯纳德笑了。“你认为你能熬过另一个警长吗？”他转向角落里的工人，挥挥手示意其中一人过来。“为什么我总觉得怀疑？”工人走近了。伯纳德朝那个年轻人点了点头，贾恩斯在级别会议上见过这张脸。“签她需要的东西，我拒绝。复印。其余的处理好。”他挥挥手，转身，最后上下打量了马恩斯和贾恩斯一眼，好像对他们的状况、年龄、职位、某种东西感到厌恶。“哦，顺便给他们的水壶装满，确保他们有足够的吃的，好让他们摇摇晃晃地回到自己的家。无论需要什么，都要让他们的残破双腿走到属于他们的地方。”

And with that, Bernard strode off toward the barred gates that led into the heart of IT, back to his brightly lit offices where servers hummed happily, the temperature rising in the slow-moving air like the heat of angered flesh as capillaries squeezed, the blood in them rising to a boil.

于是，伯纳德大步朝通往 IT 核心区的铁栅栏大门走去，回到他明亮的办公室，服务器发出快乐的嗡嗡声，空气缓慢地升温，就像愤怒的肉体发出的热量，毛细血管收缩，血液沸腾。

8

The floors flew by faster as they approached home. In the darkest sections of the staircase, between quiet floors of people hunkered down and awaiting a return to normalcy, old hands wrapped around each other and swung between two climbers, brazenly and open, grasping each other while their other hands slid up the cool steel of the rails.

他们越接近家，楼层就飞逝得越快。在楼梯最黑暗的部分，在蜷缩等待恢复正常的人们安静的楼层之间，老手紧紧地握在一起，在两名攀登者之间大胆而坦率地摇摆，一只手抓住对方，另一只手则顺着凉爽的钢轨向上滑动。

Jahns only let go sporadically to check that her walking stick was secure against her back, or to grab Marnes’ canteen from his pack and take a sip. They had taken to drinking each other’s water, it being easier to reach across than around one’s own back. There was a sweetness to it as well, this carrying the sustenance another needed, this being able to provide and reciprocate in a perfectly equitable relationship. It was a thing worth dropping hands for. Momentarily, at least.

约翰斯偶尔松开手，检查一下拐杖是否牢靠地背在身后，或者从马恩的背包里取过水壶喝一口。他们已经习惯于互相喝水了，因为伸手够到对方比绕过自己背部更容易。这种行为也带着一丝甜蜜，这种为他人提供所需，并能以完全公平的方式给予和回报，是一种值得放下手的东西。至少在那一瞬间。

Jahns finished a sip, screwed on the metal cap with its dangling chain, and replaced it in his outer pouch. She was dying to know if things would be different once they got back. They were only twenty floors away. An impossible distance yesterday now seemed like something that could slip away without noticing. And as they arrived, would familiar surroundings bring familiar roles? Would last night feel more and more like a dream? Or would old ghosts become more and more solid?

约翰斯喝了一口，拧上金属瓶盖，并将其放回外侧口袋。她迫不及待地想知道，一旦他们回去，情况是否会不同。他们只相隔二十层楼。昨天看起来遥不可及的距离，现在似乎可以悄无声息地溜走。当他们到达时，熟悉的环境是否会带来熟悉的角色？昨晚的感觉是否会越来越像一场梦？或者，旧的幽灵是否会变得越来越真实？

She wanted to ask these things, but talked of trivialities instead. When would Jules, as she insisted they call her, be ready for duty? What case files did he and Holston have open that needed tending to first? What concession would they make to keep IT happy, to calm down Bernard? And how would they handle Peter Billings’ disappointment? What impact would this have on hearings he might one day preside over as judge?

她想问这些问题，却只谈了琐碎的事情。朱尔斯（她坚持他们这么称呼她）什么时候准备就绪？他和霍尔斯顿有哪些需要优先处理的案卷？他们会做出什么让步才能让 IT 部门满意，平息伯纳德的怒火？他们又该如何处理彼得·比林斯先生的失望？这对她将来作为法官主持的听证会会有什么影响？

Jahns felt butterflies in her stomach as they discussed these things. Or perhaps it was the nerves of all she wanted to say, but couldn’t. These topics were as numerous as grains of dust in the outside air, and just as likely to dry her mouth and still her tongue. She found herself drinking more and more from his thermos, her own water making noises at her back, her stomach lurching with every landing, each number counting down toward the conclusion of their journey, an adventure that had been a complete success in so many ways.

简恩斯感觉肚子里的蝴蝶在飞舞，他们讨论这些事情的时候。或者，这可能是她想说却说不出的所有紧张情绪。这些话题多如空气中的尘埃，同样有可能让她口干舌燥，舌头打结。她发现自己从他的保温瓶里喝得越来越多，她自己水壶里的水在身后发出响声，她的胃在每次着陆时都翻腾，每个数字都在倒计时，朝着他们旅程的结束，这是一次在很多方面都取得完全成功的冒险。

To start with, they had their sheriff. A fiery girl from the down deep who seemed every bit as confident and inspiring as Marnes had intimated. Jahns saw her kind as the future of the silo. People who thought long term. Who planned. Who got things done. There was precedence of sheriffs running for mayor. She thought Juliette would eventually make a fine choice.

起初，他们有他们的警长。一个来自深山区的火辣女孩，看起来自信和鼓舞人心，就像马恩斯暗示的那样。约翰斯认为她那类人代表了粮仓的未来。那些着眼长远、计划周全、做事有效率的人。以前就有警长竞选市长的先例。她认为朱丽叶最终会成为一个不错的选择。

And speaking of running, the trip had fired up her own goals and ambitions. She was excited for the upcoming elections, however unopposed she might be, and had even come up with dozens of short speeches during the climb. She saw how things could run better, how she could perform her duties more diligently, and how the silo could have new life breathed into old bones.

说到跑步，这次旅行激发了她的目标和雄心壮志。尽管她可能毫无争议，但她仍然对即将到来的选举感到兴奋，甚至在攀登过程中想出了数十篇简短的演讲稿。她看到了事情可以如何运作得更好，她如何能够更勤奋地履行职责，以及如何为老旧的体系注入新的活力。

But the biggest change was whatever had grown between herself and Marnes. She had even begun to suspect, just in the last hours, that the real reason for him never taking a promotion was because of her. As deputy, there was enough space between them to contain his hope, his impossible dream of holding her. As sheriff, it couldn’t happen. Too much conflict of interest, too much his immediate superior. This theory of hers contained a powerful sadness and an awe-inspiring sweetness. She squeezed his hand as she thought on this theory, and it filled her with a deep hollowness, a cramp in her gut at all he had silently sacrificed, a massive debt to live up to no matter what happened next.

但最大的变化是她和马恩斯之间长出的东西。她甚至在最近几个小时开始怀疑，他从未升迁的真正原因，是因为她。作为副警长，他们之间有足够的空间容纳他的希望，他那不可能的拥有她的梦想。但当他成为警长，就不可能了。利益冲突太多，他太直接地成为她的上司了。她这个想法包含着强烈的悲伤和令人敬畏的甜蜜。她想到这个想法时，紧紧握住了他的手，这让她感到空虚，她的胃里一阵绞痛，想到他默默地做出的牺牲，以及无论接下来发生什么，都必须偿还的巨大债务。

They approached the landing to the nursery, and had no plans for stopping to see Juliette’s father, to urge him to receive his daughter on the way up, but Jahns changed her mind as she felt her bladder beg for release.

他们接近了托儿所的登陆点，并没有计划停下来看朱丽叶的父亲，劝他路上接女儿，但当她感到膀胱需要释放时，约翰斯改变了主意。

“I’ve got to go pretty bad,” she told Marnes, embarrassed as a child to admit she couldn’t hold it. Her mouth was dry and her stomach churning from so much fluid, and maybe from a little fear of the journey being over and done. “I wouldn’t mind seeing Juliette’s father, either,” she added.

“我得走了，糟糕透了，”她告诉马恩斯，像个孩子一样不好意思地承认她忍不了了。她的嘴巴干涩，胃里翻江倒海，可能是因为流了太多液体，也可能因为一点点旅程结束的恐惧。“我也很想见见朱丽叶的父亲，”她补充道。

Marnes’ mustache bent up at the corners with the excuse. “Then we should stop,” he said.

马恩斯胡子因为借口翘了起来。“那我们就应该停下来，”他说。

The waiting room was empty, the signs reminding them to be quiet. Jahns peered through the glass partition and saw a nurse padding through the dark corridor toward her, a frown becoming a slight smile of recognition.

候诊室空空荡荡，告示牌提醒他们保持安静。约翰斯透过玻璃隔板望去，看到一名护士正沿着昏暗的走廊朝她走来，眉头舒展，露出略微的认出笑容。

“Mayor,” she whispered.

市长，她低声说。

“I’m sorry not to have wired ahead, but I was hoping to see Doctor Nichols? And possibly use your restroom?”

很抱歉没有提前联系，但我希望能见一下尼科尔斯医生？并且可能使用一下你们的洗手间？

“Of course.” She buzzed the door and waved them through. “We’ve had two deliveries since you last stopped by. Things have been crazy with this generator mess—”

当然。“她按响门铃，让他们进去。“自从你上次来后，我们已经收到两批货了。这个发电机出了问题，事情变得很疯狂——

“Power holiday,” Marnes corrected, his voice gruff and louder than theirs.

“电力假期，”马恩斯纠正道，他的声音粗哑，比他们的大。

The nurse shot him a look, but nodded as if duly noted. She took two robes from the racks and had them put these on and leave their stuff by her desk.

护士朝他瞥了一眼，但点了点头，好像已经记录在案。她从衣架上取下两件袍子，让他穿上，把他们的东西放在她办公桌旁。

In the waiting room, she waved toward the benches and said she would find the doctor. “The bathrooms are through there.” She pointed at a door, the old sign painted on its surface nearly eroded clean away.

候诊室里，她朝长椅挥了挥手，说她会找到医生。“卫生间在那儿。”她指着一道门，门上那块旧招牌几乎被风化得看不见了。

“I’ll be right back,” Jahns told Marnes. She fought the urge to reach out and squeeze his hand, as normal as that dark and hidden habit had lately become.

“我马上回来，”约翰斯告诉马恩斯。她抑制住了想要伸出手握住他手的手，因为这种黑暗而隐藏的习惯最近变得再正常不过了。

The bathroom was almost completely devoid of light. Jahns fumbled with an unfamiliar lock on the stall door, cursed under her breath as her stomach churned noisily, then finally threw the stall open and hurried to sit down. Her stomach felt like it was on fire as she relieved herself. The mixture of welcomed release and the burn of having held it too long left her unable to breathe. She went for what felt like forever, remained sitting as her legs shook uncontrollably, and realized she had pushed herself too hard on the climb up. The thought of another twenty levels mortified her, made her insides feel hollow with dread. She finished and moved over to the adjoining toilet to splash herself clean, then dried herself with one of the towels. She flushed both units to cycle the water. It all required fumbling in the darkness, unable to see and unfamiliar with the spacing and location that were second nature in her apartment and office.

浴室几乎完全没有光线。约翰斯摸索着隔间门上陌生的锁，在胃部发出响亮的翻滚声时低声咒骂，然后终于推开了隔间门，匆匆坐下。她觉得肚子像着火了一样，她解除了自己的痛苦。既有解脱的喜悦，又有憋得太久的灼痛感，让她喘不过气来。她感觉好像过了很久，坐在那里，双腿不听使唤地颤抖，意识到自己爬山时用力过猛了。想到还有二十层，让她感到羞愧，让她内心里充满了恐惧。她终于完成了，走到相邻的厕所边，用清水洗了洗脸，然后用毛巾擦干自己。她冲洗了两个单元，循环水。这一切都需要在黑暗中摸索，什么也看不见，不熟悉公寓和办公室里习以为常的空间和位置。

She staggered out of the bathroom on weak legs, wondering if she might need to stay one more night, sleep in a delivery bed, wait until the morning to make the climb to her office. She could barely feel her legs as she pulled open the door and returned to Marnes in the waiting room.

她摇摇晃晃地走出浴室，双腿无力，不知道是否需要再住一晚，睡在送货床上，等到早上再爬去办公室。她几乎感觉不到腿的存在，当她拉开门回到马恩斯候诊室时。

“Better?” he asked. He sat on one of the family benches, a space left conspicuously beside him. Jahns nodded and sat heavily. She was breathing in shallow pants and wondered if he’d find her weak to admit she couldn’t go any further that day.

他问道：“好些了吗？”他坐在一家人的长椅上，他旁边空着显眼的一块地方。扬斯点了点头，重重地坐了下来。她呼吸浅促，心里纳闷他会不会觉得她承认今天走不动是软弱的表现。

“Jahns? You okay?”

贾恩斯？你还好吗？

Marnes leaned forward. He wasn’t looking at her, he was looking toward the ground. “Jahns. What the hell happened?”

马恩斯向前倾身。他没有看着她，他看着地面。“贾恩斯。到底发生了什么事？”

“Lower your voice,” she whispered.

“把声音放低点，”她低声说。

He screamed, instead.

他尖叫了起来。

“Doctor!” he yelled. “Nurse!”

“医生！”他喊道。“护士！”

A form moved beyond the dusky glass of the nursery. Jahns laid her head back against the seat cushion, trying to form the words on her lips, to tell him to keep it down.

保育室昏暗的玻璃外，一个身影移动了。扬斯把头靠在座椅靠垫上，努力在唇间组织词语，要他小声点。

“Jahns, sweetheart, what did you do?”

约翰斯，亲爱的，你做了什么？

He was holding her hand, patting the back of it. He shook her arm. Jahns just wanted to sleep. There was the slapping of footsteps running their way. Lights turned up forbiddingly bright. A nurse yelled something. There was the familiar voice of Juliette’s father, a doctor. He would give her a bed. He would understand this exhaustion—

他握着她的手，拍着她的手背。他摇晃着她的胳膊。约翰斯只想睡觉。脚步声跑了过来，啪啪作响。灯光突然刺眼地亮了起来。一名护士喊了些什么。那是朱丽叶父亲——一位医生——熟悉的声音。他会给她一张床。他会理解这种疲惫——

There was talk of blood. Someone was examining her legs. Marnes was crying, tears falling into his white mustache, peppered with black. He was shaking her shoulders, looking her in the eye.

有人谈论流血。有人在检查她的腿。马恩斯在哭，眼泪滴落在他那白白的、点缀着黑色的胡子上。他正在摇晃她的肩膀，看着她的眼睛。

“I’m okay,” Jahns tried to say.

“我没事，”贾恩斯试着说。

She licked her lips. So dry. Mouth, so damned dry. She asked for water. Marnes fumbled for his canteen, brought it to her lips, splashing water against and into her mouth.

她舔了舔嘴唇。太干了。嘴巴，真是太干了。她要水。马恩斯摸索着他的水壶，凑到她嘴边，将水泼在她嘴里。

She tried to swallow, but couldn’t. They were stretching her out on the bench, the doctor touching her ribs, shining a light in her eyes. But things were getting darker anyway.

她想吞咽，但吞咽不了。他们把她放在长椅上，医生触摸她的肋骨，用光照她的眼睛。但情况无论如何都在变暗。

Marnes clutched the canteen in one hand, rubbed her hair back with the other. He was blubbering. So sad for some reason. So much more energy than her. She smiled at him and reached for his hand, a miraculous effort. She held his wrist and told him that she loved him. That she had for as long as she could remember. Her mind was tired, loosing its grip on her secrets, mouthing them to him as his eyes flowed with tears.

马妮紧紧握住水壶，另一只手抚摸着头发。他一直在呜咽。不知为何，如此悲伤。精力比她多得多。她对他微笑，伸出手，想要抓住他的手，这需要极大的努力。她握住他的手腕，告诉他她爱他。她爱他，爱了很久很久。她的脑子很累，渐渐失去了对秘密的掌控，将秘密脱口而出，而他的眼睛里充满了泪水。

His eyes, bright and wrinkled, peering down at her, then turning to the canteen in his hand.

他明亮而皱纹的眼睛向下看着她，然后转向他手中的餐盒。

The canteen that he had carried.

他带的食堂。

The water, and poison, meant for him.

水，还有毒药，都是为他准备的。

9

The generator room was unusually crowded and eerily silent. Mechanics in worn coveralls stood three deep behind the railing and watched the first shift crew work. Juliette was only dimly aware of them; she was more keenly aware of the silence.

发电机房异常拥挤，却诡异地安静。穿着磨损工作服的技工们站在护栏后三层，看着第一班组的工作人员。朱丽叶只是隐隐约约地注意到他们；她更敏锐地注意到了那份寂静。

She leaned over a device of her own making, a tall platform welded to the metal floor and arrayed with mirrors and tiny slits that bounced light across the room. This light shined on mirrors attached to the generator and its large dynamo, helping her get them in perfect alignment. It was the shaft between the two of them that she cared about, that long steel rod the size of a man’s waist where the power of combusting fuel was transformed into the spark of electricity. She was hoping to have the machines on either end of this rod aligned to within a thousandth of an inch. But everything they were doing was without precedent. The procedures had been hurriedly planned in all-night sessions while the backup generator was put online. Now, she could only concentrate, could only hope the eighteen hour shifts had been good for something, and trust in plans made back when she’d had some decent rest and could soundly think.

她俯身于自己制作的装置，一个高高的平台焊接在地板上，上面排列着镜子和小缝隙，将光线反射到房间各处。这光线照射在连接发电机及其大型发电机组的镜子，帮助她将它们调整到完美对齐。她关心的是两者之间的轴，那根粗如男人腰部的钢杆，在那里燃烧燃料的力量转化为电火花。她希望机器的两个端点在这个杆上对齐到千分之一英寸。但他们所做的一切都是前所未有的。在备用发电机上线期间，所有计划都在通宵会议中仓促制定。现在，她只能集中精力，只能希望十八小时的轮班有所收获，并相信在过去她休息充足、能够好好思考的时候制定的计划。

While she guided the final placement, the chamber around her stood deathly quiet. She gave a sign, and Marck and his team tightened several of the massive bolts on the new rubber floor mounts. They were four days into the power holiday. The generator needed to be up and running by morning and at full power that next evening. With so much done to it—the new gaskets and seals, the polishing of cylinder shafts that had required young shadows to crawl down into the heart of the beast—Juliette was worried about it even starting up. The generator had never been fully powered down during her lifetime. Old Knox could remember it shutting itself down in an emergency once, back when he was a mere shadow, but for everyone else the rumble was as constant and close as their own heartbeats. Juliette felt inordinate pressure for everything to work. She was the one who had come up with the idea to do a refit. She calmed herself with reassurances that it was the right thing to do, and that the worst that could happen now was that the holiday would get extended until they sorted out all the kinks. That was much better than a catastrophic failure years from now.

她指导最终的安装位置时，周围的房间死一般寂静。她做了个手势，马克和他的团队紧固了新橡胶地板支架上的几颗巨型螺栓。他们已经度过了停电的第四天。发电机必须在第二天早上启动，并在第二天晚上达到满功率。经过如此多的改进——新的垫圈和密封件，需要年轻的阴影爬到野兽心脏处抛光汽缸轴——朱丽叶担心它甚至无法启动。发电机在她的一生中从未完全关闭过。老诺克斯记得它在紧急情况下曾经自己关闭过一次，那是在他还是个影子的时候，但对于其他人来说，隆隆声就像他们自己的心跳一样持续而近。朱丽叶感到巨大的压力，希望一切都能正常运转。是她提出进行翻新的。她通过自我保证让自己平静下来，认为这是正确的做法，现在最糟糕的情况是停电会延长，直到他们解决所有问题。这比几年后发生灾难性故障要好得多。

Marck signaled that the bolts were secure, the lock nuts tightened down. Juliette jumped off her homemade platform and strolled over to the generator to join him. It was difficult to walk casually with so many eyes on her. She couldn’t believe this rowdy crew, this extended and dysfunctional family of hers, could be so perfectly silent. It was like they were all holding their breath, wondering if the crushing schedule of the last few days was going to be for naught.

马克示意螺栓牢固，锁紧螺母。朱丽叶从她自制的平台上跳下来，走到发电机旁加入他。这么多双眼睛盯着她，很难轻松地走过去。她不敢相信这群吵闹的人，她这个庞大而有问题的大家庭，竟然能如此安静。仿佛他们都屏住呼吸，想知道过去几天令人窒息的日程安排是否会落空。

“You ready?” she asked Marck.

你准备好了吗？她问马克。

He nodded, wiping his hands on a filthy rag that always seemed to be draped over his shoulder. Juliette checked her watch. The sight of its second hand ticking around in its constant path comforted her. Whenever she had doubts about something working, she looked at her wrist. Not to see the time, but to see a thing she had fixed. A repair so intricate and impossible—one that had taken years of cleaning and setting parts almost too small to see—that it made her current task, whatever it was, feel small by comparison.

他点点头，用一条总是搭在他肩上的脏抹布擦了擦手。朱丽叶看了看表。指针在不停地走，这景象让她感到安慰。每当她对某件事能否成功产生怀疑时，她都会看看手腕。不是为了看时间，而是为了看看她自己修好的东西。那是一项如此精细而不可思议的修复工作——需要数年时间来清洁和调整几乎看不见的小零件——以至于它让当前的任务，无论是什么，都显得微不足道。

“We on schedule?” Marck asked, grinning.

我们按计划吗？马克笑着问道。

“We’re doing fine.” She nodded to the control room. Whispers began to stir through the crowd as they realized the restart was imminent. Dozens of them pulled sound protection from their necks and settled the muffs over their ears. Juliette and Marck joined Shirly in the control room.

我们一切顺利。”她向控制室点了点头。当他们意识到重启即将到来时，人群中开始窃窃私语。数十人从脖子上取下隔音护耳，将耳罩戴上。朱莉叶和马克加入了雪莉一起进入控制室。

“How’s it going?” Juliette asked the second shift foreman, a young woman, small but fiery.

朱丽叶问值班二班的组长，一个年轻的小个子女人，却很热情。

“Golden,” Shirly said as she continued to make adjustments, zeroing out all the corrections that had built up over the years. They were starting from the ground up, none of the patches and fixes of old to disguise any new symptoms. A fresh start. “We’re good to go,” she said.

“黄金的，”雪莉说，她继续调整，清除了多年积累的修正。他们从头开始，没有旧的补丁和修补程序来掩盖任何新的症状。一个新的开始。“我们准备好了，”她说。

She backed away from the controls and moved to stand near her husband. The gesture was transparent, leaving the controls. This was Juliette’s project, perhaps the last thing she would ever try and fix in the down deep of Mechanical. She would have the honor, and the full responsibility, of firing the generator up.

她向控制台退后，走到丈夫身边。这个举动很明显，她离开了控制台。这是朱丽叶特的项目，也许是她最后一次试图在机械深处修复的东西。她将荣幸地，并承担全部责任，启动发电机。

Juliette stood over the control board, looking down at knobs and dials that she could locate in utter darkness. It was hard to believe that this phase of her life was over, that some new one was about to begin. The thought of traveling to the up-top frightened her more than this project could. The idea of leaving her friends and family, of dealing with politics, did not taste as sweet to her as the sweat and grease on her lips. But at least she had allies up there. If people like Jahns and Marnes were able to get by, to survive, she figured she’d be okay.

茱丽叶站在控制面板前，低头看着在伸手不见五指的黑暗中她能找到的旋钮和旋钮。很难相信她这一阶段的生活结束了，一个新的阶段即将开始。想到要去上层空间，比这个项目更让她害怕。离开朋友和家人，处理政治的想法，不像她嘴唇上的汗水和油脂那样甜蜜。但至少她在上面有盟友。如果像约翰斯和马恩斯这样的人能够渡过难关，能够生存下来，她觉得她会没事的。

With a trembling hand, more from exhaustion than nerves, Juliette engaged the starter motor. There was a loud whine as a small electrical engine tried to get the massive diesel generator moving. It seemed to be taking forever, but Juliette had no idea what normal sounded like. Marck stood by the door, propping it open so they could better hear any shouts to abort. He glanced over at Juliette as she continued to hold the ignition, creases of worry in his brow as the starter whined and groaned in the next room.

茱莉叶颤抖着手，更多的是疲惫而非紧张，启动了发动机。随着一个小电机试图启动巨大的柴油发电机，发出刺耳的嗡嗡声。这似乎要花很长时间，但茱莉叶不知道正常的声音是什么样的。马克站在门口，撑开它，以便他们能更好地听到任何取消的呼喊声。他瞥了茱莉叶一眼，她继续握着点火开关，额头上布满了担忧的皱纹，因为启动器在隔壁房间发出嗡嗡声和呻吟声。

Someone outside waved both arms, trying to signal her through the glass.

外面有人挥舞着双臂，试图透过玻璃向她示意。

“Shut it off, shut it off,” Marck said. Shirly hurried over toward the control panel to help.

“关掉它，关掉它，”马克说。雪莉赶紧跑向控制面板帮忙。

Juliette let go of the ignition and reached for the kill switch, but she stopped herself from pressing it. There was a noise outside. A powerful hum. She thought she could feel it through the floor, but not like the vibration of old.

茱莉叶松开了点火装置，伸手去够灭火开关，但她阻止了自己按下它。外面有声音。一阵强烈的嗡嗡声。她觉得它能从地板上传过来，但感觉不像以前那样的震动。

“It’s already running!” someone yelled.

“它已经在运行了！”有人喊道。

“It was already running,” Marck said, laughing.

马克笑着说：“它已经在运行了。”

The mechanics outside were cheering. Someone pulled off their ear protection and hurled the muffs up into the air. Juliette realized the starter motor was louder than the rebuilt generator, that she’d been holding the ignition even as it had already started and continued to run.

外面的技工们在欢呼。有人摘下耳罩，把耳罩扔到空中。朱丽叶意识到起动机比修复后的发电机声音更大，她一直在握着点火开关，即使它已经启动并继续运转。

Shirly and Marck hugged one another. Juliette checked the temps and pressures on all the zeroed gauges and saw little to adjust, but she wouldn’t be sure until it warmed up. Her throat constricted with emotion, the release of so much pressure. Work crews were leaping over the railing to crowd around the rebuilt beast. Some who rarely visited the generator room were reaching out to touch it, almost with reverent awe.

雪莉和马克互相拥抱。朱丽叶检查了所有归零仪表的温度和压力，发现几乎没有什么需要调整，但她得等它热起来才能确定。她的喉咙因情绪而收紧，释放出如此大的压力。工作组跳过护栏，聚集在重建的巨兽周围。一些很少来发电机房的人伸出手去触摸它，几乎带着虔诚的敬畏。

Juliette left the control room to watch them, to listen to the sound of a perfectly working machine, of gears in alignment. She stood behind the railing, hands on a steel bar that used to rattle and dance while the generator labored, and watched an unlikely celebration take place in a normally avoided workspace. The hum was magnificent. Power without dread. The culmination of so much hurried labor and planning.

茱莉叶离开了控制室，去观看他们，倾听机器完美运作的声音，齿轮协调的声音。她站在栏杆后面，双手放在一根钢杆上，这根钢杆在发电机运转时曾经发出咯咯作响、舞动的声音，她看着在通常被避免的工作区域里发生了一场不同寻常的庆祝活动。嗡嗡声是壮丽的。没有恐惧的能量。如此匆忙的劳动和计划的最终结果。

The success gave her a new confidence for what lay ahead, for what lay above. She was in such fine spirits and so fixated on the powerful and improved machines that she didn’t notice the young porter hurry into the room, his face ashen, his chest swelling with the deep gulps of a long and frantic run. She barely noticed the way the news traveled from mouth to mouth throughout the room, spreading among the mechanics until fear and sadness registered in their eyes. It wasn’t until the celebration died completely, the room falling into a different sort of quiet, one studded with sobs and gasps of disbelief, of grown men wailing, that Juliette knew something was amiss.

成功让她对前方，对未来充满信心。她心情很好，一心沉迷于那些功能强大且改进的机器，没注意到年轻的搬运工脸色苍白，胸脯剧烈起伏，显然是跑得很急很慌。她几乎没注意到消息在房间里从口中传到口中，在技工们之间传播开来，直到恐惧和悲伤在他们的眼中显现。直到庆祝活动完全结束，房间陷入了一种不同的寂静，一种夹杂着啜泣和难以置信的喘息声、成年男子悲号的寂静，朱丽叶才意识到出了问题。

Something had happened. A great and powerful thing had fallen out of alignment.

发生了一些事情。一件伟大而强大的事情偏离了轨道。

And it had nothing to do with her generator.

这和她发电机毫无关系。

Wool 3 – Casting Off

羊毛 3 – 收针

1

Casting Off

卸下

There were numbers on each of the pockets. Juliette could look down at her chest and read them, and so it occurred to her that they must be printed upside down. They were there for her to read, and for no one else. She numbly stared at them through her helmet visor while the door behind her was sealed. There was another door, a forbidden one, looming in front of her. It stood silently as it waited to be opened.

每个口袋上都有数字。朱丽叶可以低头看着自己的胸口，读出那些数字，于是她想到它们一定是倒着印的。它们在那里供她阅读，而不是供其他人阅读。她茫然地透过头盔护目镜盯着它们，身后舱门正在关闭。前面还有另一扇门，一扇禁门，正静静地伫立着，等待着被打开。

Juliette felt lost in this void between the two doors, trapped in this airlock full of its brightly colored pipes all jutting from the walls and ceiling, everything shimmering behind plastic-wrapped shrouds.

茱莉叶感觉在这两扇门之间的空隙里迷失了方向，困在这个充满鲜艳彩色管道的锁闭舱里，所有东西都在塑料包裹的罩子后面闪闪发光。

The hiss of Argon being pumped into the room sounded distant through her helmet. It let her know the end was near. Pressure built against the plastic, crinkling it across the bench and walls, wrapping it tightly around the pipes. She could feel the pressure against her suit, like an invisible hand gently squeezing.

氩气被泵入房间的嘶嘶声透过她的头盔听起来很遥远。它让她知道末日将近。压力作用在塑料上，使塑料在长凳和墙壁上发出褶皱声，紧紧地包裹住管道。她能感觉到压力作用在她宇航服上，就像一只看不见的手轻轻地挤压着。

She knew what was to happen next. And part of her wondered how she had gotten here, a girl from Mechanical who had never cared one whit about the outside, who had only ever broken minor laws, and who would’ve been content for the rest of her life to live in the deepest bowels of the earth, covered in grease and fixing the broken things, little concern for the wider world of the dead that surrounds her—

她知道接下来会发生什么。她的一部分想知道自己怎么会到这里，一个来自机械部门的女孩，从不关心外面的世界，只犯过一些小过错，她本来一辈子都满足于生活在地球最深处，满身油污，修理坏掉的机器，对环绕她的广阔死亡世界漠不关心——

2

Days Earlier

几天前

Juliette sat on the floor of the holding cell, her back against the tall rows of steel bars, a mean world displayed on the wallscreen before her. For the past three days, while she attempted to teach herself how to be silo sheriff, she had studied this view of the outside and wondered what the fuss was all about.

茱莉叶坐在拘留室的地板上，背靠着高高的钢筋，墙上的屏幕上显示着残酷的世界。过去三天，当她试图学习如何成为筒仓警长时，她一直在研究外面的景象，并想知道这究竟是怎么回事。

All she saw out there were dull slopes of ground, these gray hills rising up toward grayer clouds, dappled sunlight straining to illuminate the land with little success. Across it all were the terrible winds, the frenzied gusts that whipped small clouds of soil into curls and whorls that chased one another across a landscape meant only for them.

她看到的只有那里的单调的斜坡，这些灰色的山丘朝着更灰暗的云层升起，斑驳的阳光努力照亮大地，却收效甚微。到处都是可怕的风，狂暴的阵风将小云团的泥土卷成卷和漩涡，在只属于它们的大地上追逐嬉戏。

For Juliette, there was nothing inspiring about the view, nothing that aroused her curiosity. It was an uninhabitable wasteland devoid of anything useful. There were no resources beyond the tainted steel of crumbling towers visible over the hills, steel it would no doubt cost more to reclaim, transport, smelt, and purify than it would to simply pull new ore from the mines beneath the silo.

对于朱丽叶来说，景色毫无启发性，也无法激起她的好奇心。那是一片荒无人烟的荒地，一无所有。除了山丘上可见的破败塔楼上沾满污渍的钢铁，那里没有任何资源。毫无疑问，回收、运输、冶炼和提纯这种钢铁的成本，要比从筒仓下的矿井中开采新矿石更高。

The forbidden dreams of the outside world, she saw, were sad and empty dreams. Dead dreams. The people of the up-top who worshipped this view had it all backwards—the future was below. That’s where the oil came from that provided their power, the minerals that became anything useful, the nitrogen that renewed the soil in the farms. Any who shadowed in the footsteps of chemistry and metallurgy knew this. Those who read children’s books, those who tried to piece together the mystery of a forgotten and unknowable past, remained deluded.

外界禁锢的梦想，她看到，是悲伤而空虚的梦想。死寂的梦想。那些顶层崇拜这种观点的人，都把一切都颠倒了——未来在下面。那里的石油提供他们的能量，那里的矿物变成任何有用的东西，那里的氮肥滋养着农田的土壤。任何在化学和冶金领域留下足迹的人都知道这一点。那些读童话书的人，那些试图拼凑被遗忘的、不可知过去的谜团的人，仍然是迷失的。

The only sense she could make of their obsession was the open space itself, a feature of the landscape that frankly terrified her. Perhaps it was something wrong with her that she loved the walls of the silo, loved the dark confines of the down deep. Was everyone else crazy to harbor thoughts of escape? Or was it something about her?

她唯一能理解他们痴迷的是那片空旷的空间本身，这片风景特征让她感到深深的恐惧。或许是她有问题，她喜欢筒仓的墙壁，喜欢深处的黑暗。其他人是不是都疯了，想着逃离？还是她有问题？

Juliette looked from the dry hills and the fog of soil to the scattered folders around her. It was her predecessor’s unfinished work. A shiny star sat balanced on one of her knees, not yet worn. There was a canteen sitting on one of the folders, safe inside a plastic reusable evidence bag. It looked innocent enough lying there, having already done its deadly deed. Several numbers written with black ink on the bag had been crossed out, cases long since solved or abandoned. A new number stood to one side, a case number matching a folder not present, a folder filled with page after page of testimony and notes dealing with the death of a mayor that everyone had loved—but that someone had killed.

茱莉叶从干涸的山丘和土壤的雾气中，望向她周围散落的文件夹。那是她前任未完成的工作。一颗闪亮的星星静静地放在她膝盖上，尚未磨损。一个饭盒放在其中一个文件夹上，安全地放在一个塑料可重复使用的证据袋里。它看起来足够无害地躺在那儿，已经完成了它的致命行为。证据袋上用黑色墨水写的一些数字被划掉了，那些案件早已结案或被放弃。一个新的号码放在一旁，一个案件号码与一个不存在的文件夹相符，一个文件夹里装满了关于市长死亡的证词和笔记页，每个人都爱他——但有人却杀了他。

Juliette had seen some of those notes, but only from a distance. They were written in Deputy Marnes’ hand, hands that would not relinquish the folder, hands that clutched it madly. She had taken peeks at the folder from across his desk and had seen the splatters that faded occasional words and caused the paper to pucker. The writing amid these drying tears was a scrawl, not as neat as his notes in the other folders. What she could see seemed to crawl angrily across the page, words slashed out violently and replaced. It was the same ferocity Deputy Marnes displayed all the time now, the boiling anger that had driven Juliette away from her desk and into the holding cell to work. She had found it impossible to sit across from such a broken soul and be expected to think. The view of the outside world that loomed before her, however sad, cast a far less depressing shadow.

茱莉叶见过一些便条，但只是隔着一段距离。它们是用马恩副警官的笔迹写成的，那双手不会松开文件夹，疯狂地紧紧抓住它。她从办公桌对面偷看了一眼文件夹，看到了字迹间偶尔会褪色的污渍，使纸张起皱。这些干涸的泪水中的字迹潦草，不像他其他文件夹里的笔记那样整洁。她能看到的内容似乎愤怒地爬过页面，字词被暴力地划掉并被替换。这正是马恩副警官现在所展现出的同样的凶猛，那沸腾的愤怒驱使茱莉叶离开她的办公桌，躲进拘留室工作。她发现，面对如此破碎的灵魂，却要被要求思考，这是不可能的。她面前呈现的外部世界景象，尽管悲伤，却投下了一个远没有那么令人沮丧的阴影。

It was in the holding cell that she killed time between the static-filled calls on her radio and the jaunts down to some disturbance. Often, she would simply sit and sort and re-sort her folders according to perceived severity. She was sheriff of all the silo. A job she had not shadowed for, but one she was beginning to understand. One of the last things Mayor Jahns had told her had proved truer than she could imagine: People were like machines. They broke down. They rattled. They could burn you or maim you if you weren’t careful. Her job was to not only figure out why this happened, and who was to blame, but also to listen for the signs of it coming. Being sheriff, like being a mechanic, was as much the fine art of preventive maintenance as it was the cleaning up after a breakdown.

她在拘留室里，在收音机里充满静电的通话和前往一些骚乱地点之间消磨时间。她经常只是坐着，根据她认为的严重程度整理和重新整理文件夹。她是所有筒仓的警长。这份工作她没有预先学习过，但她开始理解了。市长贾恩斯告诉她的最后一句话比她想象的还要真实：人们就像机器。他们会出故障。他们会发出响声。如果你不小心，他们可能会烧伤你或残害你。她的工作不仅要弄清楚为什么会发生这种情况，以及谁应该负责，还要倾听即将发生的迹象。像机械师一样，当警长，与其说是清理故障后的结果，不如说是预防性维护的精细艺术。

The folders scattered on the floor were sad cases of the latter. Complaints between neighbors that got out of hand. Reported thefts. The source of a poisonous batch of amateur shower gin. Several more cases stemming from the trouble this gin had caused. Each folder awaited more findings, more legwork, more hikes down the twisting stairs to engage in twisted dialog, sorting lies from truth.

地板上散落的文件夹，都是后者令人悲伤的案例。邻居间的抱怨升级失控。报告的盗窃案。一批业余自制劣质沐浴酒的毒源。还有更多由这种劣质沐浴酒引发的案件。每个文件夹都等待着更多调查结果、更多调查工作、更多在蜿蜒的楼梯上上下下的探访，以及在扭曲的对话中辨别真伪。

Juliette had read the Law portion of the Pact twice in preparation for the job. Lying in her bed in the down deep, her body exhausted from the work of aligning the primary generator, she had studied the proper way to file case folders, the danger of disturbing evidence, all of it logical and analogous to some part of her old job as mechanic. Approaching the scene of a crime or an active dispute was no different than walking into a pump room where something was broken. Someone or some thing was always at fault. She knew to listen, to observe, to ask questions of anyone who could have had anything to do with the faulty equipment or the tools that had served the equipment, following a chain of events all the way down to the bedrock itself. There were always confounding variables—you couldn’t adjust one dial without sending something else a-kilter—but Juliette had a skill, a talent, for knowing what was important and what could be ignored.

茱莉叶为了这份工作，已经两次阅读了契约中的法律部分。躺在深沉的床上，身体因调整主发电机而疲惫不堪，她学习了如何正确归档案件文件夹，如何避免扰乱证据，所有这些都与她以前作为机械师的工作的某些部分具有逻辑性和类比性。接近犯罪现场或活跃的纠纷，就像走进一个坏了东西的泵房一样。总是有某个人或某物有错。她知道要倾听、观察，向任何可能与故障设备或为设备服务的工具有关的人提问，顺着事件链一直追溯到地基本身。总会有一些令人困惑的变量——你不可能调整一个旋钮而不让别的东西失调——但是茱莉叶拥有一种技能、一种天赋，知道哪些重要，哪些可以忽略。

She assumed it was this talent that Deputy Marnes had originally seen in her, this patience and skepticism she employed to ask one more stupid question and stumble eventually onto the answer. It was a boost to her confidence that she had helped solve a case before. She hadn’t known it then, had been more concerned with simple justice and her private grief, but that case had been job training and an interview all in one.

她认为正是这种天赋，马恩斯副警探最初在她身上看到的，这种耐心和怀疑态度，让她多问一个愚蠢的问题，最终找到答案。在她帮助破案之前，这增强了她的信心。她当时并不知道，更关心的是简单的正义和她的私伤，但那件事却是一次工作培训和面试合二为一。

She picked up that very folder from years gone by, a pale red stamp on its cover reading “Closed” in bold block letters. She peeled the tape holding its edges together and flipped through the notes. Many of them were in Holston’s neat hand, a forward-slanting print she recognized from just about everything on and inside her desk, a desk that had once been his. She read his notes about her, re-familiarized herself with a case that had seemed an obvious murder but had actually been a series of unlikely events. Going back through it, something she had avoided until now, resurfaced old pains. And yet—she could also recall how comforting it had been to distract herself with the clues. She could remember the rush of a problem solved, the satisfaction of having answers to offset the hollowness left by her lover’s death. The process had been similar to fixing a machine on extra shifts. There was the pain in her body from the effort and exhaustion, offset slightly by the knowledge that a rattle had been wrenched away.

她拿起那本多年以前的文件夹，封面印着醒目的大字“已结案”。她撕开粘合边上的胶带，翻阅着笔记。许多笔记都是霍尔顿工整的笔迹，一种她从她办公桌上的所有东西以及桌内的东西都认识的向前倾斜的字体，一张曾经属于他的桌子。她读着关于她的笔记，重新熟悉了一起看似明显的谋杀案，但实际上却是一系列不太可能的事件的案件。再次回顾，她一直以来回避的东西，旧痛又浮出水面。然而——她也能回忆起用线索分散自己注意力是多么令人欣慰。她记得解决问题时的兴奋，以及拥有答案来抵消爱人去世后留下的空虚感。这个过程就像在加班时修理一台机器一样。身体的疼痛来自努力和疲惫，被略微抵消了，因为她知道一个令人不安的因素已经被消除掉了。

She set the folder aside, not yet ready to relive it all. She picked up another and placed it in her lap, one hand falling to the brass star on her knee—

她把文件夹放一旁，还没准备好重温这一切。她拿起另一个，放在膝盖上，一只手落在膝盖上的黄铜星上——

A shadow danced across the wallscreen, distracting her. Juliette looked up and saw a low wall of dirt spill down the hill. This layer of soot seemed to shiver in the wind as it travelled toward sensors she had been trained to think of as important, sensors that gave her a view of the outside world she had been frightened as a child into believing was dear.

墙屏上跳动着影子，让她分心。朱丽叶抬头一看，看到小山坡上倒塌下来一道低矮的泥土墙。这层煤烟似乎在风中颤抖，向她受过训练认为重要的传感器移动，那些传感器让她看到她童年时被吓唬成珍视的外部世界。

But she wasn’t so sure, now that she was old enough to think for herself and near enough to observe it firsthand. This up-top’s obsession with cleaning barely trickled its way to the down deep where true cleaning kept the silo humming and everyone alive. But even down there, her friends in Mechanical had been told since birth not to speak of the outside. It was an easy enough task when you never saw it, but now, walking by it to work, sitting before this view of a vastness one’s brain could not comprehend, she saw how the inevitable questions must surface. She saw why it might be important to squelch certain ideas before a stampede to the exits formed, before questions foamed on people’s mad lips and brought an end to them all.

但她现在不那么确定了，因为她已经足够大了，可以独立思考，也足够接近，可以亲眼观察。这个顶层人物对清洁的痴迷，几乎没有波及到真正清洁保持筒仓运转，让所有人活下来的地方。但是，即使在那里，机械部门的朋友们自出生起就被告知不要谈论外面。当你从未见过它时，这很容易做到，但是现在，她走过它去上班，坐在这片她大脑无法理解的广阔景象前，她看到了不可避免的问题必须浮出水面的原因。她看到了为什么在人们冲向出口、疯狂的嘴唇上涌现出问题并结束一切之前，压制某些想法可能很重要。

Rather than ponder this further, she flipped opened Holston’s folder. Behind the bio tab was a thick stack of notes about his last days as sheriff. The portion relating to his actual crime was barely half a page long, the rest of the piece of paper blank and wasted. A single paragraph simply explained that he had reported to the up-top holding cell and had expressed an interest in the outside. That was it. A few lines to spell a man’s doom. Juliette read the words several times before flipping the page over.

她没有再深思，而是翻开了霍尔斯顿的文件夹。生物标签后面是一叠厚厚的关于他作为警长的最后几天的笔记。关于他实际犯罪的部分只有短短半页，其余纸张空白浪费。一段简短的文字仅仅解释了他已报告到顶层拘留室，并表达了对外面的兴趣。仅此而已。几行字就决定了一个人的命运。朱丽叶反复阅读了几遍，然后翻过页面。

Underneath was a note from Mayor Jahns asking that Holston be remembered for his service to the silo and not as just another cleaner. Juliette read this letter, written in the hand of someone who was also recently deceased. It was strange to think of people she knew that she could never see again. Part of the reason she avoided her father all these years was because he was, simply put, still there. There was never the threat of her not being able to change her mind. But it was different with Holston and Jahns; they were gone forever. And Juliette was so used to rebuilding devices thought beyond repair that she felt if she concentrated enough, or performed the correct series of tasks in the right order, that she should be able to bring the deceased back, be able to recreate their wasted forms. But she knew that wasn’t the case.

底下是贾恩斯市长的便条，要求人们记住霍尔斯顿为粮仓做出的贡献，而不是把他仅仅当作一个清洁工。朱丽叶读着这封信，信是用最近去世的人的笔迹写成的。想到她认识的人，却再也见不到了，这感觉很奇怪。她这些年来避开父亲的部分原因，是因为他，简单地说，仍然在那里。她永远不必担心改变主意。但霍尔斯顿和贾恩斯不一样；他们永远消失了。朱丽叶过去习惯于修复被认为无法修复的设备，她觉得如果她足够专注，或者按照正确的顺序完成正确的步骤，她应该能够把死者带回来，能够重建他们逝去的形式。但她知道情况并非如此。

She flipped through Holston’s folder and asked herself forbidden questions, some for the very first time. What had seemed trivial when she lived in the down deep, where exhaust leaks could asphyxiate and broken flood pumps could drown everyone she knew, now loomed large before her. What was it all about, this life they lived in underground confines? What was out there, over those hills? Why were they here, and for what purpose? Had her kind built those tall silos crumbling in the distance? What for? And most vexing of all: What had Holston, a reasonable man—or his wife for that matter—been thinking to want to leave?

她翻阅霍尔斯顿的文件夹，问自己一些禁忌的问题，其中一些是她第一次问的。当她住在深山里，排气泄漏可能窒息，损坏的排水泵可能淹没她认识的所有人时，这些看似微不足道的事情现在在她面前变得巨大。这一切都意味着什么，他们在地下狭小的空间里生活着？山的那边是什么？他们为什么在这里，为了什么目的？她这一类人是否建造了远处那些倒塌的高筒仓？为了什么？最令人费解的是：霍尔斯顿，一个理性的人——或者他的妻子——到底在想什么，想要离开？

Two folders to keep her company, both marked “Closed.” Both belonging in the Mayor’s office, where they should be sealed up and filed away. But Juliette kept finding herself returning to them rather than the more pressing cases in front of her. One of these folders held the life of a man she had loved, whose death she had helped unravel in the down deep. In the other lived a man she had respected whose job she now held. She didn’t know why she obsessed over the two folders, especially since she couldn’t stomach seeing Marnes peer forlornly down at his own loss, studying the details of Mayor Jahns’ death, going over the depositions, convinced he had a killer but with no evidence to corner the man—

两个文件夹陪伴着她，都标着“存档”。这两个文件夹都应该放在市长办公室，并封存和归档。但朱丽叶发现自己总是回到这些文件夹，而不是处理面前更紧急的案件。其中一个文件夹里装着她爱过的一个男人的生命，她曾在深处帮助解开了他的死亡之谜。另一个文件夹里装着她尊敬的一个男人，现在她正担任着他的工作。她不知道自己为什么执着于这两个文件夹，尤其是在她无法忍受看到马恩斯沮丧地望着自己的损失，研究市长约翰斯死亡的细节，查看证词，确信他有一个凶手，但却没有任何证据来抓住这个人。

Someone knocked on the bars above Juliette’s head. She looked up, expecting to find Deputy Marnes telling her it was time to call it a day, but saw a strange man peering down at her instead.

茱莉叶头顶的栏杆上有人敲了敲。她抬头望去，以为是马恩警佐通知她该收工了，却看到一个陌生男人正向下看着她。

“Sheriff?” he asked.

“警长？”他问道。

Juliette set the folders aside and palmed the star off her knee. She stood up and turned around, facing this small man with a protruding gut, glasses perched at the end of his nose, his silver IT coveralls snugly tailored and freshly pressed.

茱莉叶把文件夹放在一边，从膝盖上摘下星星。她站起身，转身面对这个小个子男人，肚子凸出，眼镜架在鼻尖，银色的 IT 连体服合身剪裁，熨烫得笔挺。

“Can I help you?” she asked.

她问：“我能帮您吗？”

The man stuck his hand between the bars. Juliette moved the star from one palm to the other and reached out to accept it.

那人把手伸进栏杆之间。朱丽叶把星星从一只手掌移到另一只手掌，伸出手去接住它。

“Sorry I’m late getting up here,” he said. “There’s been a lot going on, what with the ceremonies, that generator nonsense, and all the legal wrangling. I’m Bernard, Bernard Holland.”

“对不起，我迟到了，”他说。“最近发生的事情很多，各种仪式、那个发电机的问题，还有所有法律纠缠。我叫伯纳德，伯纳德·霍兰德。”

Juliette felt her blood run cold. The man’s hand was so small around, it felt like it was missing a finger. Despite this, his grip was solid. She tried to pull back, but he refused to let go.

茱莉叶感到血液冰凉。男人的手在她手中如此渺小，感觉好像少了一根手指。尽管如此，他的握力却很强。她试图挣脱，但他却拒绝放手。

“As sheriff, I’m sure you already know the Pact inside and out, so you know that I’ll be acting Mayor, at least until we can arrange a vote.”

作为警长，我相信你已经非常熟悉协议的条款，所以你知道我将代理市长，至少在我们可以安排投票之前。

“I’d heard,” Juliette said cooly. She wondered how this man had gotten past Marnes’ desk without some sort of violence. Here was their prime suspect in Jahns’ death—only he was on the wrong side of the bars. And Juliette realized the same was true of her.

朱丽叶冷冰冰地说：“我听说过。”她纳闷这个男人是怎么在没有制造什么暴力的情况下从马恩斯办公桌旁过去的。这就是他们怀疑的雅恩斯死亡的凶手——只是他站在了栏杆的错误一边。朱丽叶意识到，她也是如此。

“Doing some filing, are you?” He relinquished his grip, and Juliette pulled her hand away. He peered down at the paperwork strewn across the floor, his eyes seeming to settle on the canteen in its plastic bag, but Juliette couldn’t be sure.

“在整理文件，是吗？”他松开了手，朱丽叶把手抽了回来。他低头看着散落在地板上的文件，眼神似乎落在了塑料袋里的饭盒上，但朱丽叶不敢确定。

“Just familiarizing myself with our ongoing cases,” she said. “There’s a little more room in here to . . . well, think.”

她说道：“我只是在熟悉我们正在处理的案件。”“这里还有点空间……嗯，思考。”

“Oh, I’m sure a lot of deep thought has taken place in this room.” Bernard smiled, and Juliette noticed his front teeth were crooked, one of them overlapping the other. It made him look like the stray mice she used to trap in the pump rooms.

哦，我相信这个房间里已经进行了很多深思熟虑。伯纳德笑了笑，朱丽叶注意到他的门牙歪斜，其中一颗压在另一颗上面。这让他看起来像她过去在泵房里捕捉到的流浪老鼠。

“Yes, well, I’ve found the space conducive to sorting my thoughts out, so maybe there’s something to that. And besides,” she leveled her eyes at him, “I don’t expect it to remain empty for long. And once it’s occupied, I’ll be able to take leave of all this deep thought for a day or two while someone is put to cleaning—”

是的，嗯，我发现这个地方有利于整理我的想法，所以也许那有点道理。再说，”她直视着他的眼睛，“我不指望它会空着很久。一旦有人住进来，我就能在有人打扫的时候，放下一两天深思熟虑。

“I wouldn’t count too much on that,” Bernard said. He flashed his crooked teeth again. “The word down below is that the poor Mayor, rest her soul, plum wore herself out with this crazy climb of hers. I believe she was hiking down to see you, isn’t that right?”

“我不会太相信那件事，”伯纳德说。他再次露出他那弯曲的牙齿。“下面传来的消息是，可怜的市长，愿她的灵魂安息，她把自己累垮了，为了她那疯狂的攀登。我相信她当时正下山来看你，对吧？”

Juliette felt a sharp sting in her palm. She loosened her grip on the brass star, the knuckles on both hands white from making fists.

茱莉叶感觉手掌一阵刺痛。她松开了手中的黄铜星，双手的指关节因为握拳而发白。

Bernard adjusted his glasses. “But now I hear you’re investigating for foul play?”

伯纳德调整了一下眼镜。“但是现在我听说你们正在调查是否有舞弊行为？”

Juliette leveled her eyes at him, trying not to be distracted by the reflection of the dull hills visible in his spectacles. “I suppose you should know, as acting Mayor, that we’re treating this very much as a murder,” she said.

茱丽叶直视着他，努力不去被他眼镜里映出的沉闷山丘吸引。“我想，作为代理市长，你应该知道，我们把这当成谋杀案来处理，”她说。

“Oh my.” His eyes widened over a limp smile. “So the rumors are true. Who would do such a thing?” The smile grew, and Juliette realized she was dealing with a man who felt himself invulnerable. It wasn’t the first time she’d encountered a dirty and outsized ego such as his. Her time as a shadow in the down deep had been spent surrounded by them.

“哦，我的。” 他眼里充满了惊讶，带着僵硬的笑容。“所以传闻是真的。谁会做这种事？” 笑容更大了，朱丽叶意识到她面对的是一个觉得自己无敌的男人。这不是她第一次遇到像他这样肮脏且巨大的自负。她作为暗影在深海中的时光，一直被他们包围着。

“I believe we’ll find the party responsible was the one with the most to gain,” she said dryly. After a pause, she added: “Mayor.”

她干巴巴地说：“我相信我们会发现最受益的那一方就是肇事者。” 停顿片刻后，她补充道：“市长。”

The crooked smile faded. Bernard let go of the bars and stepped back, his hands tucking into his coveralls. “Well, it’s nice to finally put a face with the name. I’m aware that you haven’t spent much time out of the down deep—and to be honest I’ve stayed much too insulated in my own office—but things are changing around here. As mayor and sheriff, we will be working together a lot, you and me.” He glanced down at the files at her feet. “So I expect you to keep me posted. About everything.”

歪曲的笑容消失了。伯纳德放开了栏杆，退后一步，双手插进口袋。“嗯，终于把名字和脸对上了。我知道你很少离开地下室——说实话，我也把自己关在办公室里太久了——但这里的情况正在改变。作为市长和警长，你和我将会有很多合作。”他向下瞥了一眼她脚边的文件。“所以，我希望你能随时向我汇报。所有事情。”

With that, Bernard turned and left, and it required a concerted effort for Juliette to relax her fists. When she finally peeled her fingers away from the star, she found its sharp edges had gouged into her palm, cutting her and causing her to bleed. A few drops caught the light on the edge of the brass, looking like wet rust. Juliette wiped the star clean on her new coveralls, a habit borne of her previous life among the sludge and grease. She cursed herself when she saw the dark spot the blood left on her new clothes. Turning the star over, she peered at the stamped insignia on its face. There were the three triangles of the silo and the word “Sheriff” arched over top of them. She turned it over again and fingered the clasp that held the sharp spike of a pin. She opened the clasp and let the pin hinge free. The stiff needle had been bent and straightened in several places over the years, giving it a hand-forged look. It wobbled on its hinge—much like her hesitation to wear the thing.

伯纳德说完转身离开，朱丽叶不得不努力放松拳头。当她终于将手指从星星上移开时，她发现星星的锋利边缘已经划破了她的手掌，割破了她，让她流血。几滴血珠在黄铜边缘反射着光，看起来像湿锈。朱丽叶用她新的防护服擦干净了星星，这是她过去在污泥和油脂中生活形成的习惯。看到血迹在她新衣服上留下的暗斑，她咒骂自己。她把星星翻过来，仔细观察了星星正面压印的徽章。那上面印着筒仓的三角形图案，以及拱形刻在上面的“警长”字样。她再次翻转它，并触摸固定着尖锐的针尖的扣环。她打开扣环，让针脱开。这根硬针多年来在几个地方被弯曲和拉直，呈现出手工锻造的外观。它在铰链上摇摆不定——就像她犹豫是否佩戴它一样。

But as Bernard’s footsteps receded, as she heard him say something indecipherable to Deputy Marnes, she felt a new resolve steel her nerves. It was like encountering a rusted bolt that refused to budge. Something about that intolerable stiffness, that reluctance to move, set Juliette’s teeth on edge. She had come to believe that there was no fastener she couldn’t unstick, had learned to attack them with grease and with fire, with penetrating oil and with brute strength. With enough planning and persistence, they always gave. Eventually.

但当伯纳德的脚步声渐远，当她听到他向马恩斯副警长说了些听不清的话时，她感到一股新的决心增强了她的神经。这就像遇到了一颗生锈的螺栓，拒绝移动。那种无法忍受的僵硬，那种不愿移动的东西，让朱丽叶的牙齿都咬紧了。她开始相信，没有她无法松动的紧固件，已经学会用油脂和火焰，用渗透油和蛮力来攻击它们。只要有足够的计划和毅力，它们总会松动。最终。

She forced the wavy needle through the breast of her coveralls and clasped the catch on the back. Looking down at the star was a little surreal. There were a dozen folders at her feet demanding her attention, and Juliette felt, for the first time since arriving at the up-top, that this was her job. Her work at Mechanical was behind her. She had left that place in far better condition than she’d found it, had stayed long enough to hear the near-silent hum of a repaired generator, to see a shaft spin in such perfect alignment that one couldn’t tell if it was moving at all. And now she had traveled to the up-top to find here the rattle and squelch and grind of a different set of gears, a misalignment that was eating away at the true engine of the silo, just as Jahns had forewarned.

她用力将波浪形的针穿过她的连体衣的胸部，并扣住背部的卡扣。低头看着那颗星星，感觉有点超现实。她脚下有一打文件夹，等着她处理，自从来到顶层后，朱丽叶第一次感到，这才是她的工作。她在机械公司的工作已经结束了。她离开那儿时，情况比她发现时好得多，她待的时间足够长，听到了修理好的发电机近乎无声的嗡嗡声，看到了轴以完美的对齐旋转，以至于让人无法判断它是否在移动。现在她来到顶层，却听到了齿轮的嘎吱声、咯吱声和研磨声，这套齿轮的错位正在吞噬着筒仓的真正引擎，就像约翰斯预先警告的那样。

Leaving most of the folders where they were, she picked up Holston’s, a folder she shouldn’t even be looking at but couldn’t be without, and pulled the cell door open. Rather than turn to her office, she first walked the other way toward the yellow steel entrance to the airlock. Peering through the triple paned glass for the dozenth time in several days, she imagined the man she had replaced standing inside, wearing one of those ridiculously bulky suits, waiting for those far doors to open. What goes through a man’s thoughts as he waits there alone to be cast off? It couldn’t be mere fear, for Juliette had tasted that well enough. It had to be something beyond that, a wholly unique sensation, the calm beyond the pain or the numbness past the terror. Imagination, she figured, just wasn’t up to the task of understanding unique and foreign sensations. It only knew how to dampen or augment what it already knew. It would be like telling someone what sex felt like, or an orgasm. Impossible. But once you felt it yourself, you could then imagine varying degrees of this new sensation.

她将大部分文件夹留在原处，拿起霍尔斯顿的文件夹，一个她本不该看，却离不开的文件夹，然后拉开了牢房门。她没有去自己的办公室，而是朝相反方向走去，走向通往气闸的黄色钢制入口。她透过三层玻璃窗，第十二次在几天内这么做了，想象着被她取代的那个人站在里面，穿着那些荒谬的笨重宇航服，等待着那扇远处的门打开。当一个人独自等待被抛弃时，他脑子里会想些什么？这不可能仅仅是恐惧，因为朱丽叶已经足够品尝过那种滋味了。这必须是超越恐惧的某种东西，一种完全独特的感受，痛苦之外的平静，或者恐惧之后麻木。她想，想象力根本无法理解独特而陌生的感受。它只会削弱或增强它已知的东西。这就像告诉某人性爱感觉一样，或者性高潮。不可能。但是，一旦你亲身体验过，你就可以想象这种新感觉的不同程度。

It was the same as color. You could only describe a new color in terms of hues previously seen. You could mix the known, but you couldn’t create the strange out of nothing. So maybe it was only the cleaners who understood what it felt like to stand there, trembling—or perhaps not afraid one bit—as they waited for their death.

颜色和它一样。你只能用之前见过的色调来描述一种新颜色。你可以混合已知颜色，但你无法凭空创造出奇异的颜色。所以也许只有清洁工才能理解站在那里，颤抖——或者也许一点也不害怕——等待死亡的感觉。

The obsession with why played out in whispers through the silo—people wanting to know why they did what they did, why they left a shiny and polished gift to those who had exiled them—but that did not interest Juliette at all. She figured they were seeing new colors, feeling the indescribable, perhaps having a religious experience that only occurred in the face of the reaper. Wasn’t it enough to know that it happened without fail? Problem solved. Take it as an axiom. Move on to a real issue, like what it must feel like to be the one going through it. That was the real shame of the taboos: not that people couldn’t pine for the outside world, but that they weren’t even allowed to commiserate with the cleaners during the weeks after, to wonder what they had suffered, to properly express their thanks or regrets.

对为什么的痴迷，在谷仓里以低语的形式表达出来——人们想知道为什么他们做了他们做的事情，为什么他们会留下闪闪发光的礼物给那些流放他们的人——但这对朱丽叶来说一点也不感兴趣。她认为他们看到了新的颜色，感受到了无法形容的东西，也许经历了只有在死神面前才会发生的宗教体验。知道它每次都发生，难道还不够吗？问题解决。把它作为公理。继续解决真正的问题，比如经历这一切的人会有什么感觉。禁忌的真正耻辱在于：并非人们不能渴望外面的世界，而是他们甚至不允许在之后的几周里与清洁工们同情，去想知道他们遭受了什么，去恰当地表达他们的感谢或遗憾。

Juliette tapped the yellow door with the corner of Holston’s folder, remembering the man in better times, back when he was in love, a lottery winner, telling her about his wife. She nodded to his ghost and stepped away from the imposing metal door with its small panes of thick glass. There was a kinship she felt from working in his post, now wearing his star, even sitting in his cell. She had loved a man once, and knew what that felt like. She had loved in secret, not involving the silo in their relationship, ignoring the Pact. And so she also knew what it meant to lose something so precious. She could imagine, if her old lover was out there on that hill—wasting away in plain sight rather than feeding the roots—that she could be driven to cleaning, to wanting to see those new colors for herself.

茱丽叶用霍尔斯顿文件夹的角敲了敲黄色的门，想起往昔的好时光，那时他爱着人，中了彩票，还告诉她关于他妻子的事。她向他的亡灵点了点头，然后从那扇气势恢宏的金属门上退开，门上镶嵌着几块厚玻璃的小窗。她觉得在为他工作、现在穿着他的星徽、甚至坐在他的牢房里，有一种亲切感。她曾经爱过一个人，知道那种感觉是什么。她偷偷地爱着，在他们的关系中不牵扯到粮仓，无视契约。所以她也知道失去如此珍贵的东西意味着什么。她可以想象，如果她旧情人就在那座山丘上——明目张胆地虚度光阴，而不是去滋养那些根须——她可能会被驱使去打扫，去渴望亲眼看到那些新的色彩。

She opened Holston’s file again as she wandered back toward her desk. His desk. Here was one man who knew of her secret love. She had told him, once the case was settled in the down deep, that the man who had died, whose case she had helped solve, had been her lover. Maybe it was how he had gone on and on about his wife the days before. Maybe it was his trustworthy smile that made him such a good sheriff, engendering this baffling urge to divulge secrets. Whatever the cause, she had admitted something to a man of the law that could have gotten her in trouble, an affair completely off the books, a wanton disregard for the Pact, and all he had said, this man entrusted with upholding those laws, was: “I’m sorry.”

她再次打开霍尔斯顿的文件，漫步回到自己的办公桌前。他的办公桌。这里有一个男人知道她秘密的爱。案件在深山里解决后，她告诉过他，那个死去的男人，她帮助他解决了案件，是她的情人。也许是他几天前一直谈论他的妻子。也许是他值得信赖的笑容让他成为一名优秀的警长，激发了她泄露秘密的困惑冲动。无论是什么原因，她向一名执法人员承认了一件可能让她陷入麻烦的事情，这是一场完全违规的恋情，是对契约的肆意漠视，而这个男人，受托维护这些法律，所说过的话仅仅是：“我很抱歉。”

Sorry for her loss. And he had hugged her. Like he knew what she was holding inside, this secret grief that had hardened where her hidden love once lay.

为她失去的感到抱歉。他拥抱了她。仿佛他知道她内心深处藏着什么，这份隐藏的悲伤，曾经藏匿爱的地方如今已变得坚硬。

And she had respected him for that.

她因此尊敬他。

Now she sat at his desk, in his chair, across from his old deputy, who held his head in his hands and peered down, unmoving, at an open folder dotted with tears. All it took was a glance for Juliette to suspect that some forbidden love lay between him and the contents of that folder as well.

现在她坐在他的办公桌前，他的椅子上，面对着他的老助手，后者双手捂着脸，一动不动地盯着一个散落着泪痕的打开的文件夹。朱丽叶只需一眼就能猜到，他与那个文件夹里的内容之间存在着某种禁忌之恋。

“It’s five o’clock,” Juliette said as quietly and gently as she could.

“现在五点钟，”朱丽叶尽可能轻声细语地说。

Marnes lifted his face out of his hands. His forehead was red from resting it there so long. His eyes were bloodshot, his gray mustache caked with tears and snot. He looked so much older than he had a week ago in the down deep, when he had come to recruit her. Swiveling in his old wooden chair, the legs squeaking as if startled by the sudden movement, he glanced at the clock on the wall behind him and surveyed the time imprisoned behind its yellowed and crazed plastic dome. He nodded silently at the ticking of the hand, stood up, his back stooped for a moment as he fought to straighten it. He ran his hands down his coveralls, reached to the folder, closed it tenderly, and tucked it under his arm.

马恩斯把手从脸上拿开。他的额头因为长时间按着而发红。他的眼睛充血，灰色的胡子沾满了泪水和鼻涕。他看起来比一周前在深山里招募她时老了许多。他转动着那把老木椅，椅子腿发出咯吱咯吱的响声，仿佛被突然的举动吓了一跳，他瞥了一眼身后的墙上的钟，审视着时间被黄褐色、裂纹密布的塑料罩子囚禁着。他默默地点了点头，看着指针的滴答声，站起身来，他的背在努力挺直时弯曲了一下。他抚摸着他的工作服，伸手去拿文件夹，轻轻地合上它，把它夹在腋下。

“Tomorrow,” he whispered, nodding to Juliette.

“明天，”他低声说道，向朱丽叶点了点头。

“See you in the morning,” she said, as he staggered out toward the cafeteria.

她说道：“早上见，”他摇摇晃晃地朝自助餐厅走去。

Juliette watched him go, feeling the sorriest for him. She recognized the love behind his loss. It was painful to imagine him back in his small apartment, sitting on a cot wide enough for one, sobbing over that folder until he finally collapsed into his fitful dreams.

朱丽叶看着他离开，为他感到最难过。她认识到他失去的背后是爱。想象他回到他狭小的公寓里，坐在一张只能容纳一个人的床铺上，为那个文件夹哭泣，直到他最终倒在不安的梦乡里，这让人感到痛苦。

Once alone, she placed Holston’s folder on her desk and slid her keyboard closer. The keys had been worn bare long ago, but someone in recent years had neatly reprinted the letters in black ink. Now even these handwritten faces were fading and would soon need another coat. Juliette would have to see to that—she couldn’t type without looking at her keyboard like all these office people could.

她独自一人，把霍尔斯顿的文件夹放在桌子上，把键盘移得更近。很久以前，按键就磨得光秃秃了，但最近几年有人用黑色墨水工整地重新印上了字母。现在，就连这些手写的字母也开始模糊，很快需要再上一层油漆。朱丽叶必须处理这件事——她不能像所有这些办公室人员那样，在不看键盘的情况下打字。

She slowly pecked out a request to wire down to Mechanical. After another day of getting little done, of being distracted by the mystery of Holston’s decision, she had come to a realization: there was no way she could perform this man’s job until she first understood why he had turned his back on it, and on the silo itself. It was a nagging rattle keeping her from other problems. So instead of kidding herself, she was going to embrace the challenge. Which meant that she needed to know more than his folder contained.

她慢慢地敲出一份请求，要求将电缆连接到机械部门。在又一天几乎没有完成任何工作，并被霍尔斯顿的决定之谜分散了注意力之后，她意识到：除非她首先弄明白为什么这个人放弃了这份工作，以及放弃了这个筒仓，否则她不可能完成他的工作。这让她心烦意乱，无法处理其他问题。因此，她不再自欺欺人，而是要接受挑战。这意味着她需要了解的文件内容之外的信息。

She wasn’t sure how to get the things she needed, how to even access them, but she knew people who might. This was what she missed most about the down deep. They were family there, all with useful skills that overlapped and covered one another. Anything she could do for any of them, she would. And she knew they would do the same, even be an army for her. This was a comfort she sorely missed, a safety net that felt all too far away.

她不知道如何获得她需要的东西，甚至不知道如何才能得到它们，但她知道一些可能帮得上忙的人。这是她最怀念深山里生活的地方。那里的人都是家人，每个人都有有用的技能，互相补充。她能为他们做任何事，她都会。她知道他们也会这样做，甚至会成为她的军队。这是她非常想念的安慰，是感觉遥不可及的安全网。

After sending the request, she sat back with Holston’s folder. Here was a man, a good man, who had known her deepest secrets. He was the only one who ever had. And soon, God willing, Juliette would uncover his.

请求发出后，她靠在霍尔斯顿的文件夹上。他是一位好男人，知道她最深沉的秘密。他也是唯一一个知道的人。希望很快，朱丽叶就能揭开他的秘密。

3

It was well after ten by the time Juliette pushed away from her desk. Her eyes had become too sore to stare at her monitor any longer, too tired to read one more case note. She powered down her computer, filed the folders away, killed the overhead lights, and locked the office door from the outside.

朱丽叶离开桌子时，时间已经过了十点多了。她的眼睛已经太酸痛，无法再盯着显示器；太累了，不想再读一个案宗记录。她关掉了电脑，整理好文件夹，关掉了顶灯，并从外面锁上了办公室的门。

As she pocketed her keys, her stomach grumbled, and the fading odor of a rabbit stew reminded her that she’d missed yet another dinner. That made it three nights in a row. Three nights of focusing so hard on a job she barely knew how to perform, a job she had no one to guide her through, that she’d neglected to eat. If her office didn’t abut a noisy, aroma-filled cafeteria, she might be able to forgive herself.

她把钥匙放进口袋时，肚子咕咕叫，渐渐淡去的兔肉炖菜的香味提醒她，她又错过了晚餐。这已经是连续三晚没吃饭了。连续三晚，她都如此努力地专注于一份她几乎不知道如何胜任的工作，一份她无人指导的工作，以至于她忽略了吃饭。如果她的办公室不是紧邻着喧闹、充满香味的自助餐厅，她或许能原谅自己。

She pulled her keys back out and crossed the dimly lit room, weaving around nearly invisible chairs left scattered between the tables. A teenage couple was just leaving, having stolen a few dark moments in the wallscreen’s twilight before curfew. Juliette called out for them to descend safely, mostly because it felt like the sheriff thing to do, and they giggled at her as they disappeared into the stairwell. She imagined they were already holding hands and would steal a few kisses before they got to their apartments. Adults knew of these illicit things but let them slide, a gift each generation bestowed on the next. For Juliette, however, it was different. She had made the same choices as an adult, to love without sanction, and so her hypocrisy was more keenly felt.

她把钥匙收回来，穿过昏暗的房间，在桌子间散落着几乎看不见的椅子间穿行。一对十几岁的男女正要离开，在墙屏的黄昏中偷了片刻的私语，宵禁之前。朱丽叶叫他们安全下楼，主要是因为这感觉像是警长该做的事，他们笑着离开，消失在楼梯间。她想象他们已经牵着手，会在到达公寓前偷几吻。成年人知道这些秘密的事情，但让他们滑过，每一代都把这种礼物赐给下一代。然而，对朱丽叶来说，情况不同。她已经做出了和成年人一样的选择，在没有许可的情况下爱，所以她的虚伪感更加强烈。

As she approached the kitchen, she noticed the cafeteria wasn’t quite empty. A lone figure sat in the deep shadows by the wallscreen, staring at the inky blackness of nighttime clouds hanging over darkened hills.

她走近厨房时，注意到自助餐厅并没有完全空着。一个孤单的身影坐在墙屏幕旁的深暗处，凝视着笼罩在昏暗山丘上的墨色夜云。

It appeared to be the same figure as the night before, the one who had watched the sunlight gradually fade while Juliette worked alone in her office. She adjusted her route to the kitchen in order to pass behind the man. Staring all day at folders full of bad intentions had made her a budding paranoid. She used to admire people who stood out, but now she could feel herself wary of them.

看起来和前一天晚上一样，那个人，在朱丽叶独自一人在办公室里工作时，看着阳光逐渐消失。她调整了去厨房的路线，以便从那人身后走过。整天盯着装满坏心思的文件夹让她变得疑神疑鬼。她过去喜欢那些与众不同的人，但现在她开始对他们感到警惕。

She moved between the wallscreen and the nearest table, pausing to push chairs back into place, their metal feet scraping on the tile. She kept an eye on the seated man, but he never once turned toward the noise. He just stared up at the clouds, something in his lap, a hand held up by his chin.

她穿梭于墙屏和最近的桌子之间，停下来把椅子推回原位，金属脚在地砖上摩擦。她一直留意着坐着的男人，但他从未朝发出噪音的方向看一眼。他只是盯着云，膝盖上放着什么东西，一只手托着下巴。

Juliette walked right behind him, passing between the table and his chair, which had been moved strangely close to the wallscreen. She fought the urge to clear her throat or ask him a question. Instead, she passed on by, jangling her master key from the crowded ring that had come with her new job.

茱莉叶紧随其后，从桌子和他的椅子之间走过，椅子被奇怪地移到了墙屏附近。她抑制住了清嗓子或问他的冲动。相反，她径直走过去，手里晃动着她新工作带来的那串钥匙。

Twice, she glanced back over her shoulder before she reached the kitchen door. The man did not move.

她两次回头望了望身后，才走到厨房门。那人纹丝不动。

She let herself inside the kitchen and hit one of the light switches. After a genial flicker, the overhead bulbs popped on and shattered her night vision. She pulled a gallon of juice from one of the walk-in refrigerators and grabbed a clean glass from the drying rack. Back in the walk-in, she found the stew—covered and already cold—and brought it out as well. She ladled two scoops into a bowl and rattled around in a drawer for a spoon. She only briefly considered heating up the stew as she returned the large pot to its frosted shelf.

她走进厨房，按下了一个开关。一阵柔和的闪烁后，头顶的灯泡亮了起来，破坏了她夜间的视力。她从一个走入式冰箱里拿出一加仑果汁，从晾干架上拿起一个干净的玻璃杯。回到走入式冰箱，她找到了炖菜——盖好，已经变凉了——也拿了出来。她舀了两勺到碗里，在抽屉里找了找勺子。当她把大锅放回霜冻的架子上时，她只是短暂地考虑了一下加热炖菜。

With her juice and bowl in hand, she returned to the cafeteria, knocking the lights off with her elbow and pushing the door shut with her foot. She sat down in the darkness at the end of one of the long tables and slurped on her late meal, keeping an eye on this strange man who seemed to peer into the darkness as if something could be seen out there.

她手里拿着果汁和碗，回到自助餐厅，用胳膊肘关掉灯，用脚把门推上。她在黑暗中坐在长桌的尽头，狼吞虎咽地吃着迟到的饭菜，同时密切关注着这个奇怪的男人，他似乎在黑暗中凝视，仿佛那里有什么东西可以被看到。

Her spoon eventually scraped the bottom of her empty bowl, she finished the last of her juice, and not once had the man turned away from the wallscreen. She pushed the dishes away from herself, insanely curious. The figure reacted to this, unless it was mere coincidence. He leaned forward and held his outstretched hand out at the screen. Juliette thought she could make out a rod or stick in his grasp—but it was too dark to tell. After a moment, he leaned over his lap, and Juliette heard the squeak of charcoal on expensive-sounding paper. She got up, taking this movement as an opening, and strolled closer to where he was sitting.

她的汤匙最终刮到了空碗底，她喝完了最后一点果汁，男人始终没有从墙屏上移开视线。她把盘子推开，充满了疯狂的好奇心。除非只是巧合，否则这个身影对她的动作做出了反应。他向前倾身，伸出手臂，将手放在屏幕上。朱丽叶觉得她能辨认出他手中握着一根棍子或木棒——但太暗了，看不清。片刻之后，他靠回自己的腿上，朱丽叶听到木炭在昂贵的纸上摩擦的声音。她起身，将这举动视为机会，走到他坐的地方更近了一些。

“Raiding the larder, are we?” he asked.

“洗劫储藏室，是吗？”他问道。

His voice startled her.

他的声音吓了她一跳。

“Worked through dinner,” she stammered, as if she needed to explain herself.

她结结巴巴地说：“晚餐也一起做了。”，好像需要解释似的。

“Must be nice to have the keys.”

有钥匙真好。

He still didn’t turn away from the screen, and Juliette reminded herself to lock the kitchen door before she left.

他仍然没有从屏幕上移开视线，朱丽叶提醒自己离开前要锁上厨房门。

“What’re you doing?” she asked.

她在问：“你在做什么？”

The man reached behind himself and grabbed a nearby chair, slid it around to face the screen. “You wanna see?”

那人伸手到身后抓住一把椅子，把它推到屏幕前。“你想看吗？”

Juliette approached warily, grabbed the backrest, and deliberately slid the chair a few inches further from the man. It was too dark in the room to make out his features, but his voice sounded young. She chastised herself for not committing him to memory the night before when there’d been more light. She would need to become more observant if she was going to be any good at her job.

茱莉叶谨慎地走近，抓住椅背，故意将椅子从男人身边移开几英寸。房间里太暗，看不清他的面容，但他的声音听起来很年轻。她责备自己昨晚光线充足时没有记住他的样子。如果想做好这份工作，她需要更加留心观察。

“What’re we looking at, exactly?” she asked. She stole a glance at his lap, where a large piece of white paper faintly glowed in the wan light leaking from the stairwell. It was spread flat across his thighs as if a board or something hard rested beneath it.

她问道：“我们究竟在看什么？” 她偷看了一眼他膝盖上，那儿有一大张白纸，在从楼梯间泄漏的微弱灯光下隐隐发光。它平铺在他的大腿上，就像一块板子或其他硬物放在下面一样。

“I think those two are going to part. Look there.”

我觉得那两个人要分手了。看那边。

The man pointed at the wallscreen and into a mix of blacks so rich and so deep as to appear as one. The contours and shadowy hues Juliette could make out almost seemed to be a trick played by her eyes—as real as ghosts. But she followed his finger, wondering if he were mad or drunk, and tolerated the exhausting silence that followed.

那人指着墙上的屏幕，指向一团浓黑，深邃得仿佛融为一体。朱丽叶能辨认出的轮廓和阴影，几乎像是眼睛的错觉——如同鬼魅般真实。但她还是跟着他的手指，心里疑惑他是不是疯了或者喝醉了，并忍受着随之而来的令人疲惫的沉默。

“There,” he whispered, excitement on his breath.

“那里，”他低声说道，兴奋在他呼吸中。

Juliette saw a flash. A spot of light. Like someone flicking on a torch far across a dark generator room. And then it was gone.

朱丽叶看到一道闪光。一点光斑。就像有人在黑暗的发电机房里远处挥舞着电筒。然后就消失了。

She bolted out of her chair and stood near to the wallscreen, wondering what was out there.

她猛地从椅子上站起来，站在墙屏幕附近，想知道外面有什么。

The man’s charcoal squeaked on his paper.

那人用炭笔在纸上沙沙作响。

“What the hell was that?” Juliette asked.

“那是什么鬼东西？”朱丽叶问道。

The man laughed. “A star,” he said. “If you wait, you might see it again. We’ve got thin clouds tonight and high winds. That one there is getting ready to pass.”

那人笑了。“一颗星星，”他说。“如果你等着，你可能会再次看到它。今晚云层薄，风很大。那边的那颗就要过去了。”

Juliette turned to find her chair and saw that he was holding his charcoal at arm’s length, staring up at the spot where the light had flashed, one eye winked shut.

朱丽叶转过身去找她的椅子，看到他正将炭笔举到胳膊的长度，凝视着闪光的地方，一只眼睛闭着。

“How can you see anything out there?” she asked, settling back into her plastic chair.

她问道：“你那边能看到什么？”，然后又坐回塑料椅子上。

“The longer you do this, the better you see at night.” He leaned over his paper and scribbled some more. “And I’ve been doing this a long time.”

你做的时间越长，夜间视力就越好。”他俯下身，在纸上又写了几笔。“而且我已经做了很久了。”

“Doing what, exactly? Just staring at the clouds?”

到底在做什么？只是盯着云看吗？

He laughed. “Mostly, yeah. Unfortunately. But what I’m trying to do is see past them. Watch, we might get another glance.”

他笑了。“大部分是，是的。不幸的是。但我正在努力看到他们背后。看，我们可能还会再瞥一眼。”

She peered up in the general area of the last flash. Suddenly, it popped back into view, a pinprick of light like a signal from high over the hill.

她朝最后闪光的地方望去。突然，它又出现在视野里，像从山那边高处发出的信号，一点微光。

“How many did you see?” he asked.

他问：“你看到了多少？”

“One,” she told him. She was almost breathless from the newness of the sight. She knew what stars were—they were a part of her vocabulary—but she’d never seen one before.

“一”，她告诉他。她几乎喘不过气来，因为这景象太新奇了。她知道星星是什么——它们是她词汇的一部分——但她以前从未见过。

“There was a faint one just to the side of it as well. Let me show you.”

旁边还有一个很微弱的。让我给你看看。

There was a soft click, and a red glow spilled over the man’s lap. Juliette saw that he had a flashlight hanging around his neck, a film of red plastic wrapped around the end. It made the lens look like it was on fire, but it emanated a gentle glow that didn’t barrage her eyes the way the kitchen lights had.

咔哒一声轻响，红色的光芒洒在男人的膝盖上。朱丽叶看到他脖子上挂着一只手电筒，筒尾缠着一层红色的塑料薄膜。这使镜头看起来像着火了一样，但它散发着柔和的光芒，不像厨房的灯光那样刺痛她的眼睛。

Spread across his lap, she saw a large piece of paper covered with dots. They were arranged haphazardly, a few perfectly straight lines running in a grid around them. Tiny notes were scattered everywhere.

她看到他膝上摊开一张大纸，上面布满了点。这些点是随意排列的，周围有一些笔直的线，形成网格状。到处散落着一些小纸条。

“The problem is that they move,” he told her. “If I see that one here tonight—” He tapped one of the dots with his finger. There was a smaller dot beside it. “—at the same exact time tomorrow, it’ll be a little over here.” Turning to Juliette, she saw that the man was young, probably in his late twenties. He smiled, was quite handsome, and added: “It took me a long time to figure that out.”

问题是它们会移动，”他告诉她。“如果今晚我在这里看到那个——”他用手指敲了其中一个点。旁边有一个更小的点。“——明天在同一个确切的时间，它会稍微偏这边一点。”他转向朱丽叶，她看到这个人很年轻，大概二十几岁。他笑了，相当英俊，并补充道：“我花了很长时间才弄明白。”

Juliette wanted to tell him that he hadn’t been alive a long time, but remembered what it had felt like as a shadow when people dismissed her the same way.

朱丽叶想告诉他，他活的时间不长，但她记起了当人们以同样的方式忽视她时，她感觉像影子一样。

“What’s the point?” she asked, and saw his smile fade.

她问道：“有什么意义？”然后看到他的笑容消失了。

“What’s the point of anything?” He returned his gaze to the wall and doused the flashlight. Juliette realized she’d asked the wrong question, had upset him. And then she wondered if there was anything illicit in this activity of his, anything that defied the taboos. Was collecting data on the outside any different than the people who sat and stared at the hills? She made a mental note to ask Marnes about this, when the man turned to her again in the darkness.

“有什么意义？”他把目光转向墙壁，关掉了手电筒。朱丽叶意识到自己问错了问题，惹恼了他。然后她开始怀疑他这活动中是否存在任何不当之处，任何违反禁忌的事情。在外面收集数据，和那些坐在山坡上凝视山丘的人有什么不同吗？她心里记下，等男人在黑暗中再次转向她时，要问问马恩斯这件事。

“My name’s Lukas,” he said. Her eyes had adjusted well enough to see his hand stretched out toward her.

“我叫卢卡斯，”他说。她的眼睛已经足够适应，可以看到他伸向她的手。

“Juliette,” she replied, grabbing and squeezing his palm.

“朱丽叶，”她回答道，抓住并握紧他的手心。

“The new sheriff.”

新的警长

It wasn’t a question, and of course he knew who she was. Everyone up top seemed to.

那不是问题，当然他知道她是谁。上面的人似乎都知道。

“What do you do when you’re not up here?” she asked. She was pretty sure this wasn’t his job. Nobody should get chits for staring up at the clouds.

她问：“你不在上面的时候做什么？”她很确定这不是他的工作。没人应该因为盯着云看而得到好处。

“I live in the upper mids,” Lukas said. “I work on computers during the day. I only come up when the viewing’s good.” He switched the light back on and turned toward her in a way that suggested the stars weren’t the most important thing on his mind anymore. “There’s a guy on my hall who works up here on dinner shift. When he gets home, he lets me know what the clouds were like during the day. If he gives me the thumbs up, I come take my chances.”

“我住在上层中间，”卢卡斯说。“白天我工作电脑。只有当观测条件好时我才来。”他把灯重新打开，转向她，眼神表明星星不再是他最关心的事情。“我楼层有个家伙，在晚餐时段在这里工作。他回家后，会告诉我白天云层的情况。如果他竖起大拇指，我就来碰碰运气。”

“And so you’re making a schematic of them?” Juliette gestured toward the large sheet of paper.

所以你在为它们画原理图？朱丽叶指着那张大纸。

“Trying to. It’ll probably take a few lifetimes.” He tucked his charcoal behind his ear, pulled a rag from his coveralls, and wiped his fingers clean of black residue.

“试着做。可能需要几个生命。”他把炭笔别在耳朵后，从工作服上扯下一块布，擦干净手指上的黑色残留物。

“And then what?” Juliette asked.

然后呢？朱丽叶问。

“Well, hopefully I’ll infect some shadow with my sickness and they’ll pick up wherever I leave off.”

嗯，希望我能用我的病感染一些阴影，然后他们会接替我的工作。

“So literally, like, several lifetimes.”

所以，字面意思，就像，好几个生命。

He laughed, and Juliette realized it was a pleasant one. “At least,” he said.

他笑了，朱丽叶意识到这是一种愉快的笑。“至少，”他说。

“Well, I’ll leave you to it,” she said, suddenly feeling guilty for talking to him. She stood and reached out her hand, and he took it warmly. He pressed his other palm to the back of her hand and held it a moment longer than she would have expected.

她说道：“好吧，我就让你去忙吧。”她突然感到很内疚，因为她一直在和他说话。她站起身，伸出手，他热情地握住了她的手。他把另一只手掌按在她的手背上，握了比她预料中更长的时间。

“Pleasure to meet you, Sheriff.”

见到你很高兴，警长。

He smiled up at her. And Juliette didn’t understand a word of what she muttered in return.

他朝她笑了笑。朱丽叶听不懂她回应的任何一句话。

4

The next morning, Juliette arrived early at her desk having stolen little more than four hours of sleep. Beside her computer, she saw a package waiting on her—a small bundle wrapped in recycled pulp paper and encircled with white electrical ties. She smiled at this last touch and reached into her coveralls for her multi-tool. Pulling out the smallest pick from the tool, she stuck it into the clasp of one of the electrical ties and slowly pulled the ratcheting device apart, keeping it intact for future use. She remembered the trouble she’d gotten into as a mechanic’s shadow the day she’d been caught cutting a plastic tie from an electrical board. Walker, already an old crank those decades ago, had yelled at her for the waste and then had shown her how to tease the little clasp loose to preserve the tie for later use.

第二天早上，朱丽叶特早早来到她的办公桌前，只睡了不到四个小时。在她电脑旁边，她看到一个包裹——一个用回收纸浆包裹的小包裹，用白色的电线扎带缠绕着。她对这个最后的细节笑了笑，把手伸进她的工作服口袋里，拿出她的多功能工具。她从工具里拿出最小的撬棍，插进其中一个电线扎带的搭扣里，慢慢地拉开这个齿轮装置，保持它的完整，以便日后使用。她记得，那天她作为一名机械师的助手，被抓住从电气板子上剪断塑料扎带时，所遇到的麻烦。沃克，几十年以前就已经是个老顽固了，他对她大吼浪费，然后教她如何巧妙地松开小搭扣，以便保留扎带日后使用。

Years had passed, and when she was much older, she had found herself passing this lesson on to another shadow named Scottie. He had been a young lad at the time, but she had lit into him when he had made the same careless mistake she once had. She remembered frightening the poor boy white as a cinder block, and he had remained nervous around her for months after. Maybe because of that outburst, she had paid him more attention as he continued his training, and eventually, the two had grown close. He quickly grew up to become a capable young man, a whiz with electronics, able to program a pump’s timing chip in less time than it took her to break one down and put it back together.

多年过去了，当她年事已高时，她发现自己将这门功课传授给了另一个名叫斯科蒂的影子。当时他还是个小伙子，但她在他犯了和她曾经犯过的同样的粗心错误时，对他大发雷霆。她记得把那可怜的孩子吓得像一块灰砖一样苍白，此后几个月他都对她感到紧张。也许正因为那次爆发，她开始更加关注他的训练，最终，两人变得亲密无间。他很快长大成人，成为一名能干的年轻人，精通电子技术，编程泵的定时芯片所需时间比她拆卸并重新组装一个所需时间还要短。

She loosened the other tie crossing the package, and knew the bundle was from him. Several years ago, Scottie had been recruited by IT and had moved up to the thirties. He had become “too smart for Mechanical,” as Knox had put it. Juliette set the two electrical straps aside and pictured the young man preparing this package for her. The request she’d wired down to Mechanical the night before must’ve bounced back up to him, and he had spent the night dutifully doing this favor for her.

她松开了包裹上另一根系带，知道这包裹是他寄来的。几年前，斯科蒂被 IT 部门招募，职位升到了三十多岁。他变得“太聪明了，不适合机械部门”，正如诺克斯所说。朱丽叶把两根电带放在一边，想象着这位年轻人正在为她准备这个包裹。她前一天晚上发给机械部门的请求一定弹回来了，他整晚都在尽职尽责地帮她这个忙。

She pried the paper apart carefully. Both it and the plastic ties would need to be returned; they were both too dear for her to keep and light enough to porter on the cheap. As the package came apart, she noticed that Scottie had crimped the edges and had folded these tabs under each other, a trick children learned so they could wrap notes without the expense of glue or tape. She disassembled his meticulous work with care, and the paper finally came loose. Inside, she found a plastic box like the kind used to sort nuts and bolts for small projects down in Mechanical.

她小心翼翼地把纸分开。纸和塑料绳都需要退回；它们对她来说都太贵了，而且足够轻便，可以便宜地搬运。随着包裹的拆开，她注意到斯科蒂把边缘压皱，并将这些标签相互折叠，这是孩子们为了不用胶水或胶带就能包装便条而学习的技巧。她小心地拆开了他一丝不苟的杰作，纸最终松开了。里面，她发现了一个塑料盒子，就像机械部门用来分类小项目中的螺母和螺栓的那种盒子。

She opened the lid and saw that the package wasn’t just from Scottie—it must’ve been hurried up to him along with a copy of her request. Tears came to her eyes as the smell of Mama Jean’s oatmeal and cornflour cookies drifted out. She plucked one, held it to her nose, and breathed deeply. Maybe she imagined it, but she swore she noted a hint of oil or grease emanating from the old box—the smells of home.

她打开盖子，看到包裹不只是来自斯科蒂——一定是匆忙地送给他，连同她的请求副本。当妈妈珍的燕麦和玉米淀粉饼干的味道飘出来时，眼泪涌上了她的眼睛。她摘了一个，凑到鼻子前，深深地吸了一口气。也许是她想象的，但她发誓她闻到了旧盒子散发出的油或油脂的味道——家里的味道。

Juliette folded the wrapping paper carefully and placed the cookies on top. She thought of the people she would have to share them with. Marnes, of course, but also Pam in the cafeteria, who had been so nice in helping her settle into her new apartment. And Alice, Jahns young secretary, whose eyes had been red with grief for over a week. She pulled the last cookie out and finally spotted the small data drive rattling around in the bottom of the container, a little morsel baked special by Scottie and hidden among the crumbs.

茱丽叶小心翼翼地折叠包装纸，把饼干放在上面。她想到了她要与谁分享这些饼干。当然有马恩斯，还有自助餐厅的潘，她帮助她安顿在新公寓里，非常友好。还有爱丽丝，约翰的年轻秘书，她的眼睛已经哭红了超过一周。她拿出最后一块饼干，终于发现了装在容器底部的小数据驱动器，这是斯科蒂特别烘烤的小点心，藏在碎屑中。

Juliette grabbed it and set the plastic case aside. She blew into the little metal end of the drive, getting any debris out, before slotting it into the front of her computer. She wasn’t great with computers, but she could get around them. You couldn’t do anything in Mechanical without submitting a claim, a report, a request, or some other piece of nonsense. And they were handy for logging into pumps and relays remotely to shut them on or off, see their diagnostics, all of that.

茱莉叶抓住了它，把塑料盒放在一旁。她在小金属驱动器末端吹气，吹出任何碎屑，然后将其插入电脑前部。她对电脑不太擅长，但会使用。在机械工程系，你必须提交索赔、报告、请求或其他一些无意义的东西才能做任何事情。它们方便地用于远程登录泵和继电器，以打开或关闭它们，查看其诊断信息，等等。

Once the light on the drive winked on, she navigated to it on her screen. Inside, she found a host of folders and files; the little drive must’ve been stuffed to the brim with them. She wondered if Scottie had gotten any sleep at all the night before.

驱动器上的灯闪烁后，她在屏幕上导航到了它。里面有许多文件夹和文件；这个小驱动器一定塞满了它们。她想知道斯科蒂前一晚是否睡过觉。

At the top of a list of primary folders was a file named “Jules.” She clicked this one, and up popped a short text file obviously from Scottie, but noticeably unsigned:

一个主要文件夹列表的顶部有一个名为“Jules”的文件。她点击了它，弹出一个显然来自 Scottie 的简短文本文件，但明显没有签名：

J--

Don’t get caught with this, okay? This is everything from Mr. Lawman’s computers, work and home, the last five years. A ton of stuff, but wasn’t sure what you needed and this was easier to automate.

别被这个抓到，好吗？这是过去五年里劳曼先生电脑、工作和家里的所有东西。很多东西，但不知道你需要什么，而这更容易自动化。

Keep the ties -- I got plenty.

保留这些领带——我有很多。

(And I took a cookie. Hope you don’t mind)

(我拿了一块饼干。希望你不介意)

Juliette smiled. She felt like reaching out and brushing her fingers across the words, but it wasn’t paper and wouldn’t be the same. She closed the note and deleted it, then cleared out her trash. Even the first letter of her name up there felt like too much information.

茱莉叶笑了。她觉得想伸出手，用手指拂过那些字，但那不是纸，感觉不会一样。她合上了便签，删除了它，然后清空了垃圾箱。即使是她名字的首字母，在那儿都让她觉得信息量太大。

She leaned away from her desk and peered into the cafeteria, which appeared dark and empty. It was not yet five in the morning, and she would have the upper floor to herself for a while. She first took a moment to browse through the directory structure to see what kind of data she was dealing with. Each folder was neatly labeled. It appeared she had an operating history of Holston’s two computers, every keystroke, every day, going back a little more than five years, all organized by date and time. Juliette felt overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information—it was far more than she could hope to weed through in a lifetime.

她从办公桌前往后靠，透过食堂望去，食堂里看起来又黑又空。还没到早上五点，她一会儿可以独享楼上。她首先花了一会时间浏览了目录结构，看看她要处理的是什么数据。每个文件夹都标有清晰的标签。看来她拥有霍尔斯顿两台电脑的操作历史，每一下按键，每天的记录，追溯到五年多以前，所有记录都按日期和时间组织。朱丽叶被海量信息压得喘不过气来——这远超她一生中所能筛选的数量。

But at least she had it. The answers she needed were in there, somewhere, among all those files. And somehow it felt better, she felt better, just knowing the solution to this riddle, to Holston’s decision to go to cleaning, could now fit in the palm of her hand.

但她至少拥有它。她需要的答案就在那里，在所有那些文件中的某个地方。不知为何，她感觉好多了，仅仅知道这个谜题的答案，知道霍尔斯顿决定去清洗，现在就能握在手中。

••••

She was several hours into sifting through the data when the cafeteria crew staggered in to clean up last night’s mess and prepare for breakfast. One of the most difficult things to get used to about the up-top was the exacting schedule everyone kept. There was no third shift. There was barely a second shift, except for the dinner staff. In the down deep, the machines didn’t sleep, and so the workers barely did either. Work crews often stayed on into extra shifts, and so Juliette had gotten used to surviving on a handful of hours of rest a night. The trick was to pass out now and then from sheer exhaustion, to just rest against a wall with one’s eyes closed for fifteen minutes, long enough to hold the tiredness at bay.

她已经花了好几个小时筛选数据，这时自助餐厅的工作人员摇摇晃晃地进来清理昨晚的残局，为早餐做准备。最难适应的地方之一是每个人都严格遵守的时间表。没有第三班次。几乎没有第二班次，除了晚餐工作人员。在地下深处，机器不睡觉，所以工人们也几乎没有睡觉。工作组经常加班，因此朱丽叶已经习惯于每晚只睡几个小时。诀窍是偶尔因为极度疲劳而昏睡过去，靠着墙闭上眼睛休息十五分钟，时间足够控制住疲劳。

But what had once been survival was now luxury. The ability to forego sleep gave her time in the morning and at night to herself, time to invest in frivolous pursuits on top of the cases she was supposed to be working. It also gave her the opportunity to teach herself how to do the blasted job, since Marnes had become too depressed to help get her up to speed.

但曾经的生存如今却成了奢华。放弃睡眠让她在清晨和夜晚拥有属于自己的时间，时间用来投入那些除了她本该处理的案件之外的琐碎追求。这也让她有机会教自己如何完成这项该死的任务，因为马恩斯已经沮丧得无法帮助她提升效率。

Marnes—

She looked at the clock over his desk. It was ten minutes after eight, and the vats of warm oatmeal and corn grits were already filling the cafeteria with the smells of breakfast. Marnes was late. She’d been around him less than a week, but she had yet to see him late to anything, ever. This break in the routine was like a timing belt stretching out of shape, a piston developing a knock. Juliette turned her monitor off and pushed away from her desk. Outside, first shift breakfast was beginning to file in, food tokens clinking in the large bucket by the old turnstiles. She left her office and passed through the traffic spilling from the stairwell. In the line, a young girl tugged on her mother’s coveralls and pointed to Juliette as she passed. Juliette heard the mother scolding her child for being rude.

她看着桌上摆着的时钟。八点过十分，热燕麦粥和玉米粥的罐子已经开始弥漫着早餐的香味，填满了自助餐厅。马恩斯迟到了。她和他相处不到一周，却从未见过他迟到过。这种例行公事的改变，就像一个松动的皮带轮，一个活塞发出敲击声。朱丽叶关掉了显示器，从办公桌前站起身。外面，第一班的早餐开始陆续进来，食物代币在老式闸门旁的大桶里叮当作响。她离开了办公室，穿过从楼梯间溢出的人群。排队时，一个小女孩拽着妈妈的连体工作服，指着路过的朱丽叶。朱丽叶听到母亲责备孩子不礼貌。

There had been quite a bit of chatter the past few days over her appointment, this woman who had disappeared into Mechanical as a child and who had suddenly re-emerged to take over for one of the more popular sheriffs in memory. Juliette cringed from the attention and hurried into the stairwell. She wound her way down the steps as fast as a lightly loaded porter, her feet bouncing off each tread, faster and faster in what felt like an unsafe pace. Four flights down, after squeezing around a slow couple and between a family heading up for breakfast, she hit the apartment landing just below her own and passed through the double doors.

过去几天，关于她的任命，议论纷纷。这个女人小时候消失在机械部门，现在突然重新出现，接替了记忆中一位非常受欢迎的警长。朱丽叶对这种关注感到厌恶，匆匆跑进楼梯间。她像一个轻装的搬运工一样快速地往下走，她的脚在每一级台阶上都弹跳着，速度越来越快，感觉很不安全。下了四层楼，在挤过一对慢吞吞的情侣和一个准备去吃早饭的家庭之后，她到达了她自己公寓楼层下方，并穿过双开门。

The hallway beyond was busy with morning sights and sounds: a squealing teapot, the shrill voices of children, the thunder of feet overhead, shadows hurrying to meet their casters before trailing them off to work. Younger children were lumbering reluctantly off to school; husbands and wives kissed in doorways while toddlers tugged at their coveralls and dropped toys and plastic cups.

走廊尽头熙熙攘攘，晨光熹微，声响不断：汽笛尖叫，孩子们的尖声叫喊，头顶上脚步声隆隆，影子匆匆追赶着投射它们的物体，然后拖曳着它们去上班。年幼的孩子们拖着沉重的脚步，不情愿地去上学；丈夫和妻子在门口吻别，而蹒跚学步的孩子们则拽着他们的连体衣，掉落玩具和塑料杯。

Juliette took several turns, winding through the hallways and around the central staircase to the other side of the level. The Deputy’s apartment was on the far side, way in the back. She surmised that Marnes had qualified for several upgrades over the years, but had passed on them. The one time she had asked Alice, Mayor Jahns’ old secretary about Marnes, she had shrugged and told Juliette that he had never wanted or expected anything more than second fiddle. Juliette assumed she meant that he never wanted to be sheriff, but she had begun to wonder in how many other areas of his life that philosophy applied.

朱丽叶绕着走廊和中央楼梯转了几圈，来到楼层的另一边。副警长的公寓在尽头，很靠后。她推测，马恩斯多年来可能获得过多次晋升，但他都拒绝了。她曾经问过爱丽丝，也就是前任市长雅恩斯的老秘书，关于马恩斯的事，爱丽丝耸了耸肩，告诉朱丽叶他从来都不想要或期望得到比副手更高的职位。朱丽叶以为她指的是他从没想过当警长，但她开始怀疑这种想法在他生活的其他方面是否也适用。

As she reached his hall, two kids ran by holding hands, late for school. They giggled and squealed around the corner, leaving Juliette alone in the hallway. She wondered what she would say to Marnes to justify coming down, to explain her worry. Maybe now was a good time to ask for the folder that he couldn’t seem to be without. She could tell him to take the day off, let her handle the office while he got some rest, or maybe fib a little and say she was already in the area for a case.

她走到他的大厅，两个孩子手牵着手跑过，上学迟到了。他们咯咯地笑着，尖叫着拐过弯，留下朱丽叶独自一人在走廊里。她想知道该对马恩斯说什么来解释她下来的原因，解释她担心的原因。也许现在是要求他总是随身携带的文件夹的好时机。她可以让他休假，让她处理办公室事务，让他休息一下，或者撒个小谎，说她已经在这附近处理一个案子了。

She stopped outside his door and lifted her hand to knock. Hopefully he wouldn’t see this as her projecting authority, right? She was just concerned for him. That was all.

她停在他门前，举起手想敲门。希望他不会认为她是在摆出权威姿态，对吧？她只是关心他。仅此而已。

She rapped on the steel door and waited for him to call her inside—and maybe he did. His voice over the last few days had eroded into a dull and thin rasp. She knocked again, louder this time.

她敲了敲钢门，等着他叫她进去——也许他确实叫了。最近几天，他的声音变得低沉沙哑。她又敲了一下，这次敲得更响了。

“Deputy?” she called. “Everything okay in there?”

“副手？”她叫道。“里面一切还好吗？”

A woman popped her head out of a door down the hallway. Juliette recognized her from school recess time in the cafeteria, was pretty sure her name was Gloria.

走廊尽头，一个女人探出头来。朱丽叶认出她，是学校自助餐厅午休时间，还蛮肯定她叫格洛丽亚。

“Hey, Sheriff.”

嘿，警长。

“Hey, Gloria, you haven’t seen Deputy Marnes this morning, have you?”

嘿，格洛丽亚，你今天早上没见过马恩警佐吗？

She shook her head, placed a metal rod in her mouth and started wrapping her long locks into a bun. “I haben’t,” she mumbled. She shrugged her shoulders and jabbed the rod through her bun, locking her hair into place. “He was on the landing last night, looking as whipped as ever.” She frowned. “He not show up for work?”

她摇了摇头，把一根金属棒放进嘴里，开始把长发盘起来。“我没有，”她咕哝道。她耸了耸肩，用金属棒穿过发髻，把头发固定住。“他昨晚在走廊上，看起来像以前一样疲惫不堪。”她皱起了眉头。“他没有来上班吗？”

Juliette turned back to the door and tried the handle. It clicked open with the feel of a well maintained lock. She pushed the door in. “Deputy? It’s Jules. Just checkin’ in on ya.”

茱莉叶转回身去开门，试了试门把手。门锁咔哒一声开了，感觉像是保养得很好的锁。她推开了门。“副警长？我是茱尔斯。只是来看看你。”

The door swung open into the darkness. The only light spilling in was from the hallway, but it was enough.

门向黑暗敞开。走廊里唯一的光线洒了进来，但足够了。

Juliette turned to Gloria. “Call Doc Hicks— No, shit—” She was still thinking down deep. “Who’s the closest doctor up here? Call him!”

朱丽叶转向格洛丽亚。“叫希克斯医生——不，该死——”她还在深思。“这里最近的医生是谁？叫他！”

She ran into the room, not waiting for a reply. There wasn’t much space to hang oneself in the small apartment, but Marnes had figured out how. His belt was cinched around his neck, the buckle lodged into the top of the bathroom door. His feet were on the bed, but at a right angle, not enough to support his weight. His butt drooped below his feet, his face no longer red, the belt biting deep into his neck.

她冲进房间，没有等待回复。狭小的公寓里没有多少空间可以吊死自己，但马恩斯想出了办法。他的皮带勒在脖子上，搭扣卡在浴室门顶上。他的脚踩在床上，但角度不正确，不足以支撑他的体重。他的屁股垂在脚踝以下，脸不再发红，皮带深深地勒进他的脖子。

Juliette hugged Marnes’ waist and lifted him up. He was heavier than he looked. She kicked his feet off the bed, and they flopped to the floor, making it easier to hold him. There was a curse at the door. Gloria’s husband ran in and helped Juliette support the Deputies’ weight. The both of them fumbled for the belt, trying to dislodge it from the door. Juliette finally tugged the door open, freeing him.

茱莉叶搂住马恩斯腰，将他举了起来。他比看起来重得多。她踢掉他脚上的床单，它们掉到地板上，让她更容易抓住他。门那边传来一声咒骂。格洛丽亚的丈夫冲了进来，帮茱莉叶支撑住警长的体重。他们俩都费力地抓住皮带，试图把它从门上弄下来。茱莉叶最终用力拉开了门，把他解救了出来。

“On the bed,” she huffed.

床上，她喘着气。

They lifted him to the bed and laid him out flat.

他们把他抬到床上，平躺着。

Gloria’s husband rested his hands on his knees and took deep breaths. “Gloria ran for Doctor O’Neil.”

格洛丽亚的丈夫把手放在膝盖上，深吸了一口气。“格洛丽亚跑去找奥尼尔医生。”

Juliette nodded and loosened the belt from around Marnes’ neck. The flesh was purple beneath it. She felt for a pulse, remembering Roger looking just like this when she’d found him down in Mechanical, completely still and unresponsive. It took her a moment to be sure that she was looking at the second dead body she had ever seen.

茱莉叶点了点头，松开了勒在马恩脖子上的皮带。皮带下面，肉是紫色的。她摸索着脉搏，想起罗杰在她找到他时，在机械部门，也是这样，完全一动不动，毫无反应。她花了片刻时间才确定，她面前的是她见过的第二具尸体。

And then she wondered, as she sat back, sweating, waiting for the doctor to arrive, whether this job she had taken would ensure it wasn’t the last.

然后她坐回椅子上，汗流浃背，等待医生到来，心里琢磨着，这份工作会不会让她不再担心这是最后一份工作。

5

After filling out reports, discovering Marnes had no next of kin, speaking with the coroner at the dirt farm, and answering questions from nosy neighbors, Juliette finally took a long and lonely walk up eight flights of stairs, back to her empty office.

填写报告后，发现马恩斯没有近亲，与墓地农场的法医交谈，并回答了好奇邻居的问题后，朱莉叶特最终长途跋涉地走上八层楼梯，回到了她空荡荡的办公室。

She spent the rest of the day getting little work done, the door to the cafeteria open, the small room much too crowded with ghosts. She tried repeatedly to lose herself in the files from Holston’s computers, but Marnes’ absence was incredibly sadder than his moping presence had been. She couldn’t believe he was gone. It almost felt like an affront, to bring her here and then leave her so suddenly. And she knew this was a horrible and selfish thing to feel and even worse to admit.

她剩余的时间里几乎没做多少工作，自助餐厅门敞开着，小房间里挤满了鬼魂。她反复试图沉浸在霍尔斯顿电脑里的文件里，但马恩斯的不辞而别比他闷闷不乐地待着更令人悲伤。她无法相信他已经走了。这几乎感觉像是侮辱，把她带到这里，然后突然离开。她知道这种感觉很可怕，很自私，甚至更糟糕的是承认了这种感觉。

As her mind roamed, she glanced occasionally out the door, watching the clouds slide across the distant wallscreen. She debated with herself on whether they appeared light or dense, if tonight would be a good one for viewing stars. It was another guilt-ridden thought, but she felt powerfully alone, a woman who prided herself on needing no one.

她思绪飘飞，不时朝门外望去，看着云朵在远处的墙屏上滑过。她心里盘算着，云朵看起来是稀薄还是浓密，今晚会不会是观星的好日子。这又是另一个充满罪恶感的念头，但她却感到无比孤独，一个以不需要任何人为傲的女人。

She played some more with the maze of files while the light of an unseen sun diminished in the cafeteria, while two shifts of lunch and two shifts of dinner vibrated and then subsided around her, all the while watching the roiling sky and hoping, for no real logical reason, for another chance encounter with the strange star hunter from the night before.

她在自助餐厅里，玩弄着文件迷宫，看不见的太阳的光线渐渐暗淡，两班午饭和两班晚饭的喧嚣在她周围震动然后消退，同时注视着翻滚的天空，毫无逻辑地希望再次遇到昨晚那个奇怪的星际猎人。

And even sitting there, with the sounds and scents of everyone on the upper forty-eight eating, Juliette forgot to. It wasn’t until the second shift staff was leaving, the lights cut down to quarter power, that Pam came in with a bowl of soup and a biscuit. Juliette thanked her and reached into her coveralls for a few chits, but Pam refused. The young woman’s eyes—red from crying—drifted to Marnes’ empty chair, and Juliette realized the cafeteria staff had probably been as close to the deputy as anyone.

即使坐在那里，听着和闻着美国本土四十八州所有人的食物气味，朱丽叶还是忘了。直到第二班员工离开，灯光降至四分之一功率，帕姆才端着一碗汤和一块饼干进来。朱丽叶感谢了她，并从她的工作服口袋里掏出几张纸条，但帕姆拒绝了。这个年轻女人的眼睛——哭得通红——飘向马恩斯空空的椅子，朱丽叶意识到食堂工作人员可能和副警长一样亲近。

Pam left without a word, and Juliette ate with what little appetite she could manage. She eventually thought of one more search she could try on Holston’s data, a global spellcheck to look for names that might offer clues, and eventually figured out how to run it. Meanwhile, her soup grew cold. While her computer began to churn through the hills of data, she took her bowl and a few folders and left her office to sit at one of the cafeteria tables near the wallscreen.

潘离开了，一句话也没说，朱丽叶勉强吃了一些东西。她最终想到了一个在霍尔斯顿的数据上可以尝试的搜索，一个全球拼写检查，查找可能提供线索的名字，最终弄清楚了如何运行它。与此同时，她的汤凉了。当她的电脑开始处理海量数据时，她端着碗和几份文件夹离开了办公室，坐在墙屏幕附近餐厅的桌子旁。

She was looking for stars on her own when Lukas appeared silently at her side. He didn’t say anything, just pulled up a chair, sat down with his board and paper, and peered up at the expansive view of the darkened outside.

她独自寻找星星时，卢卡斯无声地出现在她身边。他什么也没说，只是拉出一把椅子，坐在上面，拿出他的板子和纸，凝视着窗外黑暗的广阔景色。

Juliette couldn’t tell if he was being polite to honor her silence, or if he was being rude not to say hello. She finally settled on the former, and eventually the quiet felt normal. Shared. A peace at the end of a horrible day.

茱莉叶无法判断他是否出于礼貌而尊重她的沉默，还是因为他没打招呼而粗鲁。她最终认为是前者，最终，这份宁静感觉很正常。共享的。糟糕的一天结束后的宁静。

Several minutes passed. A dozen. There were no stars and nothing was said. Juliette held a folder in her lap, just to give her fingers something to do. There was a sound from the stairwell, a laughing group moving between the apartment levels below, and then a return to the quiet.

几分钟过去了。十几分钟。没有星星，也没有人说话。朱丽叶膝上放着一叠文件夹，只是为了让手指有事做。从楼梯间传来一阵笑声，一群人从楼下公寓之间走过，然后又恢复了平静。

“I’m sorry about your partner,” Lukas finally said. His hands smoothed the paper on the board. He had yet to make a single mark or note.

“我对你的伴侣感到抱歉，”卢卡斯最终说道。他的手抚平了板子上的纸张。他还没有做任何标记或笔记。

“I appreciate that,” Juliette said. She wasn’t sure what the appropriate response was, but this seemed the least wrong.

朱丽叶说：“我很感激。”她不太确定合适的回应是什么，但这似乎是最不糟糕的。

“I’ve been looking for stars, but haven’t seen any,” she added.

她补充道：“我一直寻找星星，但没有看到任何一颗。”

“You won’t. Not tonight.” He waved his hand at the wallscreen. “These are the worst kinds of clouds.”

“你不会。今晚不会。”他挥了挥手，指着墙上的屏幕。“这些是最糟糕的云。”

Juliette studied them, barely able to make them out with the last of twilight’s distant glow. They looked no different to her than any others.

朱丽叶观察着他们，暮色苍茫，几乎看不清。他们在她看来，和其他人没什么两样。

Lukas turned almost imperceptibly in his seat. “I have a confession, since you’re the law and all.”

卢卡斯几乎察觉不到地转动了一下座位。“我有个坦白，既然你是警察。”

Juliette’s hand groped for the star on her chest. She was often in danger of forgetting what she was.

茱丽叶的手摸索着胸前的星星。她常常有忘记自己是谁的危险。

“Yeah?”

“嗯？”

“I knew the clouds were gonna be bad tonight. But I came up anyway.”

我知道今晚云层会很糟糕。但我还是来了。

Juliette trusted the darkness to conceal her smile.

茱丽叶相信黑暗能掩饰她的微笑。

“I’m not sure the Pact has much to say on such duplicity,” she told him.

她告诉他：“我不确定《契约》对此类两面派行为有太多可说。”

Lukas laughed. It was strange how familiar it already sounded, and how badly she needed to hear it. Juliette had a sudden urge to grab him, to tuck her chin into his neck, and to cry. She could almost feel her body begin to piece the moves together—even though her skin would not budge. It could never happen. She knew this, even as the sensation vibrated within her. It was just the loneliness, the horror of holding Marnes in her arms, of feeling that lifeless heft of a body removed of whatever animates it. She was desperate for contact, and this stranger was the only person she knew little enough to want it from.

卢卡斯笑了。这声音听起来已经很熟悉了，她却多么需要听到它。朱丽叶突然想抓住他，把下巴埋进他的脖子里，哭泣。她几乎感觉自己的身体开始拼凑动作——即使她的皮肤纹丝不动。这永远不会发生。她知道这一点，即使这种感觉在她体内震颤。这只是孤独，抱着马恩斯时那种恐惧，感觉到那具没有生命的躯体，失去了任何使之有生气的东西。她渴望接触，而这个陌生人是她唯一认识得不够多，想要从他那里得到这种接触的人。

“What happens now?” he asked, his laughter fading.

他现在问：“接下来会发生什么？”他的笑声渐渐消失了。

Juliette almost blurted out, inanely, Between us? but Lukas saved her:

朱丽叶几乎脱口而出，愚蠢地，在我们之间？但卢卡斯救了她：

“Do you know when the funeral will be? And where?” he asked.

你知不知道葬礼是什么时候？在什么地方？

She nodded in the darkness.

她在黑暗中点了点头。

“Tomorrow. There’s no family to travel up, no investigation to make.” Juliette choked back the tears. “He didn’t leave a will, so they left it up to me to make arrangements. I decided to lay him to rest near the Mayor.”

明天。没有家人要上路，也没有调查要做。朱丽叶哽咽着。他没有留下遗嘱，所以他们让我来安排。我决定把他安葬在市长附近。

Lucas looked to the wallscreen. It was dark enough that the bodies of the cleaners couldn’t be seen, a welcome relief. “As he should be,” he said.

卢卡斯看着墙上的屏幕。 够暗了，看不见清洁工的身影，这让他很欣慰。“应该如此，”他说。

“I think they were lovers in secret,” Juliette blurted out. “If not lovers, then just as close.”

“我想他们暗中是恋人，”朱丽叶脱口而出。“如果不是恋人，那也同样亲密。”

“There’s been talk,” he agreed. “What I don’t get is why keep it a secret. Nobody would’ve cared.”

“大家都在说，”他同意。“我搞不懂的是为什么要保密。没人会介意的。”

Somehow, sitting in the darkness with a complete stranger, these things were more easily aired than in the down deep among friends.

不知为何，和一个完全陌生的人坐在黑暗中，这些事情比在朋友中间更容易倾诉。

“Maybe they would have minded people knowing,” she thought out loud. “Jahns was married before. I suspect they chose to respect that.”

“也许他们介意别人知道，”她大声想道。“约翰斯以前结过婚。我猜他们选择尊重这一点。”

“Yeah?” Lukas scratched something on his paper. Juliette looked up, but was sure there hadn’t been a star. “I can’t imagine loving in secret like that,” he said.

“嗯？”卢卡斯在纸上划了划。朱丽叶抬头，但肯定没见过星星。“我无法想象像那样偷偷地爱着，”他说。

“I can’t imagine needing someone’s permission, like the Pact or a girl’s father, to be in love in the first place,” she replied.

她回答说：“我无法想象，一开始爱一个人还需要像《契约》或女孩的父亲那样的许可。”

“No? How else would it work? Just any two people any time they liked?”

不？否则它怎么运作？任何两个人，任何时候他们想？

She didn’t say.

她没说。

“How would anyone ever enter the lottery?” he asked, persisting in the line of thought. “I can’t imagine it not being out in the open. It’s a celebration, don’t you think? There’s this ritual, a man asks a girl’s father for permission—”

他问道：“究竟谁能买彩票呢？”他继续思考着这个问题。“我无法想象它不公开。这难道不是一场庆祝活动吗？有一个仪式，一个男人向女孩的父亲请求许可——”

“Well, aren’t you with anyone?” Juliette asked, cutting him off. “I mean . . . I’m just asking because it sounds like, like you have strong opinions but maybe haven’t—”

“哦，你跟谁在一起？”朱丽叶打断了他。“我的意思是……我只是问问，因为听起来你好像有很强烈的观点，但也许还没有——“

“Not yet,” he said, rescuing her again. “I have a little strength left yet for enduring my mom’s guilt. She likes to remind me every year how many lotteries I missed out on, and what this did to her overall chances for a bevy of grandchildren. As if I don’t know my statistics. But hey, I’m only twenty five.”

“还没，”他说道，再次救了她。“我还有点力气来承受我妈妈的内疚。她每年都喜欢提醒我错过了多少彩票，以及这对我孙子孙女的总体机会造成了什么影响。好像我不知道我的统计数据。但是，嘿，我只有二十五岁。”

“That’s all,” Juliette said.

“就这样，”朱丽叶说。

“What about you?”

你呢？

She nearly told him straight away. Nearly blurted out her secret with almost no prompting. As if this man, this boy, a stranger to her, could be trusted.

她差点立刻就告诉他。几乎没经过任何提示，她差点脱口而出她的秘密。仿佛这个男人，这个男孩，这个对她来说的陌生人，值得信任。

“Never found the right one,” she lied.

她撒谎说：“从未找到合适的。”

Lukas laughed his youthful laugh. “No, I mean, how old are you? Or is that impolite?”

卢卡斯发出他那青春洋溢的笑声。“不，我的意思是，你多大了？或者那样问不礼貌吗？”

She felt a wave of relief. She thought he’d been asking her about being with anyone. “Thirty four,” she said. “And I’m told it’s impolite to ask, but I’ve never been one for rules.”

她感到一阵轻松。她以为他一直在问她是否和别人在一起。“三十四，”她说。“据说问这个问题不礼貌，但我从来都不是守规矩的人。”

“Says our sheriff,” Lukas said, laughing at his own joke.

“我们县长说，”卢卡斯笑着说，自嘲地笑了。

Juliette smiled. “I guess I’m still getting used to that.”

朱丽叶笑了。“我想我还在适应。”

She turned back to the wallscreen, and they both enjoyed the silence that formed. It was strange, sitting with this man. She felt younger and somehow more secure in his presence. Less lonely, at least. She pegged him as a loner as well, an odd sized washer that didn’t fit any standard bolt. And here he had been, at the extreme other end of the silo searching for stars, while she’d been spending what spare time she could down in the mines, as far away as possible, hunting for pretty rocks.

她转回墙屏，两人都享受着形成的宁静。和这个人坐在一起很奇怪。她感觉年轻，在场的他让她感觉更安全。至少不那么孤单了。她把他归类为一个独行侠，一个尺寸不标准的螺母，不符合任何标准的螺栓。而他一直待在筒仓的另一端，寻找星星，而她则利用能抽出的一切空闲时间，尽可能远离地待在矿井里，寻找漂亮的石头。

“It’s not going to be a very productive night for either of us, looks like,” she eventually said, ending the silence, rubbing the unopened folder in her lap.

看来今晚对我们俩来说都不会很有效率，她最终说道，打破了沉默，揉了揉她膝上的未打开的文件夹。

“Oh, I don’t know,” Lukas told her. “That depends on what you came up here for.”

“哦，我不知道，”卢卡斯告诉她。“那取决于你为什么来这里。”

Juliette smiled. And across the wide room, barely audible, the computer on her desk beeped, a search routine having finally pawed through Holston’s data before spitting out its results.

茱莉叶笑了。在宽阔的房间对面，电脑发出几乎听不见的嘀嘀声，搜索程序终于完成了对霍尔斯顿数据的检索，并吐出了结果。

6

The next morning, instead of climbing to her office, Juliette descended five flights to the upper dirt farm for Marnes’ funeral. There would be no folder for her deputy, no investigation, just the lowering of his old and tired body into the deep soil where it would decompose and feed the roots. It was a strange thought, to stand in that crowd and think of him as a folder or not. Less than a week on the job, and she already saw the manila jackets as places where ghosts reside. Names and case numbers. Lives distilled onto twenty or so sheets of recycled pulp paper, bits of string and darts of random color woven beneath the black ink that jotted their sad tale.

第二天早上，朱莉叶没有去办公室，而是下楼五层到上层泥土农场，参加马恩的葬礼。他的副手不会有公文包，不会有调查，只有他那疲惫不堪的躯体被缓缓地放入深土中，在那里腐烂，滋养根系。在人群中站着，想着他就像一个公文包，或者不是，这感觉很奇怪。上任不到一周，她就已经看到那些棕色文件夹里住着鬼魂。名字和案号。生命浓缩在二十多张再生纸上，细线和各种颜色的笔触穿插在记录他们悲伤故事的黑墨之下。

The ceremony was long, but didn’t feel so. The earth nearby was still mounded where Jahns had been buried. Soon, the two of them would intermingle inside the plants, and these plants would nourish the occupants of the silo.

仪式很长，但感觉没那么长。附近的地面还在贾恩斯埋葬的地方隆起。很快，他们两人就会在植物中混合，这些植物会滋养筒仓里的居民。

Juliette accepted a ripe tomato as the priest and his shadow cycled among the thick crowd. The two of them, draped in red fabric, chanted as they went, their voices sonorous and complimenting one another. Juliette bit into her fruit, allowing a polite amount of juice to spatter her coveralls, chewed and swallowed. She could tell the tomato was delicious, but only in a mechanical way. It was hard to truly enjoy it.

朱丽叶接受了一个成熟的番茄，牧师和他的影子在人群中穿行。他们两人身披红布，边走边吟唱，声音浑厚，相互呼应。朱丽叶咬了一口水果，让一些果汁礼貌地溅到她的工作服上，咀嚼并吞咽。她能感觉到番茄很好吃，但只是机械地觉得好吃。很难真正享受它。

When it became time for the soil to be shoveled back into the hole, Juliette watched the crowd. Two people dead from the up-top in less than a week. There had been four deaths total in that time, a very bad week for the silo.

当该把土铲回坑里的时候，朱丽叶观察着人群。一周内，顶部两人死亡。在那段时间里总共死了四个人，对于粮仓来说，那是一周非常糟糕的时期。

Or good, depending on who you were. She noticed childless couples biting vigorously into their fruit, their hands intertwined, silently doing the math. Lotteries followed too closely after deaths for Juliette’s tastes. She always thought they should fall on the same dates of the year, just to look as though they were going to happen anyway, whether anyone died or not.

或者很好，取决于你当时是谁。她注意到无子女的夫妇们用力地咬着水果，双手交握，默默地计算着。对于朱丽叶来说，彩票的开奖来得太快了，紧随死亡之后。她一直认为它们应该在同一年份的同一天开奖，好象无论是否有人死亡，它们都会发生一样。

But then, the lowering of the body and the plucking of ripe fruit just above the graves was meant to hammer this home: The cycle of life is here. It is inescapable. It is to be embraced, cherished, appreciated. One departs and leaves behind the gift of sustenance, of life. They make room for the next generation. We are born, we are shadows, we cast shadows of our own, and then we are gone. All anyone can hope for is to be remembered two shadows deep.

但是，低下身体和采摘坟墓上方成熟的果实，就是要敲定这一点：生命的循环在这里。它是不可避免的。它应该被拥抱、珍视、欣赏。一个人离去，留下滋养、生命的礼物。他们为下一代腾出空间。我们出生，我们像影子，我们投下自己的影子，然后我们消失了。任何人所能希望的，就是被记住两层影子。

Before the hole was completely filled, members of the feast stepped up to the edge of the farm’s soil and tossed what remained of their fruit into the hole. Juliette stepped forward and added the rest of her tomato to the colorful hail of rind and pulp. An acolyte leaned on his too-large shovel and watched the last of the fruit fly. Those that missed, he knocked in with scoops of dark, rich soil, leaving a mound that would, in time and with a few waterings, settle.

在坑完全填满之前，宴会的成员们走到农田边缘，将剩余的水果扔进坑里。朱丽叶向前走，把剩下的番茄也加入了色彩缤纷的果皮和果肉中。一名侍僧靠着他的大铲子，看着最后一点水果飞走。那些没掉进去的，他用铲子舀起深色肥沃的土壤，填进去，堆成一个土堆，日后经过浇水，会慢慢沉降。

After the funeral, Juliette began the climb back to her office. She could feel the flights of stairs in her legs, even though she prided herself as being in shape. But walking and climbing were different sorts of exercise. It wasn’t turning wrenches or loosening stubborn bolts, and the endurance was of a different kind than merely staying up and alert for an extra shift. She decided it was unnatural, this climbing. Humans weren’t meant for it. She doubted they were engineered to travel much beyond a single level of a silo. But then another porter flew down the steps past her, a smile of quick greeting on his non-winded face, his feet dancing across steel treads, and she wondered if perhaps it was something that just took practice.

葬礼后，朱丽叶开始爬回办公室。她感觉楼梯在她的腿上，尽管她以保持良好状态而自豪。但是，走路和爬楼梯是不同的锻炼方式。这不像拧螺丝或松开顽固的螺栓，耐力与仅仅为了加班而保持清醒和警觉是不同的。她认为这种爬楼梯是不自然的。人类并非为此而生。她怀疑他们并没有被设计成能够在筒仓的单层以上移动太多。但随后，另一位搬运工从她身边飞奔而下，脸上带着快速问候的笑容，他的双脚在钢制踏板上轻快地移动，她不禁想，也许这只是需要练习而已。

When she finally made it back to the cafeteria, it was lunchtime, and the room was buzzing with noisy chatter and the clinking of metal forks on metal plates. The pile of folded notes outside her office door had grown. There was a plant in a plastic bucket, a pair of shoes, a small sculpture made of colorful wire. Juliette paused over the collection. Without any family, she supposed it would be up to her to go through it all, to make sure the items went to those who would use them best. She bent down and picked up one of the cards. The writing was in unsure print, scrawled with crayon. She imagined the upper grade school had spent craft time that day making cards for Deputy Marnes. This saddened Juliette more than any of the ceremonies. She wiped tears out of her eyes and damned the teachers who thought to get the kids involved in the nastiness of it all.

当她最终回到自助餐厅时，正是午餐时间，房间里充满了嘈杂的谈话声和金属叉子在金属盘子上碰撞的声音。她办公室门外那堆叠好的便条纸也多了起来。有一个塑料桶里的植物，一双鞋子，一个用彩色铁丝做的小雕塑。朱丽叶停留在这些物品上。她没有家人，她想，这将由她来处理所有这些，确保物品送到最需要的人手中。她弯下腰，拿起了一张纸条。字迹不清晰，是用蜡笔潦草写成的。她想象着高年级学生那天在手工课上为副校长马恩斯制作了卡片。这比任何仪式都更让朱丽叶难过。她擦干了眼泪，诅咒那些让孩子们参与到这一切恶劣事件中的老师们。

“Leave them out of it,” she whispered to herself.

她低声对自己说：“把他们排除在外。”

She replaced the card and composed herself. Deputy Marnes would have liked to have seen this, she decided. He was an easy man to figure, one of those who had grown old everywhere but in his heart, that one organ he had never worn out because he’d never dared to use it.

她换了卡，平静下来。马恩斯副警长本想看到这一幕，她心想。他是个容易理解的人，那种在所有地方都老了，却唯独没在心里老的人，那个器官他从未用坏过，因为他从未敢用它。

Inside her office, she was surprised to find she had company. A stranger sat at Deputy Marnes’ desk. He looked up from the computer and smiled at her. She was about to ask who he was when Bernard—she refused to think of him as even interim Mayor—stepped out of the holding cell, a folder in hand, smiling at Juliette.

她走进办公室，惊讶地发现有人陪她。一个陌生人坐在马恩副市长的办公桌前。他抬起头，从电脑前看着她，对她笑了笑。她正要问他是谁，这时，伯纳德——她不愿把他当作临时市长——从拘留室里走了出来，手里拿着一个文件夹，对着朱丽叶笑了笑。

“How were the services?” he asked.

服务怎么样？他问道。

Juliette crossed the office and snatched the folder out of his hand. “Please don’t tamper with anything,” she said.

朱丽叶穿过办公室，一把从他手里抢过文件夹。“请不要动任何东西，”她说。

“Tamper?” Bernard laughed and adjusted his glasses. “That’s a closed case. I was going to take it back to my offices and re-file it.”

“捣乱？”伯纳德笑了，并调整了一下眼镜。“这是个已结案的案子。我打算把它带回办公室重新归档。”

Juliette checked the folder and saw that it was Holston’s.

茱莉叶检查了文件夹，发现是霍尔斯顿的。

“You do know that you report to me, right? You were supposed to have at least glanced over the Pact before Jahns swore you in.”

你当然知道你向我汇报，对吧？在约翰斯宣誓你之前，你至少应该浏览一下协议。

“I’ll hold onto this, thanks.”

我会留着这个，谢谢。

Juliette left him by the open cell and went to her desk. She shoved the folder in the top drawer, checked that the data drive was still jutting out from her computer, and looked up at the guy across from her.

朱丽叶把他留在敞开的隔间，走到她的办公桌前。她把文件夹塞进抽屉最上面，检查数据驱动器还在从电脑上突出，然后抬头看着对面的人。

“And you are?”

“你叫什么名字？”

He stood, and Deputy Marnes’ chair let out its customary squeak. Juliette tried to force herself not to think of it as his anymore.

他站了起来，马恩斯副官的椅子发出惯常的吱呀声。朱丽叶努力不去把它当作他的椅子。

“Peter Billings, Ma’am.” He held out his hand. Juliette accepted it. “I was just sworn in myself.” He pinched the corner of his star and held it away from his coveralls for her to see.

“彼得·比林斯，夫人。”他伸出手。朱丽叶接过了。 “我也是刚宣誓就职。”他捏住星星的角，把它从他的宇航服上拿开，让她看。

“Peter here was actually up for your job,” Bernard said.

“彼得在这里实际上是想要你的工作，”伯纳德说。

Juliette wondered what he meant by that, or what the point was to even mention it. “Did you need something?” she asked Bernard. She waved at her desk, which had piled up the day before as she had spent most of her time managing Marnes’ affairs. “Because anything you need doing, I can add it to the bottom of one of these piles, here.”

茱莉叶想知道他那句话是什么意思，或者说提到它有什么意义。“你需要什么吗？”她问伯纳德。她挥了挥手，指着她办公桌，前一天就堆满了文件，因为她大部分时间都在处理马恩的事务。“因为你需要做的任何事情，我都可以把它添加到这些堆积物中的其中一个的底部。”

“Anything I give you goes on top,” Bernard said. He slapped his hand down on the folder with Jahns’ name on it. “And I’m doing you a favor by coming up and having this meeting here rather than have you come down to my office.”

我给你的任何东西都放在上面，”伯纳德说。他拍了一下上面写着约翰斯名字的文件夹。“我上来看你，和你在这里开会，这对你来说是帮了忙，而不是让你来我的办公室。”

“What meeting is this?” Juliette asked. She didn’t look up at him, but busied herself sorting papers. Hopefully he would see how busy she was and leave, and she could start getting Peter up to speed on what little she herself had figured out.

“这次会议是关于什么的？”朱丽叶问道。她没有抬头看他，而是忙着整理文件。希望他能看出她很忙，然后离开，这样她就可以开始让彼得了解她自己弄清楚的那点儿小东西了。

“As you know, there’s been quite a bit of . . . turnover these past weeks. Unprecedented, really, at least since the uprising. And that’s the danger, I’m afraid, if we aren’t all on the same page.” He pressed his finger onto the folder Juliette was trying to move, pinning it in place. She glanced up at him.

正如你所知，最近几周人事变动很大……确实前所未有，至少自从那场起义以来。恐怕这就是危险所在，如果我们不是站在同一立场。他用手指按住了朱丽叶试图移动的文件夹，将其固定住。她抬起头看着他。

“People want continuity. They want to know tomorrow will be a lot like yesterday. They want reassurances. Now, we’ve just had a cleaning, and we’ve suffered some losses, so the mood is naturally a bit raucous.” He waved at the folders and piles of pulp paper spilling from Juliette’s desk to Peter’s. The young man across from her seemed to eye the mound warily, like more of the pile could shift toward him, giving him more of it to do. “Which is why I am going to announce a forgiveness moratorium. Not only to strengthen the spirits of the entire silo, but to help you two clear the slate so you don’t get overwhelmed while you’re getting up to speed on your duties.”

人们想要延续性。他们想要明天和昨天很相似。他们想要保证。现在，我们刚刚清理过，也遭受了一些损失，所以情绪自然有点激动。他挥了挥手，指着从朱丽叶的桌子到彼得桌子上的文件夹和一堆纸张。坐在她对面的小伙子似乎警惕地盯着那堆东西，仿佛那堆东西会向他移动，让他有更多工作要做。“这就是为什么我要宣布一个宽限期。不仅为了增强整个部门的精神，而且为了帮助你们两人清理积压的工作，这样在熟悉职责时就不会感到不知所措。”

“Clear the slate?” Juliette asked.

“把事情忘掉？”朱丽叶问道。

“That’s right. All these drunken misdemeanors. What’s this one for?” He picked up a folder and studied the name on the label. “Oh, now what’s Pickens done this time?”

“没错。所有这些醉酒的违规行为。这个又是为了什么？”他拿起一个文件夹，仔细研究标签上的名字。“哦，这次皮肯斯又做了什么？”

“He ate a neighbor’s rat,” Juliette said. “Family pet.”

茱莉叶说：“他吃了邻居家的老鼠。”“家养宠物。”

Peter Billings chuckled. Juliette squinted at him, wondering why his name seemed familiar. Then she placed it, recalling a memo he had written in one of the folders. This kid, practically a boy, had been shadowing a silo judge, she thought. She had a difficult time imagining that, looking at him. He seemed more the IT type.

彼得·比林斯咯咯地笑了。朱丽叶眯着眼睛看着他，纳闷为什么他的名字听起来很熟悉。然后她想起来了，想起他在某个文件夹里写过的一份备忘录。这个孩子，几乎还是个男孩，她想，一直在跟踪一个粮仓法官。看着他的样子，她很难想象那一点。他看起来更像个 IT 人员。

“I thought owning rats as pets was illegal,” Bernard said.

伯纳德说：“我以为养老鼠当宠物是违法的。”

“It is. He’s the claimant. It’s a counter suit in retaliation—” She sorted through her folders. “For this one right here.”

“是的。他是原告。这是报复性的反诉——”她翻阅着文件夹。“就这个。”

“Let’s see,” Bernard said. He grabbed the other folder, held the two of them together, and then dropped them both into her recycle bin, all the carefully organized papers and notes spilling out and intermingling in a jumbled pile on top of other scraps of paper to be re-pulped.

“我们看看，”伯纳德说。他抓起另一个文件夹，把两个文件夹合在一起，然后把它们都扔进了她的回收箱，所有精心整理的纸张和笔记都洒出来，混杂在一起，堆在其他待回收的纸屑上。

“Forgive and forget,” he said, wiping his palms together. “That’s going to be my election motto. The people need this. This is about new beginnings, forgetting the past during these tumultuous times, looking to the future!” He slapped her on the back, hard, nodded to Peter, and headed for the door.

他擦了擦手心，说：“宽恕，忘记。这将是我的竞选口号。人民需要这个。这是关于新的开始，在动荡时期忘记过去，展望未来！”他重重地拍了她一下后背，向彼得点了点头，朝门口走去。

“Election motto?” she asked before he could get away. And it occurred to her that one of the folders he was suggesting could be forgiven was the one wherein he was the prime suspect.

“选举口号？”她在还没来得及走开之前问道。她突然想到，他建议的那些文件夹中，其中一个可以被原谅的是他作为主要嫌疑人的那个。

“Oh yes,” Bernard called over his shoulder. He grabbed the jamb and looked back at her. “I’ve decided, after much deliberation, that there is no one better qualified for this job than me. I don’t see any problem with continuing my duties in IT while performing the role as mayor. In fact, I already am!” He winked. “Continuity, you know.” And then he was gone.

“哦，是的，”伯纳德从他身后喊道。他抓住门框，回头看着她。“经过深思熟虑之后，我决定，没有比我更适合这份工作的人了。我认为在继续我的 IT 工作的同时担任市长职务没有问题。事实上，我已经在做了！”他眨了眨眼。“连续性，你知道。”然后他就走了。

••••

Juliette spent the rest of that afternoon, well past what Peter Billings considered “sensible working hours,” getting him up to speed. What she needed most of all was someone to field complaints and to respond to the radio. This was Holston’s old job, ranging the top forty-eight and calling on any disturbance. Deputy Marnes had hoped to see Juliette fill that role with her younger, fresher legs. He also had said that a pretty female might “do the public will some good.” Juliette had other ideas about his intentions. She suspected Marnes had wanted her away so he could spend time alone with his folder and its ghost. And she well understood that urge. So as she sent Peter Billings home with a list of apartments and merchants to call on the next day, she finally had time to sit down to her computer and see the results from the previous night’s search.

茱莉叶在接下来的下午，一直到彼得·比林斯认为的“合理工作时间”之后，帮助他熟悉情况。她最需要的是有人处理投诉并回复收音机。这是霍尔斯顿以前的工作，负责处理前四十八个频道，并应对任何干扰。马恩斯副警长希望看到茱莉叶用她年轻、有活力的双腿来填补这个角色。他还说过，一个漂亮的女性可能会“对公众有所帮助”。茱莉叶对他的意图有不同的想法。她怀疑马恩斯是想把她支开，好让他能独自与他的文件夹和里面的鬼魂相处。她很理解这种冲动。因此，当她送彼得·比林斯回家，并给他列出第二天要联系的公寓和商家的名单时，她终于有时间坐在电脑前查看前晚搜索的结果。

The spellchecker had turned up interesting results. Not so much the names she had hoped for, but rather these large blocks of what looked like coded text—gibberish with strange punctuation, indentation, and embedded words she recognized but that seemed out of place. These massive paragraphs were spread throughout Holston’s home computer, first showing up just over three years ago. That made it fit the timeline, but what really caught Juliette’s eye was how often the data appeared in nested directories, sometimes a dozen or more folders deep. It was as if someone had taken pains to keep them hidden, but had wanted multiple copies stashed away, terrified of losing them.

拼写检查器发现了有趣的结果。她希望找到的名字不多，而是这些看起来像编码文本的大块——带有奇怪标点符号、缩进和嵌入的、她认识但看起来不合适的词语的胡言乱语。这些庞大的段落散布在霍尔斯顿家用电脑的各个地方，最早出现在三年多前。这符合时间线，但真正吸引朱丽叶注意的是数据在嵌套目录中出现的频率，有时深入十几个文件夹。就好像有人费尽心思将它们隐藏起来，但又想把多份副本藏起来，害怕丢失它们一样。

She assumed it was encoded, whatever it was, and important. She tore off bites of a small loaf of bread and dipped these in cornspread while she gathered a full copy of this gibberish to send down to Mechanical. There were a few guys perhaps smart enough to make some sense of the code, starting with Walker. She chewed her food and spent the next hours going back over the trail she had managed to tease out of Holston’s final years on the job. It had been difficult to narrow his activities down, to figure out what was important and what was noise, but she had approached it as logically as any other breakdown. Because that’s what she was dealing with, she decided. A breakdown. Gradual and interminable. Almost inevitable. Losing his wife had been like a seal or a gasket cracking. Everything that had rattled out of control for Holston could be traced back, almost mechanically, to that.

她认为它一定是经过编码的，无论是什么，都非常重要。她撕下一小块面包，蘸着玉米酱吃，同时收集了这份冗长的乱码，准备发给机械部门。一些人，可能足够聪明，能够解读这代码，沃克就是其中之一。她咀嚼着食物，接下来的几个小时都在回顾她从霍尔斯顿职业生涯最后几年中整理出来的线索。要缩小他的活动范围，找出哪些是重要的，哪些是噪音，这很困难，但她像处理任何其他问题一样，以逻辑方式处理了这个问题。因为她意识到，这就是她正在处理的问题，一场崩溃。渐进的，无休止的。几乎是不可避免的。失去妻子就像一个密封圈或垫圈破裂。霍尔斯顿所有失控的事情，几乎机械地，都能追溯到那件事。

One of the first things she’d realized was that his activity on the work computer held no secrets. Holston had obviously become a night rat, just like her, staying up for hours in his apartment. It was yet another commonality she felt between them, further strengthening her obsession with the man. Sticking to his home computer meant she could ignore over half the data. It also became apparent that he had spent most of his time investigating his wife, just as Juliette was now prying into him. This was their deepest shared bond, Juliette’s and Holston’s. Here she was, looking into the last voluntary cleaner as he had looked into his wife, hoping to discover what torturous cause might lead a person to choose the forbidden outside.

她最初意识到的一件事是，他工作电脑上的活动没有任何秘密。霍尔斯顿显然也变成了一个夜猫子，就像她一样，在公寓里待几个小时。她感觉他们之间又多了一项共同点，进一步加深了她对这个男人的痴迷。坚持使用他的家用电脑意味着她可以忽略一半以上的数据。她也发现，他大部分时间都在调查他的妻子，就像朱丽叶现在正在窥探他一样。这是他们最深沉的共同纽带，朱丽叶和霍尔斯顿的。她现在正像他曾经审视过他的妻子一样，审视着最后一位自愿清洁工，希望发现是什么样的折磨原因会驱使一个人选择禁忌的外部世界。

And it was here that Juliette began to find clues almost eerie in their connection. Allison, Holston’s wife, seemed to be the one who had unlocked the mysteries of the old servers. The very method that had made Holston’s data available to Juliette had at some point brought some secret to Allison, and then to Holston. By focusing on deleted emails between the couple, and noting the explosion of communication around the time she had published a document detailing some un-deletion method, Juliette stumbled onto what she felt was a valid trail. She became more certain that Allison had found something on the servers. The trouble was determining what it was—and whether she’d recognize it herself even if she found it.

就在这里，朱丽叶开始发现线索，其关联几乎令人毛骨悚然。霍尔顿的妻子艾莉森似乎是解开了旧服务器之谜的人。曾让霍尔顿的数据对朱丽叶开放的方法，在某个时刻也带给艾莉森，然后是霍尔顿，一些秘密。通过专注于这对夫妇之间已删除的邮件，并注意到她在发表一份详细说明某些恢复删除方法的文件前后通信的激增，朱丽叶偶然发现了她认为是有效线索的东西。她更加确信艾莉森在服务器上发现了什么。问题在于确定那是什么——以及即使她找到了它，她自己是否会认出它。

She toyed with several ideas, even the chance that Allison had been driven to rage by infidelity, but Juliette had enough of a feel for Holston to know that this wasn’t the case. And then she noticed each trail of activity seemed to lead back to the paragraphs of gibberish, an answer Juliette kept looking for any excuse to reject because she couldn’t make sense of it. Why would Holston, and Allison especially, spend so much time looking at all that nonsense? The activity logs showed her keeping them open for hours at a time, as if the scrambled letters and symbols could be read. To Juliette, it looked like a wholly new language.

她玩弄着几个想法，甚至包括艾莉森因不忠而愤怒的可能性，但朱丽叶对霍尔斯顿足够了解，知道情况并非如此。然后她注意到每一条活动轨迹似乎都指向那些胡言乱语的段落，朱丽叶一直在寻找任何理由来拒绝，因为她无法理解。霍尔斯顿，尤其是艾莉森，为什么要花那么多时间看那些胡说八道的东西？活动日志显示她一次打开它们几个小时，就好像那些乱码和符号可以被阅读一样。对于朱丽叶来说，这看起来像一种全新的语言。

So what was it that sent Holston and his wife to cleaning? The common assumption around the silo was that Allison had gotten the stirs, had gone crazy for the out-of-doors, and that Holston eventually succumbed to his grief. But Juliette never bought that. She didn’t like coincidences. When she tore a machine down to repair it, and a new problem surfaced a few days later, all she usually had to do was go back through the steps from the last repair. The answer was always there. She saw this riddle the same way: It was a much simpler diagnosis if both of them were driven out by the same thing.

霍尔斯顿和他的妻子为什么会去打扫？人们普遍认为是艾莉森受到了刺激，迷恋上了户外，霍尔斯顿最终屈服于悲伤。但朱丽叶从不相信这一点。她不喜欢巧合。当她拆卸机器进行维修时，几天后出现新的问题，她通常只需回到上次维修的步骤即可。答案总是存在的。她以同样的方式看待这个谜题：如果他们两人都是被同一件事驱逐，那么诊断起来要简单得多。

She just couldn’t see what it might be. And part of her feared that finding it could drive her crazy as well.

她就是看不到那是什么。而且，她的一部分害怕找到它也会让她发疯。

Juliette rubbed her eyes. When she looked at her desk again, Jahns’ folder caught her attention. On top of her folder sat the doctor’s report for Marnes. She moved the report aside and reached for the note underneath, the one Marnes had written and left on his small bedside table:

茱莉叶揉了揉眼睛。当她再次看桌子时，贾恩斯的文件吸引了她的注意。医生给马恩斯做的报告放在她文件上。她把报告移开，伸手去拿下面的便条，是马恩斯写好放在他床头小桌上的那张。

It should have been me.

本该是我。

So few words, Juliette thought. But then, who remained in the silo for him to speak to? She studied the handful of words, but there was little to squeeze from them. It was his canteen that had been poisoned, not Jahns’. It actually made her death a case of manslaughter, a new term for Juliette. Marnes had explained something else about the law: the worst offense they could hope to pin on anyone was the attempted and unsuccessful murder on him rather than the botched accident that had claimed the Mayor. Which meant, if they could nail the act on a guilty party, that person could be put to cleaning for what they had failed to accomplish with Marnes, while only getting five years probation and silo service for what had accidentally happened to Jahns. Juliette thought it was this crooked sense of fairness as much as anything else that had worn down poor Marnes. There was never any hope for true justice, a life for a life. These strange laws, coupled with the agonizing knowledge that he had carried the poison on his own body, had gravely wounded him. He had to live with being the poison’s porter, with the hurtful knowledge that a good deed, a shared walk, had been his love’s death.

茱莉叶心想，话真少。但是，除了他，谁还留在粮仓里和他说话呢？她仔细研究着这些话，却从中榨不出什么。是他的饭盒被下了毒，而不是约翰斯的。这实际上让她的死成了过失杀人案，对茱莉叶来说，这可是个新名词。马恩斯解释了法律的另一层含义：他们所能指控的罪行最严重的，是企图谋杀他却失败，而不是造成市长意外死亡的失误事故。这意味着，如果他们能将罪行定在罪犯身上，这个人就可以为他们未能与马恩斯一起完成的事情而被判处清洁工作，而仅仅为约翰斯发生的意外事件获得五年缓刑和粮仓服役。茱莉叶认为，正是这种扭曲的公平感，以及其他任何事情，都折磨着可怜的马恩斯。永远没有真正的正义，没有以命换命。这些奇怪的法律，再加上他亲身携带毒药的痛苦认知，严重地伤害了他。他必须忍受着成为毒药的搬运工，忍受着善举、共同散步，竟是爱人死亡的痛苦真相。

Juliette held the suicide note and cursed herself for not seeing it coming. It should have been a foreseeable breakdown, a problem solved by a little preventative maintenance. She could have said more, reached out somehow. But she had been too busy trying to stay afloat those first few days to see that the man who had brought her to the up-top was slowly unraveling right before her eyes.

茱丽叶拿着遗书，咒骂自己没有预见到这一切。本应是一次可预见的崩溃，一点预防性维护就能解决的问题。她本可以多说一些，以某种方式伸出援手。但是，头几天她忙于维持现状，没有注意到将她带到顶峰的男人在她眼前慢慢崩溃。

The flash of her inbox icon interrupted these disturbing thoughts. She reached for the mouse and cursed herself. The large chunk of data she had sent down to Mechanical some hours earlier must’ve been rejected. Maybe it was too much to send at once. But then she saw that it was a message from Scottie, her friend in IT who had supplied the data drive.

她收件箱图标的闪烁打断了这些令人不安的思绪。她伸手去拿鼠标，并咒骂自己。她几个小时前发送给机械部门的大量数据可能被拒绝了。也许一次发送的数据量太多了。但随后她看到来自斯科蒂的消息，斯科蒂是她 IT 部门的朋友，曾提供过数据驱动器。

“Come now,” it read.

“现在来，”它读道。

It was an odd request. Vague and yet dire, especially for the late hour. Juliette powered down her monitor, grabbed the drive from the computer in case she had more visitors, and briefly considered strapping Marnes’ ancient gun around her waist. She stood, went to the key locker, and ran her hand down the soft belt, feeling the indention where the buckle had, for decades, worn into the same spot on the old leather. She thought again of Marnes’ terse note and looked to his empty chair. She decided in the end to leave the gun hanging where it was. She nodded to his desk, made sure she had her keys, and hurried out the door.

那是个奇怪的要求。模糊而紧迫，尤其是在深夜。朱丽叶关掉了显示器，从电脑上取下驱动器，以防有更多访客，并短暂地考虑将马恩斯那把古老的手枪系在腰间。她站起身，走到钥匙柜前，用手抚摸柔软的皮带，感觉出几十年来，皮带扣在老皮革上磨损的痕迹。她再次想起马恩斯的简短便条，并看着他的空椅子。最终她决定把枪挂在那里。她点了点头，确认自己拿到了钥匙，匆匆走出门外。

7

It was thirty four levels down to IT. Juliette skipped across the steps so swiftly, she had to keep a hand on the inner railing to keep from flying outward into the occasional upbound traffic. She overtook a porter near six, who was startled from being passed. By the tenth floor, she was beginning to feel dizzy from the round and round. She wondered how Holston and Marnes had ever responded to trouble with any degree of urgency. The other two deputy stations, the one in the mids and the one in the down-deep, were nicely situated near the dead center of their forty-eight floors, a far superior arrangement. She passed into the twenties thinking about this: that her office was not ideally positioned to respond to the far edge of her precinct. Instead, it had been located by the airlock and the holding cell, close to the highest form of the silo’s capital punishment. Her legs cursed this decision as she considered the long slog back up.

它向下三十四层到 IT 部门。朱丽叶跨过台阶的速度很快，她不得不扶着内扶手，以免被偶尔向上行驶的交通工具甩出去。她在六层附近超过了一名搬运工，那人被超越吓了一跳。到十层时，她开始感到头晕目眩。她想知道霍尔顿和马恩斯是如何以任何程度的紧迫性来应对麻烦的。另外两个副站，一个在中间，一个在深层，都很好地位于他们四十八层楼的中心附近，安排得要好得多。她进入二十层时，一直在思考这个问题：她的办公室并不理想地位于她辖区的边缘。相反，它位于气闸和拘留室附近，靠近粮仓的最高刑罚。当她想到要走很长的路返回时，她的双腿诅咒了这个决定。

In the high twenties, she practically bowled a man over who wasn’t watching where he was going. She wrapped one arm around him and gripped the railing, keeping them both from a nasty tumble. He apologized while she swallowed a curse. And then she saw it was Lukas, his lapboard strapped to his back, nubs of charcoal sticking out of his coveralls.

二十几岁，她几乎撞倒了一个没注意脚下的人。她一只胳膊搂住他，抓住扶手，避免两人一起摔倒。他道歉，她则咽下了一句咒骂。然后她看到那是卢卡斯，他的折叠板绑在他的背上，炭块从他的工作服里露出来。

“Oh,” he said. “Hello.”

“哦，”他说。“你好。”

He smiled at seeing her, but his lips drooped into a frown when he realized she’d been hurrying the opposite direction.

他看到她笑了，但当他意识到她正朝相反方向匆忙时，嘴唇却垂下，变成了一副皱眉的表情。

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’ve got to go.”

“对不起，”她说。“我得走了。”

“Of course.”

当然。

He stood out of the way, and Juliette finally took her hand off his ribs. She nodded, not sure what to say, her thoughts only on Scottie, and then she continued her run down, moving too fast to chance a glance back.

他让开了，朱丽叶终于把手从他的肋骨上拿开了。她点了点头，不知道该说什么，心里想的只有斯科蒂，然后她继续向下跑，跑得太快，来不及回头看一眼。

When she finally got to thirty-four, she paused on the landing to catch her breath and let the dizziness fade. Checking her coveralls—that her star was in place and the flash drive still in her pocket—she pulled open the main doors to IT and tried to stroll in as if she belonged there.

当她最终到达三十四岁时，她在楼道上停下来喘口气，让眩晕感消失。检查她的连体服——确保她的星星到位，闪存盘还在口袋里——她拉开了 IT 部门的大门，试图像自己属于那里一样漫步进去。

She sized up the entrance room quickly. To her right, a glass window looked into a conference room. The light was on, even though it was now the middle of the night. A handful of heads were visible through the glass, a meeting taking place. She thought she heard Bernard’s voice, loud and nasally, leeching through the door.

她迅速打量了入口房间。她右边，一个玻璃窗通向一个会议室。尽管现在是深夜，灯却亮着。透过玻璃，可以看到几颗头，正在开会。她觉得听到伯纳德的声音，响亮而尖锐，从门缝里传出来。

Ahead of her stood the low security gates leading back to IT’s labyrinth of apartments, offices, and workshops. Juliette could imagine the floor plan; she’d heard the three levels shared much in common with Mechanical, only without the fun.

她面前是通往 IT 部门错综复杂的公寓、办公室和工作室的低安全门。朱丽叶能想象出平面图；她听说这三层楼与机械部门有很多共同之处，只是没有乐趣。

“Can I help you?” a young man in silver coveralls asked from behind the gates.

“我能帮您吗？”一个穿着银色连体工作服的年轻人从大门后问道。

She approached.

她走近了。

“Sheriff Nichols,” she said. She waved her ID at him, then passed it under the gate’s laser scanner. The light turned red and the gate let out an angry buzz. It did not open. “I’m here to see Scottie, one of your techs.” She tried the card again, with the same result.

谢里夫·尼科尔斯，”她说。她向他挥了挥身份证，然后将其放在闸门的激光扫描仪下。灯光变红，闸门发出愤怒的蜂鸣声。它没有打开。“我来见斯科蒂，你们的一名技术人员。”她再次尝试用这张卡，结果一样。

“Do you have an appointment?” the man asked.

你预约了吗？

Juliette narrowed her eyes at the man.

朱丽叶眯着眼睛看着那个男人。

“I’m the sheriff. Since when do I need appointments?” Again with the card, and again the gate buzzed at her. The young man did not move to help.

我可是警长。我什么时候需要预约了？她再次拿出卡片，门铃又响了。那年轻人还是没帮忙。

“Please do not do that,” he said.

“请不要那样做，”他说。

“Look, Son, I’m in the middle of an investigation here. And you’re impeding my progress.”

看，儿子，我正在调查中。你妨碍了我的工作。

He smiled at her. “I’m sure you’re familiar with the unique position we maintain here and that your powers are—”

他对她笑了笑。“我相信你熟悉我们在这里保持的独特地位，以及你的能力是——”

Juliette put her ID away and reached over the gate to grab the straps of his coveralls with both hands. She pulled him almost clear over the gates, her arms bulging with the sinewy muscles that had freed countless bolts.

茱莉叶把她的身份证收好，伸手越过栅栏，用双手抓住他工作服的带子。她几乎把他从栅栏那边拉出来，手臂上的肌肉鼓胀，这些强健的肌肉曾解开过无数螺栓。

“Listen here you blasted runt, I’m coming through these gates or I’m coming over them and then through you. I’ll have you know that I report directly to Bernard Holland, acting Mayor, and your goddamned boss. Do I make myself clear?”

听着，你这该死的毛孩子，我要穿过这些大门，或者跨过去，然后穿过你。我要让你知道，我直接向伯纳德·霍兰德市长代理市长汇报，而你是他的狗屁上司。我说的清楚吗？

The kid’s eyes were wide and all-pupil. He jerked his chin up and down.

孩子眼睛睁得大大的，全是瞳孔。他上下点动着下巴。

“Then move it,” she said, letting go of his coveralls with a shove.

然后把它移开，”她说，推开他的连体服。

He fumbled for his ID—swiped it through the scanner.

他摸索着他的身份证——将其刷过扫描器。

Juliette pushed through the spinning arms of the turnstile and past him. Then stopped.

茱丽叶推开旋转的闸门，走过他身边。然后停了下来。

“Uh, which way, exactly?”

呃，究竟哪个方向？

The boy was still trying to get his ID back into his chest pocket, his hand trembling. “Th-thataway, ma’am.” He pointed to the right. “Second hall, take a left. Last office.”

男孩还在努力把身份证放回胸前的口袋，手微微颤抖。“那……那边，女士。”他指向右边。“第二大厅，向左拐。最后一间办公室。”

“Good man,” she said. She turned and smiled to herself. It seemed that the same tone that got bickering mechanics to snap-to back home worked here as well. And she laughed to herself to think of the argument she had used: Your boss is also my boss, so open up. But then, with eyes that wide and that much fear in his veins, she could’ve read him Mama Jean’s bread recipe with the same tone and gotten through the gates. This was a skill to remember.

“好男人，”她说。她转身对着自己笑了笑。看来，能让争吵不休的技工们乖乖回家那种语气，在这里也管用。她暗自发笑，想起自己用过的理由：你的老板也是我的老板，所以开门。但是，看到他那双睁得大大的、充满恐惧的眼睛，她本来可以用同样的语气读出珍妈的面包食谱，也能打开大门。这可是个值得记住的技能。

She took the second hallway, passing by a man and woman in IT silver as they walked the other way. They turned to watch her pass. At the end of the hall, she found offices on both sides and didn’t know which one was Scottie’s. She peeked first into the one with the open door, but the lights were off. She turned to the other one and knocked.

她走过第二条走廊，路过一对穿着 IT 银色制服的男人和女人，他们朝反方向走着。他们转过身看着她走过。走廊尽头，两边都是办公室，她不知道哪个是斯科蒂的。她先看了一眼门开着的那个，但灯是关着的。她转向另一个办公室，敲了敲门。

There was no answer at first, but the light at the bottom of the door dimmed, as if someone had walked across it.

起初没有回应，但门底下的灯光暗了下来，仿佛有人走过一样。

“Who’s there?” a familiar voice whispered through the door.

门后传来一个熟悉的声音，低声问道：“是谁？”

“Open this damn thing,” Juliette said. “You know who this is.”

“打开这该死的玩意儿，”朱丽叶说。“你知道这是谁。”

The lever dipped, the door clicking open. Juliette pushed her way inside, and Scottie shoved the door closed behind her, engaging the lock.

杠杆向下倾斜，门咔哒一声打开。朱丽叶推开身子走了进去，斯科蒂把门在她身后关上，锁上了门。

“Were you seen?” he asked.

你被看见了吗？

She looked at him incredulously. “Was I seen? Of course I was seen. How do you think I got in? There’re people everywhere.”

她难以置信地看着他。“我被看到了吗？当然被看到了。你认为我怎么会进来的？到处都是人。”

“But did they see you come in here?” he whispered.

但他有没有看见你进来？他低声问道。

“Scottie, what the hell is going on?” Juliette was beginning to suspect she had hurried all this way for nothing. “You sent me a wire, which already seemed desperate enough, but you told me to come now. So here I am.”

“斯科蒂，到底怎么回事？”朱丽叶开始怀疑她急匆匆地跑来一趟是白跑一趟。“你发了一份电报，看起来就已经够绝望的了，但你告诉我现在就来。所以，我来了。”

“Where did you get this stuff?” he asked. Scottie grabbed a spool of printout from his desk and held it in trembling hands.

他问道：“你从哪里弄到这些东西？”斯科蒂从桌子上抓起一卷打印纸，颤抖着手拿着。

Juliette stepped beside him. She placed a hand on his arm and looked at the paper. “Just calm down,” she said quietly. She tried to read a few lines and immediately recognized the gibberish she had sent to Mechanical earlier that day. “How did you get this?” she asked. “I just wired this to Knox a few hours ago.”

茱莉叶走到他身边。她把手放在他的手臂上，看着那张纸。“冷静点，”她轻声说道。她试着读了几行，立刻认出这是她当天早些时候发给机械的胡言乱语。“你怎么得到这个的？”她问道。“我几小时前才把这个传给诺克斯。”

Scottie nodded. “And he wired it to me. But he shouldn’t have. I can get into a lot of trouble for this.”

斯科蒂点了点头。“他还给我接了线。但他不应该。我为此会惹上很多麻烦。”

Juliette laughed. “You’re kidding, right?”

朱丽叶笑了。“你在开玩笑吧？”

She saw that he wasn’t.

她看到他不是。

“Scottie, you’re the one who pulled all this stuff for me in the first place.” She stepped back and looked hard at him. “Wait, you know what this nonsense is, right? You can read it?”

“斯科蒂，你一开始就帮我弄了所有这些东西。”她退后一步，仔细看着他。“等等，你知道这是什么胡闹吗？你能读懂吗？”

He bobbed his head. “Jules, I didn’t know what I was grabbing for you at the time. It was gigs of crap. I didn’t look at it. I just grabbed it and passed it on—”

他点点头。“朱尔斯，当时我不知道我在给你抓什么。都是些垃圾。我没有看。我只是抓起来递给你——”

“Why is this so dangerous?” she asked.

她问：“为什么这么危险？”

“I can’t even talk about it,” Scottie said. “I’m not cleaning material, Jules. I’m not.” He held out the scroll. “Here. I shouldn’t have even printed it, but I wanted to delete the wire. You’ve got to take it. Get it out of here. I can’t be caught with it.”

“我甚至不能谈论这件事，”斯科蒂说。“我可不是清洁材料，朱尔斯。我不是。”他递出了卷轴。“这里。我甚至不应该打印出来，但我想要删除那根线。你必须拿走它。把它从这里拿走。我不能被抓住它。”

Juliette took the scroll, but just to calm him down. “Scottie, sit down. Please. Look, I know you’re scared, but I need you to sit and talk to me about this. It’s very important.”

茱丽叶拿起了卷轴，只是为了安抚他。“斯科蒂，坐下。请。听着，我知道你害怕，但我需要你坐下来跟我谈谈这件事。这很重要。”

He shook his head.

他摇了摇头。

“Scottie, sit the hell down right now.” She pointed at the chair, and Scottie numbly obeyed. Juliette sat on the corner of his desk and noted that the cot at the back of the room had been recently slept on, and felt pity for the young man.

“斯科蒂，现在立刻坐下。”她指着椅子，斯科蒂木然地服从了。朱丽叶坐在他办公桌的角落，注意到房间后方的床铺最近有人睡过，并怜悯起这个年轻人。

“Whatever this is—” She shook the roll of paper. “—it’s what caused the last two cleanings.”

“无论这是什么——“她摇了摇那卷纸。“——它就是导致了最后两次大扫除的原因。”

She told him this like it was more than a rapidly forming theory, like it was something she knew. Maybe it was the fear in his eyes that cemented the idea, or the need to act strong and sure to help calm him. “Scottie, I need to know what it is. Look at me.”

她告诉他这件事，就像它不仅仅是一个迅速形成的理论，就像她知道一样。也许是他眼中的恐惧巩固了这个想法，或者她需要表现得强势和自信来帮助他平静下来。“斯科蒂，我需要知道那是什么。看着我。”

He did.

他做了。

“Do you see this star?” She flicked it with her finger, causing a dull ring.

你看到这颗星星吗？她用手指轻轻点了一下，发出一声沉闷的响声。

He nodded.

他点了点头。

“I’m not your shift foreman anymore, lad. I’m the law, and this is very important. Now, I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but you can’t get into any trouble for answering my questions. In fact, you’re obligated to answer them.”

我可不是你的班组长了，伙计。我是法律，这是非常重要的。现在，我不知道你是否意识到这一点，但你回答我的问题不会惹上任何麻烦。事实上，你必须回答我的问题。

He looked up at her with a twinge of hope. He obviously didn’t know that she was making this up. Not lying—she would never turn Scottie in for all the silo—but she was pretty sure there was no such thing as immunity, not for anyone.

他抬起头，眼中闪过一丝希望。他显然不知道她是在编造这一切。并非撒谎——她绝不会为了任何谷仓而出卖斯科蒂——但她相当肯定，不存在任何豁免权，对任何人都不存在。

“What am I holding?” she asked, waving the scroll of printout.

她问道：“我拿着什么？”，挥舞着打印出来的卷轴。

“It’s a program,” he whispered.

“这是一个程序，”他低声说。

“You mean like a timing circuit? Like a—?”

你指的是像定时电路？像——？

“No, for a computer. A programming language. It’s a—” He looked away. “I don’t want to say. Oh, Jules, I just want to go back to Mechanical. I want none of this to have happened.”

不，对于一台电脑来说。一种编程语言。这是一种—— 他移开了视线。“我不想说。哦，朱尔斯，我只想回到机械工程。我不想让这一切发生。”

These words were like a splash of cold water. Scottie was more than frightened—he was terrified. For his life. Juliette got off the desk and crouched beside him, placed her hand on the back of his hand, which rested on his anxiously bouncing knee.

这些话就像一盆冷水泼了下来。斯科蒂不仅仅是害怕——他简直是惊恐万分。为了他的生命。朱丽叶从桌子上下来，蹲在他身边，把手放在他放在不安分地抖动膝盖上的手上。

“What does the program do?” she asked.

她问：“这个程序做什么？”

He bit his lip and shook his head.

他咬了咬嘴唇，摇了摇头。

“It’s okay. We’re safe here. Tell me what it does.”

没关系。我们这里安全。告诉我它做什么。

“It’s for a display,” he finally said. “But not for like a readout, or an LED, or a dot matrix. There are algorithms in here I recognize. Anyone would . . .“

“这是用来显示的，”他最终说道。“但不是像读数器、LED 灯或点阵显示器那样的。这里面有我认识的算法。任何人都会……”

He paused.

他停顿了一下。

“Sixty-four bit color,” he whispered, staring at her. “Sixty-four bit. Why would anyone need that much color?”

“64 位彩色，”他低声说，盯着她。“64 位。为什么有人需要那么多颜色？”

“Dumb it down for me,” Juliette said. Scottie seemed on the verge of going mad.

“帮我简化一下，”朱丽叶说。斯科蒂似乎快要疯了。

“You’ve seen it, right? The view up top?”

你看到过吧？顶上的景色？

She dipped her head. “You know where I work.”

她低下头。“你知道我在哪里工作。”

“Well, I’ve seen it too, back before I started eating every meal in here, working my fingers to the bone.” He rubbed his hands up through his shaggy, sandy-brown hair. “This program, Jules—what you’ve got, it could make something like that wallscreen look real.”

“嗯，我也见过，在我开始在这里每一餐都吃，拼命工作之前。”他揉搓着双手，从蓬乱的沙褐色头发中捋过。“这个项目，朱尔斯——你做的，可以把那种墙屏做得像真的一样。”

Juliette digested this. Then laughed. “But wait, isn’t that what it does? Scottie, there are sensors out there. They just take the images they see, and then the screen has to display the view, right? I mean, you’ve got me confused, here.” She shook the printed scroll of gibberish. “Doesn’t this just do what I think it does? Put that image on the display?”

茱莉叶消化了这些信息。然后笑了。“等等，难道这不是它做的吗？斯科蒂，外面有传感器。它们只是接收看到的图像，然后屏幕必须显示视图，对吧？我的意思是，你让我在这里糊涂了。”她摇了摇那张乱码的打印卷轴。“这难道不只是做我想象的那样吗？把那张图像显示在屏幕上？”

Scottie wrung his hands together. “You wouldn’t need anything like this. You’re talking about passing an image through. I could write a dozen lines of code to do that. No, this, this is about making images. It’s more complex.”

斯科蒂搓了搓手。“你根本不需要这种东西。你说的只是把图像传递过去。我可以写十几行代码来做到这一点。不，这，这关乎创造图像。它更复杂。”

He grabbed Juliette’s arm.

他抓住朱丽叶的胳膊。

“Jules, this thing can make brand new views. It can show you anything you like.”

朱尔斯，这东西能创造全新的视角。它能展现你想要看到的任何事物。

He sucked in his breath, and a slice of time hung in the air between them, a pause where hearts did not beat and eyes did not blink.

他吸了一口气，他们之间的一小段时间悬在空中，一个心脏不跳动、眼睛不眨眼的停顿。

Juliette sat back on her haunches, balancing on the toes of her old boots. She finally settled her butt to the floor and leaned back against the metal paneling of his office wall.

茱莉叶坐在脚后跟上，用旧靴子的脚趾保持平衡。她最终将屁股放到了地板上，靠在办公室墙上的金属板子上。

“So now you see—” Scottie started to say, but Juliette held up her hand, hushing him. It never occurred to her that the view could be fabricated. But why not? And what would be the point?

所以现在你看——斯科蒂开始说，但朱莉叶举起手来，制止了他。她从未想过景色可能是伪造的。但为什么不能？那又有什么意义呢？

She imagined Holston’s wife discovering this. She must’ve been at least as smart as Scottie—she was the one who came up with the technique he had used to find this in the first place, right? What would she have done with this discovery? Say something out loud and cause a riot? Tell her husband, the sheriff? What?

她想象霍尔斯顿的妻子发现这件事。她至少和斯科蒂一样聪明——她才是想出他用来找到这个东西的方法的人，对吧？她会怎么处理这个发现？大声说出来，引发骚乱？告诉她丈夫，县警长？什么？

Juliette could only know what she herself would do in that position, if she were almost convinced. She was by nature too curious a person to doubt what she might do. It would gnaw at her, like the rattling innards of a sealed machine, or the secret workings of an unopened device. She would have to grab a screwdriver and a wrench and have a peek—

朱丽叶只能知道如果她几乎确信自己会怎么做，如果她几乎确信自己会怎么做。她生性太好奇，不会怀疑自己会做什么。这会折磨她，就像密封机器的嘎吱作响的内脏，或者未开启设备的秘密运作。她必须拿起螺丝刀和扳手，偷偷看一看——

“Jules—”

“朱尔斯—”

She waved him off. Details from Holston’s folder flooded back. Notes about Allison, how she suddenly went crazy, almost out of nowhere. Her curiosity must have driven her there. Unless—unless Holston didn’t know. Unless it was all an act. Unless Allison had been shielding her husband from some horror with a mock veil of insanity.

她挥挥手让他走开。霍尔斯顿的文件夹里的细节涌了回来。关于艾莉森的笔记，她突然变得疯狂，几乎毫无征兆。她的好奇心一定驱使她去了那里。除非——除非霍尔斯顿不知道。除非这一切都是装出来的。除非艾莉森用一场装疯卖傻的戏码来保护她的丈夫免受某种恐怖。

But would it have taken Holston three years to piece together what she had figured out in a week? Or did he already know and it just took three years to summon the courage to go after her? Or did Juliette have an advantage he didn’t? She had Scottie. And she was, after all, following the breadcrumbs of someone else following more breadcrumbs, a much easier and more obvious trail.

但霍尔斯顿需要三年时间才能拼凑出她在一周内想明白的东西吗？或者他早就知道了，只是需要三年时间才能鼓起勇气去追她？或者朱丽叶有什么他不知道的优势？她有斯科蒂。毕竟，她是在追随另一个人留下的面包屑，一条更容易更明显的线索。

She looked up at her young friend, who was peering worriedly down at her.

她抬头看着她年轻的朋友，后者正担忧地望着她。

“You have to get those out of here,” he said, glancing at the printouts.

“你得把这些东西从这里拿走，”他说，瞥了瞥打印件。

Juliette nodded. She pushed up from the floor and tucked the scroll into the breast of her coveralls. It would have to be destroyed, she just wasn’t sure how.

茱莉叶点了点头。她从地板上站起来，把卷轴塞进她的工作服胸前。它必须被毁掉，但她不确定如何。

“I deleted my copies of everything I got for you,” he said. “I’m done looking at them. And you should do the same.”

他说道：“我删除了我为你弄到的所有东西的副本。”“我不想再看了。你也应该这样做。”

Juliette tapped her chest pocket, felt the hard bulge of the flash drive there.

朱丽叶拍了拍胸前的口袋，感觉到闪存盘坚硬的凸起。

“And Jules, can you do me a favor?”

朱尔斯，你能帮个忙吗？

“Anything.”

任何事。

“See if there’s any way I can transfer back to Mechanical, will you? I don’t want to be up here anymore.”

看看有没有办法让我转回机械系，好吗？我不想再待在这里了。

She nodded and squeezed his shoulder. “I’ll see what I can do,” she promised, feeling a knot in her gut for getting the poor kid involved at all.

她点了点头，挤了挤他的肩膀。“我会尽力，”她答应道，心里为把可怜的孩子卷进来而感到不安。

8

Juliette arrived late at her desk the next morning exhausted, her legs and back sore from the late climb down to IT and from not getting an ounce of sleep. She had spent the entire night tossing and turning, wondering if she’d discovered a box that was better left unopened, worried she might be raising questions that promised nothing but bad answers. If she went out into the cafeteria and looked in a direction she normally avoided, she would be able to see the last two cleaners lying in the crook of a hill, almost as if in one another’s arms. Did those two lovers throw themselves into the rotting wind over the very thing Juliette was now chasing? The fear she’d seen in Scottie’s eyes made her wonder if she wasn’t being careful enough. She looked across her desk at her new deputy, greener even at this job than she, as he transcribed data from one of the folders.

茱莉叶第二天早上疲惫地迟到了她的办公桌，双腿和背部因从 IT 部门的晚间爬坡和缺乏睡眠而酸痛。她整晚辗转反侧，猜测自己是否发现了一个最好不要打开的盒子，担心自己可能提出了一些只会得到坏答案的问题。如果她走到自助餐厅，朝她平时避免的方向看去，她就能看到最后两位清洁工躺在小山谷里，几乎像是在彼此的怀抱中。那两位恋人是否为了茱莉叶现在正在追寻的东西而投身腐朽的风中？她从斯科蒂眼中看到的恐惧让她怀疑自己是否不够谨慎。她看着办公桌对面她新任的副手，在这个职位上甚至比她更青涩，他正在从其中一个文件夹中誊写数据。

“Hey Peter?”

嘿，彼得？

He looked up from his keyboard. “Yeah?”

他从键盘上抬起头。“是啊？”

“You were in Justice before this, right? Shadowing with a judge?”

你之前在司法部门工作过，对吧？跟着法官当过助手？

He tilted his head to the side. “No, I was a court assistant. I actually shadowed in the mids’ deputy office until a few years ago. I wanted that job, but none came up.”

他侧了侧头。“不，我以前是法庭助理。实际上，我曾在中级法官的办公室实习，直到几年前。我想要那份工作，但没有合适的空缺。”

“Did you grow up there? Or the up-top?”

你是在那里长大的吗？还是在顶上？

“The mids.” His hands fell away from his keyboard to his lap. He smiled. “My dad was a plumber in the hydroponics. He passed away a few years ago. My mom, she works in the nursery.”

“中场。”他的手从键盘移到膝盖上。他笑了。“我爸爸在水耕农场当管道工。几年前他去世了。我妈妈在苗圃工作。”

“Really? What’s her name?”

真的吗？她叫什么名字？

“Rebecca. She’s one of the—”

丽贝卡。她是——

“I know her. She was shadowing when I was a kid. My father—”

我知道她。她在我小时候跟着我。我父亲——

“He works in the upper nursery, I know. I didn’t want to say anything—”

他在上托儿所工作，我知道。我不想说什么——

“Why not? Hey, if you’re worried about me playing favorites, I’m guilty. You’re my deputy now, and I’ll have your back—”

为什么不？嘿，如果你担心我偏袒，我承认。你现在是我的副手了，我会支持你的——

“No, it’s not that. I just didn’t want you to hold anything against me. I know you and your father don’t—”

不，不是那样。我只是不想让你怪我。我知道你和你的父亲不——

Juliette waved him off. “He’s still my father. We just grew apart. Tell your mom I said hi.”

茱丽叶挥了挥手。“他仍然是我的父亲。我们只是渐行渐远了。告诉你的妈妈我问候她。”

“I will.” Peter smiled and bent over his keyboard.

我会。彼得笑了笑，弯下腰看着他的键盘。

“Hey. I’ve got a question for you. Something I can’t figure.”

嘿。我有个问题想问你。我弄不明白一些事情。

“Sure,” he said, looking up. “Go ahead.”

“当然，”他说，抬头看着。“继续。”

“Can you think of why it’s cheaper to porter a paper note to someone than it is to just wire them from a computer?”

你能不能想出为什么把纸质便条递给某人比从电脑上给他们转账便宜？

“Oh, sure.” He nodded. “It’s a quarter chit per character to wire someone. That adds up!”

“哦，当然。”他点了点头。“每字要付四分之一的费用才能转账给某人。这加起来就不少！”

Juliette laughed. “No, I know what it costs. But paper isn’t cheap, either. And neither is porting. But it seems like sending a wire would be practically free, you know? It’s just information. It weighs nothing.”

朱丽叶笑了。“不，我知道它值多少钱。但纸张也不便宜，运费也不便宜。但是，发送电报似乎几乎免费，你知道吗？它只是一些信息。它什么重量也没有。”

He shrugged. “It’s been a quarter chit a character since I’ve been alive. I dunno. Besides, we’ve got a fifty chit per day allowance from here, plus unlimited emergencies. I wouldn’t stress.”

他耸了耸肩。“我活了四分之一世纪了。我不知道。再说，我们每天这里有五十块的津贴，加上无限额的紧急情况。我不会有压力。”

“I’m not stressed, just confused. I mean, I understand why everyone can’t have radios like we carry, because only one person can transmit at a time, so we need the air open for emergencies, but you’d think we could all send and receive as many wires as we wanted.”

我不紧张，只是困惑。我的意思是，我理解为什么每个人都不能像我们一样携带收音机，因为一次只能一个人发送，所以我们需要空出无线电频段用于紧急情况，但是你可能会觉得我们都可以发送和接收任意数量的电线。

Peter propped his elbows up and rested his chin on his fists. “Well, think about the cost of the servers, the electricity. That means oil to burn and all the maintenance of the wires and cooling and what-not. Especially if you have a ton of traffic. Factor that against pressing pulp on a rack, letting it dry, scratching some ink on it, and then having a person who’s already heading that way walk it up or down for you. No wonder it’s cheaper!”

彼得撑起胳膊，下巴搁在拳头上。“嗯，想想服务器的成本，电费。这意味着要烧油，还要维护电线、冷却等等。特别是如果流量很大。把它和压榨纸浆、晾干、在上面刻字，然后让已经朝那个方向走的人帮你送来送去相比。难怪更便宜！”

Juliette nodded, but mostly for his benefit. She wasn’t so sure. She hated to voice why, but she couldn’t help herself.

朱丽叶点了点头，但主要是为了他。她不太确定。她不想说出原因，但她忍不住。

“But what if it’s for a different reason? What if someone made it expensive on purpose?”

但如果出于其他原因呢？如果有人故意把它弄得很贵呢？

“What? To make money?” Peter snapped his fingers. “To keep the porters employed with running notes!”

“什么？为了赚钱？”彼得啪地一拍手指。“为了让搬运工跑腿！”

Juliette shook her head. “No, what if it’s to make conversing with each other more difficult? Or at least costly. You know, separate us, make us keep our thoughts to ourselves.”

茱丽叶摇了摇头。“不，万一是为了让彼此间的对话更困难呢？或者至少更昂贵。你知道，把我们分开，让我们保守自己的想法。”

Peter frowned. “Why would anyone want to do that?”

彼得皱了皱眉。“为什么有人想那样做？”

Shrugging, Juliette looked back at her computer screen, her hand creeping to the scroll hidden in her lap. “I don’t know,” she said. “Forget about it. It’s just a silly thought.”

耸耸肩，朱丽叶看着电脑屏幕，手悄悄地伸向她膝盖上的滚动条。“我不知道，”她说。“忘了它吧。这只是一个愚蠢的想法。”

She pulled her keyboard toward her and was just glancing up at her screen when Peter saw the emergency icon first.

她把键盘拉近，正抬头看着屏幕时，彼得首先看到了紧急图标。

“Wow. Another alert,” he said.

哇。又一个警报，”他说。

She started to click on the flashing icon, heard Peter blow out his breath.

她开始点击闪烁的图标，听到彼得呼出了一口气。

“What the hell’s going on around here?” he asked.

“这儿到底发生了什么事？”他问道。

She pulled the message up on her screen and read it quickly, disbelieving. Surely this wasn’t the way of the job. Surely people didn’t die this often, her just not hearing about it because her nose was always in some crankcase or under an oil pan.

她把信息调到屏幕上，迅速地读了一遍，难以置信。这绝不是这份工作的常态。人们难道真的会这么频繁地死去，只是她一直埋头在某个曲轴箱或油盘底下，所以没听到消息吗？

The blinking number code above the message was one she recognized without even needing her cheat sheet. It was becoming sadly familiar. Another suicide. They didn’t give the victim’s name, but there was an office number. And she knew the floor and address. Her legs were still sore from her trip down there.

信息上方的闪烁数字代码是她无需参考便认出的。这让她感到悲伤地熟悉。又一起自杀。他们没有公布受害者的姓名，但有一个办公室电话号码。她知道楼层和地址。她去那儿一趟，腿还疼着。

“No—” she said, gripping the edge of her desk.

“不——”她说道，抓住桌子边缘。

“You want me to—?” Peter reached for his radio.

你想让我——？彼得伸手去拿他的收音机。

“No, damnit, no.” Juliette shook her head. She pushed away from her desk, knocking over the recycling bin, which spilled out all the pardoned folders across the floor. The scroll from her lap rolled into them.

不，该死的，不。朱丽叶摇摇头。她推开了桌子，撞翻了回收箱，所有宽恕的文件夹都洒在了地板上。她膝盖上的卷轴也卷了进去。

“I can—” Peter began.

“我能—” 彼得开始。

“I got this,” she said, waving him away. “Damnit.” She shook her head. The office was spinning around her head, the world getting blurry. She staggered for the door, arms wide for balance, when Peter snapped back to his computer screen, dragging his mouse with its little cord behind, clicking something.

她说道：“我明白了。”挥挥手让他走开。“该死。”她摇了摇头。办公室在她眼前旋转，世界变得模糊。她踉跄着向门口走去，双臂张开保持平衡，这时彼得猛地回到电脑屏幕前，拖着鼠标和细细的线，点击了什么。

“Uh, Juliette—?”

呃，朱丽叶？

But she was already stumbling out the door, bracing herself for the long and painful descent—

但她已经踉踉跄跄地冲出房门，为漫长而痛苦的下坡路做好了准备——

“Juliette!”

朱丽叶！

She turned to find Peter running behind her, his hand steadying the radio attached to his hip.

她转身，发现彼得跑在她身后，他的手扶着固定在他臀部的收音机。

“What?” she asked.

“什么？”她问道。

“I’m sorry— It’s— I don’t know how to do this—”

对不起——我不知道怎么——

“Spit it out,” she said impatiently. All she could think of was little Scottie, hanging by his neck. It was electrical ties in her imagination. That’s how her waking nightmare, her morbid thoughts, crafted the scene of his death in her head.

她不耐烦地说：“说出来！”她脑子里想的只有小斯科蒂，吊在绳子上。在她脑海中，那是电线。这就是她清醒的噩梦，她病态的想法，在她脑海中构筑了他死亡的场景。

“It’s just that, I got a private wire and—”

“只是，我得到了一根私人电线，—”

“Keep up if you want, but I’ve got to get down there.” She spun toward the stairwell.

如果你想继续，尽管继续，但我得下去。她转身朝楼梯口走去。

Peter grabbed her arm. Roughly. A forceful grip.

彼得抓住她的胳膊。粗鲁地。一个强有力的抓握。

“I’m sorry, Ma’am, but I’m supposed to take you into custody—”

对不起，女士，但我应该把你拘留——

She whirled on him and saw how unsure of himself he looked.

她转过身看着他，看到他显得多么不自信。

“What did you say?”

你说什么？

“I’m just doing my duty, Sheriff, I swear.” Peter reached for his metal cuffs. Juliette stared at him, disbelieving, as he snapped one link around her wrist and fumbled for the other.

我只是在尽我的职责，治安官，我发誓。彼得伸手去拿他的金属手铐。朱莉叶不相信地看着他，他把一个环扣在她手腕上，然后慌乱地找另一个。

“Peter, what’s going on? I’ve got a friend I need to see to—”

彼得，出什么事了？我有个朋友需要见——

He shook his head. “The computer says you’re a suspect, Ma’am. I’m just doing what it tells me to do—”

他摇了摇头。“电脑说你是嫌疑人，女士。我只是在执行它的指令——”

And with that, the second link clicked around her other wrist, and Juliette looked down at her predicament, dumbfounded, the image of her young friend hanging by his neck unable to be shaken loose from her mind.

于是，第二个链接在她另一只手腕上咔哒一声扣上了，朱丽叶低头看着自己的窘境，目瞪口呆，她年轻朋友吊死的画面挥之不去。

9

She was allowed a visitor, but who would Juliette want to see her like this? No one. So she sat with her back against the bars, the bleak view outside brightening with the rising of an unseen sun, the floor around her bare of folders and ghosts. She was alone, stripped of a job she wasn’t sure she ever wanted, a pile of bodies in her wake, her simple and easily understood life having come unraveled.

她被允许探访，但朱丽叶想让她看到谁像这样？没有人。所以她背靠着栏杆坐下，外面阴暗的景色随着看不见的太阳升起而变得明亮，她周围的地板上空无文件夹和鬼魂。她独自一人，失去了她并不确定自己是否想要的职位，身后是一堆尸体，她简单易懂的生活已经支离破碎。

“I’m sure this will pass,” a voice behind her said. Juliette leaned away from the steel rods and looked around to find Bernard standing behind her, his hands wrapped around the bars.

“我敢肯定这会过去的，”她身后一个声音说。朱丽叶从钢筋上移开，四处张望，发现伯纳德站在她身后，双手紧紧抓住栏杆。

Juliette moved away from him and sat on the cot, turning her back to the gray view.

茱莉叶从他身边移开，坐在吊床上，背对着灰色的景色。

“You know I didn’t do this,” she said. “He was my friend.”

“你知道我没有做这件事，”她说。“他是我朋友。”

Bernard frowned. “What do you think you’re being held for? The boy committed suicide. He seems to have been distraught from recent tragedies. This is not unheard of when people move to a new section of the silo, away from friends and family, to take a job they’re not entirely suited for—”

伯纳德皱起了眉头。“你认为自己被关押是为了什么？那男孩自杀身亡了。他似乎最近遭遇了不幸，情绪激动。当人们搬到筒仓的新区域，远离朋友和家人，从事他们并不完全适合的工作时，这种情况并不少见——

“Then why am I being held here?” Juliette asked. She realized suddenly that there may be no double cleaning after all. Off to the side, down the hallway, she could see Peter shuffling back and forth like some physical barrier prevented him from coming any closer.

“那为什么把我关在这里？”朱丽叶问道。她突然意识到，可能根本没有双重清洁。在走廊的旁边，她看到彼得来回走动，好像有什么物理屏障阻止他靠近。

“Unauthorized entry on the thirty-fourth,” Bernard said. “Threatening a member of the silo, tampering with IT affairs, removing IT property from secured quarters—”

“三十四号仓未经授权进入，”伯纳德说。“威胁粮仓成员，篡改 IT 事务，从安全区域移走 IT 财产—”

“That’s ratshit,” Juliette said. “I was summoned by one of your workers. I had every right to be there!”

“那真是垃圾，”朱丽叶说。“我是被你们的一个工人叫来的。我有权在那里！”

“We will look into that,” Bernard said. “Well, Peter here will. I’m afraid he’s had to remove your computer for evidence. My people down below are best qualified to see if—”

“我们会调查这件事，”伯纳德说。“嗯，这里的彼得会。恐怕他不得不没收你的电脑作为证据。我下面的人最适合判断——”

“Your people? Are you trying to be Mayor or IT Head? Because I looked into it, and the Pact clearly states you can’t be both—”

你的人？你想当市长还是 IT 主管？因为我查过了，协议明确规定你不能两者兼任——

“That will be put to a vote soon enough. The Pact has changed before. It’s designed to change when events call for it.”

那很快就会进行投票。该协议以前也发生过变化。它旨在根据事件的变化而变化。

“And so you want me out of the way.” Juliette stepped closer to the bars so she could see Peter Billings, and have him see her. “I suppose you were to have this job all along? Is that right?”

所以你想让我离开。朱丽叶走近了栏杆，这样她就能看到彼得·比林斯，让他也能看到她。“我想你一直想做这份工作？是这样吗？”

Peter slunk out of sight.

彼得偷偷地溜走了。

“Juliette. Jules.” Bernard shook his head and clicked his tongue at her. “I don’t want you out of the way. I wouldn’t want that for any member of the silo. I want people to be in their place. Where they fit in. Scottie wasn’t cut out for IT, I see that now. And I don’t think you were meant for the up-top.”

茱莉叶。儒勒。”伯纳德摇了摇头，对她啧啧有声。“我不想你离开。我不想任何筒仓成员离开。我希望每个人都待在自己的位置上。适合自己的位置。我看得出来，斯科蒂不适合 IT 工作。而且我觉得你也不适合高层职位。”

“So, what, I’m banished back to Mechanical? Is that what’s going on? Over some ratshit charges?”

所以，我被逐回机械系了吗？这就是发生的事吗？因为一些鸡毛蒜皮的指控？

“Banished is such a horrible word. I’m sure you didn’t mean that. And don’t you want your old job back? Weren’t you happier then? There’s so much to learn up here that you’ve never shadowed for. And the people who thought you best fit for this job, who I’m sure hoped to ease you into it . . .”

“流放”这个词真是太可怕了。我肯定你并非有意如此。你难道不想回到从前的工作吗？那时候你难道不更快乐吗？这里有那么多你从未接触过的新知识。还有那些认为你最适合这份工作的人，我敢肯定他们希望让你慢慢适应……

He stopped right there, and it was somehow worse that he left the sentence open like that, forcing Jules to complete the image rather than just hear it. She pictured two mounds of freshly turned soil in the gardens, a few mourning rinds tossed on top of them.

他就在那里停了下来，而且不知为何，他那样留下一个悬而未决的句子，比直接说出来还要糟糕，迫使朱尔斯去完成画面，而不是仅仅听到它。她想象花园里两堆刚翻过的泥土，上面扔了几块悲伤的果皮。

“I’m going to let you gather your things, what isn’t needed for evidence, and then allow you to see yourself back down. As long as you check in with my deputies on the way and report your progress, we’ll drop these charges. Consider it an extension of my little . . . forgiveness holiday.”

我会让你收拾你的东西，不需要作为证据的东西，然后让你自己回去。只要你路上向我的副手汇报情况，并报告你的进展，我们就撤销这些指控。把它当作我小小的……宽恕假期的延伸。

Bernard smiled and straightened his glasses.

伯纳德笑了笑，并整理了一下眼镜。

Juliette gritted her teeth. It occurred to her that she had never, in her entire life, punched someone in the face.

茱丽叶咬紧牙关。她突然意识到，她一生中从未打过人。

And it was only her fear of missing, of not doing it correctly and cracking her knuckles on one of the steel bars, that she didn’t put an end to that streak.

只是她害怕错过，害怕做得不正确，在钢筋上弄伤手指，才没有结束那连胜纪录。

••••

It was just about a week since she had arrived at the up-top, and Juliette was leaving with fewer belongings than she’d brought. A blue Mechanical coverall had been provided, one much too big for her. Peter didn’t even say goodbye. Juliette thought it was more out of shame than anger or blame. He walked her through the cafeteria to the top of the stairs, and as she turned to shake his hand, she found him staring down at his toes, his thumbs caught in his coveralls, her sheriff’s badge pinned at an angle over his left breast.

她刚来顶层大约一周，朱丽叶离开时携带的行李比来时少。一件蓝色的机械连体服被提供给她，尺寸对她来说大得多。彼得甚至没有和她道别。朱丽叶觉得这更多是出于羞愧，而不是愤怒或责备。他带她穿过自助餐厅走到楼梯顶端，当她转身要和他握手时，她发现他低头看着自己的脚趾，他的拇指卡在连体服里，她的警长徽章斜别在他的左胸上。

Juliette began her long walk down through the length of the silo. It would be less physically taxing than her walk up had been, but more draining in other ways. What exactly had happened to the silo, and why? She couldn’t help but feel in the middle of it all, to shoulder some of the blame. None of this would have happened had they left her in Mechanical, had they never come to see her in the first place. She would still be bitching about the alignment of the generator, not sleeping at night as she waited for the inevitable failure and a descent into chaos as they learned to survive on backup power for the decades it would take to rebuild the thing. Instead, she had been witness to a different type of failure: a throwing not of rods but of bodies. She felt most horrible for poor Scottie, a boy with so much promise, so many talents, taken before his prime.

茱莉叶开始了她漫长的下坡路，穿过整个筒仓。这条路比她上坡时要轻松一些，但在其他方面却更消耗精力。筒仓到底发生了什么，为什么？她不禁感觉自己身处其中，应该承担一部分责任。如果他们把她留在机械部门，如果他们根本没有来看她，这一切都不会发生。她仍然会抱怨发电机对齐的问题，而不是整夜失眠，等待不可避免的故障，以及在他们学习如何依靠备用电源度过重建所需数十年的混乱时期。相反，她目睹了一种不同的失败：不是抛掷金属杆，而是抛掷尸体。她最同情可怜的斯科蒂，一个才华横溢、充满希望的男孩，在他最好的年纪被夺走了生命。

She had been sheriff for a short time, a star appearing on her breast for but a wink, and yet she felt an incredible urge to investigate. There was something not right about Scottie killing himself. The signs were there, sure. He had been afraid to leave his office—but then, he’d also shadowed under Walker and had maybe picked up the habit of reclusiveness from the old man. Scottie had also been harboring secrets too big for his young mind, had been fearful enough to wire her to come quickly—but she knew the boy like her own shadow, and knew he didn’t have it in him. She suddenly wondered if Marnes had ever had it in him as well. If Jahns were here beside her, would the old Mayor be screaming for Jules to investigate both their deaths? Telling her that none of this fit?

她当了警长没多久，胸前那颗星星也只是一闪而过，但她却感到一股强烈的调查冲动。斯科蒂自杀这件事，总觉得不对劲。迹象确实存在。他害怕离开办公室——但后来，他曾在沃克手下当过助手，或许是从老家伙那里沾染上了隐居的习惯。斯科蒂也一直藏着一些超出他幼小心灵的秘密，害怕得急急忙忙地给她发电报让她赶紧过来——但她了解这个男孩就像了解自己的影子一样，知道他做不出这种事。她突然想知道马恩斯以前有没有这种倾向。如果约翰斯现在在她身边，老市长会不会大喊让朱尔斯调查他们两者的死亡？告诉她这一切都不合理？

“I can’t,” Juliette whispered to the ghost, causing an upbound porter to turn his head as he passed.

“我办不到，”朱丽叶低声对鬼魂说，路过的搬运工听到后，上身转过头来。

She kept further thoughts to herself. As she descended toward her father’s nursery, she paused at the landing, contemplating longer and harder about going in to see him than she had on her way up. Pride had prevented her the first time. And now shame set her feet into motion once again, spiraling down away from him, chastising herself for thinking on the ghosts from her past that had long ago been banished from memory.

她将进一步的想法藏在心里。当她朝父亲的育婴室走去时，她在过道上停了下来，考虑是否进去看他比上楼时更久、更深入。第一次，骄傲阻止了她。现在，羞愧再次让她迈开脚步，螺旋式地远离他，责备自己还在想那些早已被驱逐出记忆的过去幽灵。

At the thirty-fourth, the entrance to IT, she again considered stopping. There would be clues in Scottie’s office, maybe even some they hadn’t managed to scrub away. She shook her head. The conspiracies were already forming in her mind. And as hard as it was to leave the scene of the crime behind, she knew she wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near his office.

在三十四号，IT 部门入口处，她再次考虑停下来。斯科蒂办公室里可能有线索，甚至可能有一些他们还没来得及清除的东西。她摇了摇头。阴谋论已经在她的脑海中形成。尽管离开犯罪现场很难，但她知道自己不会被允许靠近他的办公室。

She continued down the staircase and thought, as she considered IT’s location in the silo, that this couldn’t be an accident either. She had another thirty-two floors to go before she checked in with the first deputy, who was located near the center of the mids. The sheriff’s office was thirty-three floors above her head. IT, then, was as far as it could get from any deputy station in the silo.

她继续下楼梯，想到 IT 在筒仓里的位置，这也不可能是意外。在她与位于中部附近的首位副手联系之前，她还有三十二层楼要走。警长办公室在她头顶三十三层楼。因此，IT 与筒仓里任何一个副手站都尽可能远。

She shook her head at this paranoid thinking. It wasn’t how diagnoses were made. Her father would have told her so.

她对这种偏执的想法摇了摇头。这不是诊断疾病的方式。她父亲会告诉她的。

After meeting with the first deputy around noon, and accepting a piece of bread and fruit, along with a reminder to eat, she made good time down through the mids, wondering as she passed the upper apartments which level Lukas lived on, or if he even knew of her arrest.

中午会见了一把手之后，吃了面包和水果，还被提醒要吃饭，她一路快速地走过了中层，一边走一边想着卢卡斯住在哪一层，或者他是否知道她被捕了。

The weight of the past week seemed to pull her down the stairwell, gravity sucking at her boots, the pressures of being sheriff dissipating as she left that office far behind. Those pressures were slowly replaced with an eagerness to return to her friends, even in shame, as she got closer and closer to Mechanical.

过去一周的重担似乎把她拉进了楼梯井，重力吸附着她的靴子，当她把警长办公室远远抛在身后时，压力也随之消散。那些压力慢慢地被一种渴望所取代，渴望回到朋友身边，即使带着羞愧，因为她越来越接近机械城。

She stopped to see Hank, the down deep deputy, on level one-twenty. She had known him for a long time, was becoming more and more surrounded with familiar faces, people who waved hello, their moods somber as if they knew every detail of her time away. Hank tried to get her to stay and rest a while, but she only paused long enough to be polite, to refill her canteen, and then to shuffle the remaining twenty floors to the place she truly belonged.

她停下来去看汉克，这位深藏不露的副手，在 120 层。她认识他很久了，周围越来越多的熟面孔，人们挥手打招呼，他们的情绪阴沉，仿佛知道她离开期间的每一个细节。汉克试图让她留下来休息一会儿，但她只停了足够长的时间来表示礼貌，补充水壶，然后就匆匆地走完了剩下的 20 层楼到她真正属于的地方。

Knox seemed thrilled to have her back. He wrapped her up in a crippling hug, lifting her feet off the ground and roughing up her face with his beard. He smelled of grease and sweat, a mix Juliette had never fully noticed in the down deep because she had never been free from it.

诺克斯似乎很高兴她回来。他紧紧地抱着她，把她举了起来，胡子在她脸上蹭来蹭去。他身上散发着油腻和汗臭味，朱丽叶以前从未真正注意到，因为她从未摆脱过这种味道。

The walk to her old room was punctuated by slaps on her back, well-wishes, questions about the up-top, people calling her sheriff in jest, and the sort of rude frivolities she had grown up in and grown used to. Juliette felt more saddened by it all than anything. She had set out to do something and had failed. And yet her friends were just happy to have her back.

去她旧房间的路上，她后背挨了一通拍打，听着祝福、关于“上层”的问题、人们戏称她为“警长”的叫喊，以及她从小长大的、习以为常的粗鲁玩笑。朱丽叶对此感到悲伤胜过其他任何情绪。她本想做点事情，却失败了。然而，她的朋友们却只是高兴她回来。

Shirly from second shift spotted her coming down the hallway and accompanied Juliette on the rest of the walk to her room. She updated Juliette on the status of the generator and the output from the new oil well, as if Juliette had simply been on vacation for a short while. Juliette thanked her at the door to her room, stepped inside, and kicked her way through all the folded notes slipped under the door. She lifted the strap of her daypack over her head and dropped it, then collapsed onto her bed, too exhausted and upset at herself to even cry.

Shirley（二班）看到她从走廊走下来，陪着朱丽叶走到她的房间。她向朱丽叶更新了发电机和新油井产量的状况，就好像朱丽叶只是短暂地休假了一样。朱丽叶在门口感谢了她，走进了房间，然后踢开塞在门下的所有折叠便条。她把背包带子甩到头上，扔了下来，然后倒在床上，累得筋疲力尽，甚至连哭的力气都没有。

She awoke in the middle of the night. Her small display terminal showed the time in green blocky numbers: 2:14 AM.

她半夜醒来。她的小显示终端显示时间为绿色方块数字：2:14 AM。

Juliette sat at the edge of her old bed in coveralls that weren’t truly hers and took stock of her situation. Her life was not yet over, she decided. It just felt that way. Tomorrow, even if they didn’t expect her to, she would be back at work in the pits, keeping the silo humming, doing what she did best. She needed to wake up to this reality, to set other ideas and responsibilities aside. Already, they felt so far away. She doubted she would even go to Scottie’s funeral, not unless they sent his body down to be buried where it belonged.

茱丽叶坐在她那张旧床边，穿着并不真正属于她的连体工作服，审视自己的处境。她决定，她的生活还没有结束。只是感觉如此。明天，即使他们没有指望她，她也会回到矿井工作，让粮仓运转起来，做她最擅长的事情。她需要认清现实，把其他的想法和责任搁置一边。现在，它们感觉如此遥远。她怀疑自己甚至不会去斯科蒂的葬礼，除非他们把他的遗体送去属于他的地方埋葬。

She reached for the keyboard slotted into the wall rack. Everything was covered in a layer of grime, she saw. She had never noticed it before. The keys were filthy from the dirt she had brought back from each shift. The monitor’s glass was limned with grease. She fought the urge to wipe the screen and smear the shiny coat of oil around, but she would have to clean her place a little deeper, she decided. She was viewing things with untainted and more critical eyes.

她伸手去够墙架上的键盘。她看到，一切都覆盖着一层污垢。她以前从未注意到。按键上沾满了从每次轮班带回来的污垢。显示器的玻璃上也沾满了油脂。她抑制住了擦拭屏幕，将闪亮的油污涂抹开的冲动，但她决定要更彻底地打扫一下她的工作场所。她用未受玷污和更批判的眼光看待事物。

Rather than chase pointless sleep, she keyed the monitor awake to check the work logs for the next day, anything to get her mind off the past week. But before she could open her task manager, she saw that she had over a dozen wires in her inbox. She’d never seen so many. Usually people just slid recycled notes under each other’s doors—but then, she had been a long way away when the news of her arrest had hit, and she hadn’t been able to get to a computer since.

与其追逐毫无意义的睡眠，她唤醒显示器查看第二天工作日志，任何事都能让她忘记过去一周的烦心事。但她还没来得及打开任务管理器，就看到收件箱里有十几根线。她从未见过这么多。通常人们只是把回收的便签塞在彼此的门下——但那时，她远在千里之外，当逮捕的消息传来时，她无法使用电脑。

She logged onto her email account and pulled up the most recent wire. It was from Knox. Just a semicolon and a parenthesis—a half-chit smile.

她登录了她的电子邮件帐户，并调出了最新的电汇。是诺克斯发来的。只是一个分号和一个括号——一个半开玩笑的笑容。

Juliette couldn’t help it, she smiled back. She could still smell Knox on her skin and realized, as far as the big brute was concerned, that all the troubles and problems percolating in whispers down the stairwell about her paled in comparison to her return. To him, the worst thing that had happened in the last week was probably the challenge of replacing her on first shift.

茱莉叶忍不住笑了。她还能闻到诺克斯的味道，意识到，对于这位大块头来说，楼下那些关于她的窃窃私语，都比不上她的回来。对他来说，过去一周发生的最糟糕的事情，可能就是替她在第一班上岗的挑战了。

Jules went to the next message, one from the third shift foreman, welcoming her home. Probably because of the extra time his crew was putting in to help cover her old shift.

茱莉斯转到下一条消息，是来自第三班组长的一条，欢迎她回家。可能因为他的团队加班来帮忙接替她之前的班次。

There was more. A day’s pay of a note from Shirly, wishing her well on her journey. These were all notes they had hoped she would receive up-top to make the trip down easier, hoping she wouldn’t loathe herself and would know she shouldn’t feel humiliated, or even a failure. Juliette felt tears well up at how considerate it all was. She had an image of her desk, Holston’s desk, with nothing but unplugged wires snaking across its surface, her computer removed. There was no way she could’ve gotten these messages when they were meant to be read. She wiped at her eyes and tried not to think of the wired notes as money wasted, but rather as extravagant tokens of her friendships in the down deep.

还有更多。一张写着祝她旅途顺利的支票，价值一天的薪水，来自希尔莉。这些都是他们希望她能收到，以便让她下到下面更容易的便条，希望她不会厌恶自己，知道她不应该感到羞愧，甚至失败。朱丽叶感到眼泪涌上心头，因为这一切都如此体贴。她脑海中浮现出她的办公桌，霍尔斯顿的办公桌，上面除了缠绕在桌面上的拔掉插头的电线外，什么也没有，她的电脑也被拿走了。她不可能在这些信息应该被阅读的时候收到这些信息。她擦了擦眼睛，尽量不去想这些有线便条是浪费的钱，而更像是她在地下深处的友谊的奢侈象征。

Reading each one, trying to hold it together, made the last message she came to doubly jarring. It was paragraphs long. Juliette assumed it was an official document, maybe a list of her offenses, a formal ruling against her. She had only seen such messages from the Mayor’s office, usually on holidays, notes that went out to every silo member. But then she saw that it was from Scottie.

逐一阅读，努力保持镇定，让她最后来到的信息显得格外刺耳。那是一段很长的文字。朱丽叶猜想那是一份官方文件，也许是她的过错清单，对她做出的正式裁决。她只在节假日从市长办公室收到过类似的信息，那些信息会发送给每个筒仓成员。但她看到那信息是来自斯科蒂的。

Juliette sat up straight and tried to clear her head. She started from the beginning, damning her blurred vision.

茱丽叶坐直了身体，努力使头脑清醒。她从头开始，谴责自己模糊的视力。

J-

I lied. Couldn’t delete this stuff. Found more. That tape I got you? Your joke was truth. And the program - NOT for big screen. Pxl density not right. 32,768 X 8,192! Not sure what’s that size. 8” X 2”? So many pxls if so.

我撒谎了。无法删除这些东西。找到了更多。我给你带的磁带？你的笑话是真实的。而且这个程序——不是大屏幕的。像素密度不对。32,768 X 8,192！不太确定这个尺寸是多少。8 英寸 X 2 英寸？如果是这样，会有很多像素。

Putting more together. Don’t trust porters, so wiring this. Screw cost, wire me back. Need transfr to Mech. Not safe here.

把更多东西放在一起。不要相信搬运工，所以我要自己接线。不要管成本，给我接好线。需要转到机械部门。这里不安全。

-S

Juliette read it a second time, crying now. Here was the real voice of a ghost warning her of something, all of it too late. And it wasn’t the voice of one who was planning his death—she was sure of that. She checked the timestamp of the wire; it was sent before she had even arrived back at her office the day before, before Scottie had died.

茱丽叶第二次读了它，现在哭了。这里有一个鬼魂的真实声音，警告她一些事情，一切都太迟了。而且这并不是一个计划自己死亡的人的声音——她确信这一点。她检查了电报的发送时间；是在她前一天甚至还没回到办公室之前，在斯科蒂死之前发送的。

Before he had been killed, she corrected herself. They must have found him snooping, or maybe her visit had alerted them. She wondered what IT could see, if they could break into her wire account, even. They must not have yet, or the message wouldn’t be there, waiting for her.

在他被杀之前，她纠正了自己的说法。他们一定是发现他在偷窥，或者也许她的来访惊动了他们。她想知道 IT 能看到什么，如果他们能侵入她的电邮账户，甚至。他们一定还没有，否则那封邮件就不会在那里等着她。

She leapt suddenly from her bed and grabbed one of the folded notes by the door. Digging a charcoal from her daypack, she sat back down on the bed. She copied the entire wire, every odd spelling, double-checking each number, and then deleted the message. She had chills up and down her arms by the time she finished, as if some unseen person was racing toward her, hoping to break into her computer before she dispensed with the evidence. She wondered if Scottie had been cautious enough to have deleted the note from his sent wires, and assumed, if he’d been thinking clearly, that he would.

她猛地从床上跳起来，抓过门边的一张折叠纸条。她从背包里掏出一块炭笔，重新坐回床上。她抄录了整条信息，每个奇特的拼写，每个数字都仔细核对，然后删除了这条信息。她完成时，从手臂到全身都起了鸡皮疙瘩，仿佛某个看不见的人正朝着她冲来，希望能在她销毁证据之前闯入她的电脑。她想知道斯科蒂是否谨慎地删除了他发送的邮件中的那张纸条，并假设，如果他头脑清醒，他会这么做的。

She sat back on her bed, holding the copied note, thoughts about the work log for the next day gone. Instead, she studied the sinister mess revolving around her, spiraling through the heart of the silo. Things were bad, from top to bottom. A great set of gears had been thrown out of alignment. She could hear the noise from the past week, this thumping and clanging, this machine lumbering off its mounts and leaving bodies in its wake.

她靠回床，手里拿着抄录的笔记，关于第二天工作日志的想法消失了。取而代之的是，她研究着围绕着她、盘旋在筒仓中心的邪恶混乱。情况糟糕透顶，从上到下。一套巨大的齿轮已经错位。她能听到过去一周的噪音，这种砰砰作响和铿锵作响，这台机器从支架上倾斜，并在身后留下尸体。

And Juliette was the only one who could hear it. She was the only one who knew. And she didn’t know who she could trust to help set things right. But she did know this: It would require a diminishing of power to align things once again. And there would be no way to call what happened next a “holiday.”

朱丽叶是唯一一个能听到的人。她也是唯一一个知道的人。但她不知道可以信任谁来帮助纠正这一切。但她知道这一点：要再次使事情对齐，需要削弱权力。而接下来发生的事情，不可能称之为“假期”。

10

Juliette showed up at Walker’s electronics workshop at five, worried she might find him asleep on his cot, but smelling instead the distinctive odor of vaporized solder wafting down the hallway. She knocked on the open door as she entered, and Walker looked up from one of his many green electronics boards, corkscrews of smoke rising from the tip of his soldering iron.

茱莉叶五点钟来到沃克的电子工作室，担心他会睡在床上，但她却闻到了走廊里飘来的挥发性焊锡的独特气味。她推门进去，敲了敲门，沃克从他众多绿色电子板上抬起头来，烙铁尖冒出螺旋状的烟雾。

“Jules!” he shouted. He lifted the magnifying lens off his gray head and set it and the soldering iron down on the steel workbench. “I heard you were back. I meant to send a note, but—” He waved around at the piles of parts with their work order tags dangling from strings. “Super busy,” he explained.

“朱尔斯！”他喊道。他把放大镜从灰色的头上拿下来，和烙铁一起放在钢制的工作台上。“我听说你回来了。我本想写张便条，但是——”他挥舞着手臂，指着堆积如山的零件，它们的工作单标签从细绳上垂下来。“非常忙，”他解释道。

“Forget it,” she said. She gave Walker a hug, smelling the electrical fire scent on his skin that reminded her so much of him. And of Scottie.

她说道：“算了。”她拥抱了沃克，闻到他皮肤上电火的味道，让她如此想起他。以及斯科蒂。

“I’m going to feel guilty enough taking some of your time with this,” she said.

“我感觉很过意不去，占用你这么多时间。”她说。

“Oh?” He stepped back and studied her, his bushy white brows and wrinkled skin furrowed with worry. “You got something for me?” He looked her up and down for a broken thing, a habit formed from a lifetime of being brought small devices that needed repairing.

“哦？”他后退一步，仔细看着她，浓密的白色眉毛和皱纹的皮肤都布满了担忧。“你给我带了什么？”他上下打量她，寻找着损坏的东西，这是他一生中接受过许多需要修理的小设备养成的习惯。

“I actually just wanted to pick your brain.” She sat down on one of his workbench stools, and Walker did the same.

我其实只是想请教一下你的意见。她坐在他工作台的凳子上，沃克也一样。

“Go ahead,” he said. He wiped his brow with the back of his sleeve, and Juliette saw how old Walker had become. She remembered him without so much white in his hair, without the wrinkles and splotchy skin. She remembered him with his shadow.

他说道：“继续。”他用袖子后背擦了擦额头，朱丽叶看到沃克先生变老了。她记得他头发没那么多白，没有那么多皱纹和斑驳的皮肤。她记得他，还有他的影子。

“It has to do with Scottie,” she warned him.

这与斯科蒂有关，她警告他。

Walker turned his head to the side and nodded. He tried to say something, tapped his fist against his chest a few times and cleared his throat. “Damn shame,” was all he could manage. He peered down at the floor for a moment.

沃克侧过头，点了点头。他试着说些什么，用拳头在胸口捶了几下，清了清嗓子。“真是太可惜了，”他只能说出这么一句。他低头看着地板看了会儿。

“It can wait,” Juliette told him. “If you need time—”

“它可以等，”朱丽叶告诉他。“如果你需要时间—”

“I convinced him to take that job,” Walker said, shaking his head. “I remember when the offer came, being scared he’d turn it down. Because of me, you know? That he’d be too afraid of me bein’ upset at him for leaving, that he might just stay forever, so I urged him to take it.” He looked up at her, his eyes shining. “I just wanted him to know he was free to choose. I didn’t mean to push him away.”

“我劝他接受这份工作，”沃克说，摇摇头。“我记得那份提议来的时候，我害怕他会拒绝。因为我，你知道吗？因为他害怕我因为他离开而生气，他可能会永远留下来，所以我鼓励他接受。”他抬头看着她，眼睛闪闪发光。“我只是想让他知道他有选择的自由。我不想把他推开。”

“You didn’t,” Juliette said. “Nobody thinks that, and neither should you.”

“你没有，”朱丽叶说。“没人这么想，你也不应该。”

“I just don’t figure he was happy up there. That weren’t his home.”

我只是不明白他上面过得快乐。那不是他的家。

“Well, he was too smart for us. Don’t forget that. We always said that.”

他太聪明了，我们对付不了他。别忘了这一点。我们一直这么说。

“He loved you,” Walker said, and wiped at his eyes. “Damn, how that boy looked up to you.”

沃克说：“他爱你，”然后擦了擦眼睛。“该死，那个男孩多么仰慕你。”

Juliette felt her own tears welling up again. She reached into her pocket and brought out the wire she’d transcribed onto the back of the note. She had to remind herself why she was there, to hold it together.

茱莉叶感觉自己的眼泪又涌了上来。她把手伸进口袋，拿出了她抄写在便条纸背面的那根线。她必须提醒自己为什么来这里，为了保持镇定。

“Just don’t seem like him to take the easy way—” Walker muttered.

“就是不像他走容易的路—”沃克咕哝道。

“No, it doesn’t,” she said. “Walker, I need to discuss some things with you that can’t leave this room.”

“不，它没有，”她说。“沃克，我需要和你谈一些不能离开这个房间的事情。”

He laughed. Mostly, it seemed, to keep from sobbing. “Like I ever leave this room,” he said.

他笑了。大部分时候，似乎是为了避免哭泣。“就像我永远不会离开这个房间，”他说。

“Well, it can’t be discussed with anyone else. No one. Okay?”

嗯，不能和其他人讨论。没人。可以吗？

He bobbed his head.

他点了点头。

“I don’t think Scottie killed himself.”

我不认为斯科蒂自杀。

Walker threw up his hands to cover his face. He bent forward and shook as he started to cry. Juliette got off her stool and went to him, put her arm around his trembling back.

沃克举起双手捂住脸。他向前弯腰，颤抖着哭了起来。朱丽叶从凳子上下来，走到他身边，搂住他颤抖的背。

“I knew it,” he sobbed into his palms. “I knew it, I knew it.”

他哭着捂住脸，“我知道，我知道。”

He looked up at her, tears coursing through several days of white stubble. “Who did this? They’ll pay, won’t they? Tell me who did it, Jules.”

他抬头看着她，泪水顺着几天没刮胡子的白茬流淌。“是谁干的？他们会付出代价，对吗？告诉我，是谁干的，朱尔斯。”

“Whoever it was, I don’t think they had far to travel,” she said.

无论是谁，我想他们没走远，她说。

“IT? Goddamn them.”

“IT？该死的他们。”

“Walker, I need your help sorting this out. Scottie sent me a wire not long before he . . . well, before I think he was killed.”

沃克，我需要你的帮助来解决这件事。斯科蒂在我……嗯，在我认为他被杀之前不久给我发了电报。

“Sent you a wire?”

“给你发了电报吗？”

“Yeah. Look, I met with him earlier that day. He asked me to come down to see him.”

是啊。你看，我那天早些时候见过他。他让我下去见他。

“Down to IT?”

到 IT 部门？

She nodded. “I’d found something in the last sheriff’s computer—”

她点了点头。“我在上一任警长的电脑里找到了一些东西—”

“Holston.” He dipped his head. “The last cleaner. Yeah, Knox brought me something from you. A program, looked like. I told him Scottie would know better than anyone, so we forwarded it along.”

“霍尔斯顿。”他低下头。“最后一个清洁工。是啊，诺克斯从你那儿带了点东西给我。看起来像个程序。我告诉他，斯科蒂比任何人都更懂，所以我们把它转发过去了。”

“Well, you were right.”

你说的对。

Walker wiped at his cheeks and bobbed his head. “He was smarter than any of us.”

沃克擦了擦脸颊，点了点头。“他比我们任何人都聪明。”

“I know. He told me this thing, that it was a program, one that made very detailed images. Like the images we see of the outside—”

我知道。他告诉我这件事，说它是一个程序，一个制作非常详细图像的程序。就像我们看到的外部图像一样——

She waited a beat to see how he would respond. It was taboo to even use the word in most settings. Walker was unmoved. As she had hoped, he was old enough to be beyond childhood fears. And probably lonely and sad enough not to have cared anyway.

她等了一会儿，看看他会有什么反应。在大多数情况下，就连提到这个词都是禁忌。沃克毫无反应。正如她所希望的那样，他已经足够成熟，不会再有童年恐惧。而且可能足够孤独和悲伤，根本不在乎。

“But this wire he sent, it says something about P. X. L.’s being too dense.” She showed him the copy she’d made. Walker grabbed his magnifiers and slipped the band over his forehead.

“但他寄来的这根线，上面写着 P. X. L.太笨了。”她给他看了她复印的副本。沃克拿起放大镜，把带子戴在额头上。

“Pixels,” he said, sniffing. “He’s talking about the little dots that make up an image. Each one is a pixel.” He took the note from her and read some more. “He says it’s not safe there.” Walker rubbed his chin and shook his head. “Damn them.”

“像素，”他说，嗅了嗅。“他说的那些构成图像的小点。每一个都是像素。”他从她手里接过便条，又读了一些。“他说那里不安全。”沃克揉了揉下巴，摇了摇头。“该死的。”

“Walker, what kind of screen would be eight inches by two inches?” Juliette looked around at all the boards, displays, and coils of loose wire strewn about his workshop. “Do you have anything like that?”

沃克，八英寸乘两英寸的屏幕是什么类型的？朱莉叶四处看着工作室里所有散落的板子、显示屏和电线卷。“你有什么类似的吗？”

“Eight by two? Maybe a readout, like on the front of a server or something. Be the right size to show a few lines of text, internal temps, clock cycles—” He shook his head. “But you’d never make one with this kind of pixel density. Even if it were possible, it wouldn’t make sense. Your eye couldn’t make out one pixel from its neighbor if it were right at the end of your nose.”

八乘二？也许是一个显示器，就像服务器前面那样。大小正好能显示几行文字、内部温度、时钟周期——他摇了摇头。“但是你永远也做不出这种像素密度的。即使有可能，也没有意义。如果它就在你的鼻子尖上，你的眼睛也无法分辨出它相邻的像素。”

He rubbed his stubble and studied the note some more. “What’s this nonsense about the tape and the joke? What’s that mean?”

他揉了揉胡茬，又仔细看了看那张纸条。“这关于磁带和笑话的胡说八道是什么意思？那是什么意思？”

Juliette stood beside him and looked over the note. “I’ve been wondering about that. He must mean the heat tape he scored for me a while back.”

茱莉叶站在他身边，看着那张纸条。“我一直很想知道这件事。他一定是指他之前帮我弄到的热带胶带。”

“I think I remember something about that.”

我想我记得关于那件事的某些事情。

“Well, do you remember the problems we had with it? The exhaust we wrapped it in almost caught fire. The stuff was complete crap. I think he sent a note asking if the tape had gotten here okay, and I sorta recall writing back that it did, and thanks, but the tape couldn’t have self-destructed better if it’d been engineered to.”

嗯，你还记得我们遇到的问题吗？我们用排气管包裹它，差点着火。那东西简直是垃圾。我想他写了一封信询问胶带是否安全到达，我记得回复说到了，谢谢，但如果它设计成自毁，胶带不可能做得更好。

“That was your joke?” Walker swiveled in his stool and rested his elbows on the workbench. He kept peering over the copied charcoal letters like they were the face of Scottie, his little shadow coming back one last time to tell him something important.

“那是你的笑话？”沃克在椅子上转过身，肘部放在工作台上。他继续透过复制的木炭字迹凝视，仿佛它们是斯科蒂的脸，他的小影子最后一次回来告诉他一些重要的事情。

“And he says my joke was truth,” Juliette said. “I’ve been up the last three hours thinking about this, dying to talk to someone.”

“他说我的笑话是真理，”朱丽叶说。“我已经连续三个小时都在想这件事，急于和别人谈谈。”

Walter looked back over his shoulder at her, his eyebrows raised.

沃尔特回头看着她，眉毛扬了起来。

“I’m not a sheriff, Walk. Never born to be one. Shouldn’t have gone. But I know, as sure as everyone, that what I’m about to say should set me to cleaning—”

我不是警长，沃克。生来就不是。不该来的。但我确信，就像所有人一样，我即将说的话应该让我开始清理——

Walker immediately slid off his stool and walked away from her. Juliette damned herself for coming, for opening her mouth, for not just clocking into first shift and saying to hell with it all—

沃克立刻从凳子上滑下来，走开了。朱丽叶咒骂自己来这里，张嘴说话，为什么不直接打卡上第一班，然后对这一切说“见鬼”——

Walker shut the door to his workshop and locked it. He looked at her and lifted a finger, went to his air compressor and pulled out a hose. Then he flipped the unit on so the motor would start to build up pressure, which just leaked out the open nozzle in a steady, noisy hiss. He returned to the bench, the clatter from the noisy compressor engine awful, and sat down. His wide eyes begged her to continue.

沃克关上了他工作室的门，锁上了它。他看着她，抬起一根手指，走到他的气泵旁，拉出一条软管。然后他打开机器，让电机开始产生压力，但压力却从敞开的喷嘴处以稳定的、嘈杂的嘶嘶声泄漏出来。他回到工作台，嘈杂的气泵发动机的响声令人厌烦，然后坐了下来。他睁大眼睛，恳求她继续。

“There’s a hill up there with a crook in it,” she told him, having to raise her voice a little. “I don’t know how long it’s been since you’ve seen this hill, but there are two bodies nestled together in it, man and wife. If you look hard, you can see a dozen shapes like this all over the landscape, all the cleaners, all in various states of decay. Most are gone, of course. Rotted to dust over the long years.”

她告诉他：“那上面有个弯曲的山丘，”她不得不提高嗓门。“我不知道你多久没见过这座山了，但山里有两个紧紧相拥的尸体，一男一女。如果你仔细看，你会发现整个景色中到处都是这样的十几个身影，所有的清洁工，都处于各种腐烂状态。当然，大多数都消失了。在漫长的岁月里腐烂成尘土。”

Walker shook his head at the image she was forming.

沃克看着她脑海中形成的画面摇了摇头。

“How many years have they been improving these suits so the cleaners have a chance? Hundreds?”

他们改进这些制服，让清洁工有机会，已经多少年了？几百年的吗？

He nodded.

他点了点头。

“And yet nobody gets any further. And never once have they not had enough time to clean.”

然而，没有人能走得更远。而且他们从来没有没有足够的时间清洁。

Walker looked up and met her gaze. “Your joke is truth,” he said. “The heat tape. It’s engineered to fail.”

沃克抬起头，与她的目光相遇。“你的笑话是真实的，”他说。“热带。它被设计成会失效的。”

Juliette pursed her lips. “That’s what I’m thinking. But not just the tape. Remember those seals from a few years back? The ones from IT that went into the water pumps, that were delivered to us by accident?”

朱丽叶抿了抿嘴唇。“这就是我的想法。但不仅仅是胶带。还记得几年前那些印章吗？那些来自 IT 部门的，误送到水泵的，那些印章？”

“So we’ve been making fun of IT for being fools and dullards—”

所以我们一直在取笑 IT 人员是傻瓜和笨蛋——

“But we’re the fools,” Juliette said. And it felt so damned good to say it to another human being. So good for these new ideas of hers to swim in the air. And she knew she was right about the cost of sending wires, that they didn’t want people talking. Thinking was fine; they would bury you with your thoughts. But no collaboration, no groups coordinating together, no exchange of ideas.

但我们才是傻瓜，”朱丽叶说。这样对另一个人类说出这句话感觉如此美好。她新想法在空气中自由飘荡，感觉真好。她知道自己关于发送电报的成本是正确的，他们不想让人们说话。思考是可以的；他们会用你的思想把你埋葬。但没有合作，没有小组协调，没有思想交流。

“You think they have us down here to be near the oil?” she asked Walker. “I don’t think so. Not anymore. I think they’re keeping anyone with a lick of mechanical sense as far from them as possible. There’s two supply chains, two sets of parts being made, all in complete secrecy. And who questions them? Who would risk being put to cleaning?”

她问沃克：“你认为他们把我们带到这里是为了靠近石油吗？”“我不这么认为。现在不是了。我认为他们尽可能地把任何有机械常识的人远离他们。有两条供应链，两套零件正在制造，全部都在严格保密下进行。谁会质疑他们？谁会冒着被派去清理的风险？”

“You think they killed Scottie?” he asked.

你认为他们杀了斯科蒂吗？

Juliette nodded. “Walk, I think it’s worse than that.” She leaned closer, the compressor rattling, the hiss of released air filling the room. “I think they kill everybody.”

茱丽叶点了点头。“走，我想情况比这更糟。”她凑近了些，压缩机发出咯咯声，释放出的空气发出嘶嘶声充满了房间。“我想他们杀光了所有人。”

11

Juliette reported to first shift at six, the conversation with Walker playing over and over in her head. There was a sustained and embarrassing applause from the handful of techs present as she entered dispatch. Knox just glared at her from the corner, back to his gruff demeanor. He had already welcomed her back, and damned if he’d do it again.

茱莉叶六点到第一班，与沃克的谈话在她脑海中一遍遍回响。她进入调度室时，在场少数技术人员报以持续且尴尬的掌声。诺克斯只是从角落里瞪着她，恢复了他粗暴的举止。他已经欢迎她回来，他妈的，他不会再做了。

She said hello to the people she hadn’t seen the night before and looked over the job queue. The words on the board made sense, but she had a difficult time processing them. In the back of her mind, she thought about poor Scottie, confused and struggling while someone killed him. She thought of his little body, probably riddled with evidence but soon to feed the roots of the dirt farms. She thought of a married couple lying together on a hill, never given a chance to make it any further, to see beyond the horizon.

她说你好，对那些前一夜没见的人，并查看了工作队列。黑板上那些字有意义，但她很难理解它们。她脑海深处想着可怜的斯科蒂，困惑挣扎，而有人杀害了他。她想到他小小的身体，可能布满了证据，但很快就要为泥土农场的根部提供养分。她想到一对结婚的夫妇躺在山丘上，从未有机会走得更远，去看看地平线以外的世界。

She chose a job from the queue, one that would require little mental exertion on her part, and thought of poor Jahns and Marnes and how tragic their love—if she had been reading Marnes correctly—had been. The temptation to tell the entire room was crippling. She looked around at Megan and Ricks, at Jenkins and Marck, and thought about the small army of tight brotherhood she could form. The silo was rotten to the core; an evil man was acting Mayor; a puppet stood where a good sheriff had been; and all the good men and women were gone.

她从队伍中挑了一份工作，一份不需要她费太多脑力的工作，然后想到可怜的贾恩斯和马恩斯，以及她如果正确理解了马恩斯的话，他们的爱情是多么悲惨。告诉整个房间的诱惑是压倒性的。她环顾四周，看着梅根和里克斯，看着詹金斯和马克，并思考着可以组建的小型紧密兄弟会。粮仓腐烂到底；一个邪恶的人当上了市长；一个傀儡站在了好警长的位置；所有善良的男人和女人都消失了。

It was comical to imagine: her rallying a band of mechanics to storm the upper levels and right a wrong. And then what? Was this the uprising they had learned about as children? Is this how it begins? One silly woman with fire in her blood stirring the hearts of a legion of fools?

想象她召集一群技工攻打上层楼，纠正错误，真是滑稽可笑。然后呢？这就是他们小时候学过的起义吗？事情就是这样开始的吗？一个热血沸腾的傻女人，鼓动着一群傻瓜的心？

She kept her mouth shut and made her way to the pump room, riding the flow of morning mechanics, thinking more about what she should be doing above than on what needing repairing below. She descended one of the side stairwells, stopped by the tool room to check out a kit bag, and lugged the heavy satchel to one of the deep pits where pumps ran constantly to keep the deep silo from filling halfway up with water.

她紧闭嘴巴，顺着早班技工的队伍来到泵房，脑子里想的更多的是上面该做的事情，而不是下面需要修理的东西。她走下侧边的楼梯间，在工具间停下来检查工具包，然后扛着沉重的工具包走到其中一个深坑旁，那里泵不停地运转，以防止深筒仓的水位涨到一半。